Sean watched the horizon. He couldn't decide where the sky and ocean met. It was like a watercolor painting in the sky. It took his breath away. This was his favorite time of day. Not only because of the sunset, but because his shift was almost over. He was ready to go down for a late supper. Nothing seemed to change when he and his crew were out on the water. The routine was a comfort. He loved being a sailor. The crew had become like a family to him. He liked the quiet times, and they let him be. He wasn't what you would call a 'people person'. He felt more comfortable in small groups. Some of the men gave him the nickname 'The Lone Sailor'. He wasn't always that way though.
"Sean, shall we go down for some chow?" Sean's friend Adam called from below. He was the ship's master 'fix-it-man'. He was also the best poker player Sean had ever played with. He was also known as 'sticky', which was short for sticky fingers. He was twice a divorced man at the age of twenty-nine. Women seemed to flock to Adam where ever they docked.
"Yes, just waiting for Joe". Sean said in a frustrated tone. Joe was always late for his shift.
"I'll save you a spot then." Adam shouted as he walked the 12 steps down to the main deck. He was joking of course. Adam and Sean were one of the only ones to work the twelve hour 'nine to nine' shift. They were likely to be the only ones eating so late.
Sean breathed in the night air. He was tired. Sleep didn't come easy for him. His mind was always on a life he couldn't have. He sighed at the thought.
"Hey, sorry I am late. I was in the middle of a poker game with Scallywags and the gang. I lost just in time for my shift". Joe's deep laugh brought Sean back from his wandering thoughts.
"I figured as much," Sean laughed. It was always the same excuse it seemed.
Sean made his way down to the chow hall. He could smell the potato chowder wafting in the air. He opened the door and saw Adam sitting alone. He sat down next to him.
"I was wondering if you would ever show," Adam smiled.
"Well, one of these days Joe is going to get thrown off this ship and it will be an accident" Sean laughed. Adam chuckled.
"So are you going to meet us all for cards after this?" Adam gathered his plate and utensils.
"No, I am going to turn in early tonight. I get tired of giving all my spare change to you Adam". Sean grinned. Adam was the only one he could really talk too. He knew all about Sean's past. They used to be bunk mates, sharing a ten by ten room for three years.
"Well then, I am off. I hope I win my money back from Scallywags." Adam smiled. Scallywags was Adams biggest competitor as far as cards went.
Sean ate his meal in silence. He could hear the distant laughter from the rec. room that was down the hall. He just didn't feel like joining in the camaraderie tonight. He wanted to write Marie. She was the only family he had.
He put his dishes on the wash table and walked outside. It was now dark and there was a chill in the air. The stars were bright in the night sky. He gazed up at them. He searched the sky for the moon, but it wasn't visible yet. He decided to take the long route to his room also known as his 'closet'. The room was very small room with a single bed, desk, and small dresser that barely fit. He even had one of the biggest single rooms on board. Some of the men had to share a room. It all depended on the job you had. As he walked past the darkened windows he caught a glimpse of his reflection. He stopped and stared at the man looking back at him. "How did you get so old Sean?" He asked himself as he ran his hand through his hair. The grey seemed more prevalent in the ship's outdoor lighting. He walked away feeling lonlier than ever.
Sean flipped the light on in his room. He was glad he decided to come to his room straight after supper. He really needed to be alone. He took off his jacket and placed it on the desk chair. He saw the wooden sea horse Frankie had carved sitting on the dresser. He picked it up and sat down on the bed. He ran his fingers over the carved wood, amazed that a little boy could carve such a beautiful creation. It meant more to him than anything to receive such a gift. He held it for a long time, remembering when he played the part of father…..again. He thought he would be numb forever, but Frankie and Lizzie brought him back to life. They reminded him that he still had a heart…a heart that yearns to love and be loved. He had a lot to offer the world and it wasn't behind the wheel of a ship. The short time he spent with Lizzie and Frankie would live in his heart forever. He sat down and wrote a letter to Marie. He had to tell her that he loved Lizzie. He was too scared to tell her before, for fear of looking like fool. He didn't care anymore. He had to tell someone. When he sat down with his pen in hand and wrote the words 'I love Lizzie' it was like a ton of bricks falling from his back. He breathed deeply as he explained himself further. He signed it then sealed it. He would mail it off once they got to port. He had to check his post office box anyway.