What if…
Disclaimer: I don´t own any characters or anything.
Summary: Kate made a choice about her life and now wonders if it was the right one.
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Chapter 2: Revelation
I´m still trying to weigh my options as Dinozzo is passing by. He´s not looking at me, probably because Gibbs still yells at him for being a skirtchaser. He´s right in front of me now and I´ll be out of his sight in just a second, but just this second J.T. starts crying loudly and for whatever reason, it makes Tony stop. The sun is shining brightly today and he got sunglasses on, so he will probably just see a shadow inside this truck. At least I hope he does. I reach for J.T. and try to calm him down, but for some reason he doesn´t stop crying. He never cries like this, at least he never did before.
When I notice that Tony has stopped in front of me, I realize that my son has taken the decision from me. "Dinozzo, what´s the matter? We got to go." Gibbs´ voice is echoing over the parking lot again, but Tony is still looking at me through the windshield. It takes him three steps to walk over to the window on my side. It´s still rolled half way down. It seems like forever that he just stands there and stares, mouth hanging open. I´m not sure if I want to smile or start crying.
I try to look down onto my shirt, because I can´t bring myself to meet his eyes. There are small dark spots forming on the fabric, but I don´t even realize that I´m crying. The door of my truck is opened, normally I would defend myself, but I can´t move. I feel a warm hand under my chin, lifting my head until I look at him. "Kate..." His voice is soft, but full of questions. I know I won´t be able to run again. I´m tired of running away all of the sudden.
I keep my eyes locked on him. "Tony, hi." I reply and try to smile, but I just feel empty. For a moment, I see nothing else but his face in front of me. "How you doing?" That´s the only thing that comes to my mind and I don´t really care how stupid it sounds. I can´t stand this silence.
"Kate..." He repeats and I see confusion in his eyes. "Why, Kate?" He asks. I turn a bit and look at J.T. in the carrier. Tony´s eyes widen when he sees my little boy for the first time. "Why didn´t you tell us?"
I look at Tony again. "I don´t know." That´s nothing more or less than the truth. All of the sudden, I don´t remember why I ran away all of the sudden. "Got scared, I guess." I admit and hear Gibbs shouting at Tony again. "You should go or he´ll kill you, Tony." I tell him, but I mean something totally different. I want to go back with them, I want to get my life back.
Tony looks into my eyes again, but he doesn´t move. "What´s his name?" He asks and looks at J.T. again, who is now playing with his fingers.
It´s not easy to get this out, but I know I have to. "Jethro Thomas." I say and his eyes widen when he realizes what these words mean. It´s finally out and I´m not alone to carry this burden anymore. I feel new tears streaming down my face. "Help me, Tony, please." I whisper and feel his hands on my shoulders. He´s been my partner for more than two years, he´s been my friend when I needed one. I need one right now.
"Come." He tells me. My legs feel like rubber all of the sudden, but when he carefully forces me out of the truck, I know I have no choice. He holds me until I feel like I can stand on my own. There are steps closing in, I know who it is without having to look. Tony steps in front of me, hiding me from his view for another few seconds.
"Dinozzo! If you want to keep your job, you better move your ass over to that truck." That´s Gibbs how I remember him. Ever-grumpy-always-pissed-off Jethro Gibbs with that ever present cup of coffee in his hand. I feel a smile creeping over my face for a second. He´s standing right in front of Tony now, but I don´t think he saw me yet.
"Boss...I may not have found our suspect, but I think here´s someone else whom you should talk to." Tony says and I feel how he takes my hand. He steps aside and I find myself only inches from my ex-boss. I feel his breath on my face and I see those blue eyes looking at me. Tony lets go of my hand and I want to turn around, but two strong hands are now resting on my shoulders, forcing me to stay where I am. When I look up, there´s something in his eyes I never noticed before.
That look is gone too quickly for me to identify it. "Kate..." It doesn´t sound angry. His voice is soft, something that one doesn´t get to hear too often around him, except when he´s extremely pissed off, but right now he´s not. Tears start to stream down my face again and I can´t hold them back. Without saying another word, he pulls me into an embrace and holds me. My head is resting against his chest and I smell that mix of coffee and cologne. I don´t think about how this might look for anyone watching us. I don´t care if he was my boss or if he is a bastard sometimes. There are only five words on my mind now and I can hear my voice breaking when I manage bring them out. "I want to go home." Everything comes rushing back now, all those feelings I tried to hide for the last year. They are crashing down on me like an avalanche My legs give way, but I don´t fall. He is still holding me tight. "Please."
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All right, here´s the second chapter. I can´t promise when I will manage to write on, major exams coming up over here, but I will finish it. Hope you still like it.