((A/N: Alright, here it is. Sorry for the delay in update, but exams are over now and school is out, so they should come more quickly and steadily now. Thank you for being patient, and I appreciate the reviews ))
Chapter 5
For days Sirius trudged through his daily routines in otherwordly indifference. Was he even aware of the changing of his surroundings as he moved ghost-like from one class to another? It was doubtful. Yet sometimes he would return from a short disappearance and look full of life. He was a complete mystery to me, and my interest peaked even more so. And to think, I thought I knew this boy inside out.
"Very good, Mr. Lupin" the wheezing voice brought me back to reality. I blinked for an instant during which I was highly confused, and then realized I was looking into the eyes of the perpetually tired Potions teacher.
"Thank you Sir." I wasn't sure exactly what I had done that he was giving me praise for. I looked down at my desk. Ah yes, a truth potion. That's what I had been working on.
James leered at me from his seat to my left, never being particularily good at Potions. I gave him a smirk in return, holding back any remark I had the urge to say. It was best not to frustrate James over such things. He'd get you back ten-fold.
He could also hold a grudge, it would seem. I looked over to Sirius, who sat three people to my right. James had been less than civil with him since their incident. I felt sympathetic for him. The added loss of his lifelong best friend likely didn't make his problems better, whatever they may be. James couldn't be near him without looking as though he had just tasted something bitter, or making a snarky remark. It was just James' way, even if it was inconsiderate. The whole matter was rather tragic, Sirius looked as though he needed a friend more now than ever. He was just reluctant to ask for one.
I ripped a bit of parchment from the roll rested on my desk and picked up my quill. Biting my lip, I scratched an awkard message into the yellowed paper. 'If you need to talk, I'm always willing to listen.' I folded it up and with the aid of my wand, sent it in Sirius' direction. Nervously I watched as he unfolded the parchment with unsteady hands. It seemed his face went paler than was usual as he read the words, and hesitantly he picked up his own quill and scrawled his response beneath mine. He refolded it neatly and sent it in my direction with the same charm I had used. I couldn't hear him speak the words, but there was a small movement of his lips that suggested he had infact said them.
Quickly I reopened the note, anticipating some grand revelation on Sirius' behalf. My heart fell. In Sirius' spidery black writing were the words 'There's nothing to tell.' I felt like smacking my head off of the desk. Nothing to tell? It was obvious that Sirius was lying. For the first time, Sirius had lied to me. I tore the paper into small pieces and watched them settled into a pile, then looked over to Sirius, who was watching me in return. He looked sick. He gave the impression of one waiting for his world to collapse around him. Perhaps that's just what he was. Suddenly I made a silent promise to myself to find out what was wrong, using whatever means necessary. I gave a wary glance at the truth potion sitting before me. No, I didn't want to resort to that. Not unless I had to.
For the remainder of the class I sat wondering exactly how I should go about extracting the truth from Sirius. I needed to help him, even if he wouldn't help himself. Padfoot didn't deserve all this pain.
Today was another one of those days that just didn't want to end. As I walked down the corridor from the Astronomy Tower I felt the need to leave. The walls of Hogwarts were closing in, and so were the students. Some people just couldn't take a hint. Specifically, Remus. He may think that he was helping, but it just seemed to make things harder. Why did he have to meddle all the bloody time? I grimaced at the thought of his prior attempts to pry me open. Something told me he hadn't quite given up yet.
I stepped onto the stairs and they went about their usual shifting. As the flights interconnected I chose no particular path, only the most conveniant. I ended up at the grand doors of the entrance. Maybe I had been more concious of my destination than I thought. I shifted the strap of my bag over my shoulders and slowly reached for the door handle, and for a second I worried touching it would set off some incriminating alarm. My fingers wrapped around the cold handle and and no such noise was heard. I pulled the door open and shivered slightly as the cool air hit me. For some reason, immediately after the air hit me I became warm, though surely it should have been the opposite. It was sickly warmth, the kind that dizzies your head and nauseates your stomach. It served as further initiative to leave, go outside, and I did just that.
There were few students outside, and I'm not sure anyone noticed me. That was probably for the best, confrontation would only result in further frustration on my part. I placed a hand over my wrist, only my thin sleeve covering the numerous scars that had accumulated over the months. Frustrations always resulted in something I didn't want to do. Yet I did it anyway, I always gave in. Sometimes I question how much I really control my actions.
I walked quietly for a short time, but it wasn't enough, I needed a change of pace. Running would do well enough for now. As I picked up speed I became increasingly unaware of the grounds. Everything was a white blur, and the only sound I could hear was a loud, steady thumping which was either my heavy footfall or my heart.
I felt free. The only tihng visible was what lay straight ahead. This I was grateful for, as I probably would have gotten myself lost otherwise. That had happened before; the experiance was most unpleasant. Father found me, of course, but being found by him was no more pleasant than being lost and wet in the woods. He was the beast in the woods, and I was constantly running.
I ran for some time in this manner. When I stopped, I found myself standing in the middle of the Quidditch field. The clouds in the sky were going a murky gray and I turned to walk back towards Hogwarts, my body too tired to run. I could only hope I'd get there before the rain began to pond down from the sky.
As I stepped into Hogwarts and closed the door behind me with a small creak, a loud voice caused me to jump. I turned to see Dumbledore, smiling knowingly at me. "Not my choice of weather for a stroll on the grounds," his voice seemed seriously yet playful all at once, "But each to his own, yes?"
My body felt as though it were trembling, and as I had expected, I could give him no response. He placed a warm hand on my shoulder and looking into my eyes from behind his half-moon glasses, "May I see you in my office, Mr. Black?"
Chapter 5
For days Sirius trudged through his daily routines in otherwordly indifference. Was he even aware of the changing of his surroundings as he moved ghost-like from one class to another? It was doubtful. Yet sometimes he would return from a short disappearance and look full of life. He was a complete mystery to me, and my interest peaked even more so. And to think, I thought I knew this boy inside out.
"Very good, Mr. Lupin" the wheezing voice brought me back to reality. I blinked for an instant during which I was highly confused, and then realized I was looking into the eyes of the perpetually tired Potions teacher.
"Thank you Sir." I wasn't sure exactly what I had done that he was giving me praise for. I looked down at my desk. Ah yes, a truth potion. That's what I had been working on.
James leered at me from his seat to my left, never being particularily good at Potions. I gave him a smirk in return, holding back any remark I had the urge to say. It was best not to frustrate James over such things. He'd get you back ten-fold.
He could also hold a grudge, it would seem. I looked over to Sirius, who sat three people to my right. James had been less than civil with him since their incident. I felt sympathetic for him. The added loss of his lifelong best friend likely didn't make his problems better, whatever they may be. James couldn't be near him without looking as though he had just tasted something bitter, or making a snarky remark. It was just James' way, even if it was inconsiderate. The whole matter was rather tragic, Sirius looked as though he needed a friend more now than ever. He was just reluctant to ask for one.
I ripped a bit of parchment from the roll rested on my desk and picked up my quill. Biting my lip, I scratched an awkard message into the yellowed paper. 'If you need to talk, I'm always willing to listen.' I folded it up and with the aid of my wand, sent it in Sirius' direction. Nervously I watched as he unfolded the parchment with unsteady hands. It seemed his face went paler than was usual as he read the words, and hesitantly he picked up his own quill and scrawled his response beneath mine. He refolded it neatly and sent it in my direction with the same charm I had used. I couldn't hear him speak the words, but there was a small movement of his lips that suggested he had infact said them.
Quickly I reopened the note, anticipating some grand revelation on Sirius' behalf. My heart fell. In Sirius' spidery black writing were the words 'There's nothing to tell.' I felt like smacking my head off of the desk. Nothing to tell? It was obvious that Sirius was lying. For the first time, Sirius had lied to me. I tore the paper into small pieces and watched them settled into a pile, then looked over to Sirius, who was watching me in return. He looked sick. He gave the impression of one waiting for his world to collapse around him. Perhaps that's just what he was. Suddenly I made a silent promise to myself to find out what was wrong, using whatever means necessary. I gave a wary glance at the truth potion sitting before me. No, I didn't want to resort to that. Not unless I had to.
For the remainder of the class I sat wondering exactly how I should go about extracting the truth from Sirius. I needed to help him, even if he wouldn't help himself. Padfoot didn't deserve all this pain.
Today was another one of those days that just didn't want to end. As I walked down the corridor from the Astronomy Tower I felt the need to leave. The walls of Hogwarts were closing in, and so were the students. Some people just couldn't take a hint. Specifically, Remus. He may think that he was helping, but it just seemed to make things harder. Why did he have to meddle all the bloody time? I grimaced at the thought of his prior attempts to pry me open. Something told me he hadn't quite given up yet.
I stepped onto the stairs and they went about their usual shifting. As the flights interconnected I chose no particular path, only the most conveniant. I ended up at the grand doors of the entrance. Maybe I had been more concious of my destination than I thought. I shifted the strap of my bag over my shoulders and slowly reached for the door handle, and for a second I worried touching it would set off some incriminating alarm. My fingers wrapped around the cold handle and and no such noise was heard. I pulled the door open and shivered slightly as the cool air hit me. For some reason, immediately after the air hit me I became warm, though surely it should have been the opposite. It was sickly warmth, the kind that dizzies your head and nauseates your stomach. It served as further initiative to leave, go outside, and I did just that.
There were few students outside, and I'm not sure anyone noticed me. That was probably for the best, confrontation would only result in further frustration on my part. I placed a hand over my wrist, only my thin sleeve covering the numerous scars that had accumulated over the months. Frustrations always resulted in something I didn't want to do. Yet I did it anyway, I always gave in. Sometimes I question how much I really control my actions.
I walked quietly for a short time, but it wasn't enough, I needed a change of pace. Running would do well enough for now. As I picked up speed I became increasingly unaware of the grounds. Everything was a white blur, and the only sound I could hear was a loud, steady thumping which was either my heavy footfall or my heart.
I felt free. The only tihng visible was what lay straight ahead. This I was grateful for, as I probably would have gotten myself lost otherwise. That had happened before; the experiance was most unpleasant. Father found me, of course, but being found by him was no more pleasant than being lost and wet in the woods. He was the beast in the woods, and I was constantly running.
I ran for some time in this manner. When I stopped, I found myself standing in the middle of the Quidditch field. The clouds in the sky were going a murky gray and I turned to walk back towards Hogwarts, my body too tired to run. I could only hope I'd get there before the rain began to pond down from the sky.
As I stepped into Hogwarts and closed the door behind me with a small creak, a loud voice caused me to jump. I turned to see Dumbledore, smiling knowingly at me. "Not my choice of weather for a stroll on the grounds," his voice seemed seriously yet playful all at once, "But each to his own, yes?"
My body felt as though it were trembling, and as I had expected, I could give him no response. He placed a warm hand on my shoulder and looking into my eyes from behind his half-moon glasses, "May I see you in my office, Mr. Black?"