She stared at him, her eyes brimming with tears as he handed the files over to Valera, nodding as she said incoherent words.
Slowly, she turned her head, not wanting him to see the tear streaming down her face. Closing her eyes, she listened and heard that familiar chuckle that he gave when he was amused, and she felt her heart sink.
"..He used to do that to me.." She whispered, holding her chest. The sound of the door opening and him stepping out into the lab made her tense, as she opened her eyes and grabbed some papers nearest to her, making it appear as if she was working. After she heard the steps disappear, she collapsed on the floor, her blurred reflection staring up to her. Slowly, she let out a choke as she felt the tears stream down her face now, not stopping. As she leaned against the leg of one of the tables, holding her arms to her body, she felt a hand place down on her shoulder.
"Calleigh?" A soft voice came. She coughed and her eyes flickered, becoming wide.
"...Oh... Ho..ratio.." She choked, her nails digging into her arms.
"I... hit my arm...and..." She tried to explain as he leaned over her shoulder, his eyes full of concern. Her eyes travelled up to his and she felt herself lose it as she started to cry even louder, turning away from him and her arms came down to wrap around her waist.
"Calleigh, what's wrong. You can tell me.." He pleaded, as his arms came down to try and pull her toward him, but she refused, staying still near the table leg.
"Why? ...Why won't.. you talk to me anymore?" She cried, her words coming out after each sob. Horatio blinked, trying to process her words.
"..What do you"
"You know what I mean!" She retorted, turning to face him as the tears that started to streak down her face came with rage.
"Why won't you talk to me! Why won't you come near me anymore! How come I never get to be beside you anymore..." She questioned, her voice commanding an answer.
"...Cal"
"Answer me!" She yelled, making him stiffen in defence. Her chest heaved and she stared at him, angrily. He opened his mouth, trying to create the right words, but they seemed to never come. She let out an anguished cry and kicked away from him, heaving herself up as she tore out of the lab, slamming the door behind her. Horatio sat on the ground, his eyes dragging to watch her run off towards the elevators.
"Cal? CAL! CALLEIGH, WAIT!" He yelled in response, getting up and pushing through the door, nearly hitting Ryan in the face in the process.
"H?" He said, and Horatio ignored him, racing towards the elevator and grabbing the door just before it closed, forcing it open to Calleigh's apparent horror.
"Leave me alone, Horatio!" She cried.
"Calleigh"
"Get out! Just.. just leave!" She yelled, wiping away one of the tears from her face.
"Calleigh, I don't know what's wrong, but we can work through this. Just try to explain what's wrong!" He urged, and she stared at him angrily, before shoving past him and heading towards the stairwell. As she ran down the stairs, she felt guilt run through her for reacting the way she did. But she shook it off, as images of him and Marisol filled her mind. Him with her. Him with Valera. Him with Yelina. Each woman he was with increasing her rage as she burst into the locker room, slamming the door behind her before backing away from it until her back him the steel lockers.
Her knees gave way and she fell to the ground, the tears welling up again.
"…Oh, why Horatio?" She whispered, burying her face in her hands as she cried. Her shoulders shook and she felt herself feel sick as she continued, the tears dripping from her hands to stain her clothes. She didn't even hear him walk up to her, as he pulled a Kleenex out from him pocket. He crouched in front of her and held it out, until she sensed someone else there and pulled her face out from her hands. He pushed his hand further towards her and she bit her lip and got in a position to which he could tell she was going to flee and he harshly grabbed her arm, making her yelp in surprise.
"Calleigh, listen to me"
"Let me go!" She cried, trying to push away from him when he let go of her arm only to wrap his around her back and pull her into a tight hug. Her head hit his chest and she tried to push away again, but he held her still, one hand firmly on her head, one held tightly on her back. She choked out another cry and gave up, her hands eventually coming up to grip his jacket, trying to pull him closer to her. As she cried into him, he smoothed down her hair, stroking it gently as he laid his cheek against the top of her head, listening to her sobs.
"Calleigh… start from the beginning. Please. Please just tell me, what's wrong…" He asked softly,. She bit her lip before she pushed away from him slowly, her hands still griping his jacket though.
"I told you what's wrong." She said sadly, her eyes not meeting his. He leaned down, gazing at her with a confused look.
"I don't understand what you were getting at! We still talk. I mean, I see you everyday"
"No, Horatio. No you don't." She said, sniffing slightly. He was quiet and before he could respond, she raised her head up and her green eyes met his, small tears still forming at the corners of her eyes.
"You never talk to me anymore! You never chat with me like you do with Ryan or Delko. We haven't had a decent conversation since forever! I barely see you a week! Your always with.." Her voice trailed off and she quickly looked away. He stared at her and opened his mouth again, but she cut him off.
"When was the last time we were on a case together? When you and I actually interacted? Last time we touched"
He didn't answer. She let out a sigh and let go of him, her arms coming back up to hold her body to her.
"Calleigh.." He said, his own hands coming to hold her arms but she kept her gaze to the ground.
"The correct answers to the first two were when the tidal wave hit and the last time we touched was when Speed died." She said with a stonic tone to her voice. He leaned down, trying to meet her gaze again, but she closed her eyes.
"Calleigh, I.. I can never get you with me anymore. Ryan usually needs you more than I do, and with Marisol being sick"
She let out an annoyed grunt at the mention of Marisol. He stopped and was about to continue when she cut in again.
"You have no idea, do you?" She whispered.
"No idea of what"
She opened her eyes and brought them up to meet his.
"She's dying Horatio. What are you going to do when that happens? Go out and find another girl right after that! I haven't even seen you mourn that girl we found in the river. Or even mention Yelina's name anymore. Are you just going to forget about her? Like all the rest of us who care about you"
He furrowed his brows and was about to protest when he stopped, his gaze now turning into confusion.
"Like all the rest of us? Calleigh, what are you trying to get at"
"Nothing never mind"
"No, I won't. Tell me the truth. Why do you keep asking me all these questions? Why are you avoiding me? What did I do to you that's gotten you so distant"
Calleigh's eyes snapped open, as she glared at him.
"ME so distant? I'm not being distant, Lieutenant! You're the one who never comes near me!" She shot at him. He growled, but she stood her ground.
"I'm not being distant, Calleigh. You're the one who every time I go near you, you avoid my gaze, even try to find Delko as some sort of barrier between me and you. So I'm not being distant when I'm trying to come near you"
"Yes you are, Horatio!" She cut in. "You never come near me"
"Because you never come near me!" He snapped back.
"Because I HATE being around you!" She yelled at him. He blinked and then glared at her.
"And why's that? Because I'm so apparently distant? Because I'm dating Marisol? Why Calleigh, please DO tell!" He said harshly, making her shake.
"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!" She screamed at him before her body started to shake more violently. He blinked and stared at her, his fingers softening their grip on her arms. She threw his hands off of her, before clutching her body again.
"Do you know how hard it is to continue working with you? I hate being around you because I know it will never be the same as before, when we were actually friends! When it seemed like you might one day return the same feelings I have for you! And it's even more painful when I'm away from you because I constantly am thinking about you, thinking about how maybe I can change things to what they used to be! I keep mentally exhausting myself because of all these goddamn emotions in me that are constantly conflicting me and I know I will never be happy again!" She cried, the tears spilling out again. "And I hate it! I hate everything! I hate not being with you! I hate being with you! I hate myself for these feelings! And I hate it how angry I get when I see you so happy with HER." She covered her face with her hands and leaned over, her knees coming up.
"So please… please just go away! Leave me alone! Everyone.. Just leave me alone…" She bawled.
Horatio watched her as he sat there in front of her, watching her body heave with each sob. He hesitated as he leaned forward, to grab her wrists when she jerked from him, knowing that he was reaching for her. He pulled away but then he gathered his strength and grasped her wrists pulling them so her face fell out of them as he planted them on either side of her head, pinning her against the lockers. She tried to bury her face into her arm, but he swiftly leaned in and captured her mouth in his, pulling her in for a kiss. She stiffened and stop struggling against him as the feeling of his lips against her eyes started to register in her mind. As he pulled away, she let out a gasp and was about to speak when he again pressed them against hers, but with more force this time, making her shiver against him as she felt the him press his chest against hers. Slowly, he released her mouth and let go of her wrists, his own gaze now on the ground as a red tint started to cover his cheeks. Again, he leaned up and he applied a butterfly kiss to her lips, giving her several until he seemed to gain his wits back and he pulled away for good, slowly licking the bottom of his lip to savour the taste of her. Calleigh remained against the lockers, her body through now sunken down more as she braced the floor for support.
"I guess it's my turn to say 'You have no idea'" He said, a small twitch forming at the corners of his mouth. She just stared at him blankly, her eyes wide, cheeks red.
"..what?" She said breathlessly, as she blinked, her mind still completely blank. He brought a hand up and he rubbed the back of his neck as he avoided her gaze this time, his eyes locked on some unknown object on the other side of the room.
"I never acted on you because of Hagan.." He said carefully, wincing at the name of her deceased boyfriend. She just blinked, trying to register his words.
"..wha? Hagan? What"
He bit his lip and continued to avoid her gaze.
"Hagan… he.. He advised me against making any moves against you. And out of respect, and half-stupidity, I let go of you. Because.. You looked so much happier with him than you were with me, back then. And also, Yelina was there… I still thought I had feelings for her.." He mumbled, his eyes darting around the room, gazing at anything but Calleigh. She was silent, and she ran one of her hands over her face, wiping away at one of the cold trails left from her previous tears. She looked down at her hand and let out a small chuckle.
"We're both pretty screwed up, you know that?" She said, wiping her hand on her pant leg. He twitched a small smile.
"In all fairness, I'd say your more screwed up than I am…" He pointed out and she stuck her tongue out at him before letting out a sigh, wiping away more at her cheeks.
"…what happens now?" She asked, her eyes watching him as he scratched at the corners of the linoleum. He gave her a fleeting gaze before he gave her a small shrug.
"I don't know. Unless you've got something else to say to me, because I've said all the things I wanted to." He said, a tone of shyness creeping into his voice. She leaned her head back against the locker, a dull thud coming from it and she stared up at the ceiling.
"How about we go and get dinner. As a couple of old friends who just found each other again." She said, as an off thought. He said nothing and continued to pick at the floor.
"Do I have to pay for you?" He asked. She brought her gaze down and stared at him with an unamused look.
"Yes." She said. He bit his lip.
"I don't like that"
She smiled and pushed herself up, grabbing onto the locker for support as she kicked his shoe as a sign for him to get up.
"Get up, you cheapo." She teased. He looked up at her and then rolled his eyes, reluctantly getting up. He brushed off his pants legs before letting out a sigh.
"Y'know, the Calleigh I knew would never make me pay for her meal"
"Oh, yes she would." She responded, touching her cheeks to make sure they were dry. He looked at her and smiled, before offering his arm to her. She smiled in return and took it as they headed for the door, her arm locked tightly in his, his locked tightly in hers.
Slowly, she turned her head, not wanting him to see the tear streaming down her face. Closing her eyes, she listened and heard that familiar chuckle that he gave when he was amused, and she felt her heart sink.
"..He used to do that to me.." She whispered, holding her chest. The sound of the door opening and him stepping out into the lab made her tense, as she opened her eyes and grabbed some papers nearest to her, making it appear as if she was working. After she heard the steps disappear, she collapsed on the floor, her blurred reflection staring up to her. Slowly, she let out a choke as she felt the tears stream down her face now, not stopping. As she leaned against the leg of one of the tables, holding her arms to her body, she felt a hand place down on her shoulder.
"Calleigh?" A soft voice came. She coughed and her eyes flickered, becoming wide.
"...Oh... Ho..ratio.." She choked, her nails digging into her arms.
"I... hit my arm...and..." She tried to explain as he leaned over her shoulder, his eyes full of concern. Her eyes travelled up to his and she felt herself lose it as she started to cry even louder, turning away from him and her arms came down to wrap around her waist.
"Calleigh, what's wrong. You can tell me.." He pleaded, as his arms came down to try and pull her toward him, but she refused, staying still near the table leg.
"Why? ...Why won't.. you talk to me anymore?" She cried, her words coming out after each sob. Horatio blinked, trying to process her words.
"..What do you"
"You know what I mean!" She retorted, turning to face him as the tears that started to streak down her face came with rage.
"Why won't you talk to me! Why won't you come near me anymore! How come I never get to be beside you anymore..." She questioned, her voice commanding an answer.
"...Cal"
"Answer me!" She yelled, making him stiffen in defence. Her chest heaved and she stared at him, angrily. He opened his mouth, trying to create the right words, but they seemed to never come. She let out an anguished cry and kicked away from him, heaving herself up as she tore out of the lab, slamming the door behind her. Horatio sat on the ground, his eyes dragging to watch her run off towards the elevators.
"Cal? CAL! CALLEIGH, WAIT!" He yelled in response, getting up and pushing through the door, nearly hitting Ryan in the face in the process.
"H?" He said, and Horatio ignored him, racing towards the elevator and grabbing the door just before it closed, forcing it open to Calleigh's apparent horror.
"Leave me alone, Horatio!" She cried.
"Calleigh"
"Get out! Just.. just leave!" She yelled, wiping away one of the tears from her face.
"Calleigh, I don't know what's wrong, but we can work through this. Just try to explain what's wrong!" He urged, and she stared at him angrily, before shoving past him and heading towards the stairwell. As she ran down the stairs, she felt guilt run through her for reacting the way she did. But she shook it off, as images of him and Marisol filled her mind. Him with her. Him with Valera. Him with Yelina. Each woman he was with increasing her rage as she burst into the locker room, slamming the door behind her before backing away from it until her back him the steel lockers.
Her knees gave way and she fell to the ground, the tears welling up again.
"…Oh, why Horatio?" She whispered, burying her face in her hands as she cried. Her shoulders shook and she felt herself feel sick as she continued, the tears dripping from her hands to stain her clothes. She didn't even hear him walk up to her, as he pulled a Kleenex out from him pocket. He crouched in front of her and held it out, until she sensed someone else there and pulled her face out from her hands. He pushed his hand further towards her and she bit her lip and got in a position to which he could tell she was going to flee and he harshly grabbed her arm, making her yelp in surprise.
"Calleigh, listen to me"
"Let me go!" She cried, trying to push away from him when he let go of her arm only to wrap his around her back and pull her into a tight hug. Her head hit his chest and she tried to push away again, but he held her still, one hand firmly on her head, one held tightly on her back. She choked out another cry and gave up, her hands eventually coming up to grip his jacket, trying to pull him closer to her. As she cried into him, he smoothed down her hair, stroking it gently as he laid his cheek against the top of her head, listening to her sobs.
"Calleigh… start from the beginning. Please. Please just tell me, what's wrong…" He asked softly,. She bit her lip before she pushed away from him slowly, her hands still griping his jacket though.
"I told you what's wrong." She said sadly, her eyes not meeting his. He leaned down, gazing at her with a confused look.
"I don't understand what you were getting at! We still talk. I mean, I see you everyday"
"No, Horatio. No you don't." She said, sniffing slightly. He was quiet and before he could respond, she raised her head up and her green eyes met his, small tears still forming at the corners of her eyes.
"You never talk to me anymore! You never chat with me like you do with Ryan or Delko. We haven't had a decent conversation since forever! I barely see you a week! Your always with.." Her voice trailed off and she quickly looked away. He stared at her and opened his mouth again, but she cut him off.
"When was the last time we were on a case together? When you and I actually interacted? Last time we touched"
He didn't answer. She let out a sigh and let go of him, her arms coming back up to hold her body to her.
"Calleigh.." He said, his own hands coming to hold her arms but she kept her gaze to the ground.
"The correct answers to the first two were when the tidal wave hit and the last time we touched was when Speed died." She said with a stonic tone to her voice. He leaned down, trying to meet her gaze again, but she closed her eyes.
"Calleigh, I.. I can never get you with me anymore. Ryan usually needs you more than I do, and with Marisol being sick"
She let out an annoyed grunt at the mention of Marisol. He stopped and was about to continue when she cut in again.
"You have no idea, do you?" She whispered.
"No idea of what"
She opened her eyes and brought them up to meet his.
"She's dying Horatio. What are you going to do when that happens? Go out and find another girl right after that! I haven't even seen you mourn that girl we found in the river. Or even mention Yelina's name anymore. Are you just going to forget about her? Like all the rest of us who care about you"
He furrowed his brows and was about to protest when he stopped, his gaze now turning into confusion.
"Like all the rest of us? Calleigh, what are you trying to get at"
"Nothing never mind"
"No, I won't. Tell me the truth. Why do you keep asking me all these questions? Why are you avoiding me? What did I do to you that's gotten you so distant"
Calleigh's eyes snapped open, as she glared at him.
"ME so distant? I'm not being distant, Lieutenant! You're the one who never comes near me!" She shot at him. He growled, but she stood her ground.
"I'm not being distant, Calleigh. You're the one who every time I go near you, you avoid my gaze, even try to find Delko as some sort of barrier between me and you. So I'm not being distant when I'm trying to come near you"
"Yes you are, Horatio!" She cut in. "You never come near me"
"Because you never come near me!" He snapped back.
"Because I HATE being around you!" She yelled at him. He blinked and then glared at her.
"And why's that? Because I'm so apparently distant? Because I'm dating Marisol? Why Calleigh, please DO tell!" He said harshly, making her shake.
"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!" She screamed at him before her body started to shake more violently. He blinked and stared at her, his fingers softening their grip on her arms. She threw his hands off of her, before clutching her body again.
"Do you know how hard it is to continue working with you? I hate being around you because I know it will never be the same as before, when we were actually friends! When it seemed like you might one day return the same feelings I have for you! And it's even more painful when I'm away from you because I constantly am thinking about you, thinking about how maybe I can change things to what they used to be! I keep mentally exhausting myself because of all these goddamn emotions in me that are constantly conflicting me and I know I will never be happy again!" She cried, the tears spilling out again. "And I hate it! I hate everything! I hate not being with you! I hate being with you! I hate myself for these feelings! And I hate it how angry I get when I see you so happy with HER." She covered her face with her hands and leaned over, her knees coming up.
"So please… please just go away! Leave me alone! Everyone.. Just leave me alone…" She bawled.
Horatio watched her as he sat there in front of her, watching her body heave with each sob. He hesitated as he leaned forward, to grab her wrists when she jerked from him, knowing that he was reaching for her. He pulled away but then he gathered his strength and grasped her wrists pulling them so her face fell out of them as he planted them on either side of her head, pinning her against the lockers. She tried to bury her face into her arm, but he swiftly leaned in and captured her mouth in his, pulling her in for a kiss. She stiffened and stop struggling against him as the feeling of his lips against her eyes started to register in her mind. As he pulled away, she let out a gasp and was about to speak when he again pressed them against hers, but with more force this time, making her shiver against him as she felt the him press his chest against hers. Slowly, he released her mouth and let go of her wrists, his own gaze now on the ground as a red tint started to cover his cheeks. Again, he leaned up and he applied a butterfly kiss to her lips, giving her several until he seemed to gain his wits back and he pulled away for good, slowly licking the bottom of his lip to savour the taste of her. Calleigh remained against the lockers, her body through now sunken down more as she braced the floor for support.
"I guess it's my turn to say 'You have no idea'" He said, a small twitch forming at the corners of his mouth. She just stared at him blankly, her eyes wide, cheeks red.
"..what?" She said breathlessly, as she blinked, her mind still completely blank. He brought a hand up and he rubbed the back of his neck as he avoided her gaze this time, his eyes locked on some unknown object on the other side of the room.
"I never acted on you because of Hagan.." He said carefully, wincing at the name of her deceased boyfriend. She just blinked, trying to register his words.
"..wha? Hagan? What"
He bit his lip and continued to avoid her gaze.
"Hagan… he.. He advised me against making any moves against you. And out of respect, and half-stupidity, I let go of you. Because.. You looked so much happier with him than you were with me, back then. And also, Yelina was there… I still thought I had feelings for her.." He mumbled, his eyes darting around the room, gazing at anything but Calleigh. She was silent, and she ran one of her hands over her face, wiping away at one of the cold trails left from her previous tears. She looked down at her hand and let out a small chuckle.
"We're both pretty screwed up, you know that?" She said, wiping her hand on her pant leg. He twitched a small smile.
"In all fairness, I'd say your more screwed up than I am…" He pointed out and she stuck her tongue out at him before letting out a sigh, wiping away more at her cheeks.
"…what happens now?" She asked, her eyes watching him as he scratched at the corners of the linoleum. He gave her a fleeting gaze before he gave her a small shrug.
"I don't know. Unless you've got something else to say to me, because I've said all the things I wanted to." He said, a tone of shyness creeping into his voice. She leaned her head back against the locker, a dull thud coming from it and she stared up at the ceiling.
"How about we go and get dinner. As a couple of old friends who just found each other again." She said, as an off thought. He said nothing and continued to pick at the floor.
"Do I have to pay for you?" He asked. She brought her gaze down and stared at him with an unamused look.
"Yes." She said. He bit his lip.
"I don't like that"
She smiled and pushed herself up, grabbing onto the locker for support as she kicked his shoe as a sign for him to get up.
"Get up, you cheapo." She teased. He looked up at her and then rolled his eyes, reluctantly getting up. He brushed off his pants legs before letting out a sigh.
"Y'know, the Calleigh I knew would never make me pay for her meal"
"Oh, yes she would." She responded, touching her cheeks to make sure they were dry. He looked at her and smiled, before offering his arm to her. She smiled in return and took it as they headed for the door, her arm locked tightly in his, his locked tightly in hers.