Baileysmom: I would have sent you a personal note, but there was no response URL or email address given. I've eliminated the reference to Pollock in chapter 10. Just for the record, the only reason I thought of that is because that is the name a friend of the family goes by. That's what he TELLS everyone to call him. He has a really active sense of humor and a very long last name. I didn't know his real name for several years. He was always just Pollock. So there was definitely no offense intended. I should know in this day and time not to reference any race, religion, nationality, creed, sexual orientation, or general opinion of any kind. I'll try to keep my foot out of my mouth next time and make everyone a generic blob.

The Day of Reckoning – Chapter 12

Rodney, Ronon, and Teyla swept into Elizabeth's office and lined up at her desk. Their hard stares and imposing postures gave the phrase "I'm surrounded" a whole new meaning to her, but she couldn't afford to cave to them. She dropped her pen on the desk and leaned back in her chair.

"I'm guessing you've talked to John," she stated.

McKay, standing in the center of the trio, crossed his arms and glared at Elizabeth. "Why didn't you just kick him in the face, Elizabeth? It would have been much kinder."

Elizabeth winced at the comment. She had been waiting on the showdown all day, but still she felt unprepared. "I'm just trying to do what's best for John. He needs help."

"I know he needs help. I was in the infirmary when he freaked out yesterday. Heck, I helped hold him down while Carson sedated him. But he won't get the help he needs on Earth."

"Atlantis is Colonel Sheppard's home now," said Teyla. "He needs to be with his family and friends if he is to heal. We on Atlantis, we are his family and friends."

"Look," said Ronon. "I know I haven't known Sheppard very long, but I respect him. He's a good soldier, a good leader. And even I know he doesn't want to go back to Earth. He needs to work this out here, with us."

Elizabeth shook her head. "I understand what you are all saying and a part of me agrees with you. But Kate is the one with the training and the experience, and she says that unless we can get him to open up and deal with what happened, he's only going to get worse. No one's been able to do that. Maybe the doctors on Earth will have a better idea how to help him. I'm afraid that if he stays here, he'll never recover."

McKay leaned forward, putting his hands on the desk. "I want you to think about the John Sheppard you've known for the last year and a half and about how he reacted to returning to Earth on Daedalus earlier. Now look me in the eye and tell me you think he'll get better if we send him there."

Elizabeth picked up the pen and started flicking it back and forth in her fingers, all the while avoiding Rodney's eyes.

Rodney stood up and crossed his arms again. "You know what the results of Sheppard going back to Earth would be as well as I do. Either he'd end up talking them into putting him back on duty so he could volunteer for every crazy stupid suicide mission he sees, or they'd lock him up in the psych ward of the local veteran's hospital. They can't just give him a discharge if he's not stable; he's too big a security risk. They'd have to keep their finger on him and you know it as well as I do. There aren't many Jack O'Neills or General Hammonds out there to take care of good people. Look at what they did to him in Afghanistan for saving lives."

They were silent for several moments before Elizabeth spoke. "You know I may not have the final say in this, right? Once Kate makes her recommendation final, they can make him go back whether I want him to or not. There were some people that didn't want him in this position in the first place and this would be a valid reason to remove him."

"I'm telling you as his friend, sending him back to Earth is not the way to help him and he's not going." McKay's jaw was set and his stance firm. Ronon and Teyla moved up to stand shoulder to shoulder with him.

Elizabeth had to hold back a smile. "I see you've all made up your mind."

Ronon growled. "If Sheppard doesn't want to go back, then he doesn't go back."

Elizabeth nodded. "Then you'd better have a seat because we have a lot of work to do. We have to figure out how to help John before the Daedalus gets here."

oOo

Sheppard walked into his quarters and immediately began to pace. He had come close to running from the infirmary when Beckett released him, afraid that the doctor would change his mind.

He had managed not to freak out again in the week since they'd had to knock him to the floor. He didn't really remember it, but when he had finally convinced McKay to tell him what had happened, he had been horrified by his loss of control. And the nightmares still plagued him. He was afraid to go to sleep—one more reason he was shocked that Beckett had released him to his quarters.

He rubbed a hand through his hair, so tired he was almost dizzy, so nervous and agitated that he couldn't sit still. He had nothing to do because he was off duty . . . probably permanently. He closed his eyes, wishing with all his might that either Kolya had killed him or he'd made it through the gate to go after the man.

Anger and frustration boiled up inside him until he grabbed the coffee mug from his desk and hurled it against the far wall, sending a spray of ceramic shards across the side of the room. He was out the door and down the hall before all the pieces settled, unaware of the people he passed along the way.

Sheppard went through the balcony doors, barely waiting on them to swoosh open before pushing out into the sunshine and the ocean breeze. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart and shaking hands, before bending down to press his forehead to the coolness of the top rail. He was losing it.

"Colonel?"

He stood and turned at the sound.

McKay walked over to him, frowning. "Are you okay?"

"No, McKay. I'm not."

Rodney walked right up beside Sheppard and put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "You know we're here for you, right?"

Sheppard nodded and finally met McKay's worried gaze. "I know; I just don't know if it's enough. Sometimes I feel like I'm slipping away . . . and pretty soon I'll be gone. Maybe I should just let Elizabeth send me back. I don't want to hurt anyone and sometimes I have a hard time distinguishing the nightmares from what's real." He looked out over the ocean. "This would be so much easier if Kolya had just killed me."

"Colonel, if you ever say that again, I'm going to kick your ass. Better yet, I'll have Ronon kick your ass. Okay, so maybe that would have been easier, but since when have you ever done anything the easy way? Why in the heck would you start now? And don't even think about giving in and getting yourself shipped back to Earth. Ronon, Teyla, Elizabeth, and of course myself have a plan to keep that from happening, but we need your help."

Sheppard's eyes widened. "Elizabeth?"

McKay nodded. "Yes, Elizabeth. She doesn't really want you to go, you know. She just listened to some bad advice. Well, maybe not so much bad advice as misguided. For anyone else, this might be the right thing to do. But not for you," Rodney flashed a self-satisfied smile, "so we took the opportunity to help her see that."

John almost smiled at that. She really had convinced him that she wanted him back on Earth, that she had given up on him here. But the smile died as he studied McKay, thought about his words. He hated the idea of leaning on people to get him through anything, even his friends. But he knew that he if he didn't, his life was over.

Finally he sighed and asked, "What do you want me to do?"

McKay patted him on the shoulder again, as if he'd never had a moment's doubt that Sheppard would listen to him. "Just come with me."

Sheppard followed McKay back into the city and down the hall. They arrived at the mess hall a few minutes later to find the room full of people, sitting at tables and milling about talking. When they entered, people began finding seats and quieting down. McKay led Sheppard to a table at the front of the assembly where Elizabeth, Ronon, Teyla, and Carson sat. They nodded at the two men as they each took an empty seat and joined the team.

Sheppard sat down uneasily, casting his eyes around the crowd that seemed to be focusing their attention on the table where he sat. Elizabeth finally stood and faced the group, and the last of the noise died down.

"Thank you for coming today. When I put out the request, I wasn't sure what to expect. I was surprised at the large response at first, but then I gave it some thought and realized how fitting it was." She turned to look at Sheppard for a second before turning back to the crowd and continuing.

"I'm sure you all remember when the Genii invaded Atlantis. Colonel Sheppard killed many Genii soldiers that day in defense of this city. Many of you also know that he was recently kidnapped and tortured at their hands in supposed retribution for killing those soldiers. Families of the soldiers were allowed to torment Colonel Sheppard with stories of how his actions had ruined their lives. We thought it might be interesting to see the other side. So anyone who wants to can come up this afternoon and tell the Colonel how his actions while in Atlantis have impacted them."

Sheppard sat in shock, unsure of what to do. He hadn't expected anything like this and was frankly a bit embarrassed at the attention. Although he understood what she was trying to do, he didn't think it would make a difference. There couldn't be that much to say.

"Since I'm already up here, I'll start," said Elizabeth. "He's actually saved everyone in Atlantis on several occasions. He took a puddle jumper up against a wraith ship to defend this city, knowing that he wouldn't be coming back. He never even hesitated, just told me he had to do it. If the Daedalus hadn't arrived when it did . . ." She paused and took a deep breath. "My most personal story, though, is when he saved me from being taken by Kolya. If he hadn't shot Kolya, I'd be dead or a prisoner on the Genii home world right now." She turned to Sheppard. "John, I don't know if I've ever let you know how really grateful I am that you didn't let that happen. For that and for every time you've saved me or this city, thank you."

Sheppard was amazed as one by one, almost every person in the room came up and told of how he'd saved their life at one time or another. Sometimes it was a general act that saved the city and sometimes it was a personal act. But each and every one was a genuine, heartfelt thanks. The members of his team finished the event with several stories of their own.

Sheppard was completely overwhelmed. He was barely aware as most of the people filed out, many of them shaking his hand, slapping him on the back, or saluting him.

"John?" Sheppard looked up to find Elizabeth standing beside him. Other than his team, Beckett, Elizabeth, and Heightmeyer were the only people left in the room.

"Why?"

Elizabeth smiled. "Your team and I put this together to show you there are two sides to every story. Kolya may see you as a killer, but we see you in a different light. None of us would be here today if it weren't for you. We just wanted you to know that. Every time you think of what one of the Genii said, I want you to think of what one of these people said."

Sheppard nodded slowly. "I'll try. I just never realized."

McKay grinned. "But we did. Of course," Rodney added with another smug smile, "not everyone can be as smart as me; just taking you a little longer to come around."

Sheppard felt so shaken that he couldn't even begin to think of a suitable reply to McKay's gentle tease, but he was grateful for it. It was a moment of normalcy, a moment that promised that he might soon figure out of what to do next, how to rectify all of this new information with the old. He felt a strong hand on his shoulder and glanced back to see Beckett behind him.

"We know you need some time to sort this all out, but we also need you to remember that we're here to help you. I don't want to put pressure on you, son, but you're in a bit of a corner now. You either let us help you, or you'll end up goin' back to Earth, and none of us want that."

Sheppard looked down at the table. He'd almost forgotten about that little jewel. He scrubbed his hand across his face, trying to push away an encroaching exhaustion—he'd been lying in an infirmary bed too long and the inactivity was catching up to him.

"Colonel," said Beckett. "You need to rest. I'll stop by later to make sure you're settled, but tomorrow you need to think about talking to one of us."

Sheppard nodded. "I will. I just . . . need some time to put things in perspective." He stood up and wobbled a little but kept his feet, just studying at his friends for a moment and thinking about what they'd done. "Thanks, guys. You'll never know . . ."

McKay just grinned. "I think we've got a pretty good idea."

Sheppard smiled and walked out of the mess hall.

Elizabeth looked at the others. "What do you think? Did it make a difference?"

She was answered with several uncertain looks from Sheppard's team. "I guess time will tell," McKay finally said.

"I hope it tells us the right thing," said Elizabeth. "We don't have a lot of time left."

TBC