"Ahem… ahem…. AHEM…" What am I thinking. This is obviously not going to get the attention of the great (cough), wonderful, (cough), amazing (eye roll) Draco Malfoy. Fondly known as " the master of all ferrets" to me, but the " dead sexiest man alive" to the rest of the female population. Which is something I don't even understand. How can a dead mean by sexy?

"Do you have something to say my dear sugar lump," came the reply from ' the master of all ferrets'. And then he turned around and smirked at me. SMIRKED. I mean of all people to do so, when everyone knows never to smirk at Hermione Granger.

"You do know you look like a freak," I replied wittily.

"Well you obviously haven't looked in the mirror. I mean is that even a head," was the retort I received.

I had nothing to respond with to that blatantly stupid insult… at least the second part of it. I mean who even says, 'is that even a head'. It doesn't make sense. But I had to respond to the rude freak with skin so pale he looked like a freaking vampire and blue eyes that look like they're made of steel even though I don't know how that's possible because steel isn't blue.

I took a deep breath. "Well, yo momma's so fat she sat on a rainbow and made skittles."

Gasps echoed all around me. Oops. Maybe that wasn't the greatest thing to say in the middle of a prefect meeting. But what was I supposed to do? I had to get my idea across that there should be cake at the upcoming Christmas ball. I mean who can survive without cake? I eat all kinds of cake… birthday cake, wedding cake, baby shower cake, chocolate cake, vanilla cake, strawberry cake, soft cake, and hard cake. I suppose you can call me a cake addict. In my opinion the best cake of all is the soft vanilla-y kind with the chocolate icing and the rainbow sprinkles. Or maybe it's the chocolate kind with…

"Oohhh bushy haired buck toothed eager beaver nerd," came a distant singsong voice.

" What," I snapped angrily having been interrupted from my exceptionally pleasant cake daydream. The cake I was dreaming about had three layers with fudge in between them. Wait; did Malfoy just call me a bushy haired bucktooth eager beaver nerd?

"GO JUMP OF A CLIFF INTO A CANYON WITH ALLIGATORS SNAPPING AT YOUR BONY WHITE ANKLES. MAY THEY EAT YOU ALIVE AND SPIT OUT YOUR BONES AND THEN I HOPE YOUR BONES ROT AND GET POOPED ON BY RABBITS BECAUSE THEY ARE THE MOST ANNOYING CREATURES ON EARTH AND THEY FREAK ME OUT. We should have cake at the winter ball by the way," was my dignified reply to his insult.

It annoys me a lot when I get called a bush heard buck toothed whatever. First of all my hair isn't even bushy anymore, but simply curly. Second of all, if he looked carefully, he would have realized I had gotten rid of my problem of seriously needing braces in like fourth year. Bejeebus. Sometimes I wonder how that insufferable git even got to be head boy. Sure he saw 'the light' or whatever but I mean who even freaking cares when he still acts like a pompous jerk.

"Well then I suppose this meeting is over. Everybody leave now then," ordered a calm and collected Malfoy.

"But the cake…." I faltered as all the prefects left the meeting in a bustle so as to finish their homework I'm supposing. Wait I just realized something. Malfoy probably ended the meeting right then just so we couldn't talk about my cake suggestion to make me mad. Ha I figured out his master plan, but now I couldn't let him win. I took several deep-calming breaths. Calming yeah right. In fact they just proceeded to make me all the more hysterical. I finally gained a shred of control to keep myself from jumping on the pointy-faced pale youth and pummeling his guts out his butt crack.

"I heard that meditation is great therapy for disturbed minds like yours," said Malfoy.

I stopped taking deep calming breaths and opened my eyes only to see Malfoy's broad back to me walking away. Well more like swaggering. I don't think he even knows how to walk like a normal person. I then proceeded to attempt burning his cloak with my signature fiery glare. But I guess the fates weren't on my side today, because I didn't succeed.