Olivia Richards lifted her bottle of vodka to refill her glass and stopped. Though she continued to pour, watching the clear liquid run down the edge of the counter and pour onto the stone floor of her living room, her mind wasn't in it.
What was the point? No matter how much she drank, no matter how much she tried to drive herself into dreamless sleep, her past haunted her. It was all around her. The ornaments on the Christmas tree were a hundred tiny reminders. The little gingerbread man in her hand from Sean. He'd been barely four when he'd made it. His first Christmas present to her.
The ballerina in her perfect pink tutu was Caitlin's. Gregory bought it for her at the Nutcracker in Moscow. "Tchiakovski isn't Tchiakovski unless you see it in Russia." Gregory promised her before packing up the whole family for a whirlwind trip behind the Iron Curtain.
The Cold War wouldn't stop Gregory. Nothing stopped Gregory.
Until Cole. Until he'd run out on that pier and fallen to his death fighting with Cole.
"I knew Cole was going to be the death of you. I knew if you couldn't stop this feud, you'd end up being hurt." The gently glowing Christmas tree watched her tears silently.
They were bitter as they crossed her lips. "I never thought you'd-" Olivia paused, her throat had suddenly become too tight to speak. "I never imagined a Christmas without you. Without you and our children.
Her hands trembled as she hung the porcelain gingerbread man on the tree. "Without Sean, and Caitlin..." The lump in her throat caught Trey's name and refused to let it pass. Her baby. Her little boy who'd never know her as anything more than the vaguest of memories. Because she wasn't good enough. She was a drunk. A pathetic, washed up drunk who deserved to be alone.
She'd driven everyone away. Caitlin wouldn't let her be with Trey. Sean wouldn't stay and watch her drink herself to death. Gregory-
Gregory was dead. He couldn't able to gloat that she was destroying herself again. He couldn't able to pour her another drink and smile that self-satisfied, hateful little smile. He couldn't tear her clothes off and remind her body that there were reasons to be alive. There were pleasures in life.
Olivia's brimming glass of vodka splashed on her wrist as she lifted it to her lips. The vapor attacked her nose. If she drank enough the pain would be gone. If she just kept drinking, she could drown in it.
Drown. Like Gregory drowned on the end of the pier. Cold black water would close over her head. Her limbs would go numb, her breath would burn in her lungs and her heart would pound in her ears.
Then it would all be over. No more pain. no more empty Christmas' in a silent house. She knew what she had to do.
Far down the beach, Olivia reached the end of the pier. An eternity beneath her, the waves crashed around the pilings of the pier. The water seemed to whisper up to her. To promise the kind of peace she'd never have in this life.
"I destroyed everyone I loved." Tears came hard and fast, but her throat was finally clear. "I couldn't hold onto Gregory and he died. I ruined my children's lives so utterly that they stole my baby from me. My lover moved on to my best friend." She almost laughed.
"Maybe they would have gotten married years ago if it wasn't for me." Her hands clung to the wood of the railing as she climbed over it. Her bare feet complained of the rough wood as she stopped. She'd been here before. On the cruise ship before AJ had dragged her back in.
"You'd have the woman you really loved AJ, instead of wasting your time with me." She tensed her fingers, wondering if she'd feel the smack of the water. "My children would have had a real mother. Someone who could love them." Her feet were so white they glowed against the water below her.
"Gregory would still be alive, if his wife had been better. If she had stopped him from destroying himself with his evil plans. If I-"
Olivia stopped and felt a weight lift from her shoulders. That was it.
"If I had never been born."
Turning her head to the cloudy sky, Olivia started to release the railing behind her. "I wish I had never been born."
She teetered for a moment, balancing precariously on the edge as her fingers let her go.
"Help me!" The voice called behind her.
Olivia jumped, her feet slipping but her hands closed down on the railing with iron in her fingers.
"Please-" The voice, the woman's voice grew more desperate. "I can't hold on."
Confused, Olivia whirled around. Part of the railing down the pier a few meters was broken. Two hands clung to the deck, but the fingers were starting to slide.
"Please-" She begged again.
Olivia climbed back over. Her robe caught and tore from her shoulders as she ran down the pier. Lying on her stomach, she slid over to the edge. The woman's hands closed in desperation around her wrists.
She was sobbing below her. She was desperate to live. She foolishly wanted to live.
"Can you put your feet on the brace?" Olivia asked softly, wondering where her bravery had come from. "You might be able to climb up."
The hands tore at her arms, but the sounds of scrambling feet gave way to a gasp of triumph. The unknown woman found a place for her weight, and somehow they both tumbled back on the deck. the sound of their breathing was louder than even the waves for a moment.
The skin of Olivia's bare arms was torn. Blood oozed from the scratches, but she felt better somehow. Her stomach would be bruised, her left arm might even need stitches on one long, cruel slash, but she was all right.
The other woman had on only a simple white dress. Her long brown hair tumbled over tan shoulders. She turned to Olivia with a smile on her tear-stained face.
"Thank you. Oh thank you." She caught Olivia up in an impulsive hug. "I don't know what I would have done without you. I was just walking, and I stopped to lean on the rail and it collapsed."
There was something strangely familiar in her voice. Something Olivia couldn't quite place. She waited for the stranger to release her. As she looked into her face, Olivia nearly jumped out of her skin.
"Francesca!"
Francesca smiled sadly as Olivia pulled away in terror. "I'm afraid so." She glanced heavenward and sighed. "Are you sure I have to do this?"
Olivia watched in shock as the woman she'd seen dead brushed off her white sundress and smiled up at the cloudy sky.
"Olivia Blake Richards, wether you like it or not, I am your-" She lowered her hand to help Olivia to her feet.
Olivia just stared at her hand dumbly, as if it was about to bite her.
"Guardian angel." Francesca finished as she reached down at took Olivia's shoulders to drag her to her feet.
"I'm drunk." Olivia whispered.
"True." Francesca pointed out as she brushed dirt from Olivia's nightgown. "But, that's not the problem. Your wish has been granted, you have been removed from this Earth. You have, in affect, been entirely erased. You, Olivia Blake Richards, have never been born." Her smile widen in amusement. "This could be a lot of fun."
"Ma'am-" A young man ran up to her. A policeman, Officer Spencer her mind informed her. "Are you all right?"
Olivia looked down at herself. She was a wreck. Her nightgown was stained with blood, her left arm was dripping onto the pier, her robe was behind her, torn to shreds on that spare nail.
He grabbed her shoulder. "Ma'am?"
Francesca ran her hand lazily through her hair. "Tell him you were mugged. You couldn't sleep, you went for a walk-"
Olivia looked at her, trying to figure out why Officer Spencer didn't see Francesca. She was a dead woman, he should be running in fear. He looked right through Francesca as she repeated herself.
"tell him-"
Olivia's voice startled herself. "I went for a walk, I couldn't sleep. I must have gotten mugged-" She stumbled slightly, surprising herself.
"Let me take you to the Medical Center." Officer Spencer took her hand and stopped asking her questions. Francesca followed along amiably.
When Officer Spencer left her alone to talk find a doctor in the little medical center, Olivia turned to her 'angel'. "He can't see you."
Francesca shook her head. "Only you can."
"He didn't recognize me." Olivia whispered as she held his handkerchief to her bleeding arm. "Doesn't he?"
"You were never born." Francesca pointed out again with surprising patience. "He never had the chance to know you. No one has."
"Hi- I'm Dr.-"
Olivia stood up quickly. "Robinson, Tyus Robinson." She smiled at the good doctor, but he just looked confused.
"I'm sorry. Have we met?"
Francesca shook her head behind him. "Say no. Stop confusing the poor man."
"No- no, I'm sorry." Olivia blushed slightly and looked around for a plausible explanation. "I've just seen your name in the paper."
Tyus seemed to take that response in stride. "Well come on, let's see what we can do for your arm."
After it was numb, he began the slow process of stitching it up. "What are you doing in Sunset Beach Mrs-" He paused and gave her his polite smile again. "I don't think I caught your name."
The 'Mrs' stuck in her mind. Olivia's eyes chased down her arm to her left hand. She still wore Gregory's ring. After he died, she just couldn't part with it.
"Olivia R-" She stopped. She wasn't Olivia Richards. She'd never been born, Gregory couldn't have married her.
"Olivia Blake." She answered softly as she tried to keep her eyes away from his needle.
"Are you in town to see family?"
In the corner of the room, unseen by the doctor, Francesca clapped her hands and nodded. "Tell him yes."
"Yes-" Olivia offered simply. "Old friends as well." She couldn't help noticing that though the clinic looked as she remembered it, Tyus looked tired. Drained. His shirt beneath his white lab coat was clean but threadbare. As if it had been washed and ironed a few too many times.
"Will you be going back to your hotel?"
Francesca leaned over his shoulder. "How can you? You don't exist."
"No- I'm staying with friends."
Tyus tied off his handiwork and wrapped a light bandage around her arm. "Try to keep this dry and stop back in a few days so I can take the stiches out."
Olivia nodded and smiled at him gratefully, she stood up and her bare feet complained at the temperature of the floor.
"If you don't mind me intruding- you're not dressed for the weather. Even a California Christmas is a little too cool for that dress." Tyus dropped his tools into a tray of sanitizer. "Do you have luggage?"
"Oh no-" Olivia began softly. She licked her lips as she tried to come up with an explanation. "I'm afraid I misplaced my luggage. I was walking to the hotel when the mugger got what I had left."
He looked down at her feet in surprise, but he said nothing. "I think I can get you some things from the hospital stores. We keep some clothes around, just in case."
Olivia smiled gratefully, warmth creeping up her body for the first time in a long while. "Thank you doctor. It's nice to know Sunset Beach has such a kind man caring for it's people."
He led her out to the waiting room. "I'm glad you think so. I'm afraid not everyone shares your opinion. This whole clinic is going to be demolished on the first of January to make way for a new Medical Center."
"Oh really?" Olivia asked as she took a cup of hot cider from a volunteer with another little smile.
Francesca giggled and covered her mouth, as if she didn't want to spoil the surprise.
"The Richards Medical Center." Tyus offered with surprising disgust. He opened a closet and pulled out a simple pair of khaki pants. "Offering the finest medical care to anyone who can afford it." A plain grey t-shirt and a hooded sweatshirt followed.
Olivia smiled at the clothes. It had been awhile since she'd worn anything like it, but he was offering it all so freely.
"I'm afriad I don't have any shoes." He added a pair of black cotton socks to the pile. "You're what, a size 8?"
Olivia nodded as she held the clothes to her chest. "How'd you guess?"
Tyus shrugged. "You're about the same height as the wife of our new Executive Administrator and I know she keeps a spare pair in his office." That unfamiliar bitterness was back in his voice. "Our little hospital is too pathetic for her to dirty her good shoes on its floors. I'll be right back. You can change in here. No one will bother you."
Francesca politely turned around as Olivia changed, but she couldn't help noticing that her unlikely angel was giggling again.
Olivia pulled her hair free from the t-shirt. "What's so funny?"
"The Adminstrator's wife would have a fit if she knew he was stealing her shoes for a vagabond like you." Francesca's explanation left a lot to be desired, but Olivia knew she wasn't going to get much from her.
She buttoned up her pants and asked the question that had been on her mind since the pier. "How did someone like you end up an angel? Let alone my guardian angel?"
Francesca's smile suddenly turned serious. "Forgiveness." She began simply. "Heaven is big on forgiveness, righting the wrongs of life. I hurt you in life, so in death I have to protect you until I earn my wings."
"Your wings?" Olivia zipped the front of her sweatshirt and suspended her disbelief.
"Angels, real angels have beautiful wings." Francesca's hands flew wide and her eyes gleamed with hope. "Huge beautiful wings, like you always knew angels had to have." Her glee faded as she touched her own bare shoulders. "But they have to be earned. through selfless acts of kindness and-" She paused for a moment, as if she knew Olivia was about to laugh. "Love."
Olivia bit her lip and kept her amusement down to a cough. "Love?"
"What binds the world together." Francesca's eyes softened and she sighed heavily. "You're lucky you know. Most people don't get a second chance while they're still alive. Most people have to wait until they're dead to know how important they really were. How much they gave the world."
Tyus' polite knock kept her from getting to ask anymore questions. "I borrowed these from Mrs. Davis. She shouldn't miss them, and you certainly need them more than she does."
Olivia took the shoes from him, recognizing the label inside as one of the most expensive designers in Milan. She gave him the most heartfelt smile she could muster. "Thank you doctor."
After she'd tied the laces, Olivia looked up at him in sadness. "I'm afraid I have no way to thank you. And no way to pay you."
He lifted her bloody nightgown and dumped it into the trash. "Be careful on the pier. Get something to eat. Remember Christmas is about hope. Because there's always, always hope-" His hand touched her shoulder as he tucked something into the pocket of her sweatshirt. In the moment their eyes met she understood more about his heart than she'd ever known when he helped her through her pregnancy. He knew why she'd been there. He knew why she didn't have anything or anywhere to go, and despite it all. He wanted her to live. A complete stranger.
She surprised him and herself by kissing his cheek. "Merry Christmas Dr. Robinson."
Olivia fled the clinic as Francesca followed like a shadow. "That was sweet of you."
"He didn't have to care about me." Olivia replied as she stared down the faintly lit street. "He didn't have to, but he did without hesitation."
Her stomach growled and Francesca pointed to her pocket. "He gave you fifty dollars. Let's find you some breakfast."
"How can it be morning?" Olivia wondered as she found the neatly folded bills in her pocket. "It was just-"
"It's morning on Christmas Eve. You have until Christmas Day to decide if you'd like to live." Francesca explained as she pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Now, where should we get breakfast?"
"Elaine's I suppose." Olivia started down the street towards the waffle shop. "Although I bet her waffle's are still inedible, even in this mixed up little world."
Francesca shrugged, looked decidely unangelic as she studied her fingernails. "Something's just are. No matter what happens."