Gravitation

Title: Makeikasu

Disclaimer: I do not own gravitation no matter how much I love it

(Note: Towards the end of the chapter, the rating goes from T to a littleM)

Chapter 4: Anguish (Kurushimi)

Tohma's POV

The incident where Shuuichi attempted suicide and I rescued him, happened a bit over two years ago. That day, the day that he fell asleep in my arms and the doctor told me he was growing weaker and said it's unusual for someone to sleep so much, I regreted telling him to rest. Since that day, Shuuichi has been in a coma, for two years now. A lot has happened since then. Shuuichi missed out on a lot of things. Everyone misses him so much, but he just won't wake up. Every day for the past two years, I've been coming by the hospital when I got the chance, to check up on him. Each day I hoped he would wake up and I would be the first one he sees. I want him to know that I'm keeping my promise and not leaving his side. We all can't wait for him to wake up. There's so much to tell him. Eiri still wants to talk to him. He hasn't forgotten about Shuuichi. Since the day he attempted suicide, Eiri hasn't dated anyone. Eiri can't wait for Shuuichi to regain conscience. I doubt that he will forgive Eiri for what he's done and at the same time, I don't want him to. Even I think Eiri's gone too far this time.

Visiting hours ended and I was about to leave when I heard Shuuichi call my name and stir in his sleep. He was probably going to regain conciousness so I decided to stay wanting to be the first person he sees. It was getting late so I had to wait in the waiting room. The next morning I woke up to loud screaming and a crashing sound. I went to Shuuichi's room to find him sitting up on his bed holding his head in his arms, the wires ripped out from his body. The doctors were worn out and I was told that they had to hold Shuuichi down. They told me I couldn't see him now because he wasn't in a good condition to have visitors. "What happened? Why can't I see hm?" "It's a miracle in and of itself that he regained conciousness. But, his mind is, well, how should I say this? He can't think straight and is really stressed out about whatever happened the day you brought him here. He lost his memory and refuses to remember anything or anyone. Despite the fact he can't remember anything, his mind is pretty messed up. He probably remembers bits and pieces of what happened and is trying to block it out. Hopefully, he will begin to slowly remember things without it messing him up. In the meantime, we will do what we can to calm him down and make him feel better. You can see him in about a half hour." Was the response I got.

Yes, this time indeed Eiri went to far. It finally went to Shuuichi's head until the point he attemtpted suicide, learned to hate Eiri, fell into a coma, got amnesia, and now lost his mind. It was a miracle he regained conciousness, but to get better he'll need a lot of luck. I'm happy he gained conciousness so I won't push my chances of getting his memory back. We'll just have to let him rest and relax. Get all the stress off his mind. I called Hiro and then Eiri and told them of the situation. After speaking to Ryuuichi, he told everyone at NG Productions. How long will it take to get back the little singer's energy and memory? When it was finally time for me to see him, I went to Shuuichi's room. I quietly closed the door behind me, careful not to disturb his nap. As I pulled the white covers over him, he opened his eyes. He stared at me with dull violet eyes. They had lost their light of hope, their shine. I hate those eyes. I want his lively, shiny, bright violet eyes to look at me again. I put my hand on his cheek and asked if he remembered me. I want him to remember me. I want him to remember my promise and for him to see that I kept it. He didn't answer me. I wanted him to say something, anything. Instead, he put his hand on mine and closed his eyes. "I don't want to remember anyone or anything. I'm sorry. But it pains me too much." I finally got an answer from him after a few miutes.

"It's okay. Take your time. I'll wait for you." I whispered into his ear and kissed him on his forehead. I smiled at him as gently as possible. I never smiled like this for him. His eyes began to fill up with tears. "Why are you being so nice to me? Everyone hates me. I feel alone and yet you talk to me with such kindness and smile at me with the most gentle smile I'd ever seen." He looked so sad. "No one hates you. Everyone you knew cares for you so much. You scared us and made us worry. Maybe you felt lonely and left out because we were all too busy with other things, but we're so sorry, Shuuichi. . ." I trailed off, not sure of what to say next. "I want you to remember me. We had just started to become friends and I thought I would lose you so quickly. You don't have to right away, but please try to remember everyone soon. Give us a second chance. You've missed so much and we want to tell you everything that has happened." He just shook his head and closed his eyes. I got up and sat at the bedside. I looked down to see him staring up at me. He got up slowly and rested his head on my shoulders and put his arms around me. He whispered into my ear, "Thankyou." and we sat there in silence. I could feel his heartbeat. It felt good holding him in my arms and him hugging me back. This is good enough for now.

Over the past few weeks, Shuuichi has been getting better other than a few break downs and crying fits due to stress or depression. The doctors said he will be able to come home. He has regained his memory about what happened and it doesn't seem to bother him any longer. He's not mad at anyone other than Eiri. His eyes got there shine back but he still hasn't smiled. It's been awhile since anyone seen him smile. I'm glad he's feeling a little bit better now. I'm going to bring him to my place instead of Eiri's, afraid that seeing him might cause him pain and more stress. We'll wait a little longer before he sees Eiri again.

When we got back to my place and I helped Shuuichi settle in, I had to go to Eiri's place to get Shuuichi's belongings. After he had moved out of Eiri's apartment and moved into his own, he kept his things there. But after I found him and brought him to the hospital, we decided to keep Shuuichi's things in Eiri's apartment instead. None of us were going to let Shuuichi live by himself after that. That's why I brought him to my place. "Tohma-san, where are you going? Can I come with you?" Shuuichi asked, tugging at my shirt. I didn't want him to come and see Eiri. "I don't think it's a good idea to let you come with me because I am going to Eiri's place to get your belongings. I thought you may not want to see him." I didn't want him to see Eiri. Was I being selfish? He sat down on the couch and said, "Fine. Just hurry up and come home quickly. I don't want to be here by myself." With that said I left and he waited for me to come home.

When I got back home, It had started to rain outside. I was wet all over. I went into my bedroom and saw Shuuichi sitting on the window sill looking outside at the rain. He turned around and saw me standing there all wet. He let out a small giggle and smiled at me. Not just any smile. No, this smile was different. It was a smile just for me. It warmed me to see him smile like this for me. I was the first one he smiled for in along time. Shuuichi got up and ran to the bathroom. He came back with a towel and dried my hair off. "Here, use this. You shouldn't have gone out without an umbrella. Heh!" I thought my heart had stopped. The old Shuuichi was back. "Tohma-san, you should get out of those wet clothes before you get sick. Here." He handed me some pair of pajamas. "Thankyou. I suppose you're feeling better?" "Yep! All thanks to you, Tohma-san. I wanted to thank you for being there for me and not leaving me by myself. You gave me hope."

Shuuichi's POV

Tohma-san blushed and looked away probably hoping to hide it. But I saw him blush. I'm glad it was Tohma-san who saved me. "Shuuichi." "Yes, Tohma-san?" "Please, for now on, call me Tohma." He was being so much nicer than I remember him being. Nicer to me. He never smiled at me so gently before and his tone of voice wasn't this gentle towards anyone other than Eiri. We've become closer. I wonder how close we can get. "Sure, Tohma. I'm going to go make some hot chocolate to warm you up."

After getting changed, he sat down in the living room on the couch. I gave him his cup and placed mine on the able. I went to get a blanket for us to share. When I came back, I put it around us and picked up my cup. Tohma put his arm around my shoulder pulling me closer and smiled. I don't believe what's happening. Is this a dream? I placed my cup on the table when I finished it and so did Tohma. He lifted my face up until our eyes met. In response, I put my arms around his waist. What is he going to do? "Tohma?" "Shh. It's okay." He whispered into my ear. I rested my head on his shoulder and as I did that, he started kissing my neck. This came to me as a shock. He pulled me into a hot passionate kiss. I moaned as he deepened the kiss. Tohma began to move his hands lower to unbutton my shirt. He slowly slid it off, still kissing me. I pulled away to gasp for air. I couldn't believe anything that was happening at this moment or who it was happening with. He pinned me down on the couch and kissed me again. Tohma moved down and left a lazy trail of kisses on my body. This would be a night neither of us would forget.