Dear Mr. Shepard,
I think I've made a mistake.
I saw you earlier - with Ana Lucia, that new girl from the tail section of the plane. Pretty girl, congratulations.
You both looked really happy, and that's good. That's good because I want you to be happy. But I'm not that unselfish, because I don't just want you to be happy, I want you to be happy with me. Me, me, me, me, me. And I wonder if I could do that? If I could help you be happy?
You're laughing with her right now, and I wonder what she said to make you laugh? I wonder if I would have thought of it. And she's laughing now, at something you said, and I wonder if whatever it was would have made me laugh. And now you both look kind of serious and I swear if that arm of yours goes around her shoulder, I will soon be forced to hit someone. Preferably her, but so as to be fair, maybe you as well.
I wonder if I really screwed up earlier, if I shouldn't have run.
I've been running all my life Jack. I don't think anything, maybe not even love (whatever it is) can stop that. But maybe we could find out, if we gave it a shot.
I don't know.
I'm being stupid. I'm going to go over there. Maybe I'll talk to Sawyer. Maybe I'll talk to you. But you know what? I'll probably talk to Sawyer. You and Ana Lucia? I hope you enjoy each others' company. You can get married for all I care!
Oh what a lie. What a stupid lie.
I have to go. Bye now.
Sincerely,
Kate
Dear Mr. Shepard,
So here we are.
Nowhere.
You're over there, talking to Ana, probably having the time of your life, and I'm here with Sawyer, trying to decide if I am or not. I don't think I am. Having the time of my life that is.
I think I would give almost anything to switch places with that girl you're sitting next to and shooting those sweet looks at. The only looks you ever shot at me were confused ones, frustrated ones. I think that for the past week since I kissed you my heart has been pulled one way and then another, and I think that pretty soon, it may crack down the middle.
Or, more likely, it'll explode into a million tiny pieces, and even you, the doctor, won't be able to fix it. Not then.
Sawyer's pretty proud of himself, and part of me wants to let that happen. Let him be proud, let me be his. After all, in some ways, he's a lot like me. So part of me just wants to give up.
But I don't think I can. I've never been one for giving up. I mean, come on, if I gave up, I wouldn't be Kate.
But then, Kate isn't in the most enviable position right now, so maybe I don't want to be her.
I don't know who I want to be.
I wish you could help me. I even wish Sawyer could help me. If he could help me, I could just decide I was in love with him and let this whole thing go. But the thing is that I don't think he can help me - especially not when I haven't told him any of this. So what do I do?
No idea.
Sincerely,
Kate
A/N: Please do tell me what you thought. We're coming up towards a climax here…Dun, dun, dun… :P Other than that, just please review. Thanks!