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He's here again. You'd think being a Sith would grant you a few special rights. You know. Not being haunted and so on.
"What the fuck do you want you old fucker?" I scream out from my bed. All I hear is that annoying little chuckle he always does right before he says something he finds incredibly amusing.
"You kiss Sidious with that mouth?"
See what I mean.
"Only in your dreams." Ha, take that specter from hell.
"Anakin, as amusing as this is, I'm not here to bicker with you."
Now he has my attention. He referred to me as him again. He knows I'm Darth Vader now, and rarely makes the mistake of calling me by his name.
I drag myself up into a sitting position, bracing my back against the cold metal of the wall. It doesn't really bother me like it used to. I almost feel like the wall and I are kindred spirits. So much in common.
"Then why are you here?"
He sure looks uncomfortable. You know, if blue ghosts can seem more uncomfortable in one moment than they usually do. And on that train of thought, his awkwardness reminds me of how he used to be. When he was alive that is.
"Anakin…"
"That's NOT my name," I practically hiss at him. He sighs melodramatically and walks up to the side of my bed. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I lean away from him out of habit. I've never been fond of the company of dead people.
"Yes it is. And you know it. You may be Darth Vader now but you weren't always. I know. I was there."
With that he leans in and stares straight into my eyes. Its amazing that even without a physical face he can still give off such emotion. And power. A completely different tingle runs down my necks and more hairs stand up.
"I was there before this…" He reaches out and places a hand against my chest. Right over a section that had been burnt too deeply too be healed and had left a sickly smooth scar. I can't feel him touching me anymore. No cold breeze on my skin. Nothing you'd expect from a ghost touching you. Just the knowledge that it happened, like waking with a dream on the back of your eyes.
He pulls back and I'm oddly thankful. Him trying to touch me reminds me of things. I'd say memories, but I'm not too sure. I must really be getting old, everything is fuzzy now. Blurring together.
"I'm going to help you. Whether you like it or not."
Boy, good to know I've got a choice.
"If you were alive I'd—"
"Kill me again."
We say at the same time, his face going slack again. Why would he feel like that? Be so hurt. He acts like it was a travesty for me, a Sith, to kill a Jedi. Maybe being dead has gone to his brain.
"Why would you help me?"
Why am I indulging him? He can't keep haunting me all day and night. I should just ignore him and he'll go away.
"Because I love you, you moron."
He's smiling at me, but that quickly fades when he sees that I'm confused. Why would he love me? I know him, somehow I do, but its just out of reach. Maybe if I could get a good night's sleep I would be able to remember clearly.
He leans forward and looks from one of my eyes to the other. I am really starting to get annoyed by this.
"Do you remember me?" He paused looked down, muttering, "Well you must, you remember killing me. But then why…"
So now I have a mentally unstable ghost. Wonderful. Just what I need. As he debates something, his brows come together and he pouts a bit, leaning his head forward.
For a second I have the weirdest urge to kiss him.
What the hell was that? Why would I want to kiss some Jedi I killed? Wait, not just 'some Jedi', Obi-Wan. That's his name. And I do know him, but I can't remember knowing him.
Ah ha. The missing piece of the puzzle. Anakin. Anakin must have known this Obi-Wan Kenobi. And it must have been his urge to kiss him. Yes, that's it. I'm just too tired to expel his thoughts. Uh oh, the ghost is looking at me again.
Why is he staring at me so much? Its making me self-conscious. Which in and of itself is disturbing on a whole new level.
"What?"
He leans forward quickly, in a move that would have made him fall straight onto me had he a physical presence. Instead, it caused his face to be brought to mine, close enough that his non-existent lips would have been touching mine. I stared into his eyes for a second longer than I should have before pulling violently away, swiping at him with the balled up fist of my right hand. He just smirks as the metal goes through him.
"Still don't remember? I suppose it's been a while since I've visited you, but I didn't thing you would have forgotten all about me."
"Forgotten what?"
He is standing a comfortable distance away again and I feel myself relax. Being kissed by a ghost is a weird experience. I'd rather not have to go through it again if I can help it, so I'll play along with this Jedi's game a while longer.
"You've forgotten, Anakin. Forgotten everything that happened when you were him. But listen, you don't have much time left. You can lie to yourself if you want, but your use of the dark side of the Force has drained your body and you won't last much longer."
He's not lying. I know he isn't. Even my master knows that I will die soon. And I want to see Luke at least one more time. Although that doesn't explain why this Jedi is here and bothering me so much.
"So you came to tell me I'm going to die soon? Sorry to disappoint but I already know," I mutter. His eyes on me are making me uncomfortable again so I stand up and walk to the window. It's small and right now only faces the emptiness of space. I look into the glass but only see my disfigured self. I guess ghosts don't cast reflection.
When I tilt my head to the side, he is a breath away from me. Quiet feet on that one.
"I can help you. Luke would like it."
Every time that name comes up it's like someone has put a veil over my eyes. Nothing is right. Just slightly out of focus. Enough to give me a headache. I'm also getting a vague sense of déjà vu.
The ghost leans against me, the movement just barely in my peripheral vision. He is blue and opaque, but I remember blond and gold and red.
"If you let me help you, I can save you and you will be with me and others again. I miss you Anakin. And even if you hate me, I love you."
There's that fuzziness again. Making my breath shorter, the room is fading out, why, what's going on. I feel like…
…I hit my head against the wall and curse loudly. There's a corresponding chuckle from the kitchen.
"That's not funny Master! It fucking hurt."
"Perhaps it wouldn't happne if your head were not so abnormally large?"
Oh touché.
I always hated this stupid couch. Its too short for me. Ah…that explains it.
"Sorry Master. Maybe I could just get a new chair, one more suited to someone above the height of an Ewok."
Oh dear. There appears to be a disturbance in the Force. In my kitchen.
"You know Anakin, I have no problem giving over your apprenticeship to one of the other masters. I hear one of the librarian's is in need of a padawan."
That is not funny. And hitting below the belt. What kind of Jedi is he? Making threats.
"But Obi-Wan, you've been my master for six years. Surely you couldn't bear to part with me after all this time?" I say with a super sugary voice. I was ready with my ear turned to the kitchen, waiting for the witty response.
And waiting.
Still waiting.
"Master?"
He seems to snap out of whatever was keeping him silent and grunts in my direction. Obviously the dirty dishes are taking precedence right now. Not that that's anything new.
"Being jealous of a chore is not a Jedi trait, Padawan."
How does he do that?
With nothing better to do, I just sit on the couch watching Obi-Wan clean things up. I know my master. And I know that this means something is on his mind that he doesn't want there. I know because I react the same way. My room is never cleaner than the night before a test.
Deciding its worth a try, I use a little bit of the Force and direct it at my master. His mental defenses are wavering and a few emotions seep through. I'm not able to pick up his thoughts as well as he can mine, but I get enough. Anxiousness. Frustation. Me.
Big surprise.
With a moment so intense it was almost physical I feel Obi-Wan shut himself off from me.
"Anakin."
I hate that tone of voice. It's just bordering on angry. But he's too much of a fucking perfect Jedi to truly feel anything.
"What?" I yell back. Frankly, it feels good. He comes around from the kitchen and I feel myself tense. This wasn't exactly how I planned to spend my evening.
He's standing next to me and for a second I have an image of him slapping me. I want him to. Then we can fight and settle this, whatever it is, that comes between us. It's never enough. Talking, meditating, fighting, nothing takes away this tension. We can't be in the same room together for more than half an hour without one of us pissing the other off.
But he doesn't hit me. He never does. Not like this at least.
"Control your temper, Padawan."
Oh great. Here comes the Jedi code speech.
Instead of talking he sits down on the couch. I can feel how uncomfortable he is and I don't think it has to do with me being Force sensitive and all. He keeps shifting and its really starting to become noticeable.
"Anakin. We have to talk. About a few things."
"Such as?" Ouch. I didn't mean to snap at him. It just kind of, came out that way.
He glares at me with cold blue gray eyes and I fight the urge to shrink into the other corner of the couch. I will not let myself be intimidated.
"You're not coming along like you should be. You break rules, cause trouble in the temple, and," he stumbles, coughing to try and mask the mistake, "And I'm seriously considering having you given to another master."
"What!"
Isn't it amazing how when you're angry you don't even notice yourself moving? I'm standing up and I think I'm cursing at him…also kinda fuzzy on that.
"Anakin!"
His voice is harsh and quiet, and for some reason that makes it hurt all the worse. He wasn't just playing a prank. He's serious. Why?
"Why, Master? I don't understand."
For crying out loud, I sound like I'm ten.
And for all intents and purposes, he looks like he'd dealing with a ten year old. Head hung over, hands in between his knees. I've seen that position a million times. Every time I'd lose my temper, or hurt someone in a sparring match.
"Anakin. We…you…" he sighed heavily.
Well, that just cleared everything up, didn't it.
"Obi-Wan how the fuck could you do this?"
I guess he's angry too cause now he's standing.
"Anakin. For once try and realize that not everything in this universe revolves around you!"
Wow. My master yelled. This doesn't happen very often. And his eyes are fierce. I've seen him look like this in battle. I can't believe this. Is that what this is to him? A battle?
"Master, I swear to you, I will get better. I'll listen to what you say, and follow the council's orders…" Despite my best intentions, I think I'm giving him puppy eyes.
"Those are only some of the reasons, Anakin," he says, strangely avoiding eye contact.
"What else is there? If you tell me what I've done wrong I'll fix it."
As my temper fades so too does my energy and I end up slumped on the couch. Bonk. I hate that wall. And now is really not a good time to have a headache. Obi-Wan sits down next to me, but his body is tense and rigid.
"Anakin, I know that you would do anything to stay a padawan. But this isn't a problem that you can fix."
Again, vague. Why is it when I need a straight answer most my master has to go on tangents?
"Master. Just tell me why?"
"Jedi are not supposed to have feelings. We are not to be ruled by our emotions," he pauses to raise a hand and stop my inevitable disagreement. "But it is not you that is having this problem. My feelings for you are becoming a burden, and I fear that soon I won't be able to make unbiased decisions concerning you."
Ha. Oh man. And here I thought it was something serious. Leave it to Obi-Wan to worry me for nothing.
"Master, that's not a problem. I'm your apprentice. Its expected, even with Jedi that we would form attachments to each other—"
"Anakin—"
"—and feelings and want to act on them to keep each other safe—"
"—there's more to it than you know, you don't realize—"
"—without the friendship we have we could never had a bond and work together—"
"—this isn't about that!"
I am stopped with my mouth hanging slightly open. I don't think in all my years I've ever heard his voice that loud. And what does he mean? What could this be about?
He leans in and some instinctual part of my mind takes this as an attack and I start pulling back. But he's too fast and I'm too confused.
He kisses me.
My master, Obi-Wan Kenobi, the freaking poster child of the Jedi now has his warm lips crossing mine. I close my parted mouth, though then open it again, not wanting him to think I'm rejecting him.
Wait a minute. Why am I not rejecting him? I should be. He's taking advantage of me.
Oh god, that's his tongue. On my mouth. In my mouth.
He's so hot, and alive. I've never kissed anyone before. Never had something warm and alive in my mouth. It wriggles against my tongue and I find myself too stunned to return the motion.
Then he's pulling back, and our lips have lost that brief connection.
"My, feelings for you are not good for our relationship. Now you know, and you know why I think you should be transferred to another master."
He kissed me. I kissed a man. And a Jedi no less. I certainly couldn't have predicted this an hour ago.
"No. I refuse. If you give me up as your padawan, I'll leave the Jedi Order altogether."
"Anakin, that's not funny to joke about. And with what I just did to you—"
"What you just did to me? You make it seem like I didn't enjoy it," I pause, enjoying the confused look in his eyes and the blush below them.
This time I kiss him, and it suddenly takes on a whole new excitement. Closing my eyes, trusting to find my mark from so close. His accusations and complaints die on his now otherwise occupied tongue. I could definitely get used to this.
I'll convince him to keep me.
I'd do anything to stay with him.
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Hehe…college sucks. I know you guys are enjoying this, but as far as i can tell, there are only two more chapters left. You may have been able to tell that my ideas are running thin. Anyway, I'll hopefully write those two chapters faster than this one cause I have Thanksgiving and Christmas break soon.