If I Were a Herald

Chapter 43

All I Ask of You

A/N (1/5/06): I love this song. Especially the Phantom's angry part at the end. Basically I just love the Phantom. He's awesome. And he really, really needed a hug at the end of the play. The first time I saw it, that was my reaction. I wanted to give him a hug.

A/N (1/11/06): There's a quote from "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" in this chapter. See if you can spot it.

Spidersting: Heya Kaly! My buddy my pal. It's great to hear from you. I do try to write like I speak. It's easier that way, more natural—especially for first person. Especially when the person's supposed to be me. Yeah, shameless self-insert. But at least it's fun and entertaining! And that's really all that matters.

Fireblade: Yeah, well, I have nothing else to do. Except practice my lines. "Heigh, my hearts. Cheerly, cheerly, my hearts. Yare, yare. Take in the topsail! Tend to the master's whistle! Blow till thou burst thy wind, if room enough!" And what do you mean by your comment about "bardic wannabes"? Mesa confuzzled…

Tempeste-Silere: Thanks! I'm glad you liked my imagery.

Jacoby's hands grasped my shoulders. His eyes searched mine, seeking the truth.

I took a deep breath and let it out. I'd thought over this long and hard. I couldn't very well ask him to come back to Haven with me. And I couldn't stay here in Evendim. But one night with him—one night of true love. A memory to last me the rest of my life. A breaking of a vow and a fulfilling of a promise. "I want you to give me a child." A child. Give me a child. That's all I ask of you.

All movement ceased for several seconds. His arms slowly dropped to his sides. I grabbed his hands, not wanting the contact to end. "Please. Isn't that what you've wanted from the beginning?"

"Aye," he said slowly. Our eyes were still connected. His burned bright with desire, but he didn't act like a man consumed by lust. "Herald—songbird—"

"Call me Kali," I whispered. "It is my name, after all."

"Why not just call ye 'love,' as me heart urges me to do? I can't give ye marriage. I can't give ye security. That's what ye deserve. But I can't give ye that. It's beyond me."

I pressed close to him, very aware of the effect I was having on his anatomy. He was having a similar effect on mine. "To hell with security. I am going to seduce you, and make you forget all of your damnable logic." And maybe, just maybe, we could work this out. Together.

:Finally.: Lyrna's Mindvoice was far too self-satisfied.

:I love you, too, horse.:

"Yer Companion—" Jacoby protested hoarsely.

"Likes you just fine," I interrupted smoothly. "In fact, she's been trying to get me into your pants from the beginning." I snaked my arms around his neck, pulling his head close to mine. His resistance crumbled as I kissed him. So did any rational thought I might have planned to entertain. Heads tilted in opposite directions so that our noses wouldn't bump, lips and tongues seeking contact. Heat pooled and all that other romantic nonsense I'd never quite believed. Finally we broke apart, both breathing fast.

"Ye deserve better." This protest was much weaker than the last.

"And I want you."

:Of course you want him. He's your Atlantis. Like that song you used to sing.:

:What in blazes:

:You two are lifebonded, you seamonkey. Haven't you noticed the bond:

As a matter of fact, I hadn't. Then again, I'd never been too observant. :That changes things.:

:Like what:

:Well, I can't just love him and leave him. Damn. Why'd you have to Choose me, anyway? If I weren't a Herald, I'd be perfectly happy going back to being his quartermaster.:

"What's wrong?" Jacoby asked me.

"I've just had a rather shocking revelation," I replied.

"An' what might that be? Ye've not been called back to Haven, have ye?"

"No, nothing like that. Just—do you know what a lifebond feels like?"

"I've had the dreams…" he began, then stopped. "But then, what do I know? The dreams were real, but they were still dreams."

I smiled brilliantly. My best show-off-those-pearly-whites. "I've changed my mind. I want forever. With you. However I can get it. To hell with being a Herald. I'm going to raise my kids to be pirates."

:That's not very dutiful of you.:

:To hell with duty. I'm lifebonded. That's more important than duty.:

:Finally you get your priorities straight. But you realize you're not going to be rid of me that easily.:

:Look, horse, you know I love you to death, but you're also all that's standing between me and Evendim.:

"But—I can't guarantee forever," he protested weakly.

"Lyrna just said we were lifebonded," I explained. "That's all the guarantee I need. Lifebonded couples don't abandon each other. They never lose interest. Lifebonds are forever."

:I love you, too, you great oaf. I'll get you stationed in Evendim, we just have to go back for a little while to get things straightened out. We can bring Jacoby with us.:

I would have bought it if she hadn't sounded so worried. :Okay, horseface, what's wrong:

She was silent for a long while.

"Lifebonds only happen in tales," Jacoby said.

"My whole life is a tale," I replied. "I've changed my mind. I want forever, Jacoby. Happily ever after. I want to know how forever feels."

He replied with what had to be the most painful words in his life. "It can't work between us. You must know that. You're a Herald, and I'm a pirate."

I just smiled, and sang. "But it can't work between us, if the truth will be told, because when we're out at sea, I'll be huntin' for treasure an' I'll be huntin' for gold, and love, you'll be huntin' for me. He said, 'Baby, don't worry, my heart's yours forever, and nothing can take it away. I'll never betray you—' 'Oh, never say never.' 'First it'd be me I'd betray.'" I'd written that song a couple years back, as part of a pirate fanfic. The girl was the pirate, and the guy was in the navy, but the theory still held. Maybe it was all fantasy, but—well, I'd learned to never underestimate the impossible. "I got Roald to grant you amnesty." In response to his questioning glance, I explained, "I saved his life, at the beginning of the business with Mortimer. It's not very Heraldly of me, but I'm not above calling in favors when the situation warrants. The only question now is, do you love me enough to try to make it work?"

"I love ye enough to die for ye. I suppose I love ye enough to live with ye, as well."

I looked at him expectantly.

He grinned. Unable to resist, I nibbled at his lips. He drew back a bit so he could think. "I seem to recall ye tellin' me ye knew this story. So, tell me now. What happens next?"

"You propose."

He nodded. He'd expected that. "Will ye marry me?"

"Of course. Let's go find ourselves a priest. Preferably one in Haven, so he can come with us to face down King Roald when he finds out what we've done."

"Why would a priest be of any help?"

"He could be priestly. There's a whole order of them—probably more than one—that believe the lifebond is somehow sacred. That's how Treven and Jisa ended up married, you know. Uh, Valdemar history. Obscure fact, not many people actually know about it. But they were lifebonded. King Randale didn't want Treven to marry, he wanted him to maintain the illusion of being free to make an alliance-marriage, like Randale himself had done. Then again, maybe we'd better get married here, so there's nothing Roald can do to stop it."

:I'm worried that the others won't be too happy about this: Lyrna admitted reluctantly. :The Companions were supportive of Jisa and Treven, but that was different. Neither of them were pirates, and their duties would have kept them together regardless.:

:If they don't like it, too bad for them. I'm lifebonded, and I'll take on the entire bloody Web of Light in order to get my man. They will meet no suave discussion, but the instant, white-hot, wild, wakened Female of the Species warring as for spouse and child.:

"I do know a priest," Jacoby admitted. "I understand if ye object—'e's a Sun-Priest. Owes me a couple favors." Oh yes. There was definitely reason for me to object.

A wry smile lit my face. Getting married by a Sun-Priest would definitely cater to my sense of the perverse. "That's perfect."

I lay on my stomach on the bed Yendo had provided for me, my feet in the air, kicking restlessly. I'd explained to Jacoby about the pardon, saying that now he owed me one. He'd replied that he already did, since I rescued him in the courtroom. That made up for his rescue of me in Karse, because the events were parallel. I'd humbly put forth that his crew would have rescued him anyway. Lyrna had chosen that moment to cut in and tell us to forget it. We were lifebonded; if one of us died, the other wasn't going to last that long anyway.

Lifebonded. My happily ever after was within reach.

"A happy ending is just a story that hasn't finished yet."

I hoped to God that wasn't true. But if it was, I'd fight it with every fiber of my being. Now that I'd glimpsed true happiness, I wasn't about to let it slip through my fingers.

Toss…toss…toss. The pen rolled from one hand to the other as I contemplated what I'd already written. It was a letter to King Roald, informing him what had happened so far. It had been rather difficult to write, since I couldn't tell him everything, not in a letter that might all too easily fall into the wrong hands. Probably unnecessary, but it paid to be cautious.

To His Majesty, King Roald, from Herald Kali:

I've found what I came for. I'll be staying a few more days here, taking something of an extended vacation. I hope you don't mind.

Short and to the point. The perfect coded message. And it wasn't even in code. It didn't have to be. No one but Roald knew why I'd returned to Belt. Hell, no one but he should even know where I was. Now, to tackle an issue that had been weighing on my mind.

I'd like to ask you to reconsider relieving me of my duties. I've been rather restless lately. Nothing really to do. A Herald can't just stop being a Herald. It's not what we do, it's who we are, as I'm sure you know.

I've heard rumors of some heated negotiations between Valdemar and the Evendim government. If there's any truth to that, I'd be happy to act as ambassador, since I'm in the area. I might not be the best choice, but if the negotiations get too heated, Herald Death is perfect for "aggressive negotiations." Just say the word.

If you have any need of me, I'm ready to return to Haven. My business here is finished, and my vacation can wait.

Yours truly,

Herald Kali

That just about summed it up. Now for the letter to my friends. In that one, I could say much more. There was so much I wanted to tell my friends that the king just didn't need to know.

I grabbed another sheet of parchment and dipped my pen in the inkwell. To think that once upon a time I'd thought it would be fun to write with a quill pen. Yeah, sure. Fun. It had taken me a year to learn not to spill the ink, and another to keep from dripping.

This would just be the first draft of the message. The final draft would be in a code Rachel and I had developed. It was based on a phonetic alphabet I'd invented several years before as part of a story, then further confused using a word-based Caesarian cipher. The note to the king was more a decoy than anything. This message, encrypted so that no one on Velgarth but Rachel and I could understand it, held the true information Roald would need. Even if, by mischance, it was intercepted and decoded, its contents—an innocent letter from an artificer to her friend—would explain the presence of the code. Rachel would share with Jorjie and Stefany, and Jorjie would know what to tell the king.

Dear Rachel,

How have things been going back in Haven? Are the Heralds still upset at me? It was just a little prank. I mean, sure it was a new way to spring someone from jail, but it wasn't like I was going to tell any criminals about it. And that thief I freed was really very nice.

I found Jack here in Belt.

Jack was the code-name for Jacoby. We hadn't exactly agreed upon it, but I figured Rachel would be able to figure it out. She was one smart cookie.

Everything's worked out fine—or it will, after he gets over the hangover of the century. Dear horseface says we're lifebonded, and she should know. Just think. Me, lifebonded! It's a dream come true. We're going to be married soon, pretty much as soon as we find this Sun-Priest who owes Jack a favor or two. Ironic, that.

:I resent being called "horseface,": Lyrna interjected.

:Yes, well, Rachel will know what I mean, and no one would ever imagine a Herald would call her Companion "horseface.": I would have spoken aloud, but I could never be certain who was listening.

Jack's busy now trying to find an outfit that doesn't smell like beer. When I left him, he did go back to his ship, but he wasn't much of a captain. Kent says he was too drunk to speak clearly—and for Jack, that's saying something. He could drink ten men under the table and still seem sober.

Give the children all my love—and don't forget Jimmy. How's he doing? Is he fitting in alright? He's such a nice kid, I would hate it if the others teased him. Then again, shame on them if they do, and be they warned. Jaym won't take kindly to people insulting his friend.

I'll be staying here maybe a month. There's a wedding to plan, after all.

Love,

Lyn

It didn't actually matter what name I used, as long as I didn't use my real one; Rachel would know who it was by the code.

Satisfied that I'd included everything I needed, I got to work translating it into Khéósin script. Then there was the need to choose a word to use for the cipher. Well, that was easy enough. Jacoby. That would be Rachel's first guess of what I would use—so why not use it?

Thirty minutes later, the letters were written, sealed, and sent to their respective recipients.

Um, I can't think of anything clever to say, so just review. Things start getting interesting in the next chapter. "Define interesting." "Oh god oh god we're all gonna die." Okay, so it's not quite that tense…but you'll have to review to find out.