MY SISTER, MY FRIEND

A/N1—This is a companion piece to Jo's Loss, Moving On After Loss, and Dear Lizzie. Rated a strong M. Hint, strong M for language and some graphic stuff (no more graphic than at the beginning of Jo's Loss, however). Taken from Matt's POV. Begins five years after Lizzie's suicide.

A/N2—Italics mean segues. This POV piece will shift through time, so I will label accordingly.

Chapter 36

I am sitting here, at the hospital, looking at my future wife, with my daughter, Bethany in my arms. She's sleeping right now. She's so tired, because she just gave birth. This feels so surreal; I can't believe I'm a father and soon to be a husband. Whodathunk that crazy Matt McGuire would be a father?

Mom and dad just left; they needed to see after my younger sisters and brother. You noticed that I didn't mention Lizzie in that sentence. Well, I can't, because she committed suicide five years ago today.

My life is so different now. It seems like the prankster that was Matt McGuire is a totally different person. Was I ever a prankster? I was heading straight into trouble, but Melina saved me. If it wasn't for her, I would have never met this beautiful baby who is my daughter. She gave me an ultimatum—unless I straightened up and changed my ways, I would never get to see my daughter.

Right after she died, I was sullen. Who wouldn't be? I'd lost my sister. Even though I liked to bug her, I really looked up to her. She was my role model. She was my big sister. I needed my big sister. I missed my big sister.

Bethany's named after Lizzie and mom. Her real name is Elizabeth JoAnn, but we want to call her Bethany. Lizzie's death has made such an impact on all of us; we've named our kids after her. I guess it's our way of keeping her close. Marin's middle name is Faith, because we've had to keep our faith in order to keep from going crazy. Brooke is Lizzie's middle name, so my youngest sister's name is also Brooke. Miranda and Gordo named their daughter Elizabeth, and call her Lizzie. Then, our daughter is named Elizabeth too.

There's so much I want to teach my daughter. I've learned a lot during my 17 years. I love this child. She's my daughter.

This is shortly after Lizzie's suicide. Matt is lying on his bed.

FK! My sister's dead! I can't believe Lizzie took the coward's way out and killed herself! We just buried her the other day. That was hell. Mom and dad look like they've aged about 20 years in one week. Mom fainted after the graveside service. Dad looks distant. This sucks.

I'm angry! Lizzie robbed me of my sister. I never thought she would f'in kill herself. What the hell was she thinking? I know, she was selfish! She had everything going for her. She'd just landed a recording contract with Isabella Parigi for the next summer; she was in the honour choir at High School (which was nearly impossible for a freshman), and she was dating Gordo. We all thought they would get married someday. DEAD! That's where she is. She's gone! She's buried in the cold, dark ground, forever 15. She'll never learn to drive, nor graduate from high school, nor go to college, or get married, or have kids. I miss my sister.

I can't believe I walked in on my dead sister and didn't even realize she was dead. What sort of brother am I? What sort of brother doesn't even realize that his sister is dead? I was too wrapped up in making her life miserable that I didn't even notice. I'm pond scum.

He moves forward to a few months later.

Dammit! Mom and dad grounded me for skipping school. Why should I go to school? It's boring anyway. I hate sixth grade. My teachers suck. I'd rather hang out with Melina and Lanny, so we ditched. It's not like I'm learning anything anyway. Plus, with Lizzie's death a few months ago, and now there's a new baby on the way, mom and dad won't notice me if I ditch school or sneak out of the house at night, big deal! Who narked anyway? I bet it was Heywood. He's had it in for me.

I got home well, from school, as far as my parents knew.

SEQUENCE BEGINS

Matt: Mom, I'm home! He slams the door behind him.

Jo: Freeze, mister!

Matt: Stops in his tracks. What!

Jo: Where were you today?

Matt: At school, duh! Where else would I be?

Jo: Try the arcade! And cut the attitude.

Matt: I wasn't at….

Jo: Cuts him off. The principal called and said you weren't at school today. He asked me if you were sick. Plus, Mrs. Garrett from next door was at the mall and saw you, Melina, and Lanny at the arcade playing DDR.

Matt: So I cut a class, what's the big deal?

Jo: What's the big deal? What's the big deal? I'll tell you what the big deal is. You're supposed to be in school, not hanging out in the arcade. You're grounded for a month.

Matt: A month!

Jo: Do you wanna make it two?

Matt: No.

Jo: That means no TV, no X-Box, no phone, no friends over.

Matt: Fine! I'll be in my room.

SEQUENCE ENDS

I can't believe I got grounded. Since when do they pay attention to me? Lizzie's been dead for a few months. Mom and dad are having a baby in a few months. There's no time for me. They're too wrapped up in themselves to pay attention to me. Even though I liked to give my sister grief, I miss my sister. She was my friend. I remember when she stuck up for me when Heywood was giving me grief….

I was in my "Magic Trick" phase. I wanted her to do some tricks with me, but she said she was busy. I threatened to mess up some of her bandanas, and she went ballistic. It was fun making her go crazy. So, I did what all little brothers would do; I handcuffed us together. It would've been fine, but mom was on to us. She took the key. We wound up being handcuffed the whole day at my sister's charity fair or whatever it was. I got to annoy her even more! Heywood started throwing popcorn at me. My big sister told him where he could go and what he could do once he got there. At the end of the day, mom and dad had mercy on us. Dad had made up this whole story about having to go buy a new key; he met us at the fair and said he found one. Right. Actually, mom had given him the key to hang on to for safe keeping. Anyway, he threw us the key and Lizzie uncuffed us. So, Lizzie and I decided to cuff him to one of the trolls (or something; I don't know what it was) at the golf course.

Then, there was that time we switched bodies and wound up being each other for a day. I was accused of putting soap bubbles in the fountain, but I didn't do it. I got two weeks of detention. Clark Benson did it. Lizzie was able to get him to admit what he did; she, Lanny and Melina traced soapy footprints to him.

I also helped sneak her into Aaron Carter's Christmas video shoot. Gordo had no clue where it was, when he was trying to guess on the map. He thought he was so smart, but there were times he was flat out dumb. Their plans to sneak in failed miserably, but mine worked. Well, it worked for me; I was mistaken as Aaron Carter's stand-in. Lizzie, Gordo, and Miranda eluded the security guard and landed in Aaron's dressing room. Eventually, Lizzie and Miranda got to meet Aaron and then got busted by the security guard. It was really fun toying with them, when the guard asked me if I knew them. I finally let them off the hook and told the guard that they were the best stunt elves he'd ever seen. Aaron let Lizzie, Miranda, and me be in the video, and Gordo filmed. That was one of the best times I spent with my sister.

Although we fought like cats and dogs, I knew she really loved her spiky-headed little brother.