Jesse: Thanks for always encouraging me with your reviews. I guess you're right: I might be a little bad with Snape, I feel kind of guilty... which doesn't mean I wouldn't do it again!
Luna Moonlight Fawn: It's always nice to meet a new reader. Welcome! Thanks both for your review and for your blessing - although here where I am, Winter Holidays have just started. Anyway, thanks, and here's what happened next.
Like always, many, many thanks to Joycelyn Solo.
Chapter Thirteen: Mother is the name
The following evening, Professor Snape, Professor McGonagall, Darla, Wesley Wyndam-Pryce and Professor Dumbledore were in the latter's office. Snape looked furious; McGonagall, worried; Darla was expressionless and Wesley just looked tired, while Dumbledore seemed curious.
'So, Darla, would you kindly explain us this soul matter again?' he asked. Darla straightened in her seat and retold the story for what seemed to be the twentieth time.
She told them what she'd done after Connor's birth, how she'd felt he was back and how she'd overheard two vampires talking about Spike. Then she explained she'd gone to Sunnydale and that then she'd gone to Africa, following Spike's instructions, in order to get her soul. She made a brief description of the tests she'd gone through, and the confusion that had followed the recovery of her essence. She didn't speak, though, of the despair that having her soul back had brought, and she didn't mention the time she'd spent wandering with no destination, her mind and heart bending under the weight of so much guilt. It was still too painful to even think about it, not to say talking about it with complete strangers.
Darla explained that she'd searched for Wesley and the others, hoping Connor would be with them and that when she hadn't found him with them (not to mention Wesley's refusal of revealing her son's whereabouts) she'd gone to Sunnydale. Wesley began to talk from this point.
'There was a major crisis at the Hellmouth, an Apocalypses, actually. The Scoo – I mean, the Slayer's team – requested Darla's help, and I've witnessed myself how she helped them to defeat the First Evil, an extremely powerful evil entity, when my friends and I went there to help.'
And then he explained again the huge difference there was between a souled vampire and a normal one, using all the examples he had. The others listened attentively, bur Darla noticed the incredulity in Snape's eyes and the shock in McGonagall's. She didn't blame them. After all, it wasn't an everyday thing to find out that vampires could be anything other than vicious killer-machines.
'But why didn't you come straight here after Mr. Wyndam-Pryce told you where Connor was?' Dumbledore asked. 'Mr. Wyndam-Pryce could have let us known about the recent events, and we would have made the arrangements for you to meet Connor.'
Darla didn't answer at once. She stared at her hands on her lap, in deep thought, trying to remember why she hadn't done so.
'I guess I didn't because I wasn't planning to meet him.' At their perplexed faces, she elaborated. 'Look, I know I'll never be a candidate to the Best Mother in the World, and no matter how much I love my child, I'll never be able to raise him. I didn't want to meet him 'cause…well, 'cause deep down I knew that Connor would do better with whoever he'd been placed with. I just… I just wanted to check that he was alright. I just wanted to see him. Is it a crime?'
'No, Darla, it's not,' said Dumbledore softly, 'but it would have been easier if you had just let us known you were here. We got truly scared when Connor disappeared'.
'If I had told you,' the vampire asked, 'wouldn't you have tried by all means to keep me away from Connor?'
Snape had to bite his lower lip in order not to say 'Yes' as Dumbledore caressed his chin.
'It could have happened, it's true,' he admitted, 'but now that we know you've changed, I see no reason to do that.'
It took a moment for Dumbledore's words to sink in Snape's mind. When they finally did, the man rose from his seat abruptly, his eyes flashing with anger.
'Albus, may I talk to you for a second? In private?'
At once, Professor McGonagall invited Darla and Wesley to have a cup of tea in her office. They had no option but to accept, so they followed her out of the Headmaster's office. Once they were alone, Snape turned to face Dumbledore, his hands shaking with fury.
'Albus, certainly you aren't implying that you'll let this…this vampire be anywhere near Connor, are you?' he hissed. His words were more of a statement than a question, although Dumbledore replied all the same.
'Well, I see no reason not to let her see her child, Severus. She's his mother.'
'Mother! She's not such a thing as a mother. She's a vampire, a monster! She can be no one's mother!'
Dumbledore sighed and shook his head.
'Severus, haven't you heard what Mr. Wyndam-Pryce explained?'
Snape snorted.
'Oh, yes, I have. All that rubbish about a vampire getting a soul and becoming a champion who helps the helpless? Come on, Albus! A vicious killer doesn't change his ways like that, we know that.'
'However,' the Headmaster replied, a steeled, cool note in his voice, 'we know that people can commit mistakes and pay for them, don't we, Severus?'
Snape opened his mouth, then shut it. He wasn't liking at all where this conversation was going.
'Some people can correct their mistakes,' he said through gritted teeth, 'but she isn't a person. She's not even human!'
Suddenly, Dumbledore looked deeply annoyed. He rose from his seat too, and glared at the younger man.
'I'm afraid you're missing the point, Severus. What a person is – and I consider Darla as one, as she has got a conscience and all that makes a person – is determined by their acts. And I believe that Darla has showed with her recent acts she can be trusted.' Before Snape could say something, he raised a hand. 'Of course, we ought to be careful. Darla still carries it in her nature. However… I think we can give her a chance, Severus. I think she's earned that much'.
Dumbledore's words were still floating in the air when a soft knock on the door was heard. Both men winced; being Dumbledore the first to compose himself.
'Come in,' he called and the door opened to reveal Darla. There was an almost shy expression on her face, which Snape found quite amusing for some reason. She stepped in, closing the door behind, and headed straight to Snape.
'I just wanted to say,' her face didn't have a shy look anymore, but a determined one, 'that I don't plan to take Connor away whatsoever. I'm realistic. I'm not the best option to raise him. I'd never be able to do all the stuff normal mothers do – I can't even go out in the sunlight. I'd never be able to take him to school or to the park, or help him to fly a kite. And what kind of childhood would he have if he were raised by a vampire?'
She shook her head. 'No, he can't live with me. Besides, I'm not a witch. I don't understand magic at all. But the most important thing is…' She sighed, looking at him in the eye. Snape was startled to see the brutal honesty in them. 'He is happy were he is. He's happy with you. And I'd never, ever, dare to take that away from him.'
A stunned silence followed Darla's speech, which lasted the time Snape needed to process all she'd said. He glanced at Dumbledore, but the old man's face was as expressive as a stone, then he looked back at Darla, who'd turned to leave.
'Wait!' he called, and she stopped dead in her tracks, turning to face him. He took a deep breath as she looked at him expectantly. 'You're right. You'll never be able to raise a child.' At these words, her eyes darkened and her shoulders fell. Looking sideways, Snape noticed that Dumbledore looked like he'd just swallowed a lemon. 'But you're his mother,' he continued softly, 'and he needs you. So, even though I still don't trust you that much, he needs to keep seeing you, whether I like it or not. So…I guess I'll have to let you see him and all.'
Darla looked up, and to Snape's shock, she had a hopeful spark in her eyes and a huge grin all over her face, which made her look centuries younger. And then, for the very first time, Snape was fully aware of the much she and her son had in common.
Sirius quickly took the cake out of the oven before it got burnt. Truth to be told, he wasn't an awesome cooker – but weeks of practice had served its purpose. The cake wasn't burnt (well, maybe a little bit) and it looked quite good. Let's hope it tastes the same way.
He placed the cake on a plate and then proceeded to cover it with Chantilly cream, always careful not to make too much of a mess. It was a bit of a drag cleaning afterwards.
Sirius stopped what he was doing (without noticing he'd spilled a bit of cream on the table) when he heard laughter coming from the next room, laughter that sounded like a phoenix's song to him: Harry's laughter.
Forgetting about the cake, he tiptoed to the kitchen's door and peeked at the living room, where both Harry and Linda were trying to teach Chrissy, her little girl, to play with the colourful bricks. However, it seemed to be a hard task: Little Chrissy, instead of following Harry's and her mother's instructions, kept using the bricks as projectils. One of them had hit Linda, but instead of getting mad she laughed.
'No, Chris, don't do that,' she tried to lecture her. 'You can hurt someone.'
The girl looked up, a pout forming in her lips. Harry leaned towards her.
'Look, Chrissy, it's not that hard. See, if you do this...' He began to place the bricks one over the other, forming a trembling tower. She watched him in awe, and tried to imitate him. In spite of her good intentions, all she managed to do was to make the tower to fall. Her eyes widened and she looked at Harry, scared. Harry, though, laughed.
'You're doing better,' he said, and the girl's eyes glittered. Linda looked up and beamed at Harry, who smiled too.
There was such longing in that smile, and in the way Harry eyed Linda that made Sirius's heart ache as he had a sudden revelation.
Harry needed one thing, the only one thing he'd never be able to give him.
He needed a mother.
As had happened with the custody matter just a few months ago, the one to say the last word on the matter was Connor himself. He stated he wanted to keep living with Snape, once they'd reconciled, but he wanted to see Darla as well, especially now he knew she was his mother and he was no longer an orphan.
So Snape was practically forced to let Darla see Connor at least. No need to say that Connor was delighted to hear the news, and soon he turned back to his old self, abandoning that awful habit of throwing constant tantrums. In fact, as Snape noticed with a strange pang in his heart, Connor looked happier than ever before, with a new light shinning in his eyes, a light that illuminated his whole face and that hadn't been there when Snape had first met him.
Snape, who was alert to any suspicious thing she might do, carefully watched Darla's first visit. In fact, he didn't leave them alone for a single minute, afraid of what the vampire might try to do in his absence.
Darla, who was aware of Snape's distrust, was very careful not to do anything that might raise his suspicions, and therefore she didn't show as many signs of affection towards her son as she would have liked to do. Instead, she had to sit on the sofa at a prudent distance from Connor, and she didn't dare to hug him in front of Snape's constant gaze.
Connor, on the other hand, was happily oblivious to the adults' uneasiness, and he enjoyed his mother's first visit so much that he begged Snape to let her come again. When Dumbledore found out about it, he insisted on the importance of a mother to her child, to the point that in the end Snape reluctantly promised that he'd let Darla visit Connor every now and then, as long as she didn't do anything suspicious.
However, in the following visits she did nothing that could have raised the most paranoid person in the world's suspicions. She just sat with Connor on the sofa, and taught him new games or songs, told him fantastic tales of places and things she'd seen or just listened to his childish chatter. They were all pretty simple things to do. However, Connor looked at her with such an adoring look in his eyes that Snape couldn't help feeling a pang of jealously. Certainly Connor didn't look at him like that, the little ungrateful brat, after all he'd done for him…
'He looks upon you, you know,' she commented one day, when Connor had fallen asleep on her lap. Snape merely stared at her, and she continued. 'You might not notice, but he's always paying attention to what you do, and tries to imitate it. It's quite sweet, actually.'
She gave him a gentle smile, and to his own surprise, he found himself almost willing to return it. He refrained the impulse to do so in time, keeping his face unfathomable.
'As he's fallen asleep, I think I should take him to bed. You may leave.'
His tone was anything but polite – actually he'd sounded quite snappish – but Darla wasn't that easily fooled. She knew her words had gotten to him, even though he'd never admit it.
A short while after Linda and Chrissy had visited them, Sirius decided he needed some advice. Normally he would have asked Remus, as his friend had always been a great confident, but this time he thought he needed a more feminine point of view.
To tell the truth, he hadn't many options and even though he'd had them, there was only one person whom Sirius would have asked advice for such a delicate matter: Andromeda. So one cold, dull January morning, he paid his cousin a visit. As Harry was at his friend Nicky's house, he had the whole day for himself, so he made the long journey to his cousin's place in Scotland – thank Merlin he could Apparate. Even though he didn't use magic everyday, Dumbledore hadn't forbidden him doing magic altogether or he would have gone insane.
Ted Tonks was more than a little surprised to find him standing on his doorstep, even though his wife had told him where she'd spent Christmas.
'Hmm... Hi?' Sirius said tentatively. Ted blinked and at once he'd composed.
'Sirius, hi! It's been a long time'.
An uncomfortable pause followed those words, as they both remembered that the last time they'd seen each other had been right before the Potters's deaths... and Sirius' incarceration.
'Andy's inside, if you want to see her,' Ted said, breaking the silence. Sirius forced a smile.
'Sure. Can I come in?'
Ted nodded and led the way in. Sirius looked all over the place with interest, noticing it hadn't changed much since the last time he'd been there. The hall and living room looked as cozy and warm as he remembered (so different from Grimauld Place as one could imagine) but there were small differences: the green sofa hadn't been in that corner before, there were new pictures and drawings hanging from the walls, and the photographs on the fireplace showed how long had passed. Last time he'd been there, Nymphadora Tonks had been nine years old and wore frilly dresses her mother forced on her. Now he noticed that in one of the most recent pictures she was wearing Gryffindor colours and carrying a broomstick. He couldn't help smiling proudly at the sight. That's my girl.
Knitting by the fire was Andromeda, who looked up when he entered the room. She looked surprised at first, then a grin lightened her features and she jumped from her seat. 'Sirius! It's so good to see you!'
Before he could react, she had wrapped her arms around him and was hugging him tightly.
'I'm glad to see you too, Andy, but you're leaving me with no breath,' he protested and she loosened her grip.
'Sorry.' She smiled guitily. 'It's just that you've taken me by surprise. C'mon, sit here. I'll bring you a cup of coffee, or do you prefer tea?'
'I'd like some tea, thanks.'
Andromeda hurried to the kitchen, leaving Sirius and Ted alone. At first, there was an umfortable silence: it had been too long since the last time they'd spoken freely. However, both Ted and Sirius were sociable people, so soon they were inmersed in a talk about weather, Quidditch, and the magical world in general. Sirius was stunned to find out how little he knew about all what was going on, trapped in the Muggle world as he was. He asked avidly for news, and Ted tried to fill all the gaps. It was amazing all the sutff that had happened while he'd been in Azkaban, stuff that Remus, Dumbledore and McGonagall hadn't bothered to mention.
Ted was telling Sirius about Crouch's son, something that Remus had only mentioned by passing, when Andromeda returned with the tea.
'Can't you two talk about something more cheerful? The subject depresses me,' she complained, and they hastened to change the conversation. Suddenly, there was a mischevious spark in Ted's eyes.
'Oh, I know something that might interest you, Sirius,' he said in a conspiratorial way. Sirius looked up from his cup of tea and Andromeda frowned a little, wondering what her husband would say. 'About that old friend of yours, Snape.'
Andromeda mentally sighed. Oh, Ted...
'What about Snape?' Sirius asked, trying to sound unconcerned, but his cousin noticed that he was looking at Ted attentively. Her husband smirked.
'Nymphadora has told us some weeks ago, but at first we didn't believe it. It seems it's true, though.'
'What's true?' Sirius inquired, wondering what could be so funny about Severus Snape. Ted made a pause, then he added in a theatrical way:
'He's adopted a child.'
A stunned silence followed these words. Sirius stared at Ted, thunderstuck, then he shot a glance at Andromeda.
'You got to be kidding me.'
Ted shook his head. 'Nope, it seems it's true. Can you imagine anything more ridiculous?'
'Ted!' his wife exclaimed. He had the grace to look a little ashamed with himself, but he insisted, 'C'mon, Andy, you know that bloke is as good at dealing with children as I am at cooking.' He turned to Sirius. 'And I'm a nightmare at cooking.'
Sirius blinked. Snape, raising a child? Had the world gone mad?
'Who in his right mind would let him do that?' he asked, shocked. Ted shrugged.
'Dunno. I think it's his nephew or sorta. Anyway, I have to go: I've promised old Chambers I'd be there early.'
He said goodbye to Sirius and kissed his wife before leaving through the fire. Sirius kept staring the place he'd been standing, incapable of believing what he'd said. He had a lot of doubts about his capability of raising a kid, but Snape? It was outrageous!
'So, you've just came for a social visit, or you wanted to talk to me about something?'
Andromeda's voice pulled him out of his reverie. Suddenly he remembered why he'd gone there and, forgetting all about Snape, he told his cousin about his worries. She listened in silence until he had finished, looking pensive.
'Let me get this right,' she said slowly. 'You're worried you might not be good enough to take care of Harry on your own?'
Sirius shifted. 'No, it's not exactly like that. It's just... I'm not his parents, Andy. I can't fill James's and Lily's shoes.'
She eyed him before answering.
'No one's asking you to do so, Sirius. You don't have to take your friends' place to raise their son. You can't replace them, and you don't have to.'
He still looked unconvinced. He sighed. 'Andy, I'm not sure if I'm the right person to do this. It's a great responsability and I... well, I've never been very responsible. And I'm so scared of screwing it up. I'd never forgive myself if something bad happened to Harry.'
There was a long pause, during which Sirius stared at Andromeda and she stared at her shoes. Finally, she looked up.
'Sirius, what you feel is perfectly normal. I felt the same way when Nymphadora was born. Remember how scared I was that I might let her fall if I took her in my arms, and how the Healer laughed at me?' Sirius nodded, smiling at the memory. 'And Ted, Ted was terrified. He treated the girl as if she were made of crystal. Look, no one knows how to take care of a child. There are no books that teach you how to do it... well, there are a couple of them, but they aren't very useful, believe me 'cause I tried using them. Anyway, you'll learn from experience, 'cause it's the only way to learn. And yes, you'll make some mistakes, we all do. It's not a tragedy. I've made a lot of mistakes with my daughter (the worst of all naming her like I did, according to her) but I haven't returned her to St. Mungo's, saying that I wasn't good enough to take care of her.' She smiled at him and put a hand on his shoulder. 'Sirius, I've seen Harry, and I don't think I've ever seen a boy who looked so happy as he looked with you. Whatever you're doing, you're doing it right. And about the mother thing...' She broke off in mid-sentence, thinking. 'I know it's going to be hard for him, but it could be much worse. He could have had a mother like mine.'
'Or mine,' Sirius added. Andromeda nodded, a sad look on her face.
'And you don't have to do this alone, Sirius. You can come here as many times as you wish, we'll be delighted to receive you.'
He looked up and smiled at her.
'Thanks, Andy. What would I do without you?'
She shrugged, a smile curving her lips.
'Who knows. Maybe you'd throw a party.'
That afternoon, when he went to the Tratchberg's to pick Harry up, the child broke into a run as soon as he'd seen him and jumped into his waiting arms.
'Hey, have you missed me?' Sirius said as he tickled him. Harry laughed and took a tattered box from his bag. Sirius examined it curiously. 'What is it?' he asked. Harry grinned.
'It's a surprise. You have to open it.'
Siriu did so, and found some burnt biscuits inside.
'I've made them for you,' the child explained, sounding a bit uncertain. Without saying a word, Sirius took one of the biscuits and put it in his mouth.
'Mmm, delicious,' he lied, and Harry beamed at him. Then, he started to tell him all he'd done while he'd been absent, as Sirius engulfed the contents of the box, trying his best to look pleased.
When night fell, Sirius was surprised to see that Harry was rather reluctant to go to bed on his own.
'Harry, what's wrong?' he asked, when the child refused to go to his bedroom alone. Harry shifted uncomfortably. Sirius leaned closer to him.
'C'mon, Harry, you can tell me,' he whispered. The boy hesitated once more, then he whispered in Sirius's ear.
'I'm scared of Beetlejuice,' he said, very seriously. Sirius stared at him.
'Beetlejuice?'
Harry nodded. 'He appears out of nowhere if you say his name three times. I told Nicky it was a lie and I mentioned his name three times, but... now I'm not so sure it's a lie,' he confessed.
Sirius had a hard time keeping a straight face, until he remembered that many grown-up wizards refused to pronounce Voldemort's name. He put a hand on Harry's shoulder and tried to calm him down.
'Harry, this Beetlejuice appears only if you say his name three times, right?' The boy nodded, fear shinning in his eyes. 'Well, you've said it four times. He won't show up.'
Harry's eyes widened. He hadn't thought in that.
'You... you're sure?'
'Of course I'm sure!' Sirius exclaimed, and the fear seemed to disappear from Harry's face. 'Anyway, you can sleep with me tonight, if you want.'
Looking relieved, Harry nodded, and Sirius took him upstairs. Once Harry had gotten into bed, Sirius covered him with a blanket and placed a kiss on the lightning-bolt shaped scar as Harry closed his eyes and fell asleep. Sirius watched the sleeping child for a long time.
'I can't take your place, James,' he whispered in the night, 'but I promise you I'll do my best to take care of your son.'
Author's notes: I think I've already mentioned this, but here I go again: I'm writing a companion piece to this fic, from Darla's POV, called 'Ain't so far down'. If you wanna now what happened after Snape agreed to Darla's visits, you can fin out here: http/ if you wanna read the whole story, you can start here: http/ you can always check my profile.