"No, you hold the wand like this," Lily said, twisting Narcissa's fingers around the wand, "and you concentrate – "
It was almost Christmas, and Lily and Narcissa had been working together for almost two months. Narcissa was getting better, but only moderately. The two of them had been trying to conjure a pair of slippers for almost two hours, and they were getting no closer to their goal.
Narcissa brushed her long hair back, "It's no use, Lily. I'm hopeless."
"No, you're not," Lily replied, determinedly, "All you lack is confidence. Try it again."
Narcissa flicked the wand at the empty spot on the table and murmured the incantation. Nothing happened. The table remained bare.
Lily sighed before she could stop herself. She quickly glanced at Narcissa. But her eyes were laughing and amused, instead of hurt. "I told you," she said simply, "I'm a mess. I'm never going to pass the next test."
"Maybe we should take a break," Lily thought aloud, "Come on. Want to take a walk?"
Narcissa hesitated. In the past two months, the girls had met in the library and outside on the grounds, but they had never really taken the time to get to know each other. In fact, Lily got the distinct feeling that Narcissa was avoiding her.
"I won't bite," Lily teased.
Narcissa broke into a tentative smile, "Okay. Let's go."
The ground was coated with frost outside, so the girls pulled on their long black coats and scarves before they abandoned their books outside the door and took to the grounds. Lily figured that James and Sirius wouldn't find them out there, and if they did – well, she would cross that bridge if they came to it.
They walked in silence under the bare trees for a few minutes, before Lily asked, "So, what's it like, being in Slytherin?"
Narcissa shrugged, "It's not awful. The dungeon is a lot warmer than people would think, and Professor Slughorn isn't that bad a Head of House." She turned a red that Lily thought had nothing to do with the cold, "And it beats being with anyone from my family."
"You mean like Sirius?"
Narcissa nodded.
"He's a piece of work, all right," Lily agreed, "Everyone they hang around with is pretty bad – except Remus, of course."
"Remus?"
"He's in their class," Lily said, "And he's a pretty good friend of mine. Mostly quiet, keeps to himself. You'd like him, if you knew him."
"If he's friends with Sirius, he probably wouldn't like me," Narcissa sighed.
The two of them walked for another minute before Narcissa said, "It's so hard, trying to build yourself a reputation when everyone's made one for you."
"Sirius?"
"Sort of," Narcissa said, "I was talking about Lucius Malfoy."
"Oh," Lily hesitated, "I heard you're – going with him."
Narcissa laughed, "Not exactly. We've been betrothed since I was six."
"That young?" Lily could not believe her ears.
"It was pretty young, but I guess that's the way things are done." Narcissa seemed intent on staring at her feet as she walked.
Lily was bursting to ask why on earth Narcissa would tolerate such an existence, but she didn't want to break her new friend's trust. Fortunately, Narcissa went on by herself.
"It's not being engaged that's so hard – Lucius isn't a bad sort, except that he's a little overbearing. The hardest thing was growing up in his family. I didn't see my mum all that much, and now she's dead. My sister Andromeda and I were close, but now she's married, and I hardly hear from her anymore."
"It must be rough," Lily sympathized.
Narcissa seemed grateful, as if she'd been waiting to get everything off her chest for a long time, "And the hardest thing is knowing that I'm not even having a chance to live my life, because someone is always watching me, telling me what to do, and I know that it's not because they want me to be happy, it's because it benefits them in the long run. Everyone – my father, the Malfoys, Lucius – sometimes I just want someone to just say 'Do what you think is right, Narcissa – do what makes you happy'. But nobody does."
Lily leaned against a tall oak tree. "It's hard being different."
Narcissa turned to her, "What?"
"I'm Muggle-born," Lily admitted, "The only witch in my entire family. My sister Petunia and I used to get along – until I got the letter from Hogwarts. Now when I come home on holidays she calls me a freak and won't be seen with me."
Narcissa stared, "Didn't that hurt dreadfully?"
Lily shrugged, "I guess, at first. I got used to it, though." She smiled, "If my parents hadn't been accepting of my life choice, I think it would have been harder. But they think my being a witch is first-rate."
The two of them stood in silence for a minute. The Narcissa said, "You know what, Lily? I don't think any one of us ever has as much happiness as we deserve."
"Oy! Evans!"
"Oh, no," Lily muttered, dismayed.
Narcissa's blue eyes widened as if in terror.
James Potter and Sirius Black were coming up behind them. James looked stormy, Sirius looked harried. From off in the distance, Lily could see a tall figure running up to them as fast as he could. Remus! I thought he was going to keep them away, she thought furiously.
"What are you doing here?" she asked them.
"It's a free country," Sirius said loftily, "All right there, Narcissa?"
"Leave her alone," Lily growled. Narcissa seemed to shrink.
"I don't think you quite get it, Evans," James Potter said nastily, "Like Sirius said, it's a free country. We can go where we want to."
Remus finally came up, completely winded. Lily noticed, in spite of her anger, that he didn't look good at all.
"I'm sorry, Lily," he said, "I tried to – "
"To what?" James snarled, "She hates me so much that she has to have you cover for her, to keep me away?"
"I don't hate you!" Lily exploded, "I just –"
"Just what?" he asked her heatedly, "Go on, Evans. Tell me what you 'just'."
"Yeah," Sirius broke in, "Why were you hanging around with my cousin?" He threw one arm around Narcissa's slim shoulders, "Studying?"
"Leave her alone!" Lily shouted again.
Sirius gave Narcissa a look of mock puzzlement, "I hear you're not doing so well in Transfiguration, Cissa. It's a shame."
Narcissa's eyes widened in horror as she looked at Lily, as if to say, "You told him!"
"Step off, Padfoot," Remus warned him.
But Sirius was talking to Narcissa, "So McGonagall got Evans here to help you study, is that it? Need some help passing this term?"
"Sirius," Remus hissed.
"Stop it!" Lily shouted. Narcissa was shaking.
Sirius paid no attention, "I don't know why you even worry, Cissa, dear. It's not like the wife of Lucius Malfoy is going to need to KNOW anything – "
"Sirius!" Lily and Remus both shouted in one voice.
"No," Narcissa pulled away, "I'm not listening to this anymore!"
"Listening to what?" Now Sirius looked angry, "Listening to the truth? Admit it, Narcissa, you're nothing more than a trophy wife – "
"NO!"
Narcissa shoved Sirius out of her way and bolted for the castle as fast as she could. Her scarf flew off of her shoulders and landed in the snow.
"Narcissa!" Lily screamed, "Narcissa, come back!"
She knew it was futile to try and call her back, and she was right. The tiny blonde figure slowly shrank from view and vanished into the distance.
She turned to Sirius and shoved him as hard as she could. "You pompous jerk!" she shouted, "How could you say things like that to her? How could you hurt her like that? What's she ever done to you?"
Sirius' eyes were blazing, "Hurts when somebody picks on your mate, doesn't it, Evans? Now you know how you've been making me feel lately."
"I don't know what you're talking about!"
"You don't?" James stepped forward, but his eyes weren't blazing hate anymore, they just looked – hurt. "I'll tell you what he's talking about."
"Enlighten me," Lily snarled sarcastically.
James took a deep breath, "Ever since that day that you told me off for harassing Snape two years ago, I've tried everything I could to make you like me. I stopped torturing Snape just for the fun of it. I stopped trying to show off. I stopped being a jerk to everyone. And it still wasn't enough. Because you still think I'm a prize idiot. And that hurts, Lily."
She stared at him in shock. She didn't even know he knew her first name. He'd never used it before.
Sirius looked embarrassed. James was looking at Lily straight in the eye – like an adult who was willing to be honest, Lily noticed. Maybe he was right. Maybe she'd been misjudging him.
She took a deep breathe, "I'm sorry, James."
"You are?" He looked incredulous.
She nodded, "Maybe I was too quick to judge you. But now is not the time to talk about it. We have to find Narcissa."
James's eyes narrowed, "Are you trying to blow me off again?"
Lily shook her head, "Honestly, this time, I'm not. We need to find her, James. I need to make her understand that I didn't mean to hurt her."
James gave her a long, hard look. Then he sighed, "Okay. Let's go find her – Moony? Moony? Remus? Where are you?"
"Look," Sirius murmured, "Her scarf is gone."
On the ground, in the snow, there were the small, delicate tracks that Narcissa had left. And following along with them, a set of heavy, bigger tracks, made by a bigger person.