Can you believe it? Ice Queen is finally coming to an end! Next chapter will probably be the last! Though I may just promise a Valentine's Day special for all of you out there, depending on the number of reviews I'm getting for these last two chapters. xD
I really hope that you guys like this chapter. I went through three revisions just to get it right… I didn't realize it, but while writing previous chapters, I really made ending this series hard. I have no idea what I'm going to do so wish me luck as I work on the last chapter! I'll be trying to write fast so keep reading please!
Enjoy!
Ice Queen
Chapter Thirty-Seven
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"Are you planning on taking me and running away together so that we live happily ever after? My plans do include running, but they most definitely do not include you."
He gave her a semi-lopsided grin and nodded, "If you'd like. I, Li Syaoran, am asking you to do one thing. To defy all your family and mine's wishes and to run away with me… your prince… to live happily ever after. Are you sure it's too late to change your plans?"
Ignoring him, Sakura crossed her arms, "You told me to follow Yukito's orders last time… that it would be the best for both of us if I simply married the man they told me to." Sakura remained defiant. She didn't like it one bit, this feeling of weakness quickly creeping in on her. "You…you…"
She looked up from the ground at that moment, something that maybe she shouldn't have done. Because at that moment, his eyes were so full of regret and love that… The bitter frost of the Ice Queen melted just a little.
"Don't look at me like that," his amber eyes watched as she bit her pink lips, trying very hard to keep her voice even and smooth. "Like what?" he asked. When she didn't respond, he sighed. "You know… when I first met you… I didn't like you at all. You were cold, selfish, mean, and so… hostile. I heard rumors of you doing horrible things to people, and honestly, with the image you presented I believed them without much difficulty."
Sakura shut her eyes, his words obviously hurting her. "But you know…" he smiled. "To this day I still have trouble understanding it, but you really are a kind person. More kind than all those people at school who call you cruel and menacing. It might have been just an accident that you found out about my… situation… do you remember what you said to me? That it would have been better for my father to turn me out of the house since no one else at school would mind if I stayed with them for a little while anyway?"
She didn't give an answer, but he didn't really expect her to. "Well… what you said was true. If I had just left, I could have gotten my own place and lived the life that everyone expected me to live," he shrugged. "I've heard what people say. Apparently I'm exactly what it takes to be popular. I could live the great life. I could have risen up in the community, forgetting all about the fighting and the pain that made up my past. It would have been easy to. In fact, I think I might have done just that except… you intervened."
"So sorry for ruining your life for you," every word that left her lips seemed to be filled with pain.
"If it wasn't for you," he continued. "I would have lived the 'dream life' everybody wants. Even if you hadn't butted in, I would have left my father sooner or later anyway. If I hadn't met you… then all those happy memories you gave me… would not exist. You know, Yukito met with me before the ball. He asked me to do him a favor. He asked me to melt the ice around your heart."
"Sounds like something he would say."
Syaoran got up from his kneeling position, "I hope you don't mind. Just because my knees are starting to hurt doesn't mean I don't love you." He grinned, but Sakura ignored it. "It kind of worked out weird though. I'm no Ice King or anything, but my own past has built up barriers around my own heart as well, you know. You didn't even try that hard even. I just watched you, everyday… being so kind. Being you. That barrier has already crumbled away to almost nothingness."
Sakura's frown didn't disappear, instead, she turned around so that her back was facing him. "And what is the point you are trying to make? You've already told me that you love me."
"I want to know whether or not I've been successful. I want to know whether or not I've helped heal your pain… even a little bit? Have I melted those walls? I want to know if… Sakura…" he stopped speaking when tears began slowly coursing down her cheeks.
Without another world, Syaoran walked up to her, tilting her chin upward gently so that she was once again looking straight into his eyes. He wasn't accustomed to this… wasn't used to seeing her cry, and recently he had seen her in pain far too many times. It was impossible to bear.
"Why are you crying… how I can make it better? I don't like to see you sad."
A bitter smile swept up onto her face, "Idiot… always contradicting yourself. Don't you know the result of melting ice? When you melt an Ice Queen, what do you think happens? Tears come. The security of numbness evaporates and once again I am left unguarded to all the pain the world can throw at me. Idiot! Your love is a blind love! You don't do this for me, you do this for yourself! You like to fancy yourself perfect… you've melted the Ice Queen, what a wonderful achievement! You don't know the toll your actions are taking on me! Get out of my face! You disgust me! Selfish, selfish man! Why are you trying to strip me of my defenses? I can't take any more pain…"
She tried to push him away roughly, but he held onto her tightly. "Go back! Stupid idiot! Go back to that world you're so popular in! You're one of them! Any memories I've given you, you can only call happy because you don't know what happiness is! Idiot! Let me go!"
Syaoran listened to her words in silence, the expression on his face utterly unreadable. He watched her wordlessly as she finally broke down. After all that time. She crumbled to the floor and began to sob. He scooped her up into his arms and whispered gently into her ear, "Does that mean you love me?"
"…Imbecile… this is getting repetitive. I gave you my answer already… at the ball, don't you remember? Idiot," she refused to look directly at him. "You're so selfish."
"No…" he whispered. "You've never told me that you loved me. You've never said those three words. Believe it or not, those three words are what I've been craving to hear from you for a very long time."
She said nothing, but he took her hand in his and held it closely to his chest. "I'll do it. I swear. I swear I'll defend you. I'll be your shield from all those pains and hurts that the world is going to throw at you. I already knew the consequences of melting your heart – of breaking through that barrier. I'm fully ready to accept them. One lifetime protecting a beautiful woman I'm in love with. Kinomoto Sakura."
"Empty words by passionate lovers die away before long. Take a good look at life and you'll know that with me, you'll never know happiness," Sakura tried in vain to tear herself from his grasp, but he held strong, even if it meant giving her arms a couple of bruises.
Syaoran shrugged, "We know joy because of sadness, we know peace because of desperation, and in the same way, we know happiness because of pain. It works both ways. I've had some of the lowest lows with my father, but with you, I've experienced some of my highest highs. I love you. Do you love me?"
"I love you, I love you, I love you. There, happy? How many times do you want me to say such empty words before you are satisfied. In the end 'love' is just a word," Sakura shot back. The look in Syaoran's amber eyes spoke of infinite hurt, but she didn't take them back. His happiness was to be found elsewhere. "Those three words are so meaningless. Do you know how many people say that in this world a day who do not mean it at all?"
However, instead of giving up like she had hoped he would, Syaoran didn't let her go. "Well, I'm not one of those number. I'll be different from everyone else. I'll defy the world's standards. When I say I love you, I mean it. In the very truest essence of the word."
"And what do you plan to do? Yukito will track us down and make me marry the Li heir. Do you really think you can protect me against that. Yukito is quite frightening when it comes to getting what he wants," she slapped his hand away, but could not free herself from his grip.
"Oh! Is that the problem?" Syaoran smiled. "Have you ever noticed that my last name is Li? I'm sure Yukito has mentioned that the true heir was taken away by his father who became a drug addict. That man is my father."
Her eyes narrowed suspiciously, "Then who is Shinichi? I'm pretty sure that the one Yukito expects me to marry is him."
"I don't think anyone ever said anything about Shinichi marrying you. He just kept you company. The brother of the husband wants to get to know his new sister, you know."
"A brother, you say? And I suppose the chump husband would be you. Since when have you been a part of this plan? Since the beginning? Did you come to me in trouble just to trick me as a part of Yukito's plan?" Sakura spat in his face.
Syaoran simply wiped it away, "You hate me for that, don't you?
"Am I supposed to love you?"
"I didn't know about any of this until yesterday. To be honest, I was in your room, hiding in your closet when you were getting ready to eat dinner with the Li family. I tried to call out to you as you left, but someone grabbed me from behind and made me inhale chlorophom. Yukito told me everything… and here I am. He said that if you loved me, then great. If you don't… then you can go back to Shinichi, if you'd like. Either way, someone from the Li family is going to be your husband," Syaoran frowned, obviously not liking the way things were going. "According to Yukito anyway."
"You are such a child, Syaoran. Why do you persist when you know that it is hopeless? This is the real world, not some crazy anime where love conquers all. Life, my beloved Syaoran, is so much more difficult. Go back home and maybe come talk to me when you've grown up and decided that instead of professing your eternal love to me that you want to come seeking revenge for all the cruel things I've done to you."
He hadn't noticed, but as he listened to her words, she had bee slowly loosening his grip on her, little by little. Just as he opened his mouth to say something, she burst out of his hold and ran for it. Sakura dodged past hoards of guards who were surrounding the area and dropped swiftly and quietly into the shadows, hoping to escape.
It would have been easy, but unfortunately for her, Syaoran caught up to her within seconds. "Too slow, Syaoran!" she grabbed the arm of a maid standing nearby and threw her towards him, causing to fall off balance. Taking this chance, she dashed towards the entrance of the estate. She pushed past all the servants guarding the gates and rushed onto the street.
"Sakura!" Yukito had appeared now, but to him, Sakura only shouted. "Things not going according to your plan today?"
With that, she ran. She ran without really knowing where she would be going. The elderly woman and her tiny shop came up in her mind, but they would certainly search there first.
So she ran.
Ran.
Ran.
Collapsing against the bench alongside some park she had wandered into, Sakura gasped for breath. She had been running for the past hour or so… not that that should mean anything to her. She'd been running all her life. From Yukito, from facing Touya's death, from life in general. Always, always running.
"Hell… I hate life…" panting, she leaned against the seat of the decorative white chair. "Why do I always have to be running? Is there no place I can go… where can I find peace?"
Sakura reluctantly got up from the bench, knowing that she could not stay too long. Her gaze rested on the ground as she walked forward, aimlessly. She had no direction. Her heart screamed back at the estate and yet her mind warned her of the pain that would come with that.
Am I afraid of that pain? That pain I've been so numb to all along… now that I'm like an open wound, just ready to be hurt… am I afraid?
"Sakura! Watch out!"
She turned around immediately, recognizing that voice. "Syaoran.." He looked frantic, his amber eyes were so afraid as he ran towards her.
Why are you afraid?
"Sakura!"
It all happened so fast. Suddenly, she looked up, as if realizing what was going on. Her auburn hair swished gently as she turned her head to stare at the oncoming car.
And then all of a sudden, she could feel it all slipping away. That world that she both loved and hated.
… just slipping through her fingers.
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To Be Continued…
That's right! Not done yet, but the next chapter will be the…. FINALE! Sad, isn't it::sniff: its been lovely writing for all of you.
I can barely believe it. For those who have read my Samurai Secret fanfiction, maybe you remember that I wrote a special after the ending of the series. I have not yet decided whether or not I will be doing that so please stay posted. Valentine's Day will probably be the theme of the special if I make one.
Happy New Year!
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