If I Were a Herald

Chapter 39

Friends in Low Places

A/N (1/3/06): I found the baby names book I was hunting earlier. It says Mortimer means "ever living." Perfect, huh? I knew there was a cooler definition than "dead sea."

Mad-4-Manga: First off, I worship at your feet for your wonderfully long review. Now, in reply. Jacoby just isn't the type to be Chosen. He's a nice guy, but he doesn't put the needs of the people first. Besides, this is a romance. He has to lose Kali, then get really really drunk. That's the way of things in romance. Girl leaves boy, boy gets drunk. I agree with you about "I Hope You Dance." I first heard that song in the talent show at TIP, and it was love at first, erm, hearing. But I especially like the rhythm of the guys' part. Your review totally made my day! I must be successful now—someone's writing a fanfic of my fanfic.

Nawyn: Big complications? Hmm, I wonder if a trial is complicated enough for you.

The remainder of the trip to Haven went by in a dream. Well, nightmare would be more accurate. I couldn't sleep from worrying about Jacoby. I refused to listen to Lyrna's constant insistence that we go after him. No, we needed to get Jimmy safely to Haven. Jacoby didn't want me near him.

For all I cared, he could rot in hell.

How could I have been so stupid?

Come all ye forsaken; take warning by me. Don't take a lover who lives by the sea. They only hold true to their crewmates and ships. Nothing but lies ever passes their lips. I once had a falken love, fair-skinned and fine. He swore that he loved me; he vowed he was mine. But as soon as the tide turned, my idle turned clay. As soon as the wind rose, my love sailed away. I once had a falken love; blue were his eyes, and all of the vows that he made me were lies. He came with the winter; he left with the spring, as hard to hold down as a bird on the wing. I once had a falken love; gold was his hair. So handsome a man that the angels would stare. So handsome without and so hollow within, the vows that he made me might never have been. The sea was his true love; no other he had. I was just a diversion to my falkener lad. So all ye forsaken, take warning by me: no mortal love ever rivals the sea.

"There's got to be some sort of mistake," Jimmy said desperately. "I can't be a Herald. I be a pirate!"

"And a murderer," I muttered. "Listen closely, Jimmy. Not all Heralds are beacons of truth and light. Especially not before they were Chosen. In fact, there was once an assassin who became a Herald. You'll be fine. Just try not to pick any pockets," I added, remembering that Skif had, supposedly, been the first thief to be Chosen. Zyra might have reasons of her own to keep Jimmy's former profession under wraps.

"I be no thief!" Jimmy responded, offended. "I jes' 'elp wi' the ship. I don' steal. Well, other than those 'orses, an' we needed them to escape."

"You killed one of the guardsmen on the Hindsight."

"'E was gonna kill Kent! I couldn't let 'im do that. Kent be me friend."

Looks like it's time for me to loosen up my golden tongue, I reflected wryly. I should be able to turn that around to be self-defense.

:The guardsman he killed was named Breydon. He wasn't a very nice character: Lyrna supplied. :Don't know why Vandir allowed him to tag along. He had an unsavory reputation. Tended to have dealings on the shady side of the law.:

:Don't suppose he'd have seen anything wrong with killing a child.:

:He did engage Jimmy when the boy attacked him.:

Better and better. :I'm guessing Vandir saw when Jimmy killed him:

:You're guessing correct. That's how he knew it was Jimmy and not one of the other pirates.:

:So Vandir can vouch for the fact that Breydon was trying to kill Jimmy.:

:He could, but I'm not sure how far you'll get with that. Jimmy was a pirate, after all.:

:Oh, shut up and let me think this out. My aunt's a lawyer and my mom's a judge. At least, they were last time I checked.: A sudden pang of homesickness clenched my heart. Here I was, heartbroken at twenty-three, and I couldn't even run crying to my mother. :If I can't get Jimmy off the hook, I'm not worthy of being part of the Baccus clan.:

:Go on.:

:Jimmy was the cabin boy—and the captain's son. Of course he would be traveling on the ship with his father. Jacoby would have been a poor father if he'd left his son behind. Jimmy knew no other life but that of a pirate. And yet, he didn't steal. He didn't even fight. He was a young child, trying to rise above his father's profession. His heart is pure—Zyra proves that. His only crimes are the theft of two horses—at the instigation of a full Herald—and the murder of a guardsman. But the murder was in self-defense. Breydon was trying to kill him. The story is, Breydon attacked him unprovoked, when he was trying to stay clear of the fighting.:

:You'd lie:

:It's what every great lawyer does.: It wouldn't be a problem unless they Truth-Spelled either him or me. But they wouldn't do that. They'd trust my word. What reason would I have to lie? :So, Breydon attacked him. Maybe I could leave out the unprovoked part; that'll be implied. That was the only outright lie. Jimmy then had no choice but to fight off his attacker. A young boy, raised on violence, finding his life threatened—is it really any wonder he killed the man:

:You'll have to tell Jimmy what the story is.:

:I'll do that. Eventually.:

The interrogation went off without a hitch. Jimmy pulled out his offended look and denied being a thief. I took full responsibility for the stolen horses. I also reminded them that Lavan Firestorm had been a murderer, and that one Companion had gone so far as to choose an assassin. I was convincing enough that they let Jimmy off the hook. Not that they had much choice. He'd been Chosen.

"That still leaves you, Herald Kali," Karlene said after Jimmy was taken to his new room. "The Council would like to see you. Immediately."

Ooh boy. Was I in trouble. But I'd made my decision; now I had to face the consequences. Now I deserved to be punished. I was a worthless Herald. I couldn't even keep Jacoby, for whom I'd sacrificed so much.

"So. Kali," Roald said when I entered the Council chamber. "Please, take a seat."

Thanks, but I'd much rather remain standing. Faced with his steely gaze, I reluctantly perched in an empty chair.

"Last time I saw you, you were asking my permission to go after the man who had paid to have me killed."

I nodded warily.

"Care to report on the success of the mission?"

"Mission was completed successfully, sire." I fought down an urge to salute American-style. Now was not the time for my personal idiosyncrasies. "Mortimer is dead."

Many of the councilors appeared bursting at the seams with questions, but Roald warned them to silence with a glance. "Good. Now what's this I hear about you and a pirate ship?"

"The pirate ship was transporting Mortimer into Valdemaran waters. It's a long story, but I had been caught in a trap meant for another, and Captain Jacoby agreed to take Mortimer to Valdemar in exchange for my release."

"And just why would a pirate captain do such a thing?"

"He, ah, he was sweet on me. Your Majesty."

"I refuse to listen to this pack of lies!" one of the councilors exploded. "It's ridiculous."

"Story of my life," I replied. "Truth Spell me if you like, but I warn you, it won't make you any friends among the Heralds. And it won't endear you to me at all."

"Is that a threat?" the too-talkative councilor demanded.

"Take it however you like. I've given my word to report the truth. If King Roald believes me, that should be good enough for you. Your Majesty, perhaps we should continue this discussion in private."

Roald sighed. "No, the council has a right to hear this. You were saying that Captain Jacoby was sweet on you?"

"He was. So he rescued me, but in return, he had to take Mortimer across Lake Evendim. I managed to join his crew—"

"His pirate crew," someone muttered.

"—and killed Mortimer during the journey. That was when the pirates discovered that I was a Herald. Not knowing what else to do with me, they locked me in the brig. That's where Herald Vandir found me when he caught the Falcon in his trap."

"According to Vandir's report, the pirates escaped in Vertin. Did you help them?"

I met his gaze unflinchingly. I had brought this upon myself, and I would face it like a man. "Yes, I did."

"Why?"

"Because they were good men." In the grand council chamber, in the company of so many politicians, my actions suddenly seemed ill-advised. I had released a gaolful of pirates, to raid, pillage, plunder, and otherwise ignore the law. My reactions reflected not only on me, but on all Heralds.

"You were found with Captain Jacoby and his cabin boy," Roald prompted.

"Jacoby wanted to come to Haven to start a new life. He'd confessed his dream to me before he knew I was a Herald. The cabin boy was his son." I didn't mention Jimmy's name, nor that he had been Chosen. The Council did not need to know that the newest Trainee was a former pirate.

"I believe this is a matter for the Heraldic Circle, not the Council. The threat has been disposed of. Herald Kali, you are dismissed. Until the Circle meets, you are to remain in your room. Do I have your word you will not try to escape?"

"Yes, sire."

A day later, it was interrogation all over again, as I stood before the Heraldic Circle. I'd spent the night in my room, writing. Poetry, mostly. I was back to my old teen angst style. Except this time there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Well, I take that back. Occasionally there was a light, but it came from an oncoming train.

He said, "Just think it over and write me a list, so we can figure out what we both deserve." She hardly could believe it, that their love had come to this: dividing and deciding his and hers. But she grabbed a paper napkin, asked the waitress for a pen, and one by one, she wrote down what she wanted most from him. Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust, a little less time for the rest of the world and more for the two of us, kisses each morning, I love yous at night, just like it used to be—the way life was when you were in love with me. She reached across the table and placed it in his hand and said, "You know this isn't easy for me." As he thought about the new car, the house, and the land, and wondered what that bottom line would be. And a thousand other things that she'd want him to leave behind. But he never dreamed he'd open up that napkin and find: Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust, a little less time for the rest of the world and more for the two of us, kisses each morning, I love yous at night, just like it used to be—the way life was when you were in love with me. Well he fought back the tears as he looked in her eyes and said, "I don't know where to start." And she said, "Everything on that list in your hand is written somewhere in your heart." Honesty, sincerity—just like it used to be. The way life was when you were in love with me.

If only Jacoby had been in love with me. If only he'd realized I could have helped him. I didn't care if I had to run forever. I wouldn't have to, anyway. I could ditch this planet and head for home. Nobody would know Jacoby there. He could start new. But no, he was too macho to accept my help. Win by his aid and the aid disown; he travels the fastest who travels alone.

I faced the Circle, resigned to my fate. Whatever it would be. I'd done wrong, and they had to punish me. None of them looked in a lenient mood. It didn't help that I'd only been a Herald for two years. Two years! It felt like two decades.

"Herald Kali, you stand accused of conspiring to free criminals from prison," my prosecutor, Herald Laysar, announced. "What say you to the accusation?"

"Guilty," I replied. I had to fight to keep my voice steady.

"Why?" Roald asked. "You said before that they were good men."

"They were."

"They locked you in the brig," Laysar pointed out.

"Have you ever known a thief who wasn't afraid of Heralds? They didn't hurt me. Their actions were ill-advised, yes. But I owed them my help, and I always pay my debts."

"Your duty comes before your debts."

"My duty was to kill Mortimer. I did that. If they continue as pirates, they will be caught. I'm sure they know this, and will act accordingly."

"Your actions reflect upon all the Heralds."

"So did Vanyel's. So do everyone's. I've joined a bandit gang before; why not free a gaolful of pirates? You'll notice that one of them was Chosen."

"Yes, the cabin boy. That was a surprise. But he didn't know any better. You did."

I shrugged. "So what are you going to do with me?"

"We'll decide that soon. Please, leave us to deliberate."

Wonderful. I felt like a child again as I leaned against the wall outside the Council chamber, waiting for them to decide my fate. But what could they do to me? Roald still owed me a favor—a fact of which I'd be quick to remind him if he tried to do anything drastic.

Finally, finally, they let me back in.

"Herald Kali," Roald announced, "by order of the Heraldic Circle, you are relieved of all your duties pending further notice."

Great. Now I had time on my hands and blues in my heart. Not a good combination.

I threw myself into taking care of the kids. Now there were five of them, and Jimmy was quite as mischievous as the other four. Jaym took him under his wing, like an older brother. Melissa kept talking about how wonderful he was. She had several classes with him, since he was close to her age. Lyrna was delighted. I was petrified.

When I caught Jimmy and Melissa sucking face out behind the salle, I knew things were progressing too fast. So I treated them to a revised version of my "keep it in your pants" speech, ending with threats aimed at Jimmy. "Young man, I know your father asked me to look out for you, but if you have anything other than honorable intentions toward my daughter, you will quickly learn where my loyalties lie. Boyfriends are fair game in season."

Jimmy gulped. "Yes ma'am."

That night, I couldn't sleep for worrying about Jacoby. After two hours spent tossing and turning, I decided to treat myself to a night on the town.

How am I doing since you did what you done to me? I can't lie, I sometimes cry when I think of how it used to be. I sniffled and wiped away the tears. Crying had never solved anything. I keep my friends with me, I stay busy, and I don't get much sleep. Baby, that's how I'm doing since you did what you d-d-done to me.

Stop this sniveling, I told myself firmly. He's not worth it. He's just an asshole pirate who wouldn't know a good thing if it danced naked in front of him wearing Dobby's tea cozy. The tears threatened to return when I imagined how Jacoby would react to me dancing in nothing but a tea cozy. Angrily, I tried to think of a song to help me feel better.

"He ain't nothing but a dickhead; he's been one all his life. If he ever gets married, he'll be a dickhead with a wife." Ha. Jacoby getting married—that was a laugh. He valued his freedom too much. "He's got no damn excuse. God know that he tries. He'll be a fucking dickhead until the day he dies. He's got a pretty girlfriend and he flirts behind her back. He looks at other women, tries to get them in the sack." Not just women, either. "He tells her that he loves her, then he doesn't call for days. When it comes to being a dickhead, he's got a million ways. He ain't nothing but a dickhead; he's been one all his life. If he ever gets married, he'll be a dickhead with a wife. He's got no damn excuse. God know that he tries. He'll be a fucking dickhead until the day he dies. When he's out driving, he's a dickhead in his car. When he's out drinking, he's a dickhead in the bar. When he's at a party, he's a dickhead drinking beer. He's got to be the winner of Dickhead of the Year. He ain't nothing but a dickhead; he's been one all his life. If he ever gets married, he'll be a dickhead with a wife. He's got no damn excuse. God know that he tries. He'll be a fucking dickhead until the day he dies. If he's got no job, he's a dickhead out of work. If he's got no manners, he's a dickhead and a jerk. If he's got no money, he's a dickhead with no class. If he's got no brains, he's a dickhead and an ass. He ain't nothing but a dickhead; he's been one all his life. If he ever gets married, he'll be a dickhead with a wife. He's got no damn excuse. God know that he tries. He'll be a fucking dickhead until the day he dies. He'll be a fucking dickhead until the day he dies."

I realized—too late to change—that I'd slipped on one of my pirate outfits, complete with bandana. Damn Jacoby. I couldn't be myself anymore without thinking of him. "Go on, now go. Walk out the door. Just turn around now, 'cause you're not welcome anymore. Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with good-bye. Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh no, not I. I will survive. Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive. I've got all my life to live, and I've got all my love to give, and I'll survive. I will survive!"

:You're being dense: Lyrna chided. :You should go back to him. Do you really want to leave him to die:

Who did I think I was kidding? Not Lyrna, obviously. She saw right through me. Maybe I should go back to him. I could still save him, couldn't I? In my mind, I added up the days—and came up with an answer that made my heart sink right into my Renaissance boots. :Too late. His trial should be taking place tomorrow morning, and they'll hang him in the afternoon. There's not enough time to reach him.:

I'm a bleeding fool. I should have stayed with him. Too late for regrets now. Too bad it's not cool to be a fool. I'd be the hippest girl around.

There was one tried-and-true cure for heartbreak. Alcohol. And I knew just where to find it. Time to pay a visit to my friends in low places.

The next chapter's not going up until Saturday. There's a party I plan to attend, since I've been sober for the past month or so. Makes it slightly difficult to write a drunk chapter. Next chapter includes Jacoby's trial. Now review! (pause) Please review?