A/N: Though I don't own them, I do think that Saruman/Radagast is canon. Relatively.

Saruman Fails To Be Helpful

Now that they had reached the clearing, Radagast was slowly emptying his large knapsack. He pulled out a large tarp, some stakes, and a small hammer. Saruman steadied himself against a nearby tree. At least we've made it this far, he thought, ruefully. Radagast stood up straight and started looking around the clearing.

"What is it?" asked Saruman.

"Well, the next thing we have to do is pitch a tent," came his cheerful response, "but first, we need to find some suitable pieces of wood."

"Wood? Whatever for?"

"To build the tent, silly! I can't just throw a tarp over thin air and expect a tent to appear!" Radagast bustled off in search of pieces of wood. In his absence, Saruman collapsed in a heap. He was pretty sure his blister had burst by now. Ruining a perfectly good pair of shoes, too, he thought.

As he sat alone in the clearing, he heard a peculiar sound. What could it be? Birds tweeting? A brook babbling? Pleasant ambient forest noises? Saruman looked about apprehensively; the last "pleasant ambient forest noises" he could recall were the sounds the trees in Fangorn Forest had made as his team of orcs ripped them from the ground. The more Saruman thought about it, the more anxious he became; surely Treebeard was still furious about the trees. Saruman decided it was best not to be alone so near Fangorn, so he stood up and wandered to the far edge of the clearing, looking for Radagast.

"Looking for something, dear?" Radagast chirped from behind. Saruman jumped into the air in surprise. "My, a bit jumpy, aren't we?"

"Yes."

"Well, here, help me build this tent." First Radagast took the two longish pieces of wood and struck them into the soft mound of earth in the clearing. He pushed them in rather far, and then tried to shake them, making sure they were stable. Then he fetched the tarp, and tried unfurling it over the stakes. Saruman watched in wonder: How on earth would this turn into a tent?

As Radagast shook out the brown tarp, a gust of wind came and blew it back into his face.

"That doesn't seem to be working," said Saruman.

"Well," Radagast's voice was muffled as he untangled himself from the tarp, "you could help me, you know."

"My blister hurts...far...too much..."

"Oh for heaven's sake! Fine." Radagast struggled a bit more with the tarp until he finally managed to situate it on the top of the stakes. He walked back to his bag and grabbed rope to attach the tarp to the stakes. As Radagast started tying, Saruman decided now was a good time to give advice.

"Oughtn't you...do...fancier knots...if you want it to stay in place?"

"Dear, the simplest ones are best." Radagast proceeded to get more rope to attach to the tarp. He crouched down, and as he started tying, he became aware of a long shadow descending over him. It was Saruman's. "Hmmm," he heard the white wizard say, disapprovingly.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing."

"Why don't you make yourself useful and bring me the small stakes and the hammer? We need to anchor this tarp." Really, Saruman was getting most irritating.

Saruman stalked slowly to the knapsack and then picked up the required items. "They're heavy," he said balefully. Radagast chose to ignore this. Saruman approached Radagast once again, and deposited the stakes and the hammer.

Radagast began pulling the tarp straight out and anchoring it to the ground with the stakes. With a tap tap from the hammer, the stakes were driven into the ground and the tarp billowed promisingly.

"Shouldn't you anchor it farther out? I do so like having foot space."

"Saruman, we will have plenty of space. I've done this before, you know."

"Hmm."

After fifteen more minutes, Radagast had finally secured the tent, and though Saruman didn't want to admit it, it looked rather homey. Well, for a tent. But Saruman was still in a dour mood from the blister.

"Well, what do you think?" said Radagast, beaming.

Saruman paused dramatically. "Well...it looks lovely...but I rather thing we ought to move it five feet over...the ground there...looks...softer..."

"Ai Ilúvatar! We are not moving the tent!"

Saruman stared at him. Radagast sighed helplessly. Really, what had possessed him to take Saruman camping? Saruman sat down on a nearby stump and grimaced.

"When...do...we eat...dinner?" drawled the white wizard.

Radagast threw his arms up in the air and disappeared into the tent.