I can't believe I kissed a guy. Okay, it was just a kiss on the cheek, but still--! The last time I kissed a guy had been at my grandfather's funeral when I was eight. It wasn't the kiss I had intended, but I'm still feeling weak in the knees … OMG, I kissed a guy!

And I asked him out. Where am I supposed to take a guy out that I'm thinking about dating? Somehow I don't think my favorite bar is going to be to his taste … I don't think a gay bar is going to give him "Hey, I think I might like you" vibes from me …

And I'm babbling. I'm doing Willow-babble. This is so Not Me. Does Xander Harris turn every woman into a babbling loon?

Get a grip, Kennedy. You're a grown woman, a Slayer. Get a grip.

I haven't really looked for a place since Willow and I broke up. All I have right now is a little room of my own that's behind the gym. It's not much, but it's been enough for me so far. Granted, it had been awfully nice to sleep on a real bed instead of a cot last night … maybe I should go looking for an apartment. I'm sure Xander would help me…

Um, okay. This Xander-obsession has got to stop. Just because I might like a guy—for the first time EVER—I don't have to turn into an idiot.

I hear Faith barking orders at the girls as I reach my room. Poor kids. I've got a reputation as being a hard case instructor, but Faith can make me look soft. She'll come across as their best friend and then punch them in the gut. She's nasty that way.

Gotta love that in a Slayer…

It doesn't take long for me to change into some fresh clothing and then make my way back to the gym.

"And just remember, girls, your stake is your best friend. It can make the difference between life and death … and keep you company on a lonely night …"

There's a spate of nervous laughter … no one can really be sure when Faith is joking about something like that …and that's when I make my entrance.

"And on that disturbing note, I'm back. Hi, girls. Hope you don't mind Faith's minding you until I could make it."

"Hi, K." Faith's eyes are sparkling with curiosity, and I know that she's going to be after me to spill my guts about how I wound up at Xander's place last night, but I push that thought away. One crisis at a time.

"Hi, Faith. You mind helping me show the girls some holds and attacks?"

"No problem, K. I'm always ready to help out a friend."

Sparring with Faith is always interesting. Each Slayer seems to have a special strength. Buffy is the strongest Slayer around, able to take an unbelievable amount of punishment. Faith has less strength, but she's got a kind of grace and agility that can make her hard as hell to hold on—and the girl doesn't know when to quit. Rona is fast as lightning, and Violet got a sense of balance like nothing I've ever seen.

My reflexes are my gift. I may not hit as hard as Buffy or as fast as Rona, but I'm good at blocking attacks while launching my own. My first Watcher trained and drilled me so much that fighting is second nature to me.

Fighting Faith is a lot like trying to punch out smoke. She can dodge and weave like the wind, and lash out like lightning. She's one of the few people who can lay a glove on me. When I do manage to get her in a hold, she can wiggle free like a snake.

This isn't just a sparring match, though, so we have to keep things down a notch or two to allow the girls a chance to see what we're doing, and how to counter our moves. Even so, it's rare that I get to let go like this, and both Faith and I are sweating pretty heavily by the time it's all over.

"Wow, K," Faith whispers into my ear after I dismiss the class. "Spending the night with Xander agrees with you. You had your groove thing going!"

"Thanks, Faith." I pop some change into a vending machine and buy bottled water. It's cold and I drain half the bottle on the first swallow and then slump down to the floor. "Faith, I kissed him."

"What?"

"I kissed Xander. Outside. I kissed a guy. I've never kissed a guy before. What the hell is wrong with me?"

"It doesn't sound like you hated it," Faith said as she bought a bottle of her own. "And I know from experience that he's not a bad kisser …"

Again the jealousy flares. "It was just his cheek …"

"So why the hang-up?"

"I wanted to kiss him on the lips. I wanted to, but I just couldn't. But you know what's weird? I still want to."

"I'm still not getting the problem, K."

"He's a guy. I don't like guys."

"Sounds to me like you're liking this one particular guy. What's the big deal?"

"I'm gay. I like women."

"Are you saying you've never kissed ANY guy before?"

"Not like this."

"Wow. Don't ever tell him that. You know what it'd do to a guy's ego to hear that? He'd be insufferable."

"Xander's not like that."

"Chill, K. I'm not ragging on your boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend."

"Yet. Tell me that you don't want him to be, and I'll let it drop."

I try to speak, but no words come out. I sigh, finish my water, and put my head in my hands. "I am so screwed."

"K, you ever consider the possibility that you might be bi? Liking Xander doesn't mean that you don't like women. It just means that you're open to something you didn't expect."

"Faith, you don't understand. I don't know how to be with a guy. I don't know how to be me with a guy. This could change everything for me. I don't know how to do this."

"I wish I could help you, K. You're going to have to figure out what you want."

"You think I should go for it."

"Yeah, I do. You know me. Want. Take. Have. And if he's this under your skin now, it's only going to get worse for you." Faith grins. "Or maybe better."

"I asked him out to dinner. I have no idea what to do."

"Here's a thought, K. Go out to dinner. Maybe catch a movie or have some drinks afterwards. You don't have to make a big production out of this. It's not like you're going to declare your undying love. Just spend some time with him and see if he's really all that and a bag of chips. At worst, you'll be out some cash. At best …" Faith winks at me.

"Yeah. You're right. All I have to do is just spend one evening with him. There's no pressure. Just me and Xander …"

My stomach is doing flip-flops. I can't believe how nervous I'm feeling.

I'm going out on a date.. with a guy …!