A/N: I hope Tolkien doesn't mind my characterization of Radagast too much. I rather like him. But yeah, same rules here: I don't own any of these characters or locales.

Saruman is of No Use Outdoors

Saruman had not expected that walking would lead to...well, startlingly undignified things, like sweat and toe blisters. He slung his bag over his shoulder with a huff of breath. He rather hoped Radagast would get the hint. But Radagast continued forward, resolutely. It was becoming painfully obvious that despite the two wizards' comparable statures, one was incredibly more inclined toward physical activity than the other. Saruman came to a halt, throwing his bag down dramatically. "Radagast, I need a break!" he shouted in a rather less dignified manner than he had hoped.

Radagast turned around and smiled at Saruman genially. He waved, and became tramping back to where Saruman was standing. Saruman gasped and slumped down on a nearby boulder. He took his long, well-manicured hand, and wiped it across his forehead. This...this confounded dew that was gathering on his face had to be stopped.

"So, are you pooped already?" said Radagast with a friendly smile.

"No...I am merely...resting..." Saruman realized that dramatic pauses lost a good deal of their effect when he was panting.

Radagast opened his large knapsack and withdrew a canteen. Saruman swiped it out of his hands as soon as it was offered. Radagast looked down at Saruman in concern, and then proceeded to rummage through his bag until he found it - some lembas the Elves of Lórien had given him upon his most recent visit. He broke off a piece of it and handed it to the wheezing white wizard. Saruman ate greedily. It occurred to Radagast that this was the first time he has seen Saruman act like he had real needs...well, besides the need to be evil and sinister. It was almost as if he was...well certainly not mortal, but alive. Radagast considered this most encouraging.

"Really, we're getting very close."

Saruman looked up dolefully. "Radagast...I believe...all this walking...has given me a blister."

"Well darling, that sometimes happens. Did you bring bandages?"

Saruman looked up at Radagast sharply. "Bandages? Why on earth would I think to pack those?"

"Well...I mean, I told you bring everything that you consider necessary, and I usually think of bandages as a usual traveling accessory, so..." he trailed off, noting Saruman's flashing eyes.

"If you had wanted me to bring them, you should have told me."

Radagast paused for a moment. "Well," he began slowly, "what did you bring?"

Saruman slammed his bag down with a thunk, while struggling to undo the drawstring. Upon finally opening the bag, he upturned it, letting all the items fall into a giant heap at Radagast's feet. There everything was: his white robes, his brushes, combs, and tooth toiletries, his slippers, his towels, his facial care system, his large book...and an Orkish whip? Radagast stared in disbelief; not only was it an Orkish whip, but one with seven prongs!

"Why, that thing looks deadly!" he exclaimed.

Saruman looked down at the contents of his back, his eyebrows furrowing as he took the whip into account. Radagast now looked quite alarmed.

"What...you weren't thinking of using it on me were you?"

"I didn't pack this," Saruman faltered.

"Well put the bloody thing away! Of all the silly things! Where on earth did you think we were going? Bree? You needed to bring...oh, equipment, useful things! Do you have no idea what is useful?"

Saruman stood up, gathering himself to his full, towering height. "I thought of bringing a Seeing Stone. After all, it's not like you would ask for directions."

Radagast turned on Saruman, his nostrils flaring. "For your information, I know where we are going. Now let's just...keep going for the sake of Yavanna! Honestly..." He stamped on ahead of Saruman, hoping that he would follow. He was sure he hadn't quite handled the last situation with Saruman well, but the introduction of whips was really more than Radagast could take.

Saruman threw the contents of his bag back inside and slung it over his left shoulder. He picked up his staff, and kept going. Really, he thought, it would be much easier if the eagles would simply take them wherever Radagast wanted to go. He supposed Gwaihir still wasn't on his good side though. He sighed and trudged on. Things would be better once he had a tent to sleep in.