AUTUMN DAYS

DISCLAIMER: The majority of the characters in this story are owned by Nintendo, the exception being Theau Thor, who is not a third-person representation of myself. I mean, seriously? Does "The-au-Thor" look like my name to you?
"No, it doesn't."
Thank you. The writing herein is mine, unauthorised copying will result in death by kid's movies, etcetera ad infinitum.
Now read this story.

Chapter 2

The Smash Brothers were still trapped in the Mansion by billions of leaves, and this would eventually lead to all sorts of consequences.
For instance, they couldn't see the sun.

"PIKA PI PI PIKA CHUPI KACHU CHI CHU CHU!" screamed Pikachu, running around in circles. "THE SUN HATES ME IT WON'T APPEAR HELP!"
"Now how am I supposed to get a tan?" complained Samus.
"Why would you want to get a tan, and how would you do it?" interjected Ganondorf. "You never take off that full-body suit of yours; there really is no point. I have a better idea. Why-"
Samus never heard Ganondorf's suggestion as the latter was suddenly attacked by a rabid Pikachu (literally rabid).

Another unhappy side effect of the siege was that fresh food was scarce, and also that food supplies were eventually going to run out. A few people decided that they had to try to organise and ration food.
Zelda was taking inventories of the food. "We seem to be awfully low on anything that tastes good," she said to the volunteer chefs, "but we have enough soft-boiled asparagus spears to stab the population of Hyrule."
Luigi, Fox and Marth whispered to each other. "We'll make something out of that," said Fox, motioning to the food. "Don't you worry."
Mario, Falco and Roy walked by, laughing hysterically and pointing. "Luigi/Fox/Marth can co-ok!" they jeered.
Luigi, Fox and Marth summoned the power of the rolling pin to knock their inconsiderate friends into the wall.

Some people were trying to reduce their food supplies, such as Kirby, who failed to convince Zelda that they had 'too many juicy apples', and Ness, who wanted to get all the sugar and fish for himself, and Kirby, who believed that they had 'too much raw chicken', and Donkey Kong, who demanded all the bananas, and Kirby, who said there were 'more toasted marshmallows than we need', and Samus, who wanted them to throw out all lollies, and Kirby, who observed an 'excess of peanut butter juice', and Falco, who demanded that they throw out the gutted parrots, and Kirby, who thought they had 'too many Smashers in here anyway', and – well, the list goes on.
Some people were trying to find food, like… er… hmm… I dunno… wait for it… er… um… I'm thinking, okay?... maybe – no… ooh… ah… ee… Peach! Yeah… Peach.
Peach was looking for food that Zelda and DK hadn't dragged to the master kitchen, and not just any kind of food – edible food! (Zelda had deemed parasols 'kind of hard to digest… yeah… I'll be going now…')
Peach had looked everywhere! She had looked in her pockets, and her crown, and her dress, and her pillow, and her chest of drawers, and her bag of golf clubs, and even in the bin next to her secret fridge! But she hadn't found a single thing! Which was edible. Edible food.
The Princess then decided to leave her bedroom, and check somewhere else. She spent several hours making an extensive search of the area underneath the floorboards as well as the soil beneath Nana's tulip garden. She then discovered a secret door.

--begin lame writing style--

Peach tehn went 2 teh door and opned it and insid she fownd a magicl lamm and the lamm told hr to find teh goldn ki.

--end lame writing style--

"What golden key?" said Peach.
"It was a joke," said the lamb.
"Oh, a joke!" said Peach. She laughed merrily. "Is it a funny joke?"
"Yes," said the lamb.
"Oh, how funny!" said Peach. She laughed merrily. "I don't get it."
The lamb sighed. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm looking for dried turnips. Or other delicious foods."
"This room is empty," said the lamb. "I've been hiding here for years."
"Oh," said Peach. Suddenly, something struck her.
Something wasn't right about this.
What was it?, she thought. The room? The colour of her dress? No… but perhaps!
"Lambs don't talk!" exclaimed Peach in a sudden burst of intelligence.
"Some of us do," said the lamb. "But we must hide, because you people are strange and murderous."
"I'm not strange," sulked Peach.
"Some of your friends are. There is a person in this mansion who tries to hack himself to death if you say 'triforce'."
"Oh?"
"And there's a robot thing that will blow you up if you say 'falcon'."
"Wow?"
"And…" the lamb's voice lowered. "There is a murderer in this house. You must avoid this person at all costs. But if the person finds you, don't say you-know-what or he'll go berserk. Into a murderous rage. Of murder."
"What mustn't I say?" said Peach, reaching for her megaphone.
"Don't repeat it out loud," said the lamb. "The phrase is green pigeon soup bowl."
Peach turned on her megaphone.

"What I don't understand," said Link, "is how you found fresh lamb." He ate slowly.
"I don't know," said Peach. "My memory is a complete blank."
They were seated around the giant table at the dining hall.
"I examined the lamb-a," said Mario. "It looked as if somebody had-a clubbed it to death with a megaphone in a murderous rage."
Peach shrugged innocently. "My memory is a complete blank."
"Hey," said Kirby to Donkey Kong. "Could you pass me that soup bowl? The one with the birds drawn on it?"
"Wha- oh, the green pigeon soup bowl," said DK, picking up the bowl.

"Are you okay?" said Zelda the moment DK woke up.
"Uh… what happened to me?"
"The Princess went-a mad," said Mario. "Not Zelda," he added hastily as Donkey Kong bit his tongue. "I mean-a Princess Peach Toadstool."
"Who?" said DK.
"Peach."
"Oh," said Donkey Kong. "That Princess Peach Toadstool."
"Incidentally, what-a happened to her?" said Mario.
"I think they took her to the interrogation room," said Zelda.

"I didn't know this place had an interrogation room," said Bowser. He and Ganondorf exchanged greedy glances.
"I'll never talk!" said Peach. "Uh… I can't talk!" she lied.
"You just did," said Young Link, charging the cattle prod.
"Uh… I can't talk!" said Peach.
Samus stood up, brushing some dust off her suit. "There's no way we can convince her that we don't want to hurt her?"
"We don't want to hurt her?" said Young Link, Ganondorf, Pikachu, Pichu, Nana, Popo, Link, Bowser, Luigi, and Captain Falcon.
"I thought we didn't," said Samus, confused.
"Uh… I can't talk!" said Peach.
"Baby," said Captain Falcon, performing a pelvic thrust, "it's okay if you're wrong. I'm wrong all the time!"
Samus fired her charge beam at Falcon.
"That stings," complained Falcon, crying.
"On my signal," said Ganondorf to Bowser.
"What are you up to?" said Link to Ganondorf and Bowser.
"Uh… I can't talk!" said Peach.

Mario had gone up to talk to Peach, leaving Zelda and Donkey Kong alone.
"Where'd Mario go?" said DK sleepily.
"It's okay," said Zelda. "You're safe."
DK looked at Zelda. "Yeah… I feel a bit better already."
Zelda stroked DK's forehead with a gloved hand. "You can trust me. I'm a certified healer." She produced a phoney degree.
"That's not real… but I don't care, strangely," said DK.
He's so big and strong, thought Zelda. And so brave… he doesn't seem to be worried about his wounds.
Such a sweet girl, thought DK. This is the first time I've been alone in a room with a princess without getting out my kidnapping rope.
"WTF r u doing hear?" said Theau Thor. "NO 2 PEEPL ALON IN A ROOM!"
Donkey Kong got better and teleported to the kitchen. "That was random," he said.
"Do you think there are too many apes in the mansion?" said Kirby.
"Why, certainly," said Donkey Kong. "I mean NO! No! Nooooooooo-"

"What's that noise?" said Samus.
Bowser froze to the spot, the club missing Link by about a centimetre. "Uh… I don't know. Don't. Know."
"It sounded like a screaming unevolved primate wearing a tie," said Link, using his super hearing.
"Donkey Kong," said Ness, as he realised that there was only one screaming unevolved primate wearing a tie in the Mansion.
"Let's go!" said Link. He, Ness, Mario and Falcon rushed to the source of the noise.
There was silence in their wake.
"So close…" mumbled Ganondorf angrily. "So close to killing him…"
"What do we do know?" said Samus.
"I brought cards," said Bowser.
"You cheat at bridge," said Samus.
"What about dominoes?" said Ganondorf, producing a box.
Pikachu and Pichu nodded excitedly.
"Uh… I can't talk!" said Peach.
Ganondorf pulled out a sword.
"You might be a dark magician," said Samus, snatching it from him, "but I bet you that I can torture Peach ten times better than you can."
"Yeah, right," scoffed Bowser. "I'd beat you any day."
Master Hand shouted, "I hereby declare a torture competition! Whoever causes Peach the most pain wins!"
"Pika pi?" "Where did you come from?"
"Well, you see… ah… hm… I'LL BE OFF, THEN! CARRY ON!" Master Hand left rather hastily.

When Link and Falcon first reached the master kitchen, they saw a horrifying scene.
"Must eat… Kong!" said Kirby, trying to wriggle free from Zelda's iron grip.
"You tried to kill DK!" cried Zelda in a rage. "Why kill someone so intelligent and subtle and good-looking and pink?"
Donkey Kong was huddled in a corner, holding a large cooking pot over his head.
Kirby reached for a frying pan and inhaled it to become COOK KIRBY!
He cooked an egg and ate it.
He cooked an egg and ate it.
He boiled an egg and ate it.
"Boiled eggs?" said Zelda. "You like boiled eggs?"
"No," said Kirby. "But I've distracted you!" He grabbed a lollipop and ran out of the room at full speed.
"Are you two okay?" said Captain Falcon as Link unsuccessfully made a grab for Kirby. "I think you two are okay. Especially DK."
Captain Falcon realised what he had said.
"No! I mean, you're okay, but Link is better! No! I didn't say that you're hot! Zelda, you look ghastly. I DIDN'T MEAN THAT! Are you okay, Donkey Kong, you poor little – NO! IT'S A LIE!"
Everyone backed out of the room slowly.
"I hope they didn't hear that," said Captain Falcon to himself.

Falco and Fox were playing the official Pokemon trading card game when Ness and Mewtwo walked in.
"You're playing the official Pokemon trading card game?" said Ness.
"So what?" said Falco.
"That game sucks, no offence," thought Mewtwo.
"Any better ideas?" Falco jeered.
"How about four-way RSP?"
"I thought rock scissors paper was a two player game," said Fox.
"Being a super genius Pokemon and far superior to you humanoid fools, I think it's safe to say that I am perfectly capable of turning it into an engaging four player experience."
"You stole my idea!" said Ness.
"Did not."
"My psychic powers tell me otherwise."
"My psychic powers tell me that you have no friends."
"He lies!"
Everyone kind of looked at each other a bit.
"Okay," thought Mewtwo. "Here are the rules:
"Play is organised with four players standing in a diamond/square formation. Play will begin by a player being designated as the primary player. A random other player will be designated the secondary player. The function of the primary and secondary players is to judge while the other two players compete against each other in a game not unlike rock-scissors-paper. They will then rotate around in concentric circles until a player stops. The first player who stops then must perform a variant of a Latin back insert, which will include-"
"They're asleep," pointed out Ness.
"My intelligence must have overwhelmed them."
"But you didn't notice."
"Did too."
"Did not."
"Did too."
"Using my mind-reading powers, I sense that you're lying."
"Mind-read this!" Mewtwo psychically slapped Ness.
Ness' hands clenched into fists. He psychically hit Mewtwo.
Mewtwo psychically kicked Ness in the "OKAY THAT'S ENUF U IDIOTZ" said Theau Thor. "I DONT LIK TIS STORI ANI MOAR"
Ness and Mewtwo shot angry looks at Theau Thor.
"Oh well," said Ness.
"Let's go make Young Link think he's a seagull," said
Mewtwo.
"Last one there is slower!" said Ness. They ran/teleported out of the room.

Ness and Mewtwo were too late, however. Jigglypuff had already used her magical hypnotising marble collection to convince Young Link that he wasn't a seagull but a – falcon!
"I'm a falcon!" said Young Link, running around the room in circles trying to bite small rodents, such as bats. And Pikachu. And Captain Falcon, who is a kind of figurative rodent.
"Jig jiggly iggly piggily puff jug piff!" "Now hunt the Bowser, birdie! Hunt the big Koopa!"
"Can we escape?" said Captain Falcon to Pikachu, calculating the distance to the door of the room.
"Kichupa pa chuki kipichi ku chu ki, ka pik pika chu!" "No way, if we take three steps Young Link will try to bite our eyes out."
"I don't understand Pokemon," said C Falcon. "But judging by the way you're shaking your head, motioning for me to come back, and giving me a thumbs down, I'd say that you said 'yes'."
Pikachu covered his eyes.
"Here goes nothing… woah! Argh! Ouch! NO! DON'T BITE MY EYES! MY PRECIOUS EYES! How will I ever look at pictures of Link NOT THAT I WANT TO um bite me somewhere else! Oh. Shoot. Not there. Please no. NO DON'T BITE ME THERE I'M WARNING YOU I WANT TO HAVE BABIES LIKE YOU DO DON'T DO IT ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHMYPRECIOUSNNNMMMMMMPPPHHHRTEHFHHIRWYRHTJRIEFJHIJHIJSHUHIIJNJIHNhoogi. took advantage of Captain Falcon's selfless, selfish sacrifice to escape Jigglypuff and her vicious puppet, Young Link.

"Well, looks as if I win!" said Samus.
"What do you mean?" said Nana. She had joined the game late.
"Didn't you see it?" said Samus. She appealed to the others. "You saw it, didn't you?"
"I hate to say it, but Peach did stop smiling for a second," said Ganondorf. "That trick with two steaming hot bars on opposite sides along with the acid in the mouth – well, I'd never have thought of it."
"Bounty hunting teaches you all kinds of useful things," said Samus modestly.
"I'll beat that," said Nana.
"What are you gonna do?" said Bowser.
"Same thing, except frozen icicles instead of the iron bars. And I'll set fire to Peach's head at the same time."
"Not too original," said Samus, "but smart. Say, Nana, have you considered a professional career as a bounty hunter?"
"Sounds boring."
"A.k.a. a career as a hit-man?"
"Oh!" said Nana. "I've thought about it." She inserted the icicles.
Samus nodded. "You seem well suited for the job. I bet you're not afraid to kill."
"I'm not." Nana set Peach's hair alight.
"I'll get some pamphlets over to you. It's a great career choice, I can tell you – there we go."
Peach momentarily stopped smiling.
Then she smiled again.
"How long?" said Nana.
Bowser smiled. "Two point four six seconds. Exactly the same as Samus."
Nana raised her eyebrows. "Sure that's not point four seven?"
"I'm sure," said Bowser.
Nana picked up the red-hot iron bars.
"I'm not so sure," said Bowser.
"You think Peach would have revealed to us by now why she went mad," said Ganondorf.
Hearing her name, Peach suddenly did something very smart – she responded!
"Uh – I can't talk!" said Peach.
"She's thinking again," said Nana.
"Wha-?" said Peach.
"Why did you hurt Donkey Kong?" said Ganondorf.
"He said…" Peach started to cry – "he said 'green pigeon soup bowl'!" She burst into tears.
"So you attacked him?"
"The soup bowl wouldn't-" Peach fell silent.
"What?" said the others.
"Does it matter?" said Peach. "I feel much better now."
"You won't kill any more people?"
Peach shook her head, smiling.
"Green pigeon soup bowl," said Nana.
Peach continued to smile.
"Well, we'd better tell the others," said Bowser.
One by one, they left the room, leaving Peach alone to smile quietly to herself.
"The bowl," she muttered inanely.
"Good work," said the floating soup bowl. "You have kept our talks secret, haven't you, pretty?"
Peach nodded.
"Now I'll need you to get rid of the kitchen utensils. You will have to be very careful. Do you understand?"
"Yes Mister Green Pigeon Soup Bowl," said Peach through the megaphone.
"Shut up!" said the soup bowl, vanishing.
And in the darkness, the princess smiled once more.
Then all was silent. Perhaps – perhaps too silent.

Now shower me with praise before I shower you with spam. Yes, that means you.
PRAISE, I TELL YOU!

Mewtwo is a caaaat… Kitty caaaat… Buy… green pigeon soup bowl… read the lines…