Nothing Hurts Like Love

The library was quiet after dinner and Lily and James had arranged to meet there at 7:00 p.m. for their tutoring session. To say that Lily was worried was an understatement (which there seemed to be a lot of lately where she was concerned). She was anxious about what James would say, how he would act, but mainly she feared what he might try. What if she let him?

"Ok," James began, "What do you struggle with most?"

"Everything," Lily replied.

"Alright, I'll rephrase that," James laughed, "What do you want to focus on first?"

"Something simple," Lily pleaded.

James thought for a while and then said, "Let's try turning your muggle pen into a quill. A much better writing tool if you ask me, but you have your own little ways I guess." He quickly flicked his wrist and made a short tapping motion with his wand. After saying the correct incantation the pen instantly turned into a quill and he said, "See? It's as easy as that!"

"Ok," Lily stated in an attempt to reassure herself. Her hand shaking, she slowly raised her wand and attempted to repeat James' words and impeccable movements as she repeated them. The pen shook gently and began to spin around in a circle. James and Lily had barely two seconds to look at each other nervously before the pen exploded leaving a tiny feather on the desk and the two heads covered in splotches of blue ink.

They slowly looked at each other once more, wide brown eyes meeting shocked green ones, surrounded by deep blue freckles. James immediately broke into fits of laughter.

"James. It's not funny. Stop laughing!" Lily demanded, but he just continued laughing at her. Feeling extremely self-conscious annoyed and embarrassed she gently punched James in the shoulder, repeating her request, to indicate that enough was enough.

"James, I said stop it!"

"I'm sorry but you just look so funny all shocked and surprised. If you could just see your face," he explained, "I can't believe you could get such a simple spell wrong."

Lily looked at him, thoroughly embarrassed and somewhat hurt by his teasing, "Why do you think I asked you for help. I was desperate." She paused and then looked into his eyes,"Maybe this was a bad idea."

She started to get up but James quickly clamped his hand around her left wrist. "Don't!" He sat her down again next to him and apologised.

"It wasn't that bad. For the first try, I mean. Come on let's get cleaned up and then we can try again."

Lily looked a little sceptical before she said, "Ok. But no more laughing mister."

"I'm sorry," James insisted, "it's just that all the blue ink couldn't hide the famous Evans blush."

"James," Lily said warningly.

"I'm sorry…again. Trust me though; we won't stop until you get this. By the time we're finished you'll be the second best Transfiguration student in the school. The best being me of course." James smiled again.

"Do you know that arrogance is a really unattractive quality?" Lily asked, rhetorically of course but James still answered.

"Well you know, I try," sarcasm evident in his tone. "Anyway, I'm not arrogant. I'm just honest," he defended.

Lily just rolled her eyes and the two walked off to clean up.

"Whatever you say," she mumbled.

It had been two weeks since Lily and James had agreed to become friends and Lily couldn't imagine how things could ever have been so different between them; so horrible. Alright she could. He did use to be arrogant and selfish and egotistical, but he was different now. Her grades in Transfiguration were definitely improving and Professor McGonagall couldn't believe the change- although hard work and dedication from Lily Evans was not unusual.

James was spending less time with the Marauders and more time with Lily as their friendship grew and Lily soon found herself confiding in James about things she wouldn't have dreamt of telling him not three weeks ago. Such as the way her sister treats her because she's 'different', what worries her so much about failing her exams, the pressure to prove herself because she isn't pure blood, and what her dreams for the future are.

In return James gave a lengthy description of his family tree, which took a good few hours, in order to explain to Lily how he was considered a pure blood wizard, and to emphasise the discrimination against muggle born witches and wizards was. After all, James had dozens of pure blood relatives but barely half of them were as talented with magic as Lily was. Minus Transfiguration that is. James also tried to explain his passion for Quidditch to Lily- the freedom that it provided- and although she could see where he was coming from, she still would not agree that it was as fascinating as he liked to believe.

Currently, the two were in the great hall having a late dinner after studying in the library. Lily was getting remarkably better at Transfiguration which meant that she had to start repaying the favour and was helping James a little with Charms- her best subject. The hall was almost empty and they had a hard job actually making sure that there was enough food left. Jess, Rachel and the Marauders were no where in sight. They must have finished up already.

"So your Charms are really improving," Lily encouraged James.

"I don't think my Charms have ever needed improving Lily I've always been charming," he joked.

Lily tried not to smile at his terrible, and slightly arrogant, joke but her lips betrayed her. "You know what I mean," she said.

"Yeah I do. I just wish that I could say the same for you with Transfiguration," he teased.

Lily could tell that he didn't mean it but being bad at something was an experience she rarely had and she didn't like it.

"James, it's not funny and I really have improved, McGonagall said so herself. And you know it."

"Yeah I do," he repeated, smiling,"Let me know if you need any more tutoring after tomorrow's lesson, ok?"

"I will. The answer is probably yes. That I can tell you now," Lily mumbled.

James lifted his hand towards her face and lifted her chin, "Chin up," he said, "Come on. You'll be fine and by the time NEWT's arrive you'll sail through. I promise."

James had removed his hand now but Lily was certain she'd felt something jolt through her when their bodies made contact. Something that she liked. What could it mean? James Potter was attractive she supposed…ok, he definitely could be described as gorgeous. Since becoming friends with James, Lily had noticed how his hair would fall in front of his thin framed glasses and disguise his hazel eyes that appeared sometimes brown and sometimes green- His deep brown eyes like portals to his soul. What was she thinking?

"Do you want to do something tonight? After rounds of course." The Marauders and I were planning a little night in if you're interested in joining us."

"I might," Lily said, thinking through the situation in her head. Would it really hurt to spend time with them? She'd not only got to know James better over the past two weeks but friendships had started to develop between her, Remus, Sirius and Peter too, when he was around.

"Jess and Rach can come too if they want but please don't bring anyone else Lils," James pleaded.

"I won't. I'll ask them later ok?"

"Ok, good," James stated.

"Good," Lily concluded.

Jess and Rachel were in their dorm room lay on their beds when Lily entered, both looking suitably bored.

"Hi guys," Lily said with a little wave.

"Hey Lils," her friends replied in unison. Then they all cracked up laughing at the strangeness of their synchronised speech.

"Gosh Lily. I'm glad you came up. We are so bored," Jess grumbled.

"Well you'll be even happier when you've heard what I've got to say.

"Oooh. Please tell," Rachel urged.

Lily laughed at her two best friends inwardly as she saw the excitement on their faces. She continued, "We have been invited to an evening with the Marauders. The schools biggest pranksters and we'll be their special guests, or their only guests. But hey, what could be more entertaining than spending a few hours in close proximity to the most spontaneous boys in school. There is absolutely no chance of boredom in their company."

"And how did all this happen," Jess inquired.

"Well I was talking to James…"

"Oooh. You were with James again," Rachel joked, although Lily sensed a bit of bitterness in her voice. She had been neglecting the two a little recently.

"Yes I was. And our friendship is going really well. In fact, James is a really good friend. Anyway, he invited us."

"I'm in," Rachel said a little too eagerly. It was so obvious that she had a crush on Remus but Jess and Lily pretended to be oblivious and ignored her outburst for what it really revealed.

Jess salvaged the situation by saying, "Me too."

Unbeknownst to Jess, Lily was also fully aware of her crush on Sirius Black. It looked as though Peter was the only member of the Marauders who wasn't crushed on by her friends. And James of course, he had spent too much of the last 6 years pursuing Lily for Jess and Rachel to ever see him as a future spouse. Now she and he were friends though it became clear to Lily that he no longer felt that way about her. A feeling of sadness quickly passed over her as realisation hit home but that's all it was, a quick feeling. She decided that it meant nothing.

"Great," Lily continued, focusing back on the original conversation, "I'll meet you guys in the common room at 8:30 so that James and I have enough time to finish rounds."

Jess and Rachel gave each other knowing looks and giggled.

Lily just rolled her eyes and commanded, "That's enough guys. Be ready at 8:30 and I'll see you then."

Lily then smiled at them and left the dormitory.

Lily quickly ran to the head dorms after rounds to change whilst James went to help the rest of the Marauders set up for whatever they had planned. She decided on her blue hipster jeans from the muggle shop GAP, a chunky brown belt and a blue cashmere sweater, covered by a think turquoise jacket. She had her hair half tied up and half left cascading down her shoulders. Her favourite emerald earrings, from her grandma, were dangling from her petite ears and her look was topped off by a pair of black flip flops. Hey! Hogwarts wasn't that near to a beach it was true, but she wasn't leaving the castle and they were extremely comfortable. Plus, she thought she had nice feet.

By the time she'd done her make-up and quickly brushed her teeth she was ready to meet Jess and Rachel. James had told her he'd come and meet them in the Gryffindor common room too so that he could lead them to the location of their small gathering. Lily couldn't help but feel excited at the prospect of spending time with the school's most notorious trouble makers and pranksters, but especially James. She was Head girl for crying out loud, their behaviour was unacceptable 90 of the time and she was willingly getting involved in it. This wasn't what worried her most though. The biggest worry was her need, and yes it was a deep need inside her, to see James. She was thrilled that they were friends but everyday she was beginning to feel that she was further away from what she really wanted, whatever that was.

She pushed her insecurities to the back of her mind and head down stairs to meet Jess and Rach in the common room…and James. James.

"So how are things going mate?" Sirius inquired, "How did you get the lovely Miss Evans to finally give you the time of day?"

"I decided to treat her like a human being rather than an object that I enjoyed worshipping, which she seems to prefer for some reason. I told her that I just want to be friends. And she is not 'giving me the time of day'. She would actually have to like me back for that to happen," James answered.

"Bloody hell mate," Sirius proclaimed, "What did you tell her that for? It's not true is it? If it is I'd as soon say that Peter was getting some off a different girl every night."

"Shut up," Peter defended himself.

"Of course it's not true," James responded, "And thanks for the terrifying visual images of Pete, Padfoot."

"What's your plan now then," Remus asked James. It was something that James had been wondering himself. At first he'd hoped that Lily, once she'd got to know him better, might fall in love with him back but she hadn't shown any signs to suggest that kind of affection towards him, even though they'd spent the last two weeks in each others pockets. Thinking about everything now, he realised what he had to do and what his plan would be.

He told Remus, "My plan is to be her friend and stay her friend. Nothing more and certainly never anything less. I've got to know a Lily Evans that I never thought I'd have the pleasure to know and she's great. She's almost like a best friend. After you three of course," James reassured them.

Peter spoke up at this moment with remarkably wise words, "Is that enough?"

The rest of the Marauders regarded him carefully and he elaborated further, "You know. Is being friends with Lily enough for you? You've loved her for seven years and for the past six years you've never struggled to keep those feelings to yourself. Will you be able to do that now?"

"I'll have to," James stated solemnly, "I'd rather have her as a friend then have no contact with her at all."

"Whichever way you look at it Prongs that girl will be the death of you," Sirius piped up, "You'll either suffer from unrequited love and die of a broken heart or you'll never see her again and suffer neglect leading to your death from a broken heart."

"Thanks for the boost of confidence," James said sarcastically.

"He may be right," Remus added, "That's a statement I never thought I'd make. Anyway, it's all very well you being friends with Evans but if you still love her things will always be too awkward for you to be real friend."

"I know," James mumbled, "But it's all I've got."

Remus added, "You'll just have to find another girl, fall in love with her and forget about Lily as anything more than a friend. Then you don't have to lose her at all. Your friendship will survive much longer this way."

"Harsh but true," Sirius lamented.

James looked at his friends and then sighed in resignation. They were right and he knew it.

'What's taking him so long?' Lily thought. Just as the thought had left her mind and was about to pass through her lips she heard footsteps from the boys dormitory as James entered the common room.

"You've got to be kidding," Jess said, "the party's in the boy's dormitory?"

"Yes it is," James said, a little frustrated at her reluctance, "and it isn't a party; we're just hanging out. If you can't handle breaking a few little rules then you don't have to come."

"No," Jess shouted, then collected herself and said, "Its fine. I was just surprised, that's all."

"Ok then. Let's go," James said smiling.

"What have you got planned James?" Lily said suspiciously.

"You'll see," he replied, casually draping his arm around her as he led her up the stairs to the boy's dorm. It was funny that the girls seemed to be trusted to behave more than the boys, not entering their dormitories, if the lack of booby traps was anything to go by. This just made Lily feel like she was behaving even more wrongly. If the Marauders had dared try to enter the girl's dorm the staircase would have given way forcing them to slide back down to the common room on their backsides. Anyway, if they were going to have fun tonight who cared?

The four of them entered the dorm room to see the remaining Marauders, a table filled with bottles and to hear some loud music blazing through speakers to the right hand side of the room. A silencing charm had obviously been placed on the room as Lily hadn't heard a hint of the rock music on her way up the staircase.

"What is this, an alcohol testing evening?" Rachel asked.

"Not even close," Sirius answered, "This my friends, is a game of true courage, intelligence and cunning. We usually only play with the four of us and seen as you three don't know the rules you'll have to pair up with one of us. It's easier to learn as you go along."

Lily noticed that James still had his arm lazily slung around her shoulders as though it had fallen asleep there, and felt the familiar sensation his hand had come into contact with her chin that morning. He led her over to a spot on the floor near the table and sat her down with him; clearly she was going to be his partner whether she wanted to or not. And she did want to. As Lily removed her jacket, Rachel made her way to Remus and Jess to Sirius.

"Tough luck mate," James said to Peter, tenderly patting him on the back with a hope of reassuring him.

Lily was getting nervous about what they would have to do next. She wasn't sure that this game was very safe, never mind legal.

"What now?" she asked nervously.

"Now," Sirius continued, "we pick a location, a teacher and a student, come up with the most ridiculous scenario for the three together and the couple, or person," he directed at Peter, "that has the best one gets to nominate another team to taste one of these nasty concoctions," he concluded holding up one of the bottles placed on the table.

The game went on for an hour and it was nearing on ten o'clock. Lily and James were doing impressively well, with their joined intelligence and quick wit. They'd won on the round where Malfoy, McGonagall and the Kitchens were linked, suggesting that McGonagall had turned Malfoy into a cake because she was so fed up with him missing her classes and then eaten him. Another round involved linking Dumbledore, Sirius and the Whomping Willow. They'd suggested that Sirius had transfigured himself into Dumbledore in order to have a conversation with the willow which, having been tamed by Dumbledore seemed to speak to him. The reason for Sirius to do this was of course to control the tree into beating up all of the Slytherins as they walked past. However, the pair did lose on the linking of Snape, Lily and a broom cupboard where both of them were reluctant to come up with any sort of risqué scenario. Sirius on the other hand was not and did in fact win the round but he got a slap around the face from Lily for his suggestion and a deadly glare from James. Because of this they had to drink a vile of vomit potion and spent the next five minutes being sick in the dorms en suite.

At around 10:15 the girls started to have a conversation of their own whilst the guys were deep in discussions about, Lily supposed, Remus's fast looming werewolf transformation.

"That was one of the most disgusting games I have ever played," Rachel said.

"I know," Jess agreed I'm going to keep finding bogies hanging out of my nose for the next 3 hours."

Lily laughed, "It doesn't seem to be bothering Sirius too much. Rach, has the itching stopped yet?"

"It has on the majority of my body but my feet are in agony," she relied in discomfort.

As Jess and Rachel were discussing whose turn it was to clean their dorm room Lily thought she'd try and find out what the guys were discussing. She carefully leant her head towards them and started to focus in on James's speech.

"I know how I felt," he said to Sirius.

Sirius looked frustrated and confused, "But I thought you loved her. Six years is too long to just suddenly stop. What do you want from her?"

James didn't even hesitate before announcing, "I want Lily Evans as nothing more than a friend. That's the way it is and always will be."

The statement was so conclusive; so blunt. Lily couldn't explain the wave emotions that passed through her. There was relief for the stress he'd caused her for the past six years but there was also a stronger emotion. And that was sadness. She couldn't believe what had happened. For the first time in her life she wanted James Potter and this time it was in the exact same way that he wanted her. Or had wanted her. It had taken her six years to realise this and now it was too late. The feeling was so intense that being in such close proximity to the object of the affection was too much and she had to leave the room as she began to hyperventilate.

Rachel had noticed Lily was missing and had gone to join her on the boy's landing. She saw Lily sobbing slightly as she tried to catch her breath.

"What is it Lily? What's wrong?" she asked with concern startlingly evident.

Lily glanced towards her as though to check that it was the person she thought it was. She inhaled deeply and then managed to squeeze out, "I…I just…realized how stupid…I've been."

"What do you mean?"

"I heard…Ja…James say that he wants to be my friend," she admitted.

Rachel looked baffled, "And that's bad why?"

"It's bad," Lily took a deep breath, "because I want him to want me like he used to do."

Rachel looked startled more so than she had in first year when her wand had exploded in front of her face.

"You what?" she said. "Why? You hated all of that attention and now you're sad it's gone. Is it just because you miss not having something that has been so familiar to you for so long?" Rachel asked.

"No. It's not that," Lily explained. "I think…that maybe…I'm in love with him."

"Say again," Rachel commanded, clearly shocked again.

"I love James Potter," Lily admitted, more to herself than to Rachel. "Oh no!"

When the two girls had talked it out further they went back inside to find Jess had finally got what she wanted. Sirius Black's lips covering her own. Rachel tried to hide a smirk and looked over at Lily but she didn't seem to care less. Rachel could understand- she'd lost something she'd realised too late to be important to her. How would she be supportive to her friend without revealing that it was all her own fault for not paying attention to James earlier?

Peter was reading a book on the rise of a past wizard gone evil which Lily thought was particularly morbid. Thank God he'd been stopped. If something like that was ever to happen in her time she didn't know ho she'd react.

Lily and Rachel slowly made their way back to Remus and James. James looked up as they approached and looked at Lily to see her pale face and distantly focused eyes. She looked stunned about something.

"Lils, are you alright?" he asked concerned.

"Er…yeah I'll be fine. I just feel a little ill," she lied. Or was it a lie because she didn't feel like her normal self? Is this what a broken heart felt like? Is this what James had suffered for the past six years?

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked her.

Lily looked at him and couldn't stand being so close to him any longer, "No thank you. I just need to sleep it out."

"Yeah of course," he agreed.

Rachel backed Lily up before her resolve to lie stopped. Lily had never been the best liar, always willing to share her opinions with anyone, no matter how offensive. "I'll take her back to her room."

James looked reluctant to let them leave but said, "Yeah, of course. Good idea."

"Jess, come on. Get you're face off of Sirius, we're taking Lily to bed to get some rest."

Lily glanced back at James just before she left the dorm and mouthed the word 'sorry' but for what he wasn't sure. She couldn't help it if she were ill.

Rachel and Jess took Lily back to their dorm after she'd requested not to be on her own. They had a spare bed, where Lily had slept before becoming Head girl, so she could always stay there when she wanted.

The girls were all lying in their beds when Lily finally spoke for the first time since they'd got back, "What do I do?" she asked.

Rachel had explained the situation to Jess, who had reacted to the news in a similar way. "I don't know," Rachel began, "it seems to be that James is happier now than he ever was when he was trying to attach himself to you romantically,"

"Yeah," Jess agreed, "and he hadn't made a move on you for the past two weeks. Maybe he just wants to be friends now."

Lily thought about this and said, "I've been so stupid. I want to be his friend too but I can't help but see him as more than that and it just hurts so much that I've ruined every chance I ever had. And boy was there a lot of them. I've never felt like this before." As she spoke a tear gently rolled down her cheek.

"Well maybe friends are all you ever can be now," Jess said.

Lily looked at them both, "I can't accept that."

"Well you might have to. James clearly still thinks you're not interested. Maybe he does still like you but he's settling for a friendship because he thinks that's all he can have. But don't get your hopes up. If you really want him then you'll have to fight for him- repay the favour. Just make sure that you're sure of your feelings fist. I don't want you to get hurt," Rachel stated.

"It's my turn to grovel, huh?" she said.

"Uh huh," Rachel and Jess said in unison, but they weren't laughing this time.

AN: Hi to my readers…if you're out there. I'm sorry about the lack of updates. I do actually have this story planned for a further three chapters, and that's only the first term of three, but time has been lacking lately. I've had exams- practical and writer, a pantomime to perform in and coursework coming in by the shed load. Anyway, if you've been waiting for my update thank you so much for being so patient and actually coming back to read this new chapter. Please read and review. I'm feeling a little neglected by the lack of reviews I've received as I don't know if my work is actually being read. Even if you want to criticise this fanfic I'd appreciate a response. Review please! It won't take you 30 seconds. Plus, it will encourage me to hurry the next chapter along.