Disclaimer: I do not own CSI

AN: Sorry for this chap being late! but here it is: )

chapter 4

He sat in the interrogation room again, his elbows on the table, his face in his hands, supporting his weight on his arms. He just couldn't believe all this.

The dead woman's DNA hadn't been tested, her body had been released and she had been cremated.

Grissom's lawyer was thrilled about the fact that, due to the dayshift CSI's mistake, he had something in his hands against the accusers. Grissom wasn't thrilled at all. He didn't care whether or not this mistake would help him to get free, all he had needed was the certitude that the woman in the morgue hadn't been Sara – and this certitude couldn't be given to him anymore. He could tell himself that Sara couldn't be dead, but he was used to cling on to the facts, the evidence that never lied…

"What makes you so sure that she is alive?" Detective Manson asked, this time seeming as if he could believe at least a bit that Grissom was telling the truth.

"The woman who I saw in the morgue didn't have a tattoo, Sara had one." He told him, he'd been telling this to so many persons in the last twenty-four hours, and no-one except for his lawyer, had seemed to believe him.

But Manson nodded. "The dayshift coroner is going to bring us the pictures that had been taken of her feet, we'll hopefully be able to see or not see something there."

Nick and Greg had asked for the body to be released. They had remembered Sara's wish, had remembered that she wanted to be cremated. Grissom didn't know if there had already been a funeral ceremony, he hadn't been allowed to see anyone, hadn't been allowed to speak to anyone working for the department. And the only friends he had were his colleagues, the only persons that he could get information about what had happened from were working for the department.

But even if they would have been able to get a DNA sample from the dead woman, they wouldn't have been able to prove that she wasn't Sara. Sara's DNA wasn't saved in the system since she had left the department and according to Manson it had been impossible to find out where she'd lived or worked in the last years.

And that worried Grissom even more. What had happened to Sara? He had tried to find her after she had left, in a time where he hadn't been able to deal with the fact that she didn't want to be with him anymore. She had never called him, never sent a letter or an email and as far as he knew she had never been in contact with any of her friends from Vegas. He had never managed to find out where she went, he hadn't even had the tiniest clue about where she might have wanted to go. He had tried to contact her brother but hadn't managed to find him, Sara had never talked much about him… and her mother was dead, that was the only thing that he knew about Sara's family except for the destroyed childhood she had had.

A knock on the door ripped Grissom out of his thoughts, Manson stood up and opened the door. Grissom could see that a man handed Manson a file, Manson nodded softly and closed the door again. He sat down and opened the file, flicking though some of the pictures, he finally placed some of them on the table.

Grissom swallowed hard, praying that the pictures were not showing Sara's feet and ankles.

"Where was Miss Sidles tattoo?" Manson asked after a while.

Grissom closed his eyes for a second, the picture of Sara's legs and feet running through his mind. Warmth filled him, thinking of her often did that to him. Thinking of the good moments did that to him. But the events of the last days more and more brought back all the bad memories of their life together, the things that had hurt him, the things with which he had hurt her… and still he wondered why she had left two years ago.

"There." He pointed on one of the pictures. "It was a flower-shaped tattoo."

Manson nodded. "Do you know of anyone who could confirm this? Or do you happen to have any pictures of it?"

"I don't have any pictures of her."

Manson raised an eyebrow. Grissom glanced at him and then stared back down on his hands. "Not anymore." He said softly.

"Because she hurt you? Or did you get over her?"

"Because I couldn't stand being reminded of all the times we'd spent together." Grissom said hoarsely.

"Because she hurt you." Manson assumed with new confidence.

"No. Because I must have done something that hurt her so much that she left me." Grissom felt tears rising up in his eyes.

"Do you know where she went when she left?"

"No. No I don't know it! I told you before. I don't know where she went! I don't know why she left! I… I only know that the woman on these pictures can't be Sara." He felt so desperate and helpless.

Manson sighed. "We'll try to find someone who can confirm this." He left his seat and headed for the door. Then he stopped and turned around again. "But even if this woman is not Sara Sidle, this doesn't mean you didn't kill her." With that said Manson opened the door and left.

Grissom stared down on his hands. He took a deep breath and then stood up. Sara wasn't dead but were as she? He wished that he could search for her, but he hadn't been able to find her back then, how should he be able to find her now? She did not want to be found. Not by him. Not by the police. By no-one. She had started a new life and she obviously didn't want anyone from her past in this new life.

As long as Sara wasn't dead Grissom didn't care whether or not he'd be sent to prison for the rest of his life. As long as Sara would be able to continue her life he didn't care about what would happen to him.

TBC