AUTUMN DAYS

DISCLAIMER: If a clam could claim the cream of this complaint, and a completely clean collection of closed cases are clueless and clucking, is a clueless cream-less clam actually the cream of a crop of collectible cauliflower clappers? (Repeat 10 times fast)

Chapter 8

"What a lovely morning," said Peach cheerily in a voice that was SO HIGH THAT IF YOU HEARD IT YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO SQUEEZE IN HALF A SCREAM OF PAIN BEFORE YOUR EARDRUMS BURST AND YOUR SANITY WOULD DROP TO SUCH A LOW LEVEL THAT YOU WOULD SPEND THE REST OF YOUR DAYS SINGING STONE-AGE OPERAS.
Yoshi found Peach's voice so high that he was able to give half a yell of agony before collapsing to the ground, crying "Arararararararar…"
"I wonder why Yoshi is so upset?" said Peach. Several nearby windows cracked from the pitch of her voice, sending a barrage of leaves from outside flooding through.
(For those of you who can't remember, DK accidentally created a blanket of leaves which trapped the Smashers indoors for an indefinite amount of time (i.e. as long as I want it to be.))
Yoshi crawled out, still moaning in depression.
"He's such a good… uh…" Peach looked inquiringly at Yoshi. "Yoshi, are you a fish?"
Yoshi stared in a mixture of mute horror and utter shock. "Yoshi?" "What?"
"Are you a fish?"
Still utterly stupefied, Yoshi shook his head.
"Sorry," apologised Peach. "Well, I think you're a good horsie anyway."
Yoshi shook his head quickly.
"You're not a horsie?"
Yoshi nodded.
"Oh… are you a dragon?"
"Dragon?" thought Yoshi. Not willing to pursue the matter any further, he turned and fled.
Peach stared after him, wondering how Yoshi could possibly be so rude. She wouldn't be surprised if Yoshi didn't realise she was a princess, or perhaps even what species she was! Peach giggled at the thought.

"You got the CD?" enquired Ness as soon as Mewtwo glided through the door.
"Yes," said Mewtwo, psychically passing a disc over to Ness.
"Thanks!" said Ness. He plugged it into his mini-disc player, and hummed along a bit to those exciting baroque rhythms.

Time passed.

"So…" said Mewtwo.
"I'm bored," said Ness. "Why don't we perform experiments on the leaves trapping us in for no apparent reason?"
"Sounds good to me," said Mewtwo.
"HEAY," said Theau Thor. "tihS iz a bitt ov a cowincidense, buat it moovs teh stori allong?
"Please go away," said Ness.
"OH TAHT DOES ITT IM KILING U OFFF!11"
Mewtwo and Ness left the room and went into the lab. Yes, there was a lab in the Smash Mansion. Why, you ask? Well, obviously… uh… well… look! It's DK!

Donkey Kong was sitting on a chair, staring glumly at a bunch of bananas.
"What's got you down in the dumps?" said Ganondorf, entering the dining hall.
"Bananas have caused me nothing but trouble," moaned DK.
"Really?" said Ganondorf.
"No…" sighed DK. "…I'm trying to blame something else for all my personal faults." He sank to the ground (that is, the chair collapsed).
"Don't worry," said Ganondorf. Thinking of how he could cheer DK up, he suddenly had an idea. "Hey, why don't we kidnap a princess?"
At that moment, Zelda walked into the room. Ganondorf promptly grabbed her.
"Look, DK!" he said, waving his free arm. "Look! We've kidnapped a princess! Doesn't that make you feel excited? Happy about life?"
Donkey Kong shrugged glumly. Perhaps if it was a princess who deserved to be kidnapped, like Pauline or Peach or Peach or… Peach, he would have felt better. But Zelda? He honestly couldn't feel any satisfaction from that.
"Come on," said Ganondorf, nudging DK. "We're having fun, aren't we?"
"Please let me go," said Zelda.
"Fine," sighed Ganondorf, sinking to the ground beside DK as he released his hostage. "Mind if I join you in my depression?"
"Not at all," said Donkey Kong.

Jigglypuff and Kirby were playing 'Rollout' together. It was a simple game – you had to roll around the Mansion, breaking as many things as possible, injuring as many people as possible, and going at maximum speed.
"Wheeeeeee!" shouted Kirby as he zoomed through a wall.
"Jigggggly!" shouted Jigglypuff as she zoomed over Yoshi (prompting another healthy round of "Ararararar…").
Kirby rolled over a large and rather random spike in the ground, causing him to jump and yelp in pain.
Jigglypuff skidded to a stop and looked at Kirby. "Jig illyuff gig?" "Are you okay?"
"Yeah…" muttered Kirby, getting up.
Jigglypuff eyed the large hole which went straight through Kirby's side and out the other end. "Jig ig…" "Maybe you should seek medical attention…"
Kirby agreed, but unfortunately fainted from lack of blood loss before he could head towards Mario, their resident doctor.
Jigglypuff looked at Kirby's body, confused, then went to call Mario, who was (apparently) a doctor. However, before she could do that, she saw a door! How exciting! What better way could there be for anyone to spend their time than walking through doors! Jigglypuff gave an excited giggle and started walking through doors, some of them open.
She wandered into Peach's room.
"Ooh…" said Peach. "A pink thing!" She giggled, because pink was a funny word. "Get it? Thing?"
Jigglypuff was slightly confused by this, but she laughed along anyway.
"We haven't talked for a while, uh… your-name-here," said Peach, smiling, "but I'm sure we can find something fun, silly, and utterly stupid to do!"
Jigglypuff didn't answer immediately, being too busy staring at an imaginary floating soup bowl.
"Ah!" screamed Peach, diving at Jigglypuff to cover her eyes. "There is no soup bowl! It's not true!"
"It's all right," said the imaginary talking green pigeon soup bowl. "She's in this with us."
"Ooh…" said Peach. "A conspiracy… am I in it?"
"Yes, Peach," it sighed. "You're part of it, too. Now shut up and start pouring honey over people."
Jigglypuff and Peach looked at each other, giggled, and then ran off towards the kitchen (the land of skim milk and honey).

"Like, dude," said Captain Falcon, showing off his impressive vocabulary, "we're the three coolest guys in the Mansion!"
Bowser and Falco looked at him concernedly.
"What?" said Captain Falcon.
Peach and Jigglypuff ran through the hallway, knocking Bowser and Falco over, while giggling insanely.
"Oh no!" said C Falcon. "You two okay?"
Bowser was on his back. "Yeah," he growled weakly, trying to roll onto his front with little success, "though if you could push me over, I'd appreciate that."
"Mmph," said Falco, coughing out dust.
They were silent for a moment. Captain Falcon pushed Bowser onto all fours.
"WOOT!" shouted Bowser.
"What the heck does that mean?" said Falco, cringing as the ceiling rained plaster on his feathers.
"Well," said Bowser, "we survived, didn't we? It could be worse; we could have-"
Kirby ran through the hallway, trampling over Falco. As he faded off in the distance, they heard him yell "No! The sugar is mine! My sugar honey! Mine! Give me the honey back! Why, cruel world? I'll kill you all as soon as I can get my honey back! Yay!"
"You 'kay?" asked C Falcon again.
Falco shot him a look. "Some medical attention would be nice." He fainted from dignity loss.

"So it really is eleven herbs and spices," said Ness, looking at the electronic readout. "I always thought it was ten, you know? From the taste?"
"Well, that might be because number eleven is…" Mewtwo trailed off politely.
Ness looked at the list again. "Oh my-" He collapsed to the ground, writhing in disgust and pain.
"So why aren't we analysing the leaves?" said Mewtwo.
"We are," said Ness, "remember? We found that delicious finger-biting original chicken fin soup package down in the leaves."
"I suspect Kirby left it there."
"Good," said Ness. "Now let's do complicated stuff, because we're so intelligent and nerdy and boring and we really ought to conform to that stereotype."
"20.4 to the neg 3," said Mewtwo.
"Exactly."

Pikachu and Mario were having a lively conversation about which was better – Pokemon or Mushroom Kingdom residents?
"Pika chiki pi chik pi chik pi chik pi," said Mario, no, fine, said Pikachu. See? Pikachu said it. That better? "Pokemon are more friendly. They might fight a bit, but that's our collective hobby. In reality, we'd never so much as annoy you."
"Perhaps-a," said Mario, "but everyone I know from the Mushroom Kingdom is also-a fun to be with. Nobody from there would ever annoy someone like-a us…"
Peach and Jigglypuff ran up, poured honey all over them, performed a war dance, did a high-five, then escaped the scene, giggling.
Mario and Pikachu looked at each other, in total shock.

"Come on," coaxed Nana. "Good boy, Popo."
"I'm not your slave dog!" yelled Popo.
"Then you can be my pet bunny," said Nana sweetly, tightening the collar she had around Popo's neck.
"HELP!" screamed Popo. "Save me!"

"There, there," said Bowser, as he and Captain Falcon dragged Falco into an empty bedroom on the third floor. "I'm sure it's not that bad."
"Yeah," said Captain Falcon. "You're a strong birdie, Falco-"
Falco leapt up and grabbed Captain Falcon's neck. "Don't call me that," he hissed menacingly.
"Woah!" said Bowser, stepping backwards. "What did he say?"
"He called me a bird," said Falco, falling backwards onto a bed. He started laughing hysterically. "But I'm not a bird. I'm really a cow!"
"Come again?" said Captain Falcon.
"I may look like a bird, but I'm a moo cow inside!"
"Did he say moo cow?" said Bowser to Captain Falcon. "Moo cow?"
"It's okay," laughed Falco. "As soon as we escape this place, I'm going to Zoness for surgery… we can all be cows together!"
"Let's… back away…" said Bowser.
"Yeah…" said C Falcon.
They backed away.
"Why are you running from me?" shouted Falco.
Bowser backed into something. He spun around to see what was blocking the door.
"Hi! We're the Honey Bandits!" giggled Peach, as her accomplice in crime, Jigglypuff, attempted to juggle herself.
"ARGH!" shouted Bowser. "We're trapped! By lunatics!"
"A moonatic," corrected Falco.
Captain Falcon tried ripping his throat out, with limited success.
"NOOOOO!" shouted Bowser, as Falco, Jigglypuff and Peach closed in on them.

"We have to put a stop to this," said Link. "Two of the annoying females in the Smash Mansion are-"
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," said Samus.
"I wasn't saying that all females are annoying, just-"
"-just me?" said Zelda, pulling out her grand, royal, traditional and elegant stabbing dagger.
"SHUT UP AND LISTEN!" screamed Link. "I'm trying to keep everyone co-ordinated and up-to-date here! I'm the one making sure that no-one does anything stupid! SO JUST LISTEN!"
"We are listening," said Luigi.
Most of the adults had congregated in the large entrance hall of the mansion. Link had asked them to come so that he could warn them about the current threat to sanity in the mansion.
"Peach and Jigglypuff are running around, pouring the last of our edible honey over people's heads!" said Link. "This is disastrous; we've got to stop them before this place is a stick mess." He glanced at everyone meaningfully. "We have to live here, after all."
"About that," interrupted Fox. "Why aren't we organising an effort to clear the leaves so that we can escape?"
"We have to get some sort of order established first," said Link, being a clear-headed leader as usual. "If we just started shovelling leaves, we'd starve to death before anything else. Besides, I'm sure the authorities are on the outside, trying to help us out as well."
"NOT TEH MOO COW!1111111" screamed Captain Falcon's voice from upstairs.
"Let's go!" shouted Link.

"Jig?" said Jigglypuff, pressing her face against Bowser's.
"GAH! Get it OFF me!" yelped Bowser, scrambling backwards, tripping, and landing on his back again. "Argh!"
Jigglypuff grabbed a vase filled to the brim with honey and waved it eagerly.
Bowser struggled to touch the ground with his legs. "Stupid shell… no! Not honey!"
Captain Falcon was having problems of his own. Just as Peach had been about to drop a bee's nest on him, she and Falco had started arguing. Unfortunately, C Falcon was pinned down by their collective weight.
"I'm the moo-cow!" yelled Falco.
"Silly birdie!" giggled Peach. "The real moo cow is in space!"
"WTF?" said Bowser.
Link and Marth burst through the door. "Stop right there!" cried Link, facing Peach.
Peach giggled and threw a pot of honey at them. Link yelped and dived out of the way as the pot exploded, leaving a mess of honey. The entire door was effectively sealed by the messy substance.
"No!" screamed Bowser, seeing that his only exit was sealed shut.
"Jiggle!" cackled Jigglypuff sweetly.
Peach lowered the jug of honey towards Captain Falcon's head…
BANG! The wall burst open as Ganondorf and DK dived in. "Stop right there!" bellowed DK. "I'll stop you from ruining-"
Peach through the vase of honey at them, sending them falling to the ground, writhing.
"The sugar! It burns!" cried Ganondorf.
Peach lifted up the largest barrel of honey any one of them had ever seen. "J-puff!" she commanded. "The Bob-omb!"
Jigglypuff reached up with her tiny little arms and threw a live Bob-omb into the barrel of honey.
Outside the room, Link, Mario, and the others gasped.
"This barrel," declared Peach, "has a Bob-omb in it! In a few seconds, it will explode, flooding the entire house with honey! How delightful!" She giggled a bit, then began to count.
"Five…"
Link and Marth tried to force their way through the wall of honey.
"Four…"
DK and Ganondorf writhed on the ground.
"Three…"
Somewhere else, Nana whipped Popo.
"Two…"
Ness and Mewtwo gasped as the chemical analysis on the leaves was finished.
"One…"
Kirby dived into the room, screaming "Noooooo! MY SUGAR-COATED HONEY!" He inhaled the barrel as he flew by, landing on the ground, then swallowed.
The barrel exploded inside Kirby, filling his mouth with that delicious honey taste. No-one else was harmed.
"I guess it's a happy ending," said Link, breathing a sigh of relief.
"Thank goodness for-a Kirby and his ridiculous-a appetite," concluded Mario.
Ness and Mewtwo ran towards them, panting.
"Everyone!" shouted Ness. "According to our tests, someone covered the leaves with a compound which made them fall more quickly and easily!"
"But that means…" said Young Link.
"…that somebody deliberately trapped us in here…" said Samus.

Duh duh duh…

"That was a cliffhanger?" said Roy. "That sucked!"

Review and I might actually stop annoying people by posting this trash! (Wow… all this garbage in 36 hours…)