Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews that make me happy dance! Thanks to Kathy for adding so much to this chapter. I couldn't have done it without you kiddo! Thanks to Rachel for letting me work her to death playing editor/beta and cutting out all my extreme wordiness. Give up, I'm hopeless.

The Day of Reckoning – Chapter 14

"Tell me you didn't say what I think you just said," said Elizabeth.

"You want to go back to the Genii?" said Rodney. "Are you nuts? He's nuts. I retract everything I just said about him making progress."

Sheppard continued without hesitation. "I'm not nuts. I've been thinking a lot about this and it's something I need to do. Look . . . I know I said that I've come to terms with what I did, and I have. But that doesn't mean it doesn't bother me. Those people are suffering because of my actions. I just need . . . I need to show them that I respect their sacrifice."

"But it wasn't your fault, Sheppard. It could have easily been any member of your team in a position to raise the shield that day. I wasn't here, but I'm sure I would have done the same thing," Ronon told him.

"Yeah, it could have been someone else who raised the shield. But the fact remains that it was me. No one else. Me. I hit the button and sent those men to their deaths, and I—"

"You did not send those men to their deaths," said Teyla. "Their leader did. However, I do understand that you carry that burden, for all of us in Atlantis."

Elizabeth sighed. "Let's just say for argument's sake that I approved this and that we could work out a deal with Cowen for this to happen safely. What exactly are you proposing?"

Sheppard smiled. "When I was in high school, I worked summers for this guy who built gazebos. We built one as a kind of memorial at a school to honor a bunch of kids who were killed in a bus wreck the previous year. The bottom was made of stone and each student's name was etched into one of the stones. I want to do something like that. It's been a while, but I'm pretty sure I remember enough that I can get some of the people here to help me come up with a blueprint."

"I believe that I know of a planet with stones that would be suitable to build with, but what is a gazebo?" asked Teyla.

Sheppard grinned. "Thanks, Teyla. I'll draw you a picture in a minute."

"Now just back it up a sec, you want to build a gazebo? For the Genii? Sheppard, you have to be out of your mind! A gazebo? Like this is so not going to happen!"

"It's a metaphor, Rodney. The important part is the stone, the names. The gazebo is just the place where people will come to look at the names and remember their men . . ."

"Oh thank you Colonel Sheppard, yes, I was having trouble understanding precisely what a gazebo was and how this monument thing worked, but . . . oh good! Now I understand . . . that you're completely out of your mind! Wake up and smell the coffee! You want to go back there; they're our sworn enemies, and you want to go back there? Tell me, do we include a nice big barbecue, maybe a Jacuzzi? Just let me know, I'll get right on those plans too!"

The room was silent. Rodney, in his inimitable fashion, had just voiced what everyone was secretly thinking.

"Look. I know what this looks like—" Sheppard began.

"Looks like? You have no—"

"Hey! I listened to you, now do me the same courtesy, McKay!" John roared, rising to his feet for the first time.

McKay didn't reply, but the scowl he directed at Sheppard, well . . . if looks could kill.

Sheppard started to pace, the calm demeanor that he had arrived with crumbling by the minute. "Look, I do know what this looks like, and no, I'm not suggesting a barbecue and a Jacuzzi! It doesn't matter how weird this sounds, the gazebo is the thing that brings the people. It becomes a central point for people to come and sit a while and reflect, to think. God, what I'd give for a Gazebo here some days, out on one of the piers."

"What is a jack oozi?" Ronon asked

"And now the peanut gallery," Rodney added.

"Rodney , so help me, one more snipe and I'll . . ." Sheppard growled.

Elizabeth took over before Sheppard said something he might regret. "If you take one more snipe at anyone in this room, Rodney, I'll see to it that you take a self defense course with Ronon and then we'll see what a peanut gallery looks like!"

Rodney's face paled a little, but not enough to put him off his stride.

"Oh c'mon Elizabeth, you've got to admit, this is so far from possible it's not even funny. You can't really believe that . . . oh my God! You're thinking about this, aren't you? I don't believe this! Am I the only one that sees this as suicide? Oh, and I'm sure we'll lose a couple of Genii too—they'll probably laugh themselves to death."

In the tense silence, Elizabeth considered the request. Part of her thought it was crazy, and yet John seemed so adamant about it that she hated not to try. If Cowen let them build the thing, it could help realign their shaky truce. Atlantis and the Genii would never be allies, but it made sense to try not to have them as enemies. She turned to Sheppard.

"What if this is approved? Can you really go back there after what they did to you?"

Sheppard looked back down at the table. "I have to. I think I need this, Elizabeth."

"What about Kolya?" asked Ronon.

Sheppard flinched at the mention of his name. "I'll need to go unarmed. Maybe then I won't be so tempted to kill him."

oOo

Sheppard stepped into the door of Elizabeth's office and leaned against the door frame. "Hey."

Elizabeth looked up from the papers littering her desk and smiled. "Hey, yourself. Are you in uniform?"

Sheppard grinned. "Yes I am. Beckett and Heightmeyer just released me to light duty around Atlantis. I thought I'd get all dressed up to do paperwork, make out schedules, check up on my guys."

Elizabeth raised one eyebrow. "You mean to do all the things you've been doing the past few days anyway."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I've been resting and recuperating, just like Beckett told me to."

"Yeah, right." Elizabeth watched him for a few seconds. "You're looking better, John."

Sheppard nodded. "Thanks. I'm feeling better."

"I'm glad you came by. I was going to call you in a few minutes anyway. You might want to come in and sit down."

Sheppard's expression sobered as he entered the room and took the seat across from Elizabeth. "You heard from Cowen?"

She nodded. "Yes, just a while ago. He has tentatively agreed, but he wants to meet with you and see exactly what you're proposing. If he likes it, then you'll pick out the place and make the arrangements."

Sheppard swallowed hard. "Are you going to let me do this?"

Elizabeth sighed. "I'm still not sure this is a good idea. I can send people with you, but there's no way I can guarantee your safety on the Genii home world. I wish you'd reconsider."

"I told you, this is something I need to do. It's my . . ."

". . . Penitence?"

"I guess, in a way it is. Please, Elizabeth."

She paused, frowning. "All right. You're to meet with Cowen at noon tomorrow. Take Ronon and Teyla with you."

Sheppard's smile reappeared. "Thanks, Elizabeth. Who knows, maybe this will get the Genii off our backs for a while."

"Yeah, maybe. You just be sure you come back in one piece."

Sheppard turned on his best lopsided grin. "Promise."

Elizabeth sighed. "Where have I heard that before?"

oOo

As soon as Sheppard stepped through the gate, he began to sweat. His heart was racing and his stomach was in a knot, but he pushed the fear back down, telling himself he could do this. He had to do this.

"Colonel?"

He looked into Teyla's concerned face. "I'm okay." He wasn't sure who he was trying to convince.

Ronon stepped up beside him. "Just remember, Sheppard. We're with you this time."

Sheppard nodded as he moved forward to meet Cowen, who was waiting for him with his own armed guards.

"Colonel Sheppard. I have to admit, I was surprised when Dr. Weir contacted me about your desire to make a monument for our fallen comrades, especially after . . . recent events."

"As I told Dr. Weir, I may not agree with your invasion of Atlantis or Commander Kolya's tactics, but I do understand that the men who died in that attack were, at least in their own mind, protecting their people. And I think that's honorable on any world. I just wanted to show the families that I respect the sacrifices made that day."

"Then let's head back to the settlement, and you can show me what you have planned."

They walked in silence most of the way, the guards for each side keeping careful watch over their counterparts. They had almost reached the settlement when Sheppard stopped beside a small lake.

Cowen turned back when he realized that Sheppard had stopped walking and came up beside him. "It is beautiful here, is it not?"

"Yes, it is. Do your people come out here often?"

Cowen nodded. "Oh yes. Many come here to relax or share a meal with family and friends. It is a common gathering area. Why?"

Sheppard nodded. "Families having picnics. This might be just the place for the gazebo."

"Picnics? Is this a custom of your people?" asked Cowen.

"Oh I don't know. I think it's more of a people everywhere custom, something that many families do. We all have families, don't we Cowen?" Sheppard never took his eyes from the lake as he spoke.

Once again, Cowen was silent. He couldn't put his finger on it, but there was something about this man that disturbed him. He felt very uncomfortable having to entertain his presence in this way. Normally he would have enjoyed the feeling of power, of intimidation in having Colonel Sheppard, the murderer of Genii, in such a minority on home soil. But try as he might, he just didn't feel it and that bothered him.

"I will consider it when we have discussed your plans. Come, let's continue."

Ten minutes later they entered the town square. Ronon looked across the open area in front of the buildings to see two poles, shackles suspended from the tops. He immediately realized that this was where Sheppard had been bound and subjected to the retribution Kolya had promised. He exchanged a quick glance with Teyla and they both looked back at Sheppard. He had stopped dead in his tracks, all the color drained from his face, staring at the hanging bonds.

Sheppard flashed on images of himself hanging bloodied, bruised, and filthy, suspended from the poles by chains. He actually felt the pain across his back and through his shoulder—the whip, the knives, his shoulder wrenching out of place as he dropped—and it made him shudder. Genii faces and voices began to crowd in and he clenched his fists, willing them to go away.

"John, can you continue?"

He was drawn back to the present by Teyla's voice and he noticed she had moved to stand beside him. Looking down, he realized that he was rubbing his wrists, and he forced himself stop. He took a deep breath and turned to her. "Yeah, let's go." He bowed his head and forced himself forward, focusing in on the reason for the visit. Get a grip, Sheppard. You can do this.

They followed Cowen into a small building and were led to a table. Once everyone had a seat, Sheppard placed a drawing of the gazebo on the table and explained what it was and how the names would be etched into the rock. He explained that they had a place to get the stone, but that he hadn't worked out where to get the wood yet.

Cowen had begun to relax and take an interest in the plan. "We will be able to provide the boards you need. We have an ample supply of wood for building materials. Will you be requiring workers for this project?"

Sheppard shook his head. "No, I'll be constructing it. It's . . . it's my offering to the families of the soldiers that were killed."

Cowen looked at him curiously. "Kolya has already obtained retribution for the Genii. I have had a full report from many of the men and families involved. I was assured that you paid dearly for their deaths." Cowen watched Sheppard absently rub the scar down the side of his face, remembering his earlier reaction to the site of his punishment. He felt confident that the reports had been correct.

"That was forced," Sheppard said quietly. "This is not."

Cowen was speechless. Never had he seen this type of action. His life had been one of doing whatever he perceived was best for his family or the Genii people, regardless of the cost to others. He had never looked back or entertained regrets. The Genii had for many generations focused on their wants and needs to the point of total disregard for the well being of others. Colonel Sheppard was a stark contradiction to everything Cowen understood.

"Very well," said Cowen. "We have an agreement. Your safety, as well as the safety of those that assist you, is guaranteed by me. Now we can discuss when the construction is to begin."

"I have one request to make," said Sheppard. He brought his gaze up to meet Cowen's. "I would like to add two names to the memorial, the names of the two men Commander Kolya killed. They were good soldiers defending their home and they also left loved ones behind. I would like to include their names on the memorial."

Cowen considered Sheppard's request. This morning he would never have entertained it, but Sheppard had left him unsteady and unsure. "I'll have to give some thought to your request and get back to you." When Sheppard's eyes bored into his, he had to remind himself that he was the one on home soil.

But Sheppard only said, "Thank you."

When they had finished working out the details of the project, Sheppard and his team stood and prepared to return to Atlantis.

"Thank you for the opportunity to do this. I know it can never make up for the lives that were lost, but I hope it will show your people that we . . . that I did not intend it to be an attack on the Genii. I was only doing what I thought I had to do to defend my home and my people. I am truly sorry for the loss of lives that day." Sheppard's voice tightened. "If I could bring them back to their families, I would. But I can't. This is all I know to do to say . . . I'm sorry."

Cowen stood with his mouth slightly ajar, once again stunned at the emotion and guilt in the face and voice of the "murderer" Kolya had reported on. He had easily accepted Kolya's report of the events in Atlantis because of his prior dealings with Sheppard, but he was beginning to question the opinions he had formed. He restored his train of thought before the pause became too long.

"I am sure this gesture will go a long way toward easing the tensions between our people. I'll walk with you to the edge of the village and then my men will make sure you reach the gate safely. I look forward to seeing the work progress on the . . . what is it you called it . . . gazebo?"

Sheppard nodded. "That's right, gazebo." He turned to his team. "Let's go home."

They walked to the door, Sheppard in the lead. As he reached the doorway, a man blocked their way, and Sheppard found himself staring into Kolya's smiling face.

TBC