"Luke," Lorelai's voice was suddenly tremulous. "Why don't you trust me?"
He softly replied, "What?" His voice was quiet, incredulous, and wondering, as his right hand covered her smaller hand at his collar. His left arm instinctively encircled her shoulders, wet though she was.
She slipped her hand out from underneath his, sat up in the tub, and forlornly drew her knees together, wrapping her arms around them. Head bowed, looking away from him, she repeated, "Why don't you trust me?"
"Of course I do. I trust you," he responded, his hand now rhythmically stroking up and down her back.
Luke didn't understand her muffled reply to his statement of trust. At the same time, he did not dare ask her to repeat herself. Silence descended upon them like a heavy tarp, Luke thought. The silence in the bathroom was punctuated by the drip, drip, drip of water from the tap.
"Of course I do," Luke repeated, as he reached over to the faucet, and tightened it, making a mental note to check out and fix the cause of the drip later.
Lorelai began to cry.
Ah, finally, Luke thought, here it comes. The accusations, the expressions of pain. He took a quick breath, realizing he would have to let her work through this, no matter how painful it would be for him.
The last time he'd seen her like this, her name was Mimi. He'd made her a promise that time, he recalled.
Muffled sounds, sounds he couldn't understand, mingled with her sobs.
Luke stroked her back, up and down and up again. Down and up and down and...
"No, you don't," Lorelai finally responded, a little more coherently. "You promised. You made me promise. I did. To tell each other everything..."
Her body shook.
"And then you didn't...tell me...about..."
"April," Luke supplied, continuing to stroke her back, up and down and up again. "I know. I'm sorry..."
"Sorry? Sorry? Sorry? Sorry?" Lorelai added, her voice quieter with each 'sorry'. "We promised, Luke..." she whispered.
Her body shook even more. Luke noticed that the water had gotten cold. He had to get her out of the tub and into something warm.
Reaching above Lorelai and him, he yanked a fluffy bath towel off the towel rack and then gently coaxed her to a standing position. He could barely look at her, huddled, arms crossed, face averted, shivering. Wrapping the towel around her as she passively stood, obviously still quietly crying, he slowly dried her, and then with a whispered "Careful..." helped her step out of the tub.
He tucked the edges of the towel so it would stay secure, and gently guided her to sit at the edge of the tub.
"Where's your robe?" he asked, kneeling in front of her, holding both her hands in his.
"Closet," she answered, sniffling, reaching her arm out in the direction of the vanity.
Wordlessly, Luke handed her a tissue, then went into the bedroom to the closet. Without thinking, he opened the closet doors.
And there it was. The perfect dress. Confronting him, accusing him. He had seen her in it and ruined everything.
Luke's hand seemed to have a mind of its own as it reached out and fingered one of the delicate beads. Tracing the outline of a flower, her remembered how beautiful his bride looked in that dress. His bride. Bride-to-be. He traced the outline of another flower. The next time he was to see this dress, it was supposed to be mere hours before he would take it off her. No way would it be demurely hanging in a closet. Luke closed his eyes, imagining that moment, ripping that dress off her, just this side of careful. His hand moved to the skirt; he was about to stroke the fabric of the skirt when he heard the tinkle of metal. Looking down, he saw Paul Anka, who'd awoken. The dog looked up at him with accusing eyes.
Et tu, Paulie? The robe, right.
Opposite the dress, Lorelai's soft plush Dragonfly Inn robe was hanging on its hook (for a change, he thought, instead of flung on the floor!) He grabbed it and closed the closet doors.
Paul Anka followed him to the bathroom, but stopped short of entering. Lorelai sat still at the tub's edge, wrapped in her towel. Luke approached her, holding the robe open for her, inviting her to wrap herself in it.
At least she wasn't crying anymore.
"Come, let's get you to bed, Lorelai," Luke urged.
Any other time, she'd have retorted with a quip or a Dirty! Tonight, she just passively acceded to his request, allowing him to guide her out of the bathroom towards their bed.
Again, the silence expanded to fill the room.
Say something, a voice deep inside Luke urged.
"We'll talk tomorrow, or whenever you want," he assured her as he helped her onto their bed. "You did take your contacts out, right?"
She nodded, sitting at the edge of the bed.
"I'll be right back," he assured. "Do you want your glasses?"
Lorelai shook her head, no.
------
After he'd gotten ready for bed, he turned to find Lorelai still wrapped in her robe on the edge of the bed.
"Should I get you something to change into?" he asked.
"Hold me," was Lorelai's reply, as she stood, slightly swaying, her feet unsteady.
Luke was immediately in front of her, catching her as she swayed. Lorelai's arms shot out and wrapped around him. As he held her, Luke unfastened her ponytail and ran one hand through her hair.
"I love you, Lorelai," Luke assured her. "More than you will ever know."
"I know," she replied.
She let him softly kiss her on top of her head, and did not protest when he tipped her chin to him, and gently kissed her mouth.
Luke helped Lorelai into bed, and seeing that Paul Anka had already returned to his doggy bed, climbed into bed himself.
Again, the awkward silence. She was on her back, staring up at the ceiling. He was on his back, staring up at the ceiling.
Luke swallowed, tried to take a deep breath, and wiggled his fingers over towards where he hoped Lorelai's hand was.
To his immense relief, Lorelai allowed him to take her hand in his.
"I hate her..." her quiet voice suddenly declared.
Luke was confused. She hated April?
"Not...April...whoever her mom is...Not telling you...hurting you like this..."
"Don't. It's what it is."
"April's here."
"Yes."
"And she's yours."
Luke squeezed her hand in response.
"We'll make it work, Luke."
"I know."
Silence, once again.
Luke lay still, holding Lorelai's hand, trying to sleep.
The silence continued to smother them.
After some time, Lorelai slipped her hand out from under his, then took his hand in hers and silently placed it on her robe's tie belt. Slowly, she worked his fingers over the knot, indicating that she wanted him to untie it.
"Are you sure?"
"Shut up and untie me!"
TBC