((No excuses here, I just took a break.))

Chapter 8

The grass was damp and uncomfortable, but I walked barefoot defiantly. Today was seemingly made for such things, and I carried it out as some formal ritual. My shoes, as well as an overwhelming number of homework assignments, were packed neatly into my bag. My feet were beginning to protest the conditions, so I gave in and slumped my body against one of the ancient trees dotting the premises. The bark wasn't the most desirable thing to be resting against, and I shifted into several different positions which proved to be no aid at all. 'Ok, so this isn't my day..' I sighed, in a manner that was likely overly dramatic. My life had taken an unwanted turn in that direction anyway, there was no point in resisting. I was officially living an angst-filled drama. I smirked and my mind began piecing a narration together : One mysterious young boy seeks the comfort of his also mysterious--and quite attractive--friend. Steamy sex scenes aplenty. I smacked my head off of the strong tree several times. No. No. No. Sex with Sirius was not something I needed to be thinking of right now. I needed to focus on my work right now. 'Sex with Sirius is not something you should be thinking of at all.' I corrected myself, and extracted a text from my bag. "Looks like we're starting with Defense Against the Dark Arts..." I muttered to no one in particular. I had no real problem with that, just that I would have preferred to work on that particular subject with Sirius. I was beginning to feel as though I would be doing the majority of the work in this partnership. I had not quite expected otherwise. Why would he change for the sake of one assignment? 'He wouldn't...' I flipped open my textbook to the assigned pages and commenced reading.

Occulmancy turned out to be a lot more interesting than I had initially assumed. One of those rare things that once learned may actually prove to be rather useful in life. I could definately see this working to my advantage. Since Sirius was my partner, I'd have an excuse to glimpse inside his mind. That is, of course, if he fails horribly at the subject and I over-suceed. Obviously he wasn't about to just offer up his secrets at the hands of a well-practiced spell. Given his behaviour so far this year, however, it's unlikely that would pose a problem. I felt treacherous for even considering these things, but I wasn't going to abandon them. Sirius had had enough time to explain things himself. Now was time for me to confront him. Besides, it was only fair. When we were younger, the Marauders learned about my lycanthropy, how could it be any worse than that? Yes. I was indeed justified.

Before I could change my mind on the matter, I continued reading through the pages, immersing myself in memorizing each word. My thoughts were persistant in their attempts at distratction, and this time they had changed their tactic. My head swarmed with flashes and reflections : the gentle pressing of Sirius' lips against my own, his silent form curled up in the car of the train, his curiously scrawled words on a bit of parchment. I felt betrayed and bewitched, and for a moment it was all Sirius' fault. There was no one else to blame. No one but the obvious. Myself. I had created this psychotic infatuation, and from the looks of things, I was also guilty of letting it strengthen. Yet it was a pleasurable guilt that welled up inside me, twisting my stomach into knots. Knots like those made by spell-casting witches, knots which were a reminder of spells of my own. I forced myself to stare back down at the heavy text. I had to learn this, other thoughts would have to wait until later.

"Where've you been?"

I looked back over my shoulder to find James following after me. I felt like asking him how long he'd been doing that, but I had formed some vow of silence it seemed and I felt obligated to hold on to that. It was nice to have a niche. Particularily one that required very little effort.

I shrugged and continued with my wandering along the empty halls. I could hear the persistant clicking of James' shoes behind me, and I was somewhat gracious for it. I didn't really feel like being alone at the moment. I was all too aware of the thin metal blade wrapped snug and safe away in my pocket. I wanted him to take it.

"You're not being fair to any of us," something in his voice sounded desperate, and I felt my pace slow to a stop. I cursed him inwardly for this, he had commanded it.

We both stood silently for a moment, no one moving. My back was to him, and this made me nervous. Slowly, I turned to face him. His eyes searched me like a stranger. I could tell he was piecing something together in his mind, but there was no hint of what that may be. I shrugged my shoulders and looked to some place behind him, hoping to find something that would distract me.

"Sirius, you're not fooling anyone like this. I don't know what you're trying to do, but everyone knows something's not right. Why can't you tell me, your best friend?" He walked towards me with a certain amount of determination in his step. I couldn't help but give a small laugh. Did he really think I was just going to confess everything now because he thought I was being unfair? Not everything in life is fair, and he'd have to learn that too eventually. My laughter, however, just seemed to confuse him. "Come on Padfoot, you know you can trust me..."
It was like he thought I was a completely different person. 'Oh James, you know I'm much more stubborn than that.'

I could see his temper boiling as my silence grew more willful. Did he think that just because I had stopped talking I had stopped being Sirius Black at all? He was doing this for a reason, and I'd figure that reason out before I'd say a word. I knew James too well to believe he was being sincere.

He embraced me in his awkward way, and I merely allowed him to do so. Once he decided his arms had been around me quite long enough, he removed them and looked up at me. "You're a real bastard sometimes Sirius..." I nodded my head in slow agreement, unsure of any other way to respond to such a thing. Perhaps he had expected something else, because he looked disappointed.

After about five minutes I had begun to wonder whether my silence was contagious, because he didn't say another word. I licked my lips and tried to think of something to say, something that wouldn't trigger an avalanche. I was about to open my mouth when it met with James' fist. I'm not sure how he managed it, or why, but I could immediately feel parts of my face go numb. Tears were swelling in my eyes, but I fought to hold them back. 'Not infront of James, never.' Fortunately, though, James was quick to abandon me there, with blood trickling down my lips. Only once I could no longer hear his steps did I let them run freely. The last time James had hit me had been the day we met, when I stole a large slice of pumpkin pie from his plate at our sorting. Even then I didn't cry, I just wolfed down the pie quickly and offered to regurgitate it for him. I was sure I couldn't regurgitate my way out of this one. Deciding it was best not to just hang around in the corridors like this, I made my way back to the commonroom reluctantly, to get myself cleaned up before anyone noticed.

((A/N: 'Sex with Sirius' should be a song, a million points to anyone who writes me one XD ))