I don't know why I'm here anymore.

Mary Sue doesn't even know I'm here. She's unconscious, zonked out on enough drugs to put even a Slayer into happy land. She lost a lot of blood, and she'd be a goner if she wasn't one of the Chosen Many, but she is and she's not.

Even if she had known I was here, she wouldn't have cared. She's not my friend. I don't have friends. I haven't had friends since I became a Potential Slayer. When I had Willow, I didn't want friends. She was all I needed …

But now that she's gone…

I bite my lip to keep from crying, and walk over to the window.

I'm supposed to be the strong one. I haven't cried since I was a little girl. I can take care of myself. I don't need anyone …

But I want Willow … even now, after she's stopped wanting me, stopped loving me, I still want her …

"Kennedy?"

"Harris."

"Oh, come on. We've been through enough that you can call me Xander." He grins at me, and the eye patch reproaches me. Xander lost that eye because he saved me. I owe him better treatment …

"Sorry. Xander."

"So what happened?"

"Vampires. She found a nest and attacked it all by herself. To give her credit, she got them all … but they almost got her too. She was carrying one of my cards and the hospital called me."

"You have cards?"

"Officially, I'm a self defense instructor." I grin at him.

"I'm sure you're good at it. You always did good training the Potentials." He reaches over and touches my cheek, and I'm surprised by how good it feels. The only time I'm touched these days is when I'm training or fighting. "Ken, you look like hell. When was the last time you got some sleep?"

"I don't know. You know, Slayer stamina and all that …"

Xander smirks at me until I laugh. He's got one of the most expressive faces that I've ever seen on a guy … or maybe he's just one of the few guys that I've ever looked at that closely.

"Ken, look, Dawnie'll make sure that that someone else comes and does the body guard shtick for Mary Sue. You need a good night's sleep, and a good meal. Come with me, and in the morning I'll make sure you have a patented Xander Harris breakfast special that'll satisfy even a Slayer's metabolism."

"Xander Harris, are you asking me to go home with you?" I manage to look both shocked and offended.

"Um—I meant—"

I made Xander Harris blush! I can't believe I made a guy who did the horizontal mambo with Faith herself blush…

I laugh then and surprise both of us by hugging him. "Thanks, Xander. I needed that."

"Anytime, Ken." He's pretty good at this hugging stuff. He's not touching anything he shouldn't, but he's holding me close enough that I can feel his sympathy and support. It feels good …

"Okay, Xan. As soon as Summers has someone here to look after Mary Sue, we can blow this joint."

I'm still hugging him, and I don't really feel like letting go … it's been a long time since it felt like anyone gave a damn about me…

But why did it have to be a guy …?