Being dead is weird. Of course, I'm sure few people get a chance to really think about their state of living. Especially when it ceases. But not me. Oh no, I followed my masters and discovered immortality.
I'll let you in on a secret. It's not all it's cracked up to be.
I guess I'm still trying to adjust to it. I feel exactly the same as I did when I was alive. Just a bit less…corporeal. Yes, that's a good word to describe what I'm lacking in right now.
Speaking of right now. I am walking down a corridor on an Empirical Star Destroyer. Every time a storm trooper comes past me I have to fight down the instinct to duck away, or use a nudge of the Force to make them look the other way. Being a ghost has some advantages, I'll admit to that. Choosing when you can be seen is a definite perk.
Ah, here we are. My old padawan's room. Oh yes, did I mention that I love being non-corporeal. As soon as I am inside the room I am immensely surprised. Having known Anakin almost his whole life, I know that he likes aesthetically pleasing things. And people. But his room is devoid of anything. Not a plant, or a speck of color in the entire place. Just white and black.
I wonder if he sees colors through that mask?
The only pieces of furniture in the whole room are two black metallic chairs and the chamber in the center. I get the feeling that someone other than Vader put those chairs there. I doubt he entertains many guests here.
The chamber itself has now caught my interest. Being a Force ghost seems to have lessened my abilities to sense others or be sensed. But there is just a hint of my old apprentice coming from that chamber. I walk over to the chamber and am caught by a strange thought. I could fly if I had the desire to, but out of some strange instinct I always find myself standing on solid ground. Oh well, old habits die hard I suppose.
I walk through the wall of the chamber and am disappointed by what I see. Vader is sitting in a chair in the very center, bare from the waist up. Horrific scars cover his body. There are huge pockmarks where pieces of his flesh and muscle were burnt off. Even his face is different. Pieces of skin that are now wrinkled with age hang unevenly under his eyes. He still has blue eyes, although I don't know why I would have expected them to change with the rest of his appearance.
Lord Vader, apprentice of the Sith, still had bright blue eyes. I guess they only turn golden when he's using the dark side of the Force. Or, you know, when he's trying to kill me.
He just sits there, staring off into nothingness. Honestly, that's just creepy. I focus on the trickles of the Force that remain perceptible to me and use them to show myself. After having used this technique to speak and appear to Luke, its getting easier to do each time.
Those damned blue eyes flick immediately to my part of the room. Well, I'm proud of myself. Vader looks terrified. Or at least his face shows as much terror as its capable of. His mouth hangs open a bit as his brows come together. Then, slowly, realization starts to sink in. I'm just standing here, like a good ghost. Had I wanted to haunt him, I suppose now would have been an appropriate time to start.
"I killed you."
Oh yes, my apprentice was always the brightest star in the sky.
"Yes. You did. With a lightsaber through the stomach."
Vader nods and stands up. He seems to think that this occasion calls for at least some etiquette.
"Then how are you here?"
Well, he's not a total loss.
"It's an ability only great Jedi masters have. You might have learned it too, had you not turned."
He snorts at this and walks closer. With his right hand he sweeps straight through my chest. Or rather, where my chest would be if it still existed. I miss my body.
"So you really are a ghost. Too bad. I would have liked to kill you again."
He is snarling down at me, but the intimidation is lacking. No where near as strong as when he wears his suit.
"Did I really wrong you so much in your life that you'd want to murder me twice?"
There's that snarl again. I wonder when he picked up that less-than-attractive expression. He snaps his glare back and forth from one of my eyes to the other. Its almost like he can't believe that I would ask such a stupid question. Like I should know the answer. Which, of course, means I probably do.
"You didn't tell me."
Ah yes, right on the money. This time I'm the one that can't seem to choose a spot to look at. I'm not some forsaken Sith. I feel guilt. And I wish I could have told Anakin about his children. So many times over the years. It never seemed fair that the one thing he had been so happy about, and willing to lose his soul for, was lost to him forever.
"You know why I couldn't. And it seems you've proven me right."
I swear I didn't mean that to come out. And especially not so harshly. But he turns away from me and storms to the other side of the room. His prosthetic feet clunk loudly on the metal.
"If I'd known Luke was my son earlier, things could have been different. I wouldn't have been forced to do what I did."
"If you'd known that the boy was still alive, you're master would have seen him join you or die. And you know it. He's too much of a threat to the Emperor."
"No!"
Anakin is not looking at me as he puts the respirator back on, strapping it onto his chest and covering himself with his usual black top and gloves. Judging by his outburst, I'd have to say that I've hit a nerve.
"You honestly believe the Emperor would have let Luke live. He is the last of the Jedi. The last who was trained by a true Jedi Master. And in case you've forgotten, Anakin, there can be only two Sith."
He pauses before he puts his helmet back on. The mask is already in place, and his artificial breath interrupts the awkward silence. I can sense the turmoil within him even through my limited access to the Force. There is still good in this man. Anakin has not been completely consumed by the part of his mind he calls Vader. It was dormant before, but after battling with his son, it seems to have awakened. There might still be a way to save him.
"Listen to me Anakin. You're not too far gone. I can help you. Let me."
He clips his helmet in place. I hate not being able to see those eyes of his. They always gave him away.
After clipping on his cape he starts for the door. I know I could follow him if I wanted to. Make myself invisible to others. But I'm tired. An old dead man who is not what he once was.
"Anakin. Do it for your child."
He falters. Ha. Got you. Everyone has told me that I'm mad. That there is no good left in him. All have given up hope on the elder Skywalker except for me and his own flesh and blood. But I have a feeling we may be right.
"Feel free to try. I doubt it'll do you any good….
…to sleep the whole day away. Come on. Wake up!"
I groan and burrow further into the scratchy, sweaty sheets that are heaped up on top of me. The worst thing about desert planets is that you go to bed with twenty blankets, and are still cold, and wake up sweating like a pig. Ah yes, that waking up part. That seems to be the topic of discussion this morning.
"Come on Master! We don't have anything to do today—"
"Which is precisely why you should let me sleep!"
For a second Anakin is silent and I heave a great sigh of relief from under the layers of blankets that have yet to be thrown to the floor. They'll meet their brethren there soon enough. The army tents on this planet have no climate control and will soon be nearly as hot as the sands around us.
I feel something pulling the blankets away from my body, just slightly. Like someone sitting on the end of them. Rolling over on the hard improvised bed (also known to the laymen as a wooden bench) I use my momentum to pull the covers out from under the other Jedi.
"Anyone ever tell you you're cranky in the morning."
I'm beginning to think that getting back to sleep is impossible. Alas. Stupid overactive apprentices.
With a great heave (which for being so early in the morning I'm particularly proud of) I push off the covers and Anakin in one big padawan/blanket projectile. Oh yeah, he's cursing from the floor now. Serves him right. I'm in just shorts and still I am sweating. The sticky beads are all over me. I hate this planet. I hate this war. Jedi aren't supposed to hate, but right now I'm feeling quite a lot of it.
Anakin is crawling out from under my discarded covers and apparently he's feeling quite negative this morning as well.
And now I'm on my back. And there is another nasty sweaty body on my bed. Joy. I think Anakin just doesn't realize that when its nearly one hundred degrees out, I am not in the mood. Temperature anywhere in the three digit range is an automatic mood killer.
He pushes me on my side and plops down behind me. There is a lot of sweaty skin contact, which in another context would be a good thing. But not now. I just want it to be cold. And no one to be near me. And to be naked. Yes, those all sound good right now.
A hand crawls over my stomach and begins traveling towards the soft shorts that are stuck to my thighs. Ah, this seems terribly counterproductive to staying cool.
That same hand trails along my slightly ticklish sides. And now I'm squirming. Gah, moving just makes more damn heat. Anakin's hand leaves as soon as it reaches the top of my shorts and I exhale in relief. Maybe he'll just give up…
No such luck. Now he's reaching up my shorts from the other directions, peeling them off my sweat soaked thighs.
"Get off of me Anakin."
I'll give the boy credit, he's brave. That hand stays where it is, wedged up into my crotch, caught up in the heavy fabric of my clothes. After a second he pulls it back though and I sit up, my back to him as he continues to lie there, pouting. This is getting out of hand. It has been for a while. Especially since the war started.
"Why are you being so uptight this morning Master?"
I try not to grit my teeth together. He only calls me 'Master' when he's trying to get something from me. He uses this annoying tone of voice. I'm sure I'm normally a patient person and could handle it. Not today though.
"Look Anakin. It's disgustingly hot. I am not in the mood. Just let it go."
Standing up I realize that makes me even hotter. Before I even take a step I sit back down on my bench. Maybe I'll just wait until there is a reason to get up. Conserve my strength.
And yet, there are those hands again. Making a return trip. This time they encircle my waist, and Anakin lets his chin rest against the back of my neck. How can he be so hot? It's like his body is hotter than the room. Which is saying something. I try and push him away but he holds me tighter. Those soft kisses trailing along the nape of my neck are really doing nothing for my self-control.
"Anakin, stop!"
He stops this time. I told him to. Loudly. Maybe a little louder than I intended. Okay, I yelled at him. I didn't mean to. Not really.
"What's wrong with you!" Anakin pushes against my back and stands up. I can practically see his temper flaring up in his eyes. Never a good thing. "You've been acting like this ever since we came on this campaign."
He's right. Ever since we left Coruscant I just haven't been able to get in the mood. But it isn't because I'm jealous. I just figure that if he can go off and sleep with Padme while on Curuscant, I'm probably second best. I'd prefer to not be someone's backup.
"If you want to have sex with someone, why don't you wait a few days. We'll be returning to Coruscant." And you can sleep with the senator. I don't say it, but he knows I'm thinking it.
"If I didn't know better, Master, I'd say you were jealous of Padme."
I am. I'm not supposed to be though. It's not a very Jedi-like emotion. Jealousy would mean that I feel something more about the relationship Anakin and I have. Which I do. But no one has to know that. Especially not him.
Standing up, I look into his eyes. Sometimes, I really wish I was as tall as him. Its hard to be imposing from down here.
"There's nothing to be jealous of."
His face contorts and for a second I think he might cry. But its not a sorrowful expression. More like a murderous rage. Ah, my apprentice. I think I do more harm to you than good.
Anakin opens his mouth to no doubt continue our argument when someone begins unzipping the flap to our tent. Out of habit we take a few steps back from each other.
"General, glad to see you're awake."
I nod politely at the trooper. From my side I hear a huff. Anakin hates being ignored. Ha. Sucks for him.
"What is it you need Commander Cody?"
"The droid armies are on the move. We've received information of a gorge they will be passing through soon. It would be the perfect spot for an ambush."
Cody has never failed me. Far more reliable than my former padawan.
"Excellent. I'll be out in a few minutes."
"Yes General."
I smile at Cody before he leaves. And, of course, administer the final shot.
"If this goes well we should be back to all the creature comforts of Coruscant within the next few days."
I find myself once again thankful that my apprentice isn't able to shoot lasers from his eyes. An odd thing to be thankful for. Oh well.
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College….classes….taking up….valuable fic writing time…
Next chapter shouldn't take as long. Sorry people.