Disclaimer: I do not own CSI

AN: This chap is a little bit shorter... the next one might be as short as this one, but from chapter seven on the chaps should be longer again :)

many thanks for all the reviews! They make my day! Thank you very much! Sorry for this chap being so late but all the x-mas stuff really stole my time.

chapter 5

Grissom sat on the bed, he stared down on his hands and wondered if these hands could kill.

The dead woman wasn't Sara for sure, but… his prints had been at the scene nonetheless.

He sat there and wondered what would have happened if a woman looking like Sara would have offered him to spend the night with her in exactly that night.

He tried to remember what he had done in that night but like before he just couldn't remember anything after the moment in that he had left his house to get something to drink.

He knew that he had planned to go to a store to buy a new bottle of booze, but he didn't remember reaching the store. Neither did he remember that he bought some, in fact there hadn't been a bottle of booze in his house when he woke up in the morning. But on the other hand he hadn't paid attention to this, so there could have been one and he might have missed it.

But there was a bar on the way to the store. He knew that. He had passed it by so often, always wondering if he should maybe enter. He had never entered it. At least not that he knew.

Maybe he had entered it that night. Maybe he had taken seat somewhere and ordered a couple of drinks. Maybe a young woman had taken seat next to him. Maybe he had started to talk with her. Maybe she had been flirting with him. Maybe he had lost control over himself. Maybe he had agreed in leaving together, maybe he had even been the one who had asked her to leave with him.

In that night. In that night.

His hand brushes through her hair, their lips meet and for a second he just enjoys the simple feeling of their lips touching each other. Then he wants and needs more. Slowly he opens his lips and lets his tongue slip over her bottom lip. He can feel that she's smiling softly. She opens her lips a bit to invite his tongue in. He doesn't wait for a second invitation. Their tongues meet each other in a passionate dance.

His one arm lies around her waist and presses her close to him. Her hands are on his cheeks, holding his face close to hers as if she is scared that he would want to pull away from her, she never ever wants to let go of him.

When their lips separate after a long time she opens her eyes again and their gazes meet. She is smiling brighter now.

His heart is jumping, he feels like the luckiest man under the sun. In his arms he's holding the woman he loves, the woman that he wants to spend the rest of his life with. The woman that he is going to spend the rest of his life with.

So he had probably followed her invitation. Had been going to her motel room with her.

A young brunette woman, with Sara's height and a similar figure… a woman that did look a bit like Sara.

Maybe he had slept with her. Maybe. And then?

Did he hate himself so much that he lost control? That he didn't want to control himself anymore? Did he hate this woman so much because she had made him sleep with her? Did he hate her so much because she looked so much like Sara, but wasn't the real Sara?

Something must have happened. He must have lost control.

Then he killed her. Took her life because she wasn't able to complete his.

And then he had cleaned everything up, but he must have been so drunken that he forgot about a couple of prints. Or maybe he did stop caring. Maybe he had suddenly realized what he had done and maybe he had felt as if everything was senseless anyways.

Maybe he really did kill this woman. No not maybe, his prints were at the scene. Manson had already said it. There wasn't any other logical explanation for his prints being there.

"God I killed this woman." He softly spoke to himself. Damn it, how could I let this happen? How?

He slowly lay back on the mattress and closed his eyes, trying to remember. But there was nothing, nothing but the speculations of what might have happened.

There was no other explanation.

Or was there?

TBC