AUTUMN DAYS

DISCLAIMER: The rofl pony owns Nintendo and all of its assets. If you have any enquiries about this change of ownership, please direct your queries to the rofl pony.

Chapter 15

"Well," said Samus, "this is boring."
"Yes," said Zelda, "very boring, indeed."
"Let's kill some people!" said Samus, jumping up from her chair.
"Good idea," said Zelda, standing.

"So you've just been sitting there, doing absolutely nothing?" said Link with not a little scepticism.
Fox and Mario glanced at each other.
"Well, if we did something," said Fox, "we don't remember a thing about it."
"Indeed-a," said Mario, "and may I remind-a you that we are-a completely sincere-a."
"Why wouldn't you be?" said Link.
"No comment," said Mario, diving under a rock.
"How did this rock end up indoors?" wondered Link.
The rock suddenly turned into Kirby, perhaps because it had been Kirby in disguise all along!
"Hiya," said Kirby, "how are you all today?" (Then, under his breath, "Food…")
"Were you eavesdropping on us?" said Link.
"Why, I'm completely shocked by the very suggestion!" said Kirby, "because I certainly was not eavesdropping! I'm not a very eavesdropping person at all! Why, the very thought of eavesdropping causes me to think eavesdropping-unrelated thoughts!"
"Well, that seems a reasonable enough excuse," said Fox, who was thick enough to believe him.
"Right, well-a, you may-a go," said Mario.
"Yay!" said Kirby, "because I wasn't eavesdropping."
"We know," said Fox and Mario together.
Kirby grabbed a large sandwich and headed elsewhere.
"Farewell-a, Kirby!" shouted Mario. "Never forget the truth!"
"What?" said Fox.
"Just a side story I'm not going to use after all," said Theau Thor.
"Okay-a, then," said Mario. "Wait – who are you-a?"
"16," said Fox.

"Before, there was never a reason to wonder," said Link, "but now things have changed. I feel… I feel doubt. I am beginning to question the nobility of these actions."
"Just shut up," said Zelda, whacking him with a golf club again, now mostly because she was settling into a familiar routine.
"Please," begged Link, "stop this nonsense."
"No," said Zelda.
"Meh," said Link, "I suppose I'll just have to kill myself, then."
And he did.
"Oh, dear," said Zelda, who was worried that she might have to speak at Link's Hyrulian funeral.
"Oh, dear," said Peach, who was worried that Link might try to come back to life and kill her pet Koopa.
"OH NOES MUDRERRZ?" shouted Luigi.
"TEH EDN IZ CUMING!" shouted Zelda.
"HE'Z DEDD!" shouted Mario.
"I'M DEDD shouted Link, WAT DO VE DOO?"
"You know," said Samus, "I know that we agreed to kill some people, but this sucks. Both in content and in presentation."
"Absolutely," said Zelda, "but it was your suggestion just to sit down and wait for some unsuspecting victim to come to us."
"It works, though," whined Samus.
Yoshi ran up to Samus and Zelda, waving his arms. "Yoshi! Yoshi yoshi yoshi; yoshi!"
Samus and Zelda both smiled evilly.
"Arararararararar…" said Yoshi, who realised that he was about to meet a rather unpleasant fate.

"So," said Marth, "want to do anything?"
"It's nearly noon," said Roy. "Besides, it's our second day stuck here, and I'm still bored."
"Are you sure it's nearly noon?"
"No."
"There is no sense of time in this hellhole," said Marth.
"What'cha mean?" said Roy.
"So much completely random stuff is happening around us, often at the rate of fourteen wacky incidents a minute! It's almost impossible to measure time or even guess at it."
"Have you tried using a clock?" said Roy.
"A- what?"
"A clock? A device… for telling time?"
"Oh, a clock," said Marth reminiscently, "I remember those…"
"We must find a clock!" shouted Roy with all his courage and inner strength.
"WE MUST FIND THE CLOCK BEFORE WE GO INSANE!" shouted Marth. "INSANE… INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE! BOOM CHUGGA CHUGGA WHO DA CLOCK-FINDER?"
"We'll find what the time is, and we shall be saved from the depths of lunacy," bellowed Roy, "lunacy!"
And with an extremely unsteady gait, they set off to find a clock.

"Morning," said Ness. "Or evening, depending on the time."
"Really, who cares?" said Mewtwo. "It's not as if anyone cares what time it is."
"But then when's lunch?" said Ness.
They both looked at each other, aghast.
"Surely it must be lunch time by now!" shouted Mewtwo.
"Surely Zelda cooked it last chapter!" shouted Ness.
"In the event that she didn't, let's cook for ourselves," said Mewtwo.
"Agreed," said Ness.
Ness and Mewtwo walked to- okay, Ness walked and Mewtwo floated to- is floated the right word? How about 'glide'? Okay – Ness and Mewtwo respectively walked and glided to the kitchen.
"Here we are at the kitchen," said Ness, who felt an overwhelming desire to remind Mewtwo where they were.
"Ah… the kitchen," raged Mewtwo.
"So I suppose we have to cook or something, now," said Ness.
"I suppose so," raged Mewtwo.
"Stop raging. It's really unnerving."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I really care," raged Mewtwo sarcastically.
"How can you rage sarcastically?" said Ness. "And more to the point, why is the fridge in the middle of the room?"
They both stared at the fridge, worried.

"klik beep beep kilk" said Mr Game & Watch.
"There you are," said Peach. "Nobody's seen you around since we became trapped inside this Happy Fun House!"
Mr Game and Watch randomly hit Peach in the head with a hammer, most likely because she was talking in a voice which was so sickeningly high-pitched and whiny that anyone unfortunate enough to hear it for even a split second would surely start frothing at the mouth and going raving mad and trying to kill Peach to end the pain.
"Ow," said Peach in the same tone of voice. She smiled; Mr Game & Watch fled.

"Don't worry," said Samus sweetly, "we won't kill you, Yoshi. We're just going to cause you a great deal of pain."
Yoshi was about to nod happily when he realised that he was still going to be on the losing end of this deal.
"Ararararar!" he said.
"I think that means he likes it," said Zelda evilly.
"Yes," said Samus, raising her arm cannon, "it does."
"Remember, I go first!" said Zelda hastily. "He won't be recognisable after you blow him to bits."
"Fair enough," said Samus.
Yoshi just started crying.

"This can't be right," said Ness after some amount of consideration. "The fridge was against the wall the last time I saw it. It definitely wasn't in the middle of the room."
"And it definitely wasn't on the table," agreed Mewtwo.
"So what could this mean?" said Ness. "We're psychic, but that doesn't help, because we can't read a fridge's mind…"
"We could just snoop in on everyone else's thoughts to discover who misplaced the fridge," suggested Mewtwo.
The fridge subtly shifted to the side.
"No thanks," said Ness. "The last time I read someone's mind without any warning, DK beat me up."
"I still don't understand why he did that when it was Zelda's mind you were reading," raged Mewtwo.
"Stop raging!" said Ness. "It's annoying."
The fridge moved a few centimetres towards the nearest door.
"Wait…" raged Mewtwo. "Fridges can't edge away suspiciously!"
"Uh oh," said the fridge.
"Fridges can't talk either!" said Ness. "Something's very suspicious about this…"
"I'm a perfectly normal fridge," said the fridge.
"Oh, really?" raged Mewtwo. "Then why are you moving?"
"Because I need a walk," said the fridge.
"Oh, okay," said Ness.
The fridge hurried out of the room as if afraid of something.
"So," said Ness, "that was a bit weird, wasn't it?"
"Wait a minute," bethought Mewtwo, "that fridge was taller than normal – meaning-"
"-it wasn't a fridge!" said Ness. "It was someone carrying a fridge!"
Mewtwo and Ness frowned. "Someone like-"
Kirby ran.

"The clock must be found!" shouted Marth. "We must find the clock! WE NEED CLOCKS!"
"Maybe the fact that we're taking this so seriously is a sign that we really are going mad after all," said Roy.
"Nonsense!" said Marth. "Now, let's skip up and down the stairs a lot, singing nursery rhymes!"
"Fine by me!" giggled Roy.
"Gee, Roy, you sound really feminine when you do that!" said Marth.
"Oh, really?"
"Yes! I like it!"
Marth and Roy both laughed a lot and did lots of really crazy stuff together. (In fact, they had already gone mad. This can be seen in how they weren't doing anything particularly adults-only, as was typical of them.)

Samus and Zelda were also skipping, in their case because of a slight endorphin high.
"Ah!" sighed Samus. "I love killing people! It feels so good!"
"Hey, look!" said Zelda. "The Mario brothers are in their room!"
"All right!" they said together, doing a high-five.
"Okay. This time," said Zelda, "we're using the shotgun."
"Fine," said Samus. "But I get to set fire to their bodies when you're done."
"Deal," said Zelda.
They skipped into the Mario brothers' room.

"Come back here!" shouted Ness, bounding down the stairs.
Kirby's eyes widened and he quickly reached into the fridge he was balancing on his head, and pulled out an apple from the fridge and threw it at his pursuers.
"Look out!" raged Mewtwo.
Ness dodged to the side before saying, "That was an occasion when you didn't need to rage."
"Well, I did, so there," bethought Mewtwo.
"Fine," said Ness. "You win."
Kirby reached a second floor balcony and hopped off it. He landed abruptly on the ground and quickly began to run further.
Ness swung out his yoyo and hooked it around the railing of the balcony, and swung down to ground level on the string. Mewtwo wasn't nearly as exciting, so he just floated down.
"Come on!" shouted Ness.
"Where is he?" said Mewtwo. "He's disappeared!"
Kirby (accidentally) choked on a brick, alerting Ness and Mewtwo – the chase continued.

"Mamma mia!" said Luigi, waking up from his afternoon nap to discover that Zelda had stabbed him – with a shotgun!
"Yay!" said Zelda, attempting to express the wonderful feeling she was experiencing as she brutally and sadistically cut Luigi's life short.
"My-a brother!" shouted Mario, waking up after hearing high-pitched screams which he recognised as Luigi's.
"Don't come any closer or I'll kill him!" warned Zelda.
"You already have-a!" said Mario somewhat angrily (because his brother was dead).
"Oh," said Zelda, realising that this was indeed true. "Well, don't come any closer or I'll kill you!"
Mario realised that he wasn't dead and thus was in danger of being killed, and thus backed off.
"Mwa ha ha ha ha!" screamed Samus, setting off a power bomb in the room and killing everyone. Except for Zelda, who was her friend, and was wearing an invisible fireproof skin-tight suit (on top of her dress, of course, so it wouldn't get burnt).
"AUGH!" screamed-a Mario, as he died painfully from the painful flaming flames of flaming death.
"Yes!" said Zelda and Samus together, the two women united by this beautiful display of gore.

Okay, if the violence here is disgusting you, let's cut to something happier:

"Yay!" said Fox, beaming, running around and squealing. "I love evewyone!"
"Shut up," said Falco.
"But we're all the bestest friends!" exclaimed Fox, a winning smile on his face.
"Please don't remind me that I work for you," said Falco, trying to get out through the doorway Fox was blocking.
"But I love you all!"
Falco snapped.

Okay, if the violence that hasn't quite happened yet is disgusting you, let's cut to something happier:

"DIE!" yelled Zelda.

-I said, something happier:

"Okay," said Marth. "Let's search for clocks systematically."
"Why?" said Roy.
"Because I'm the boss," said Marth.
"That's a really good reason," said Roy completely sincerely.
"Look! A clock!" said Marth.
"That's not a clock, that's a book!" said Roy.
"Sure it is," said Salvador Dali, who really didn't bear any relation to the story, but was there anyway, because Theau Thor was absolutely insane.
"THE CLOCKS!" screamed Roy, running around in circles. "A QUARTER PAST THREE! AND 19 UPSIDE DOWN IS 61!"

(To be discontinued and replaced with a look-alike…)