AUTUMN DAYS

DISCLAIMER: I honestly think I've covered everything worth disclaiming in the last five chapters. That doesn't really matter. So. I think that the best thing I can do here is to shut up. Right. I can shut up. I'll do just that. Watch – I'm stopping! In three – two – one…

Chapter 6

"No," breathed Mario.
"What is it?" whispered Luigi.
They and Yoshi stood there, looking at the strange – no, impossible – contents of the suitcase.
"Yoshi yoshi yoshi…" "I'd never have thought it possible."
"Well, obviously it is-a," said Luigi.
"Shut up," said Mario. "Didn't we kill you off last chapter, anyhow?"
"No," said Luigi.
"I wish we did."
"Why is it-a that nobody likes-a Luigi?" moaned Luigi self-pityingly.
Yoshi hit Luigi with a hammer, knocking the latter out cold.
"What exact-a-ly is that?" whispered Mario, not really paying too much attention to Luigi's unfortunate plight.
Yoshi shook his head. "Yosh yosh yoshi," he said. "I don't know."
"Whatever this is, it can't be good," said Mario recognition vaguely sparking in the corner of his mind.
Yoshi and Mario realised it at the same time.
"No-"

On the opposite side of the house, Ness and his best friend Mewtwo OUCH I meant Mewtwo and his best friend Ness were OUCH okay Mewtwo and some other guy OUCH I mean Mewtwo was beating up Captain Falcon.
"This is funner than I thought," said Mewtwo.
"You mean, 'more fun'," corrected Ness.
"My psychic powers tell me you'll never be happy," said Mewtwo.
Ness burst into tears, and started crying and banging his head against the wall. Mewtwo didn't feel like banging his head on the wall, so he used Captain Falcon's instead.
"Ouch! Eek! Oof! Owie! Aw! Ack! Ow!" said Captain Falcon coherently.
"Well…" stammered Ness. "My psychic powers tell me that you lust for Link's body!" He smiled, knowing his retort had hit home.
Mewtwo's eyes glared red for a moment. "How dare you! The only person I feel for is Pichu, and-" He stopped dead cold. "Wait… you'd know that already… which means…"
Ness waved the tape recorder in front of Mewtwo's face. "Yep, you're spot on. Looks as if you've got yourself into a mess, now."
"What do you want?"
"The Gambolputty de von Ausfern CD that Young Link stole from my room."
Mewtwo's eyes widened in shock. "That's – you know how possessive Young Link is; that's suicide!"
Ness lowered his head. "It seems that Pichu is about to find out who sent him the flowers, then."
"Are you blackmailing me?"
"We already established that."
"Oh," raged Mewtwo. "Well, I admit defeat. Either way, I'm dead. Well done, old friend and foe. You have me beat."
Mewtwo walked towards the door, moaning slightly. Just as he reached the door, however, he spun around violently on one foot, launched a ball of dark energy at Ness, and attempted to psychically slap Ness.
They dived at each other and fought bitterly, stopping only to growl and shout "Nice try!" or "Pichu must never know!" They burst through the wall (an easy thing to do, considering that the wall was actually made of an extremely flimsy piece of cardboard kept together by sticky tape) and landed in a secondary hallway below on the ground floor. They used their telekinetic powers to hurl tables and doors at each other. The wreckage flew everywhere. The outcome was obvious. The walls of the mansion would soon collapse, allowing the deadly mass of leaves to enter. In their anger, Mewtwo and Ness had forgotten the true danger (OUCH I put Ness last isn't that enough?).
Ness somersaulted backwards, narrowly avoiding the energy ball which was now on a direct collision course for-!

-Peach's left eyeball was sitting there, doing nothing like normal. Suddenly, the wall in front of her burst open and let through a painful sensation, causing her to fall backwards and wiggle her arms a bit in pain.
Still in pain, Peach wiggled her arms a bit more.
"They're coming for me," she said in realisation. Seeing that her left shoe was still on, she knew that she had better complete her task quickly before it was too late.
Then it was too late. A piece of dust landed on Peach's head.
Fortunately for her she didn't notice, so it didn't really count and everything was all right and I probably just wrote that sentence to inflate the word count for this chapter (and my ego too (Look, I can spell ego – see how good I am? (Granted, a lot of people can, but hey, it's good for my ego (did I mention I can spell that? (some people wouldn't be able to, like… Peach… who we were just talking about (okay, who I was talking about (give me a break, okay? (Rhetorical; I assume you will (yes, I know I'm a bit of a trusting person (Kind of like Link, who actually fell for the old 'Look out! Your clothes are actually an elf-eating reptile' standby (which was weird, seeing as the trick had been played on him by his younger self (the idea being that surely he should have remembered it and not have fallen for it (although then it would be slightly paradoxical because if he hadn't fallen for it then there wouldn't be a trick for him to remember (the best way out of this is to pretend that Link's childhood passed in a psychedelic haze (mmm… psych… (Kirby might actually be capable of eating abstract ideas; he seems to be able to eat just about anything else (except for himself; that seems a little bit far-fetched (even for a character with a stomach of infinite size (perhaps a black hole or the like? (as in the compression aspect, allowing for everything to potentially being stored in there (eek, this sentence is long))))))))))))))))))))) and then the deadly 300'er struck again, creating yet another unsightly splotch (that's a word?) on an otherwise mildly unsightly page (pesky unformatted 300-word… I'll get you yet), before moving on to create further terror.

Before anything worse could happen, the world came to an end, leaving maybe… I dunno… two people in the wine cellar, who happened to be… who would like wine? Perhaps the Pokemon? They talk as if they're drunk all the time anyway (ever seen a sober person repeat his/her name in order to form coherent speech? I think not). Yes. Except, as I just realised, that there were four in the mansion, so I'll have to remove two of them from this scenario (4 – 2 2); perhaps Mewtwo? He's already being used for the Love Scene fight. And… Pikachu, because apparently everyone hates him.
So it was a pink puffed-up round ball-like ball off puffly-piggly puff as well as a rat with a tendency to electrocute himself (NT: I don't believe the Pokemon really have any gender, and my sexist beliefs dictate me to assume that male is the noncommittal solution. And Jigglypuff is female because she's a puffball).
Pichu and Jigglypuff were crawling around in the pipes, trying to find the fabled Candy Bar That Was Dropped By Marth Yesterday. So far, they were having little success.
"Jig iggle piggly puff jiggy pig guffpuff!" "Let's check here one more time!"
"Ich chi pu; pu chipi chu chipu pichu?" "Jigglypuff, why are we looking in the box you brought from upstairs?"
Jigglypuff smacked Pichu for talking back and digged through her empty box, muttering to herself "ig jig jig… jig jig jig… jiggly iggly iggly jiggly piggly jijily…", which translates loosely to "Ruckutoripacl asphyntiation noricksopth, alborthreath mush googolplex mistorfurs kristo furchehnis knotter hence: ig jig jig… jig jig jig… jiggly iggly iggly jiggly piggly jijily…"
Pichu sniffed around, electrocuting himself a couple of times in the process. He turned around, electrocuting himself in the process and shouted to Jigglypuff, electrocuting himself in the process. At this point, he collapsed in shock from all the electric zaps, inadvertently electrocuting himself in the process.
"Jig?" said Jigglypuff, confused. "A style of dance commonly written in 6-8?"
"Pichu pichu," mumbled Pichu before blinking (zapping himself in the process (hey, blinking is hard)).
"Cell phone!" said Roy, walking in and hitting himself in the head because he had red hair.
"Jig piggly puff puff?" "Are you my mother?"
Roy wasn't sure what Jigglypuff had just said, so he nodded warily. "Yeah… I think…" This was the wrong answer.
Jigglypuff leapt forward and attached herself to Roy's leg. "OUCH!" he shouted. "It's on my leg! The pain! Wait… the pain is gone. Phew." He realised what that meant.
"MY LEGS! I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!" At this point, Jigglypuff hugged Roy's leg so tight that she amputated it, and leapt for the neck.
"FINE!" shouted Roy. "I CONFESS! I took your snack bar! Here! Have it!" He tossed it away.
Pichu and Jigglypuff leapt towards the candy bar and started tearing at it with their mouths.

Yoshi and Mario dived for the door together, but by the time they reached it, it had frozen and hardened so that they didn't so much as make a dent in it with their full weight.
"Oh noes!" said Mario.
"Yoshi yoshi yoshi!" "Spell properly!"
"MY GRAMMER IS PURFECKTLY GUD, TAHNK U," said Theau Thor.
Yoshi made a weird face and turned back to the door. "Yosh ishi yoshi!" "We must warn everyone!"
"But-a how can we do that-a when we are-a trapped?" screamed Mario hysterically, clawing his face.
They yelled and screamed a bit, then realised that it would do them absolutely no good whatsoever. Then they did nothing.

"No!" screamed Ness, diving backwards as the hallway floor burst into flames. He sent bolts of electricity streaming from his hands and twisted to the side as Mewtwo dived at him in a blind rage.
The place was breaking apart; the only thing holding it together now was the flimsy pieces of cellophane tape mentioned earlier. Bolts of fire and energy attacks and annoying mid-fight banter ('Your heart is strong but mine is stronger!'; 'I am not your father!'; 'Dodge this!'). The fight was reaching a climax, what with the exciting music playing in the background and the dramatic setting. (I need to point that out so that you feel as worked up as I do right now.)
Ness concentrated with all his energy. "PK Fire!" he shouted. A ball of lightning sped towards Mewtwo, who pushed out with his mind and deflected it at the last minute, sending it flying instead towards-

-Peach's right eyeball was still useable, until it suddenly burst into flame. This made her very unhappy so she decided that the best thing to do would be to run around in circles screaming in confusion.
However, being in confusion, she inadvertently ran through the rice paper walls of her room (poor walls) and crashed into Mario/Luigi's room, which was a good thing considering that Mario and Yoshi were trapped in there until that point, when Peach's running through the wall freed them, and allowed them to escape and warn the others about the presence of the entity within the suitcase, the suitcase which (coincidentally) was run into and tripped over by the Princess (Peach), who then shouted a bit, pulled her hair, screamed in agony, giggled, and danced happily, before stomping on the suitcase so that it would pay attention to her and then singing in a voice which was so EXCRUCIATINGLY HIGH PITCHED AND OVER-SWEET THAT IF YOU HEARD IT YOU'D WANT TO ATTACK HER OR RIP OUT HER THROAT OR DO SOMETHING EQUALLY DRASTIC IN ORDER TO ESCAPE THE HORRIBLE SINGING WHICH WAS SO BAD THAT EVEN THE KINDEST, MOST COMPASSIONATE PERSON IN EXISTENCE WOULD WANT TO MURDER THE PRINCESS AT THAT MOMENT OR INDEED AT ANY MOMENT FOLLOWING THAT PREVIOUSLY MENTION MOMENT which strangely caused considerable pain to the suitcase, which then exploded, sending showers of bottled water and brand-new T-shirts flying around the room, suffocating Peach and fortunately shutting her up, saving the minds of those within earshot and saving Peach's life (see comment about Peach's singing voice) which was kind of good, seeing as if somebody died it would be a very sad thing which is why nobody should die and we should live in a perfect world, so perfect that we don't have to define the word 'perfect' because if we did have to we wouldn't be able to and this hypothetical utopia would have no meaning at all, although Peach would certainly not exist in a perfect world.
Another fortunate side effect of this was that Peach's shoes were burned off in the explosion. Now she'd no longer need to untie her shoes.
Everything was perfect.
Oops… forgot to wrap up the Ness/Mewtwo conflict. Give me two secs.

"Please, Ness," cried Mewtwo desperately. "Don't tell Pichu. I'll get Young Link's stolen CD for you."
"You promise?" said Ness.
"You can read my mind. You'd know if I was lying."
"SEE?" said Theau Thor. "EVRYTING iZ al r1t3. T3h 3ND!1111111"