AUTUMN DAYS

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!FTW

I'd quickly like to add here that I hate reading stories with minimal line breaks, etcetera. It's just a bit confusing. Consider the deadly 300's payback.

Chapter 5

As soon as Theau Thor had ceased to show off his proficiency at writing backwards, everyone realised it was extremely late. They decided that the best course of action would be to sleep.
Allow me to elaborate:
"I think that the best thing we could do now is sleep," said Roy.
"Indeed," said everyone else.
Meh, it all amounts to the same thing. So everyone prepared to sleep in the Smash Mansion. As a descriptive note, this wouldn't be too much of a problem, as the mansion was more or less designed to accommodate people who might wish to stay there for prolonged periods of time (i.e. 5+ seconds) or who needed an emergency place to stay between deadly tournament battles to the death (i.e. European handball). There were numerous rooms, which although a little bit worn (i.e. peeling paint), and with a few unattractive decorations (people-shaped holes in the wall), were quite habitable. And habited they were, almost every single one of them. And by a coincidence, it was the Smash Brothers who were staying here. Remember them? The people I've been heavily defaming and insulting for the past four chapters? Yes, those super Smash Brothers. Some of them (i.e. Kirby) took one "last" snack (i.e. a cow), and some of them (i.e. hmm… not again… Mario? Yeah, Mario is a good citizen. i.e. Mario) decided to go straight to bed, or wherever they slept (Pikachu found that sleeping with his tail in an electrical socket was stimulating, in more ways than one (yes, I am referring to that (you might want to picture that. Pikachu with his tail in an electrical socket. Get it? Socket? (Sorry if I've offended anyone (i.e. everyone who has any trace of morality (which, come to think of it, wouldn't include readers of this story (especially considering that nobody with any sense reads heavily nested brackets/parentheses or whatever you call these things (Which I don't really understand because it seems kind of elegant in a visual sense (point taken, I don't have any sense for the visual arts (hey, I saw this cool digital artwork the other day (it was kind of explicit, and – hey! I need to plug in the toaster. (Plug in? Hey… that sixual (with an "i") picture gave me an idea. (The idea involved Pikachu and an electrical socket. 6? (I don't know why everyone thinks using the word "six" is a form of censorship. It doesn't even resemble any- oh. That. Well, I don't think any of my readers are old enough to read about that. (Did I say old? I meant mature. (If you're still reading this, put the number four thousand seven hundred and one into your review and I'll hug you (metaphorically. I don't know where you live or anything (or do I? (Okay, this has gone too far (I'm sure you'd all agree. (Or perhaps not. Well, I hope you agree. (We all hope for something. (Oh, and don't do drugs.))))))))))))))))))))))).

Whew. That was thick. Let's discuss Peach.
"Okay," said Peach. "I can discuss myself!"
"Shh," said Theau Thor.
"DISCUSS THIS!" said Peach, hitting herself with a Frisbee.
"Ouch," said Luigi, looking on. "Are you-a okay?"
"I'll be just fine," said Peach.
Luigi left the room, shrugging.
The room Peach was staying in had been painted a fluorescent pink by Peach to match her dress. In the process, she had accidentally painted the windows pink, along with Master Hand's index finger. She simply was that kind of person, as things were.
"Now," said Peach in a high, voice which, upon hearing, one might consider high-pitched enough to start SCREAMING AND FROTHING AT THE MOUTH DUE TO THE ANNOYINGLY FREQUENT FREQUENCIES OF HER FREQUENTLY DEADLY VOICE WHICH WAS SO OVER-SATURATED WITH SWEETNESS THAT YOU REALLY WOULD LIKE AN EXCUSE TO EMPTY OUT ONE'S STOMACH. "I need to put on this lovely nightgown. But first, I shall need to take off these shoes."
Peach turned her attention to her shoes, and her eyes narrowed. "You won't be tricking me so easily this time, shoes. I'll get rid of you yet!"
She reached down, grabbed a shoe, and pulled hard. "Ow…" she whinged. "It's grabbed onto my foot!" Completely ignoring the shoelaces and the easy-to-read instructions her Toadstool attendant had taped onto the laces, she continued to apply brute force to remove her shoes, with little success.

"You what?" exclaimed Mario. "You left Peach to take of her shoes by herself?"
Luigi nodded, slightly worried. "I thought-a she could manage for once-a," he explained to his brother, Mario.
Mario sighed. "Well, as we have-a nothing else to do…" He picked up a box of dominoes. "We may as well-a create the domino chains-a."
"Okay, brother," said Luigi, leaning over Mario to reach the lid of the box.
At this point, Captain Falcon opened the door to their room, and noticed the strange position which the two plumbers were in.
"Woah-oh!" he said. "I knew you were Italian, and I knew you were plumbers, but I didn't even think that you two would have the guts to face your bro and hu-"
"What are you doing here?" demanded Mario angrily, trying to shake Luigi off his back.
Captain Falcon stopped, shocked. "Ooh… I don't know."
The Mario brothers glared angrily at him for a moment.
The F-Zero driver panicked. "You can't prove anything! I didn't come here with the sole intention of seeing you two! I don't know why I even said that! I do not like to look at naked people! At least men! Women are fine. FINE! I didn't do it! I swear! It's all a horrible mistake! I don't understand how you could accuse me of being – wait, you didn't accuse me. Did I just accuse me of-?"
Theau Thor said, "I believe that by now you should all hate Captain Falcon, so I don't think you'll mind the following:"
Captain Falcon's loud noises and shouting at his discovery that he had even considered himself to be something which he hoped and in his own opinion knew to be untrue was enough of a distraction to annoy just about everyone within a three light-millennium radius including all the other Smash Brothers who indeed were so annoyed that they immediately went down to the room which the Mario Brothers occupied armed with all kinds of weapons which made things seem as if the intention of the people coming down (everyone else) was to teach Captain Falcon a lesson (that's authority-figure speak for "excruciatingly torturous pain") for as prolonged a period of time as possible due to the severe annoyance which Captain Falcon was to just about everyone in the Smash Mansion as well as the people within the aforementioned radius and when the Smashers arrived they looked at Captain Falcon who said "I didn't mean any harm, I swear-" before being engulfed in a gulf of projected projectiles aimed at the two spots that would cause him the most pain (okay, only at one spot) which then caused him to start moaning and screaming and saying things along the lines of "OH PLEASE DON'T HURT ME I'M SO DEEPLY APOLOGETIC FOR ALL HARM I'VE CAUSED YOU WELL MAYBE NOT ALL HARM BUT A LOT OF IT A LOT OF IT I TELL YOU OH DEAR WHY AM I WHAT THE – no, no, I can't believe this is happening, I want children like the rest of you; I deserve to – can I at least keep one of-?" before convulsing in deserved pain which of course was highly painful for him but not everyone else because it was everyone else who had been hurting him then they left and did their own things.
The exception was of course the Mario brothers, who wanted Captain Falcon to leave their room. After recovering his sanity, Falcon did so.
"Yoshi yoshi. Yoshi yoshi yoshi?" "Wait. Captain Falcon had sanity to begin with?"
"No," said Theau Thor. "But it's still funny. But it's still funny. But it's still funny. But it's still funny. But it's still funny."
Yoshi and the Mario brothers exchanged weird looks before turning their attention back to Luigi's suitcase.
"Well?" said Mario expectantly.
"Yoshi, yoshi?" "Well, what?"
"How do we open this thing?"
"What do you mean?"
"You are the only one here who is-a smart enough to open a suitcase lock, is-a that not-a true?" said Mario.
Yoshi nodded. "Yoshi…" "Fine…"
Actually, it wasn't fine, as Yoshi's hands weren't nearly as prehensile as he would have liked (hey, he was a lizard/dinosaur/thing). But after a couple of minutes of struggling, Yoshi finally managed to pull the zip open.
"Wow," breathed Mario, looking down into the suitcase. "It's amazing…"
Little did they know of the true secret of the zip-locked suitcase…

"Oh, so shoe, you think you've won this time?" asked Peach, growling at the shoe. "Well, I think I'm just going to have to do this the hard way!"

Peach attempted to twist her left leg around her right arm and the back of her neck, so she could bite of the shoe with her teeth, but unfortunately, Peach's form was really poor, as she could only do a semi-leg left twist around her right arm, and a quarter corkscrew around the neck, ending up with Peach coming a close second to the shoe.

"This means war!" screamed Peach, as she twisted her beak around to the correct position, and trotted around the room, but realised her left foot was in her mouth, so she tripped over.

"I finally worked out what's wrong," said Zelda, as, inside the confines of Master Hand's wine cellar, she and Samus fought bitterly to the death, with… hm… what would a prize bounty hunter and a Hyrulean princess fight with… with their fists and sharpened nails and a couple of laser swords and rocket-propelled grenade launchers thrown into the mix.
"Oh, yeah?" said Samus, casually ducking as a nearby wall collapsed. "So what is wrong?"
"I don't think the guy even knows I'm interested in him," admitted Zelda, blushing slightly, giving Samus an ample opportunity to drive an axe through Zelda's earrings.
"Which guy?"
Zelda performed a double jump and landed on a chandelier (yes, in a wine cellar). "Have you… er… do you know who Donkey Kong is?"
"The guy in Falcon and Bowser's love triangle?"
"That's not true!" cried Bowser, running past, trying to remove the lipstick.
Zelda shook her head. "Those are just… stupid rumours," she said, trying to convince herself. "I'm sure he's the right one for me."
Samus nodded, raising her arm cannon. "I'm not one to judge, but you're off."
Zelda spat. "What would you know about love?"
"I meant, you're falling to the floor."
Zelda looked down and realised that it was so. "Oh. Thanks." ZLDA tUn3d 1nt0 a h0rsEE nd 8 al hr frend!11111
"No problem," said Samus.
"Doesn't this scene seem deceptively uneventful to you?" said Zelda.
Captain Falcon staggered into the room, half drunk. "Hey, babeeee…" he slurred, reaching for Samus' arm.

Captain Falcon woke up. "Why am I stuck in the freezer?" he said to himself.
Opening the freezer door, he saw Kirby biting down into something that looked strangely like human bone.
"Wha-?" said Kirby. "Eek! Uh… hi! Hi. Uh… bye!" He grabbed a pot full of milk-marinated celery sticks and ran out.
"I wonder what that little thing was doing?" said Captain Falcon, slamming the freezer door and looking out of the kitchen to see where Kirby had gone.
"Hello," said a voice from behind him.
Captain Falcon wheeled around and discovered Marth was holding a sword to his throat (that's Captain Falcon's throat, not Marth's (I mean, in case you thought that Marth was holding the sword to his own throat (in a sort of suicidal way, if you get my drift (and personally I think that Marth would be an excellent person to do so (as opposed to someone I don't mind, like Samus or Kirby or Mewtwo or Jigglypuff (yes, I can actually barely stand that thing's cute little voice (which was actually a key factor in Kirby's attempts to break into the basement to get even more food (he used Jigglypuff's voice to break the lenses of the security cameras that Zelda had set up (because Zelda was the person who felt some sort of responsibility to ensure that food was well rationed (as, in case you've forgotten, they were trapped inside the Smash Mansion by leaves (the deadly kind (is there any other? (note: that was sarcasm (which is hard to notice in some circumstances (but hopefully not in this one (then again, I had to point it out, so it must be bad (just like Bowser is bad (did you know that Bowser once set Mario on fire just to satisfy his sadistic needs? (Yes, I feel that Bowser has a sadistic complex (which wouldn't be out of character (Bowser is the sort of person who steps on small rodents like bats or mice or Peach just for fun (actually, I wouldn't mind stepping on Peach (if you agree, say so in your review and we'll get married (if you're female (Female as in what Zelda and Captain Falcon are, not what Bowser or Roy is (is Roy male? (OH NO! The evil 300 has struck again! (Better wrap up.))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Marth viciously assaulted Captain Falcon, but Captain Falcon fought back. Marth grabbed an anvil and tried to whack Captain Falcon with it, but dropped it on his toe. Captain Falcon laughed before realising that his head was under Marth's toe, and screamed in pain a bit. Then Marth did an insane little dance and Captain Falcon and Marth both started slapping each other. Fortunately, Kirby ate them both before they did anything really dangerous.

Peach held the chainsaw high. "Ha!" she cried in triumph. "Think you're so smart, shoelaces? Well, let's see you shoelace my chainsaw!"
"Where did you get a chainsaw from?" said Fox, walking in.
A violent noise!
Fox's head rolled to the floor…
NO!
…still attached to his body…
OH!
…by three millimetres of flesh…
EEK!
…as well as Fox's neck.
Oh.
Peach raised the chainsaw and aimed at her foot. "It's time!" she shouted, beginning to thrust.
"Noooo!" shouted Luigi, diving in the way of the chainsaw. It went straight through him, but stopped just short of Peach's foot.
"Oh," said Peach. "How coincidental."
Luigi was badly injured, but that's okay, as nobody likes-a Luigi anyway.
Luigi weakly lifted his arm and took off Peach's shoes before collapsing into unconsciousness.
"How anticlimactic," said Kirby. "I'd better eat Luigi just to add some excitement." He ate Luigi. Because Fox was a vulpine, Kirby ate him too.
"Well, everything's great," said Peach. "Now to put on this pyjama top." She looked at it.
"I command you to put yourself onto me!" she ordered.
Nothing happened.
"If only Kirby hadn't eaten that chainsaw, too," thought Peach out loud.

Why did Kirby eat Captain Falcon and Marth? Will Peach ever get ready for bed? Who taught Marth how to do an insane little dance? Whose three millimetres of flesh are stuck onto Fox's neck? Has the author finally cracked? Find out next chapter!

Note: If you review, I may genuinely stop updating this weak humour story. Completely serious. Just say so in your review. And I may actually do so. (Operative word is "may", which translates to "will, if you all become my obedient slaves,". Just so you're warned.)
Oh, and thanks to my little brother hoogiman (he's really little (indeed so (don't worry, I won't start (or will I? (No (or will I? (Yes (Or won't I?))))))))