I open my eyes

by Seraphine Rose

Sometimes when your about to lose something very precious, you have to open your eyes to understand. I'm not very good at summarizing, its DS and JT rated for suicide and general angst. WIP

3. Because you Live

A/N: Well ladies and gents, here's the third chapter! Hopefully it turns out as well as the last two and lives up to everyone's expectations; I'm currently debating what to do with Sam, I know right now she's rather two dimensional but…don't worry, I hope to rectify that soon. Not that anyone cares but I find Sam the hardest person to do, after categorizing her the way I have it makes her complex so I apologize ahead of time if takes me awhile to get her moving. I barley keep people I know out of the throws of depression so it may take awhile to figure Sam out. I hope you like the underlying romance people! Tucker/ Jazz is an awesome pairing to write lol! Why don't more people write it? Anywho! Thank you so much to all the reviewers and those kind enough to read my story 130 hits and 7 reviews so far guys! Oh! Please guys, no comments on the grammar. I swear I'm trying! I really am but telling me about it just makes me nervous and makes it hard to write. Keep reading and keep reviewing! Thanks!

Disclaimer: I do not own Danny Phantom(nickelodeon) or the song "Because you live"(Jesse McCartney) so please don't sue me

Staring out at the rain, with a heavy heart
It's the end of the world in my mind

Love. Philosophers, story tellers, and poets through out the millennia attempted to put an emotion so sneaky, so violent, so obscure into words, to take the beauty of a heart and spread it across a creamy page in an attempt to straighten out something they, as creatures ruled by sense and structure, could not understand and perhaps to ease the souls of their readers in the process. How, of all the dangers, complexity, and puzzles presented to a being during their life time, no emotion could puzzle the human mind, heart, and soul such as that one emotion. One word had caused millions to lose their lives over the ages, to go to battle with a single thought; Protecting the one they love.

Standing in the doorframe, hands stuffed deep into his pockets and eyes staring down at the sickly green colored linoleum as though it held the meaning of life, Danny Fenton contemplated the very same emotion that caused insanity and discussion between men of far greater intelligence then he. Sometimes it was like standing on a cloud, bathed in sunlight and breathing the freshest breathe ever to flow past his lips, other times it was suffocating, being knotted together in a horrendous web where there was no possibility of escaping, only of dying tangled and lost. Now it made his head spin and hands form fists while his heart silently broke into tiny shards on the floor. No, love didn't have one emotion it had them all and while contemplating the best way to approach the sobbing girl who held the key to his heart in his hand, Danny felt all of them chase their tails in circles through his mind, yelling directions in one loud, overwhelming jumble of voices. Fury shook through him, how dare she be so selfish, what was she thinking? Did she want to destroy her friends' lives, break their hearts? Love wrapped its arms around his heart and squeezed causing the tender expression on his face to soften even further. Danny loved her more then anything in the world. Guilt gnawed at the pit of his stomach, further chewing the already large hole he was sure must be there. Why hadn't' he seen her pain, this situation was all his fault! Sorrow, in the end, won out against everything else, love seconding it. The pain of nearly losing her and knowing the chance she would sink into another fever delirium was high, understanding that Sam did not realize how much love Danny had for her made his heart break and eyes dampen. He loved her with everything he was and it killed him that she hadn't seen that.

Forcing all the spinning emotions into submission beneath his control, the young halfa approached the bed containing the girl he loved, prepared now to tell her everything.

And he could only hope she would listen.

Then your voice pulls me back like a wake up call
I've been looking for the answer, somewhere
I couldn't see that it was right there
But now I know what I didn't know

"Until you can find it in yourself, you would never believe it even if I told you a thousand times," Tucker whispered back as tear-filled lilac iris's followed him to the door, the girl behind them trying to understand her friends sudden sensibility. In his eyes, the dark skinned young man held all the pain and weakness he could never show, the passion held back for the sanity of a young Goth who wanted to reach out and beg for the old Tucker to return, to explain the emotions cutting holes in her chest and the sudden strength radiating form him.

Life dealt hands to people when it could not be a worse time and if they were strong enough they rose above and assimilated the knowledge a painful experience dealt them. It was the habit of existence to test, to prod, to examine and leave peoples hearts tagged to a dissection table for the analysis of the world around it; Just when you though your heart could handle no more, life proved you wrong and forced one more weight onto your already loaded shoulders, one more arrow in an already pierced heart. Sam knew this all to well, the arrows in hers dealt poison, a poison that crept and slowly destroy her sanity but looking at Tucker, hearing the raw emotion he had kept just at the edge of his voice, the tone of maturity he had spoken with, she felt tears fall from her eyes. Another weight had fallen, slowly beginning to crush her again.

She was weak, the group had always looked toward her for strength and sensibility and never, not even at the robes of the grim reaper himself did she doubt that mental power but now Sam knew the truth; there was nothing strong about her, the little spirit she had left drained out of her leaving her fetal and sobbing on the uncomfortable hospital bed. It was a lie all of it, the belief that they loved her, that she had something special they would miss, it was a huge lie and she bought it from Tucker. All they saw was the same pathetic little worm she attempt to step on, they pitied her for her weakness, for hesitating and choosing and slow death when she could have been sure and just destroyed the monster with one strike.

Rage overwhelmed Sam, forcing her to strike out blindly despite the pain, pressing down upon her cracking mind and pushing her to a dangerous pinnacle. Jerking her arms away, Sam cried out as needles giving her life were ripped out with one violent wrench, spilling their fluids in a puddle on the floor; her heart monitor flat lined as she kicked it away with a violent kick, the contact with the metal pole painful and gratifying. No matter how much she destroyed or the pain she inflicted on herself it wasn't enough, the tears fell and the pain continued to rip a hole in her heart until she wanted to climb out of her skin and burn it until the agony stopped. All she wanted was for it to stop. Sam's sobs burned her throat, her lungs screaming for the air she was denying them as her breaths grew short and fast; blood ran down her arms from reopened wounds and fresh, medicinal holes. Everything spun violently and in her rage she couldn't make it stop, she was weak and deserved this, all of it. She should have fixed the break, she could have fixed the break but she was weak, so weak….

A pair of strong hand grabbed her wrists, pinning them to her sides as the owner wrapped her in a strong, calming embrace of which Sam would have none. Thrashing, Sam fought tooth and nail for her freedom, each sob another nail through the bleeding heart slowly beginning to drain her of every bit of life the hospital had brought back.

"Let me go you bastard, let me go!" the screams were hoarse and think with rage and pain, she beat her hands against the intruders chest when she finally managed to free them, wanting to share the excruciating pain with the strong arms that dared interfere. It hurt, it hurt so badly and she screamed, flailing and beating until it all drained out of her, leaving only the violent ache only a broken heart could give.

"Let me go, please, let me go" heart wrenching sobs tore themselves from her throat as Sam liquefied in the arm protecting her from her own broken mind, a hand possessed by the mystery person running their fingers tenderly through her sweat dampened hair.

"Oh Sammy, I hate seeing you like this." The man holding her so tenderly whispered into the hair blocking out the puffy eyes and runny nose attesting to everything she was feeling in that moment. Another soft, heart-breaking sob escaped her when she realized whom she was clinging to; why couldn't he just leave her to die? He had to return to rip the remaining tatters from her chest and step on them, grinding them into the dust…she wouldn't let him hurt her again, she had to keep the distance she had hoped death would put between the nearly life-long friends.

"Stay away from me Fenton" came the cold tone, the warm room suddenly turn freezing as a considerably cooler Sam push away the one boy with more power over her then was most likely healthy. Weakness made a person pathetic, worthless, and love was a weak spot no one should ever risk; people said it hurt but it more then hurt, it killed, it destroyed and Sam wanted nothing more to do with it. Danny could never love a screwed up weakling like her, not when there were beautiful, easy to access queens like Paulina.

A look of pain flash across the blue-eyes boys features, the usually sparkling orbs deadened in a way Sam could not bear to see, especially when she knew the hurt taking away the joy in this boy originated from her mouth. It was better for him to understand the pain she would bring to him, the pain he brought upon her. Love was two-faced and double sided, like in the wild the one who impressed the mate won and gained free run of the animal kingdom, it hurt him today but tomorrow it would be a pretty face and puckered lips that drew his affections. Two faced and double sided, just like humanity in general. Turning from the gaze searching out answers in her eyes, Sam found the wallpaper interesting, picking apart the patterns to give her reeling mind a puzzle to analyze, an obtuse to make perceptible. Anything, anything but the unfathomable maze of Danny's depthless azure eyes, it struck a painful chord within her to lock eyes with him, to see the emotions chasing their way through the pools of blue so beautiful to her. If she fell in, Sam would drown and it would be unbearable to let him go again.

The silence broke when a paper could be heard unfolding itself, the edges scraping together, crackling under pressure, and crunching beneath tightly closed fingertips. Sam didn't have to look to know the contents of the paper, what else could possibly be stationed permanently in Danny's presence but the one thing that probably led him to her bathroom, the only object that could have saved her life. A letter that Sam wished she had never written. Soon angry words would fill the air, the letter would be left as a sign of hate and resentment, and the darkness would return only now without a chance of light breaking through.

"You are beautiful" Danny's words were spoken with a tenderness Sam didn't expect, especially after everything that transpired and the words that had passed between them from the moment she felt the first bite of depression at her heels to now. "Covered in mud, snow, slime, and juice, gothic prep or punk, you are, and will always be the most beautiful woman any man could have the grace to know." Sam hung her head, covering her ears to block him out, listening to echoes of violent voices that pushed for death and self-hate telling her of lies and deceit, the truth of her repulsiveness. A pair of warm hands gently brought her own shaking pair to the bed, cupping them in tender embraces, his thumbs running over the soft skin of her palms.

"And your smart Sam, do you think I could have come so far in school without you? A straight A student, top of her class in every subject especially English. How many awards and honors have your short stories received? your poetry? And how many of our peers passed algebra only because of your excellent tutoring?" his hands drifted to the upper part of her arms, carefully avoiding the deeper of her marks as they gently warmed the trembling skin, stirring insecurity within her. Nothing else had been able to break through the icy sensation numbing every aspect of her life, yet His hand felt like fire against her flesh, bring back the life that circumstances and deterioration had wrought upon a sad souls' body. Tears started to fall, some clinging to shadowy eyelashes like the first raindrops of spring, freeing and life giving to the scared and dying. She knew nothing could stop them, the words hitting the very infection that festered from a wound cut into so many times it had final given her a fever, suicide fever, and that his words countered every tear spilled in hate, every cut made to punish, every pound lost for beauty. Those gentle hands tilted her head to face him, brushing each tear away like a diamond from silk. His tenderness toward her made the tears fall faster, the walls around her began to crumble letting everything pour out to the one man who could make the voices stop. Sam couldn't put a name to the ache growing in her, maybe longing? It felt heavy and freeing in a single breath and her nails dug into her unscarred palms in an attempt to keep her from seeking his warm embrace, to release some of the tension tightening her chest. In the most loving fashion, Danny cupped her cheeks never letting a tear settle onto her skin; his fingers were so painstaking in making sure they were soft and gentle on Sam's skin, so meticulous in how they stroked her damp flesh. The action truly made her feel beautiful, causing the need to touch him and be held by him intensify but she still could not admit what he made her feel.

When awoken from the thoughts and feeling surrounding her world in that moment, Sam was met with the most beautiful sapphires mother Earth had ever gifted her children with and it was Sam's luck that those gems and all the love pouring forth from them belonged only to her as did the heart beating only inches from her body. Danny was so close she felt his warm breath on her lips, the ache in her chest felt like a balloon pushed pasts its structural limits, close to breaking if the pressure on it wasn't released soon.

"You were never invisible Sammy." The lips forming these tender words were so close she could almost feel each syllable spelled out against her skin, but it didn't matter as her breath caught in her throat and hope overwhelmed every dark corner of her mind, drawing out the girl who had, almost four years ago, fallen in love with the boy holding her like a precious thing, something he couldn't bear to let break. Lilac stayed locked with blue, the hands belonging to the purple set clenching and unclenching to release something caused by their connection. Sam could not dare to believe all the passion contained in those blue orbs or admit to the answering emotion in her own.

'Please finish, please," her mind begged silently of Danny, unable to take more of the sweet torture overwhelming her senses.

"You could never be invisible not to me, you were the first friend I ever made and the best friend I've ever had; you saved me from the loneliness of grade school and saved my mind during Jr. High horrors. I never had to pretend around you Sam, never had to hide the tears and anger because I knew for all my weaknesses you were my strength. I was never as scared as I had been when I saw you laying in that tub, for the first time in my life there was nothing I could do to save you. No amount of joking could bring back your smile, a hug couldn't clean the blood and heal the cuts; it felt as though my life had pulled apart at the seams, like my entire world was dying and it was. Do you know why Sammy?" The dark girl could barley shake her head, averting her eyes to lips only centimeters from hers; unlike Tucker, Danny didn't bother hiding the raw emotion, using it to prove something to her…thought the what was still a mystery to her. "Because you are my world Sam, you always were and I'm so sorry it took nearly losing you for me to finally realize that." His thumb ran across her cheek and for the first time he broke eye contact just to memorize every line and form on the girl's face, studying it hungrily as though he might never see it again. A choked sob escaped her lips, the feeling of elation and expectation almost painful as these words touched so many fears hidden beneath the masks of discontentment and disgust.

"Danny…" The space between them closed, effectively silencing every protest, every word, every dark thought Sam had considered speaking. Their lips met and it was heaven. No spell, no enchantment made Danny hold her so gently, caress her cheek so lovingly, kiss her with such tenderness; it made Sams' heart ache with love for the man holding her. Tears of healing fell, the first she would shed on the long road to recovery and for just a moment everything was all right.

Too soon, Danny pulled away, leaving coldness in Sam she began, in that moment, to fear; would he leave her now? Had she done it right? What if- Danny locked eyes with her, short-circuiting the darkest thoughts and silencing the voices trying to ruin a moment perfect in everyway. All her doubts were laid to rest when she saw the love radiating from the cerulean orbs, felt the tender way in which her cupped her left cheek and ran his fingers through her hair.

"I love you Sam" The tear began to fall harder, another soft sob interrupting the boy's confession. Sam had waited four years to hear those words and now…now it was almost too much to believe his honesty but eyes told the truth and his certainly could not be lying. "I love you so much, you Sammy, only you and I am sorry it took me so long to figure that out." Sam opened her mouth, trying to force the words in heart to reach her tongue but it was too much, the syllables would not form and the elation turned to guilt and pain when she found herself unable to express what was so obviously felt in her heart. Bowing her head in disgust, she prepared to draw away from him not wanting to see the hurt she knew she would feel if it were him who could not return the words.

That was farthest from what was actually in his eyes when he tilted her chin up, forcing her to lock eyes with him. An understanding smile touched his lips and only the purest affections could be seen on his countance, he almost looked amused at her reaction but he would never admit that. Drawing her close again, Danny wrapped and tight hand around her waist, laying his forehead against hers feeling the heat of a still 100.5 degree fever, wishing he could kiss away the pain and doubt in her eyes. Trembling, the dark girl raised a hand to the boy's face, needing to be sure this was no fever-induced dream and that he was indeed holding her and loving her.

"Don't say it yet Sam, I know what you feel and it will be even better to wait to hear it because when you do say it, those words will mean so much more and even if the day never comes it won't matter. I love you, ten thousand times over and nothing and I mean nothing is going to take you away from me."

"Danny…" came the strangled cry as the broken girl burrowed her face in his neck, inhaling the scent of him as he pulled her into his lap and cradled her lithe form against his chest. It was safe, it was secure and Sam never wanted to leave the encirclement of his arms, to face a world without him was to go back to the darkness she had live the last four months in. Having now tasted the light she never wanted darkness again.

"Don't leave me" she whispered when emotional exhaustion finally claimed her. Sam was drained and the warmth she felt in Danny's arms intensified the sleepy sensation but as much as her body screamed for rest the fear that he wouldn't be there when she woke up was enough to keep her awake. She held him securely, afraid he would vanish into thin air, turn out to be nothing more then her fever causing hallucinations; she knew she shouldn't have removed the IV's and that they would need to be put in, they were the only thing that could keep her with Danny and she wanted that.

Another tender kiss found its way to Sam's lips, drawing out her love and passion for the dark haired boy, love and passion that she found reciprocated in even the most tender of his gestures.

"I wouldn't dream of it," he murmured gently, wrapping her in his embrace and laying them both down in the tiny hospital bed, allowing his chest to pillow Sam's head so she could be comfortable and safe while she slept. It was something in seeming short supply judging by the girl's reaction, something Danny was glad he was able to give.

It only took a few seconds for the girl to drift off into peaceful slumber, giving Danny moments before sleep too claimed him to mull over the past half hour or so. Between Tucker and himself they managed to lead Sam away from death so she could heal but he was not a fool, they had a long way to go before Sam would ever be okay but it was worth it.

'She's always been worth it' he thought before drifting off, arms wrapped snuggly around his lover, never hearing a faint whisper at the door, heavy with sadness and thick with pride

"Good job little Brother"

Because you live, and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live girl, my world has twice as many stars in the sky

Morning light pierced through evenings darkness, claiming the day and all the precious moments sure to follow the rising sun; birds sang the sun to its rightful place above the trees and clouds, joyously welcoming a new dawn. Parents rose from rest to relax in the sweet silence early hours, steaming mugs of coffee and a few tender kisses preparing them for the long hours that would follow. Some paused momentarily at painted doors trapping innocence and, in many cases, music within its bounds, opening only to gaze on as the treasures of their lives rested in undisturbed dreams.

The sun glanced at the purity night had brought, reflecting on the tiny ice crystals as though they were diamonds and refreshing the usually heavy air with light hearted, frosty breaths. Some small ones woke with squeals of delight upon seeing the wonderland spread out before them, untouched and expectant, awaiting the laughter and games of tiny feet and tiny hands. Adults could only smile and guide their tiny bodies out the door, laughing as they tumbled on the floor in an endless struggle with fluffy apparel in desperation to be the first to reach the undisturbed landscape though they were to young to understand the true loveliness of a world untainted.

From the hospital windows, patrons and workers alike paused for a moment to take in the breathtaking spectacle, workers helping weakened children and adults to windows so sick and healthy alike could partake of a hopeful seen.

"Tucker Foley get your perverted ass back here!" A shrill voice screeched, disturbing the otherwise peaceful morning and drawing patrons gazes from windows to door jams in curiosity at the violent commotion. Said boy, however, could not pause to consider natures' miracles nor to pause curiously at the loud, raucous yelling coming from the hallway he was running in the opposite direction of. Why bother being curious when the he knew the reason for the tantrum?

It truly had been an accident, how was Tucker to know it would be the rather fiery redheads turn to shower? And how was he to know said redhead would be doing so with the shower curtain open? Who in there right mind brushed their hair before a shower, and in the nude no less! Yet the violated girl had not quite seen it from the African American teen's perspective, thus Tucker ran for his life praying silently he would not suffer the young woman's wrath. Despite the endangerment to his body and health (not to mention his ability to produce children) the boy found it rather amusing she thought he had so little dignity, Jazz honestly thought he would spy on her! Granted that Tucker, like most teenage boys, thought the redhead had a beautiful body and would not pass up a chance to see it (not that Danny would EVER know that) but something kept him from treating her the way he treated girls at school. Jazz was different; something about her demanded his respect, like she was a treasure worth waiting for not something to be taken for granted. A dreamy expression crossed his features as thoughts of the intelligent, feisty redhead filled every crevice of his mind, slowly invading and distracting him from his escape plan.

She was beautiful and not only in a physical sense. The true beauty of Jasmine Fenton radiated from within, a power, a spirit, and a pure heart that gave until it gave out especially for those she loved. It never mattered what was done to hurt her, the young woman always bounced back and struck with ten times the force, hitting exactly where it hurt the most. Tucker could never forget why Dash steered clear of him all of Elementary school, it was because she took a chance on his friendship that gave him a chance in the world and with his new friends. Were it not for a miscalculated snowball toss, he shuddered to think the state his life would be in now; Sometimes Tucker wondered if he would even still be alive or if suicide would have solved everything for him.

"There you are! Come here you maggot!" Tucker swore he could see flames in the redheads' eyes and swallowed hard; thoughts of her Jazz, sadly enough, distracted him from escaping her.

'Oh well, I lived a good life' a nervous smile was his only peace offering but it only served to cause more infuriation and a frown on her otherwise beautiful face; she needed to smile more, it made everything about her so radiant. Resisting the urge to slap himself, Tucker held his hands up in a sign of defeat, kneeling on the ground to show no harm was meant and to appear more pathetic to the revenge bent girl, hoping the punishment might be eased up. It took everything in him not to laugh as his eyes roamed over her rather scantily clad body; her hair hung wet and drippy in her eyes, a robe wrapped haphazardly around her lithe form. Disarray never dared touch Jazz Fenton so it was hilarious to finally see her caught off guard, in ever sense. Swallowing hard to avoid thinking of the beauty she hid beneath the very short terry cloth robe, something he never should have seen and then the thought came that the movies were right; Women looked most beautiful in their fury. There was no make up to hide the truth, no structure to hide passion…only in anger were these fallen angels allowed to hide nothing from others. Confusion sprang up from these emotions, what was he doing? This was his best friends' sister for Christ sakes! There had to be a rule against crushing on a fellow mate's only sibling, younger or older.

'Danny's going to kill me…if there's anything left for him to get that is' came the terrified thoughts as he was yanked up by the collar and thrown into an empty room. Feeling a little less comfortable around this girl, he back up against the wall, laughing nervously

"Jazz, darling…It was an accident, I swear I didn't see…uh…. can we, uh, do this somewhere else? You know where there will be witnesses if you murder me" a low angry growl was the only response and all attempts and jokes crashed and burned in a single moment; maybe begging would work? Something had to defer the young woman's anger. "I…guess not.."

"What the hell? Jazz…am I interrupting something?" a mildly amused and extremely confused voice rang from the door Jam.

"My Savior!" Tucker cried, running panicked past Jazz's nimble fingers, feeling no shame in hiding behind his best friend. A man needed priorities and right now his were between his legs exactly where he liked them, even if the redhead seemed to see things in a different light.

"Get out of the way Danny" Jazz growled "That little four-eyed freak is dead meat and if you don't move so are you"

"Whoa Sis, Murder is illegal…you can hurt him ("Danny!") but only if you have a good reason" Said halfa grinned evilly back at him, the same look that generally meant disaster for Tucker. In fact, the last time such a look had been directed at him, the young brown-eyed boy ended up in a pink tutu, a blonde wig, and flirting with Dash to distract him during Danny's detention period. Somehow, pictures of that ended up on the internet, most likely courtesy of Sam who, in addition to being a genius, was horribly insidious. No event had so embarrassed him as the moment Dash figured out the blond, curvy beauty was a play acting computer geek attempting to do his part to save the world. The feeling that this would end just as well left a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of the young man's stomach.

"How about spying during a girls shower! I found that little freak hiding behind the door leading to the showers watching me!"

'Uh oh' was the only thought able to cross Tuckers mind as he found himself slammed against a wall by a very angry ghost boy. Damn, how did he get himself into these situations? Emerald eyes glowed inches from his face, the countance of the white haired ghost as daunting as the fury in those eyes. Perhaps it would do ghosts better if they heeded that rage now and again…it was a glare that looked, in and of itself, truly capable of murder and it had Tucker writhing under its intensity.

"Damn it Tucker, cheerleaders are one thing but my sister? Forget Jazz hurting you, she can have you after me" In desperation, he clasped his hands in prayer, asking whoever would listen to save his soul should today be the day of judgment.

"It was an accident I would never spy…well okay I would but not on Jazz! Your my best friend Danny, surely that must count for something, come on man you know me better then that." Looking over at Jazz he saw a cloud pass over her face, she looked truly wounded and it struck a deep chord with him. Why did he make light of this? Guilt rage a painful war in his gut, a rather green feeling coming to Tuckers face when he thought of what this must have done to the girl. When you were as controlled as Jazz, as careful in protecting every aspect of life from the pains and knocks existence loved to throw, how badly would it hurt to have every shred of dignity stripped away because of a single persons' stupidity. Suddenly it wasn't funny anymore.

"I'm so sorry Jasmine" her attention was grabbed the instant he said her full name, no one ever used it unless it was dire circumstances; Tucker considered saving the pride of an already broken winged angel far above dire. "I didn't see you in there until it was too late and by that point it was a lose/lose situation. I should have said something but…I thought we could both leave with our pride intact. I never meant to hurt you, you have to know that." The pressure on his collar relaxed and Danny's eyes returned to sapphire blue, a sigh of relief passed through his white lips and he stepped out from behind Danny, shaking slightly with fear. Why now, of all times, did courage decide to make it appearance, and in conjunction with morals and a conscious Tucker did not realize he possessed.

"I deserve whatever punishment you can think up, I'm a creep, a gone, a pervert, a loser….you can stop me anytime"

"I'm waiting for egotistical, chauvinistic pig" came the short reply and exasperatedly, Tucker conceded if it would bring out the sun in the tightly drawn face. Nothing made him feel worse then the pain in those lovely ocean eyes, and if berating himself would make them sparkle then damnit that's what he would do.

"alright, I'm an egotistical, chauvinistic pig…" Danny watched him carefully, arms folded, a narrow calculating look sweeping over Tucker as though trying to understand the sudden behavior change; the regular Tucker would never cave into a girls anger so easily, not even Sam's and she was his best friend.

'Something's up' the halfa concluded, knowing one way or another he would drag the reason out of his friend.

"Don't kill him Jazz, I still want a-" what Danny wanted would never be heard because in that moment the happiness and surety of the moment would tilt and shake loose everything the friends had, in the past week, struggled to nail down and rebuild.

"Doctor Greenfield and all available nurses to room 515, Emergency, Doctor Greenfield and all available nurses to room 515 Emergency," Tucker had never seen Danny go so pale in his life, not even in the moment they met him at the waiting room, each caught up in their own inner turmoil and anxieties over the whole situation. The three friends remained frozen, an eerie silence echoing in their minds the announcement. Room 515… Emergency… Danny was the first to break the silence, his voice cracking with such fear it knocked the wind from Tuckers lungs, escalating the knot of dread tying itself around his heart and dragging it to the pit of his stomach…please god no, do not let it be…

"Sam"

It's all right I survived I'm alive again
Cuz of you I made it through every storm

What is life what's the use if you're killing time

Flashback (jump ahead in the story about an hour then go back basically)

Tears began to fall blindly, burning the skin and melting world to a liquefied magma beneath everyone's feet, the sun exploded in the distance and mountains began to crumble, the earth collapsing around him as voices screamed around him in a blur. Fear drove his legs harder, terrified of what he would find when they stopped at their destination but more afraid of losing everything before he could get there.

The world spun in a blur as two pairs of arms caught him like a net, drawing him away from the only world he could ever know, the love of his life, drowned in a holy light, angels of mercy crowding around her body yelling directions against the steady line, the endless beep. They calmed him, told him it would be alright, the voices around him an intangible mess of ungraspable noises interrupted by the low tone. A beep, one beep that was all he needed to break the barrier separating his world from theirs. Words of comfort passed over him, mattering nothing unless he could hear a breath, a beat, a beep from the drawn form in the bed….please…please.

"We're losing her! Clear!"

"Sam! Sammy no!" tearing away from the secure grasps chaining him to the spot just out of reach, Danny collapsed at the bedside, blind terror falling from his eyes, squeezing his heart like a wrench. Her hand was so pale, limp, he grabbed his wrapped it between his, trying to bring life back into it wanting to feel the tender grasp she gave to him the night before. Hands grabbed his shoulders, pulling him back and away from her…they wanted her, they were going to take her from him.

"Get him out of here!"

"NO!" Danny roared, kicking and flailing like a wild animal, refusing to release the Goth angel's hand, desperate to feel life in it "Sammy! Oh God! No Sammy please!" his voice broke when the realization of what was happening hit him like a rock. Each minute without a beep was a knife through his heart, twisting and ripping it out piece by piece. She was dying, drowning in darkness and he could do nothing to save her. Tears began to choke up, breaking down his spirit and leaving him limp in the arms of whoever felt they could hold him up; at last they managed to free her hand from his. The world moved in a haze, spinning around him in ungraspable dementia encased with the single sound of a flat line continuing until he heard the dreaded words.

"Call it, 7:45am" everything came crashing down like a broken mirror, shattering every truth and lie Danny had ever known. Cursing God, he flew out of the comforting embrace to the dead girls bedside. Body trembling as he pulled her to hi, her head rolling without support to the neck.

"You can't let her die!" he roared in agonizing pain, his heart being ripped out and shredded…he couldn't lose her, it wasn't fair! Those around him stood back, their own hearts breaking at the love and grief destroying the gentle young man. "I've done everything for you, I pray to you, I serve you…let me have this one thing, let me have her…I'll take her place please, please don't take her" heart wrenching sobs tore from him as he burrowed his face in her lavender scented hair. This had to be a nightmare, a horrible nightmare and any moment Jazz would wake him and he would see Sam laugh at the absurdity of his fears

'Please' his tears soaked her hair as he cradled her into his arms longing to feel a breath rise into her chest, a heartbeat mimic his own 'God please let her wake up.' It seemed like an eternity he sat there, weeping over the limp, lifeless form of Sam, praying with everything he had for a miracle to bring her back to him when the most beautiful music Danny would ever hear began to play a soft, barley noticeable tune.

The monitor began registering a faint heart beat.

Doctors immediately rushed to her, checking the monitors, her breathing, her pulse, and the fever that almost claimed her but Danny refused to cease cradling her, afraid she would disappear into nothingness if they were allowed to take her from him. Not wanting the display of passion from earlier to reoccur they worked around him until they were sure she was stable and comfortable. When the commotion finally slowed and the nurses and doctors vacated the tiny room, Danny allowed the tension to drain from him as Sam's body relaxed against him.

"Don't let it win" he whispered to her, closing his eyes against another rush of tears, the fear and relief overwhelming to his overstressed emotions "I won't ever leave you please, please don't leave me…you're my world, my reason to keep fighting please Sam…"

"I love you Sam, please let that be enough"

Flash forward to and hour after this happened

Life was fragile, why, when the world finally began to straighten out and make sense to those forced to exist within its bounds, did it decide to test the human spirit and emotional endurance? A human heart was more fragile then any porcelain or crystal because once broken it could never fit together the same way again, sometimes leading to the desire to not exist as it had with Sam only a week before. In essence, a human heart begins as a puzzle, giving the many pieces to different aspects of a persons' relationships and in turning taking a piece from their heart to fill the hole left by a removal. You still feel that piece as keenly as if it never left your chest and when you lose the person carrying that portion of your love you can never take it back, and sometimes it can break you irreversibly. Watching him pour his heart out to his knees over thoughts of what nearly came to be, Jazz felt her knees weaken and heart shrivel up in fear of danger and grief.

The fever had nearly claimed her, a destructive 106.8 shutting down all systems including her heart, nearly killing her and yet, even with a heartbeat there was no guarantee they had Sam back. Fevers so high left people damaged so irrevocably that they lay in a vegetable like coma for months, years, even for the rest of their life; Sammy was lost in darkness and Jazz could only imagine how much pain it was causing Danny to be helpless to aide her. Watching his chest heave with the effort each sob took she tried to step back from the situation, disallow it to affect her heart. If it started to hurt, Jazz knew she could not be brave like Danny, could not handle the crushing pain, shoulder the emotional burden…if she started to feel for the unconscious girl, she could collapse emotionally and that knowledge made her hesitate to go to him. The boy was no longer lost in the euphoria of love realized, but lying broken and dying in a puddle of his own despair and it caused and ache inside of her nothing seemed to fill because, though she could block out the heartbreak of nearly losing Sam she could not ignore the agony watching her brother suffer caused her.

Standing at the doorway, a place so very familiar to her, she gazed upon a very different scene from the one the previous evening. The love in the air was bittersweet and tainted with the distinct smell of despair, it was like a smog clinging to her every move, weighing down on her as though made of lead or steel. Aqua eyes watched in horror as Danny tore pieces of hair out, causing pain to himself for the same reason Sam had, to ease the emotional agony twisting around with in him…it scared her, chilled her to her core to think he could take the same path as the dark girl just as easily if they should lose her but it was possible. One cut could destroy a person's sanity. Jazz knew that far to well.

As a Freshman, cut off from those around her, lacking friends and anyone to truly connect with and talk to besides social workers who saw nothing more in her then an average overworked A+ student, she turned to physical pain as an escape. Everything she knew about psychology deserted her upon her first forbidden taste of pain, it tested her low pain threshold at first but then it didn't matter. It eased the stress and released the anguish when she could not cry or when tears weren't enough and gave her something sure to turn to. Sometimes she still brought a knife to her skin but it was in carefully planned moments so as to avoid discovery; Jazz never considered suicide as a serious escape and had no interest in destroying everyone's life by taking her own but cutting was an entirely different affair. It was her obscured judgment that stopped her from helping Sam earlier, the knowledge that she cut without searching for death clouded her opinion but even now, the redhead knew she would not and could not stop cutting. Sometimes, knowing she had a way out of her pain made aiding others in theirs just a little easier; no one gave a damn about how she felt or the wounds that festered in her heart so long as she was an outlet for their own pathetic sorrows. It was the worst job, to be the helper among people who would just as soon drop you then look at you once they'd taken what they want, sort of like being a whore only she gave them satisfaction in an entirely different way. Everything from being an ear to the butt of cruel comment, she weather it all with the knowledge it helped those people cope with something. The façade of surety she put on to the world was nothing more then a mask, a

piece of glass to view the world from without ever having to take a step from the safe haven of her mind.

Jazz spent so much time making sure Danny didn't follow the same path; she made sure he was loved and understood, made sure to help him when she could to ease the pressures of teenager Dom and keep him from the knife blade. For all her efforts she was proud to say he was, for all his stresses, nothing like her emotionally. There was never a blade purposely shredding his skin for the pleasure of pain and release of inner torment; he had friends to steer him from the path, to keep his head up when the water got deep, and to help him swim when he found himself only sinking. The lack of true parental support never struck him the way it had Jazz either, she protected him from the neglect by acting like a parent throughout his childhood, doing everything in her power to give him what she desired. Danny complained now and then but seemed little effected by the situation that stunted his older sisters emotional growth for 17 years, something Jazz could not be happier about.

Now he was drowning in an ocean Jazz had never crossed, lost in a web of hurts and sorrows that Jazz could not navigate and free him from for she herself had never allowed her heart the chance to break, to grieve, to suffer anymore then it did. Yet still she remained the only person able to go to him, and of all the things she had done for him no one had asked her to do a harder task then the one placed on her shoulders now. It asked her to feel, to open up and allow some of his pain to bleed into her and she was not sure she could do that. Each step she took toward him increased the fear, the guilt, the anxiousness the idea surrounding this conversation brought to her. What would she say? What could she say? There were no words in the English language or any other language that could aide her in telling her only brother that she loved him, that she was sorry he had to hurt like this, that it hurt so much to see Sam laying nearly dead that she couldn't even allow herself to feel for fear it would destroy her. How could she help her brother through his grief when the waters of her own emotions waged war within her breast?

He sat still, the sobs having eased during her thoughts but even without he heaves of his chest the sight broke her heart. If tears were any indication of someone's pain, Danny's heart must be dying in its agony; his eyes broke away from his knees to look up at her. The usually sparkling blue eyes were dull and dead, holding only a echo of sadness and the broken heart being crushed by all this extra weight; he look so lost, she felt a tear slip from her eyes burning a path down her cheek. So many words burned holes in her mind but that wasn't what he needed to hear from and besides, her tongue seemed to speak from an entirely different organ.

"Baby brother, come here" she whispered to him, allowing him to fall into her arms. It was reminiscent of childhood when he would curl up into her embrace when the monsters came to eat him up in the night. It seemed she would always be the one to soothe his nightmares, real or not. Jazz tender brushed her fingers through his rich raven locks, one arm cradling him tightly against her as though he were five again. She tucked his head under her chin so she could let her tears fall without him seeing the pain watching his suffering caused her; no child should ever go through this hell. A face, no longer heavy with the look of child hood, burrowed itself against her chest, his arm cradled against his chest and knees pulled up onto her lap; it was a position as old as love itself, one person giving absolute trust in the other and allowing them to simply comfort without judgment, soothe without hurting.

"I can't help her Jazz, she's dying and there's not a damn thing I can do to change that" muffled sobs and all, Jazz heard it with much more then her ears. It hit far to close to home, echoing in many ways the fear she held for herself, for him, for everyone; tears dried at the tip of her lips, darkening her usually light aqua eyes in a way that changed every image of her.

"I love her and she is the one person I couldn't save. Why her Jazz why? I love her, I love her and I don't…I don't know what I'll do if I lose her. I came so close before, I've held her dying body twice now what if…what if this time she doesn't come back," sobs collected at the base of her throat as she began to rub his back soothingly, unable to say anything through her own sorrows. "I promised never to leave her…She is my best friend and I let her down! This is all my fault, if I had seen it…if I had been such a hard headed, hormone driven bastard I would have noticed my best friend…the girl I love slowly killing herself, how could I have noticed? I'm such a fucking idiot, I deserve to be lying in that bed not her…its all my fault I should be the one paying I should-"

"Daniel Fenton don't you even think that!" Jazz said sharply, jerking the young mans body away from her, holding him by the shoulders at arms distance, giving a level glare in warning that it was her turn to talk. Tears streamed endlessly down her cheeks, her puffy red eyes, even in a glare, sorrowful and tear-jerking; Danny started at the sight, never having seen his older sister break down about anything in his life. How far had all of this pushed the redhead, did it really tear into her so much? The young halfa could almost see his sister crumbling before him, her sobs collecting in a place within her chest slowly becoming full to capacity with an emotional flood. IT angered him that she would not let her hair down, even for a moment, to show any pain over this event.

"Sam was hurting Danny, she was broken in a way no one could fix. Nothing you could have done would have changed this, it may have only deterred it but eventually we would have ended up here in the same circumstance only maybe there wouldn't be a chance to help her." She spoke snappishly and firmly, daring him with a single look to deny the truth of her words and Danny found he could not. He watched as the red head closed her eyes tightly, tipping her head back and running a hand through her slightly waving hair as though working the sorrows out with each silk like strand that went through. In truth, she was suppressing everything behind a feeble inner wall, not able to find the strength to bear her sorrows to the boy in front of her, not when he had so many more. After a moment of mediation on her words, Jazz locked eye with her brother initiating a sibling bond that needed no words. Running a hand through his hair tenderly she continued in a far kinder, emotionally controlled voice

"I know your scared, and I know it hurts but-"

"How could you?" Pain ripped through her, claiming another piece of her heart when she saw the raw fury in his deep eyes, every fiber of him frustrated and vengeful, all the emotion piercing her with those three words.

"Wh-What? Danny why…?"

"How could you know it hurts? You never let yourself hurt Jazz! Why are you crying huh? Has it finally hit you that you've wasted your life not feeling for anyone? You don't know real grief, you don't know what it feels like to have you heart ground into shreds and stepped on, to lose something precious to you and have it nearly in your grasp when its snatched away by fate. You'll never feel that Jazz because you'll never love, do you even love me? Or am I just another fucking charity case to you?" He stood up, the words growing louder with each syllable, his fists shaking with what it took to repress the rest of his anger, boarded up behind a slowly cracking wall. "Well fuck you Jazz! The woman I love is dying and I'm not going to listen to this shit coming from someone so scared she can't even say the word. You've never said have you? Not even to mom and dad, not even to me!"

"Danny I'm.."

"Fuck you! I hate you! How dare you sit here and tell me what I should think and feel while you can't even understand what you feel! What is this going to turn into Jazz? A study on teenage grief? Your so scared of whatever the world has to offer that you look at everything from behind research and facts. News flash, life is more then crappy reports and statistics. I feel sorry for you Jazz, I really do because you'll never figure it out. Now get out, go analyze and evaluate your feelings away, but don't pretend to care about me when its something you clearly can't understand" Danny knew he was being harsh but it was his turn to help his sister. Watching her slowly let the world pass by was agonizing for him; She deserved so much more but first she had to understand that life was more then charts and graphs. He was surprised at her statements, how she easily analyzed something that she clearly did not understand but then that was Jazz. Danny wanted desperately to apologize but not now. For now he would let the girl keep the control she valued so much….as for Jazz, she was skilled in hiding behind a mask of indifference and concern and it served her well in the face of something….something that came very close to breaking her. Danny had hurt her in a way no one had, refusing her help and throwing back in her face the insecurities written so plainly in her stiff speaking and unsure actions, though she was not aware how well Danny could read her.

"Well I…I'm here if you need me" came the soft reply as Jazz all but ran from the room, holding the flood back with the knowledge that a few cuts would ease it all away.

I'm so glad I found an angel, somewhere
Who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly looking in your eyes

Darkness. The only word to describe the hells she floated in, what was left of her so disoriented she had now way to tell if she pointed toward the sky or hung from her feet. Screams fell on deaf ears, dying the moment a puff of air left her mouth, chocking her as the black tart suspending her filled every orifice, suffocating her slowly and yet still allowing her to live on through it. Voice from just outside her conscious reeled and spun around her, floating like notes on a scale, meaningless to her when she could only sense their existence. Sam wanted to cry, to pray to God to free her from this hell but doubted he would listen to the prayer of a suicidal Goth. What cosmic trick was it to give her Danny's love only long enough to snatch It from her, to grab her soul and thrust it into the morbid pit sucking everything out of her, trying to take from her the thing that kept it from claiming her life.

She couldn't hear him but she knew Danny was there, knew he wept and begged for her return though she couldn't hear nor see him and it was for him she hung on, waiting impatiently for the second chance she wanted so badly. The thoughts and voices that plagued her, brought her to desperation and the search of a place beyond the veil of mortality lived in this dark place, echoing every moment of weakness, every cruel joke and comment, every painful memory and now there was no escape, she held hope that there was a God and he heard her prayer. Sam risked it all in a gamble, though at the time it was, to her, surety, and wanted back the reality. Danny loved her Damnit and she was not going to let him down.

'Give up, your to weak to fight it just die, you know it's what everyone wants you fucked up little witch' A particularly nasty voice jeered, causing Sam to lose just a little bit of the confidence she had been building up

"I love you Sam, you and only you" the memory broke through as a tiny light in the blackness and Sammy's hands balled to fists, shouting for all the voices to hear in a voice of growing confidence.

'I will not give up, not so long as Danny loves me…if he thinks I'm worth loving then I'm going to prove it!'

Because you live, and breathe

Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help

Hours had passed in silence, the world moving in a haze without true purpose or care, moving without direction until night fell and those left in their own sorrows awoke to wonder where their mind had been. An entire day wasted in grief and anxious waiting, your mind drifting between reality and the 'what could be' of a situation so painfully close to you it's nearly impossible to distinguish actual from imaginary. It was in this world that Tucker found himself, unable to grasp the truth, unwilling to accept the danger lying in all of their paths. It was easier to float about, lost in memories and a false belief that what had transpire hours earlier was not really as serious as it really had been. Sam would wake up in a few hours, he needed to believe that, needed so badly for it to be true that any other outcome was out of his realm of comprehension. The realization would destroy him. Tucker could not except that one of his best friends lay dying and dragged the other down into the darkness as well. It took every remaining fiber of his tattered strength to keep his head above water and even now, the frigid waves began to fill his every pore, sucking him down. Denial was all that kept him a float and in a single moment, the beauty of false pretending shattered as reality made known the truth of how truly dire everything was, how much the pain effected the minds and mentality of usual collected souls.

It was scary how sensible the most insensible thing can be to people desperately searching for an escape from life; even when help surrounds them they will turn to self-destruction to satisfy a need to punish. Sam had done so and now lay in a vegetable state, breathing only with the aide of a machine and slowly destroying the hearts of those closest to her. It was an every-man-for-himself war between old friends, even family, each person so strung up on a thread of pain unique to them they were unable to see the thinly weaved lines torturing others just out of sight. Yet it seemed some of their number hung the noose around their own necks, killing themselves slowly. It hit hard, the painful realization that none were safe from the destruction and even the strongest succumbed to dangerous relief rather then face the torment in their own hearts.

She was beautiful, far more mournful then the broken hearts a door away. Even asleep the fallen angel radiated a slowly fading light, the pure image Tucker held of her slowly flowing away like a dying river. A thief had come in the night and taken the heat from, in essence, pure fire as it had Sam's, letting it drain out in form of sticky crimson on a pure white gown, a sickening tie dye pattern telling a tale far from finished, if indeed an ending was to come. Realty came striking down with a painful crunch, smashing everything he thought to be truth to microscopic bits of unattainable shards, biting the spirit surrounding his flesh. Everything around him lacked sense and stability, even with her all the surety that could usually be counted on to be present disappeared into the ugly truths of the world. No one was safe from pain, even her.

What should he do? Tucker knew that leaving Jazz to cry her crimson tears was wrong, but to disallow her the ability to cut the thread connecting her to life would be the straw that broke his back. To lose the three most import people in his life with a single mistake, any road taken had the outcome of destruction and the choice could be made by none but him; why did it always have to be him that dealt with life altering choices? If he left her she would go back to normal in a day or so, living the lie of perfection and wellness that Tucker believed fooled even her own soul; things would return to normal if he turned on his heels and put out of his mind the sight. What then? Would she travel the same path as Sam and claim her own right to live or die? If he chose to stand at her side, would it mean the loss of a friendship dear to him, the loss of another person close to his heart? Either choice could mean a loss, a lose/lose situation that made his head spin. Tucker didn't want the choice to be his, didn't want to face the knowledge that the ball bounced in his court and no amount of wishing could change its course. Another delicate situation, so many easy ways to destroy the lives of a family already falling apart at the seams; with one wrong turn of phrase, a misspoken word, the wings and heart of an already broken angel would collapse into a world of brimstone and hatred, the pieces of a shattered heart would crack and distort the images it reflected.

How did you become the eyes of a blind person, the ears of the deaf, the wings of a bird? Why did the responsibility now lie of the shoulders of a sixteen year old boy who could not even sort through his own expanding emotions relating to the fiery redhead, let alone through the emotion bleeding out from the scars on her arms. The urge to turn around spoke sensibly, the desire of familiarity more prominent in him then the desire of Sam's return but Tuckers feet seemed to take direction from a voice deep within him that spoke with emotion rather then logic. Listening to his heart, the sneaker clothed appendages tiptoed silently to the side of the slumbering girl, a content smile on her face that was eerie beside the caked scars and metallic smell of coppery blood drying on the surface it fell upon. Whatever lead to the last resort had literally bled right out of her, paving the way to undisturbed rest as each drop fell.

The approach was slow and Tucker was thankful for the girls' dreams, needing time to prepare the words spinning circles in his heart. How was he to tell her that watching her suffer hurt more then knowing Sam couldn't feel, that watching her hope fall into despair killed him inside and he wanted more then anything to be her wings, her escape from the darkness. Every word stuck on his tongue, mind reeling when he captured her hand within his and felt the warmth beating through it, the flawless skin stretching up the expanses of her arm, an exact opposite of its wounded sister, cradled gently like a preciously guarded treasure. For the first time since entering the room, Tucker saw a chilly shudder pass through each limb, raising the hairs to stand attention except for the hand he meticulously warmed. The seat she had chosen to rest upon provided little barrier from the frosty breath on the window transferring immediately from the glass to her bare flesh. Showing a newfound chivalry, Tucker gently kneeled down, arms carefully easing beneath her knees and around her shoulders, lifting her tenderly into his embrace, careful not to jostle her from the sleep that eased her pains for a short period. A thousand emotions exploded within him like firecrackers while watching the redhead sleep, a complete look of serenity and vulnerability relaxing her usually tightened and schooled features and he never wanted to lay her down, yearning for nothing more in that moment then to protect her whatever apparitions haunted her. Soft whimpers escaped her slightly parted lips when he began to walk to one of the cots provided to them

"Shh, It's okay, everything's okay" Tucker whispered into her hair, wishing that his words were true but knowing the situation was far from 'okay'. Marveling at how light she was in his arms, he kneeled once more, carefully easing her to the tiny makeshift bed before swiftly retracting his hands and gazing at her beautiful lithe form, unable to find words strong enough to describe the emotion causing his heart to skip a beat, causing him to want to weep for a reason he could not understand, causing a need to hold her though he knew there was nothing that gave him to right to do so. Tenderly brushing a stray auburn lock of her gently closed eyelids, a soft, warm feeling spread from his chest outwards, turning to lead as Jazz tucked her self mutilation in a protective positions, fetal and curled about her knees like a young child afraid of the dark. Digging his fingers into the soft skin of his palm, Tucker chewed his bottom lip in rage; even in sleep the monsters couldn't cease haunting her. Even more fury coursed through him at his own weaknesses and inabilities that blinded him to the true emotions buried within the two women who meant the most to him, a sister and…

What was Jazz? What was it about her that made his heart thud in ears and lead drop into his stomach, caused stupid action and the inner strength every touch of her hand brought him? It was unfathomable that he liked her…she was Dannys' sister and his and Sam's surrogate sister advising them when they desired guidance and aiding them when they were getting their asses fried in a fire (usually caused by them.)…And yet she had always been there for him most of all, raising him up when the world grew to heavy for his small shoulder, giving his dreams wings when all they could do was be buried, being a shoulder to cry on and the only person that accepted him exactly as he was. Even Danny could not say the same. Tenderly stroking the beautiful redheads' slightly freckled cheek, he remembered all the times they'd stood alone together and all the help she'd given to all three of them without them ever having to say word. Jazz always knew what to say to cheer you up, to remind you what life was for and that you had to fall before you could fly; And yet a single sad smile broke through the sunlight, the unanswered question nagging him from the back of his mind.

Who would catch her when she fell? Already she was carried on a downward spiral, wings clipped far too early as the ground rose up to swallow any hopes of returning to the skies. Would anyone miss her if she suddenly vanished, if it had not been for Life's' gamble and his own distracted thoughts would he have made a repeat mistake and leave her to crumble away into the cold sea drawing around them? Would anyone have noticed when she began to fade away? When her smile and strength became just an act? Or would they remain blind to what lay behind the mask. The world believed that the strong could not break, that those with level heads could never be desperate, that those who helped never needed help themselves. It was an inner belief that Tucker cursed himself for every second of the past week from the moment he received the phone call about Sam.

"Tucker?" a sleep garbled voice slowly extracted the young man from his angry musings, a hand grazing his cheek to test the reality of, seemingly, and apparition to the sleepy mind of the bleeding dove. Toffee eyes gazed softly at half-lidded aqua iris', letting calming vibes pass between the momentary connection; she sounded so disoriented and scared, as though waking from a nightmare and doubting a reality not far from the fantasy dreamed up by fear. Gently trapping her wandering hand in his, Tucker offered an easy smile to show her things were fine.

"Sleep now Jazz," her murmured, touching her cheek for a moment before lovingly beginning to stroke her hair, letting the silky strands run through his hand like water or liquid fire. Realization dawned on her deadened mind, a long repressed fear blooming like a black rose in her eyes. Trying to rise, or flee whichever happened to be easiest, the redhead shifted around in the tangle of sheets stuck tight to the mattress

"I can explain I-" Gently resting two fingers on her lips and bidding her silently to lay quiet he tenderly shut her eyelids before repeating his earlier words with an aire of finality that seemed to draw the panic from the drooping lids.

"Sleep now," It took only moments for all tension to drain out her leaving her body pliable and limp on the mattress, eyes closed once again in an easy slumber. Releasing the breath he was not aware of even holding, Tucker collapsed on the floor, back flush against the wall and eyes closed in silent relief. This was not a good moment to discuss what was obviously not well with Jazz, the blind terror he had read in her features was to much to handle after the day they had all just suffered through.

It was impossible to guess how the promised conversation would progress when the time came to have it, whether it would finally unlock the chains binding her soul or just further entrap her and block out all chance of freedom for her.

Why did his friends lives always fall into his hands?

Because you live girl my world has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live, I live

Days passed as slow as weeks, each passing through in a ruddy haze but growing heavier at the end of each long day. Finally another week had passed lacking any true point or shocking situation within any of the seven days, flowing like stagnate water, any ripples caused by an outside force or otherwise total stillness. It was in this idle decline that one could find Danny Fenton, sitting at an unchanging bedside in an undeterred resolution not to shift from his spot; little could break his promise to Sam. Food was brought to him and he only left the girl's side for bladder relief, returning instantaneously the moment he could, holding her slight hand and keeping his eyes fixed permanently on the grayish skin and closed eyelids.

Danny could never tire of studying Sam's face, awake or asleep she was by far the most beautiful woman alive and each day brought a new feature to light, something more exquisite then the last yet making up a whole person whose loveliness surpassed spoken word. Yet, for all the beauty splayed out before him, nothing could out do the amethyst gems hiding so close and so far from waking light. The longing to see those jewels gaze at him with love is what kept him in the same spot for exactly one hundred and ninety-two hours.

One hundred and ninety-two hours left a man with more time to think then was healthy, allowing him to mull over every mistake and every triumph, every love and every pain, every joy and every sorrow, bringing back the past to rethink the actions that may have prevented the situation the two lovers found themselves in. 'What ifs" were all Danny had, wondering over what might have been if only….each 'if' changed with the hour, a new sorrow awoken with it. Would it have been better if it were him lying prostate in the bed? The thought occurred more often then the rest and entailed twice the guilt when thoughts of Sam sitting in his very position overcame rational thought. She would wish the same were it him, feel the same pain and it was like a sucker punch in the stomach to think he would put her in the situation. It seemed nothing could stop the merry-go-round of blame and guilt Danny seemed unable to dismount, it did him and Sam no good to place blame but in true human mentality it seemed that something needed to be blamed, something must be made to feel guilty for all this pain. Yet, no matter how the circle turned, Danny could not bring himself to lay the blame on Sam.

Day eight slowly passed over his head with no change and at last the dam broke within him, taking with it the last shred of composure hiding his broken soul. A low scream tore itself violently from the very bottom of his heart, the agonizing sound heart wrenching and physically painful for the boy as he stood up only to have his knees come out from beneath him, landing with a painful thud on the linoleum floor, his body lacking the willpower to continue supporting him. Raw fury tore into his flesh, literally pulling back the skin to reveal living flesh and blood. He was human, he could bleed and he could hurt and as he allowed his fingers to cry an entirely different type of tear his stomach heaved, every memory and broken dream of this life burning in his throat. He was powerless to stop his body's physical rejection of the realization hovering just at the edge of his psyche. Blood mixed with vomit on the floor, the retching continuing long after his stomach was empty; his hair clung to his sweaty forehead, tears falling into the mess on the floor as he slumped back against the bed, sobbing in gasps. Angry fists struck the tile floor, not heeding the pain that shot up his arm.

Damn God an his plan, Damn Sam and her stubbornness, Damn Jazz and her know-it-all fucking complex, Damn him…Damn himself for hurting the three most important people in his life in expression of his own pain. Gripping his hair so hard several strand were ripped out, he dug his fingernails into his scalp, willing the screaming voices in his mind to shut up.

What was left of his hope died, shriveling like a forgotten soul on the doorstep of his body, torn out and left to rot with the rest of his dreams and the bloody remains of his heart. Love did not just hurt, it was agony with no real escape and the worse part about it was he wouldn't give up the pain for anything in the world. Not if it meant losing the girl he loved. Damn it, there was that word again, love. Was that the reason Sam still clung to life, because she knew he still waited for her? It left a deadened hole in his heart where optimism used to make its stay, what if she did not know in that near dead sleep that he was there; would she pass on quietly in the night thinking he'd abandoned her?

Another low groan escaped his parted lips he doubled over, emptying another stream of bile on top of the slowly drying pool on the floor, the agony of missing her, the fear of losing her so painful that his physical body reacted in the way nothing else could. Danny could not lose her, she loved him…she wanted to get better and if God had any mercy he would not destroy him and her in this way. He had given everything for the world, suffered the ultimate price at the hands of Amity, his freedom, and now the Almighty would punish him by taking away the only bright spot on a dark horizon?

"You won't take her, do you understand me? Sam is mine and you can't have her," He yelled to the heavens, to God, to death, voice cracking and hoarse. Sadness thickened itself around his body, heavy as lead and constricting as a straitjacket. Feeling his chest burn with the effort each rattling sob took, he shakily pulled himself up body, reflecting the acceptance of the inevitable. Nothing could deter fate, it ran a program far beyond the comprehension of the tiny mortal mans' mind and it was not Danny's place, much as he wished, to interfere with the plan laid out for each of them. She would die. Biting back another vomiting attack, the young halfa climbed into the tiny hospital bed beside her, burrowing his face into the familiar skin, the familiar hair, the safety and love that her presence always brought no matter the state of affairs between them. There was more then love between them, more then adoration. A bond connected them to each other, something more powerful then life and death could sever; adults shook their heads in disbelief at the thought of teenagers knowing true love, recognizing the term soul mate as more then a line to get sex. For them it was impossible, but then so was the existence of ghosts. It scared them to think of a world out of their own control and understanding, they could not open their hearts and minds to anything outside of their ability to shape and form. They said it wasn't love, just infatuation, not soul mates just lust.

Danny thought they could not be more wrong, the two had more history then most married couples before the wedding, more understanding and respect for the other then lovers of ninety. For so many years Sam gave him a reason to live, lit up the sun when it seemed misfortune blew it into nothingness, helped him when nobody else knew how. There was never a time Sam did not step up to his defense, drag him from self-destruction with the knowledge that the dawn would bring a fresh start no matter what the circumstances of the time were. She was always there when his hopes crashed down around him; when his world seemed to be caving in, she kept the ground steady until it could rebuild. Sam was everything to Danny, the soul onto which his entire existence was built and nothing would or could ever change that. If she died, when she died, the thought of a life without her pretty smile and rare laugh was unbearable for him to even fathom. Life would standstill for him without her to push him along with a sarcastic quip and a friendly smile; his world would explode when she would not gaze quizzically at him in a moment of his supreme stupidity. A friendship would collapse when she was not there to ease tensions between Tucker and him by being a distraction in and of herself. Could he learn to live in a world without Sammy?

A month ago he would have wondered the answer, paused over points and the pros and cons of an existence taken for granted to often and for to long, now Danny knew the answer had lain prone in his heart for years without him having any knowledge of its existence. There was no world for him without Sam.

Wrapping her up in a tender embrace he stole a kiss from her slightly parted lips, relieved to feel warmth in them and a breath from between them; closing his eyes, Danny made a mental surrender to fate, to his own shattered heart. Promises were meant to be kept no matter the circumstances especially to the person you love and Danny had promised never to leave the beauty his arms intertwined with.

And it was a promise he intended to keep even if that meant following her into death to do it.

Because you live, there's a reason why, I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me always

It was funny how little the world secret meant, especially among friends and family, or to people who cared a little to much about their neighbors doings then their own. Even a secret kept to protect was easily stripped from the holder, the curiosity built into humans leading them to suffer any torture, any consequence just to sate that damned emotion. Secrets could conceal a lie embedded deep in a horror the bearer fought to forget, to hid, they sometimes meant a joyous surprise for a loved one or a protective secretive to stroke the ego. Her secret, however, was held by an inner guilt, a fear of discovery and the doubt of a society who trusted her to uphold a standard of conduct and a system of beliefs in regulation with their own. It was buried within her to protect an image seventeen years in the making and now that secret was out.

A week had passed since she awoke in a cot, panicked when the realization of a young man's discovery and a dirty secret disclosed finally registered as far more then a half thought out dream, and it had been a very long week for Jazz. For a hospital so enormous as this, one would think remaining out of the site of one person would be nothing more then a little dodging and careful planning, yet the redhead discovered how difficult avoiding someone could be. Tucker seemed to be stalking her, appearing in the very place Jazz deigned to go at the exact moment she arrived. Finally she had resorted to sleep in the car, knowing it was the only remaining place away from the boy; it seemed irrational but in a moment of panic it was the only option lest she risked everything in revealing more then he had already discovered.

It was dusk, the sun began its dismount into sleep giving a brilliant farewell show on its descent, alighting falling ice flakes like confetti; reds and pinks alighted her face, reflecting as tiny flecks in her eyes giving the girl an almost mystical quality. Wind whistled in her ears, blowing stray locks from her ponytail into her face, freeing the spirit caged behind inner bars. It was like music and without a thought to how it would appear to passerby's , Jazz began to spin, her body moving to a inner music she was never allowed to play, dancing on a silent winter day, snow joining in the rhythmic motion as it fell silently to earth. Paying no mind to the cold nipping at her nose, numbing her exposed flesh, she closed her eyes to an inner war and just allowed herself to feel the moment, the time, wind holding her body in a tender embrace the way no person could, snow kissing her so gently it made a slow tear fall from her closed eye. The movement shook the elastic loose, freeing her vibrant locks from the prison that kept them captive; they joined the dance, hanging in her face in an expression of sorrow and hope. If each strand was a fiber of her being and it could free itself from the confines of propriety and expectations maybe she could still have hope.

How long her dance lasted was anyone's guess, she twirled away from her agony, placing her damaged soul in a moment, a position far removed from the pain that her body retained, away from longing and loneliness, in a place where only serenity existed. What she wouldn't give to exist permanently there, for the caresses of her wind to be that of a lovers, for the kisses to be warm rather then cold…

"You already live there, you just have to realize it" a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves tenderly around her waist, imprisoning in her to stop an eminent attempt at flight. Tensing, Jazz tried to pull loose of the arms who had no business holding her in such a fashion but the more she struggler the tighter the held. "You really should learn to stop thinking out loud, it will get you in trouble one of these days."

"What do you want Tucker?" came the cold reply, making the bitter wind seem tropical in its wake. Of course she knew what he came for but that didn't mean she would make it easily attainable, it was not and never would be the young man's business what she thought and felt. A warm hand touched her cheek and the sudden loss of warmth struck hard as she found her face tilted upwards to meet large pools of chocolate, the concern melting her heart and shifting her legs to jelly. They were so beautiful and deep…why had she never noticed that everything Tucker was shined from within those gold specked brown orbs. It seemed the ended up in this position more and more, and for the first time Jazz could not find it in her to push him away even when his hand pulled her arm to eye level and slowly pulled back the layer to reveal the unbandaged damage. Shameful tears rose in her eyes and she looked away, unable to face the unbridled emotions in her own heart or those in his unguarded expression.

"Oh Jazz," his voice was barley above a whisper, heavy with concern and…pity? Wrenching away she returned his emotions with a violent fire

"I don't want you pity damnit so take it somewhere else" came the growl, as she backed from him preparing to bolt, to turn her back on the one man who had the ability to understand, the only person who seemed to ever want to understand. With a heavy heart she began to leave, questions with out answers screaming violently at her, voices that slowly destroyed her little remaining sanity and threw themselves against the barriers separating the inner most parts of her from exposure to the harsh realities of life. Jazz knew what she walked away from, a chance at relief and trust with someone that genuinely cared for her, an opportunity to befriend someone who asked nothing in return merely company and a chance to help

"Stop! Damnit Jasmine I don't pity you" warmth spread out from his fingertips as she was roughly jerked around to face the crumbling composure that made up Tucker Foley. The raw emotion in his features was startling, he held nothing back from her far as she could tell and even if he did it could not be more overwhelming the mixture of anger and sorrow, fear and insecurity, confusion and desperation that she was met with. Allowing the moment to soften, he lessened his death grip on her shoulders, closing his eyes to put his emotions in check before beginning again. "Let me help you Jazz, please."

"Why? What do you get out of it?" the words came out without any conscious reason behind them for Jazz's mind reeled with ungraspable idea that someone wanted to help her, that there was a chance the loneliness would dissipate into friendship. The little voices in her mind, however, laughed at the pitiful attempt at hope she conjured; what reason would a young man with everything to lose help someone who would cause him that lost? He just owed it to a guilty conscious to ease her momentary lapse of judgment, freeing him from any future blame. Tears began to cascade like small waterfalls and she turned away, trying to pull from him wanting nothing more in that moment then escape from this hell. In her own crashing world, it was impossible to recognize the same signs within her actions that she had, only months before, recognized in Sam. Strong arms caught her again, not letting her fall as her knees gave out beneath her, unable to hold up their prone mistress any longer, and tenderly lowered her to the snowy ground and immediately pulling her into a tight embrace allowing her to bury whatever sorrows those tears freed her from in his neck. The loneliness, the rejection, the neglect held back all her life began to pour out, sobs wracking her body and tears staining the collar of his shirt but no matter how violent she grew, pounding her fists against him, cursing with words the world was not aware she knew, he did not make a move to end the embrace. It made her even more furious, anger so much anger came out through shrieks and kicks, punches and sobs, the repression making her like a ticking bomb whose time had finally run out.

"LET ME GO! LET ME GO LET ME GO LET ME GO!" she shrieked, her fist striking his flesh with less and less fervor as the fury fizzle out like a dying candle until she was no more the a trembling, sobbing mass in his arms. Cedar, a smell so familiar and comforting, enveloped her sense and as though waking from a nightmare, she noticed him wrapping his corduroy jacket around her shoulders and leading her to the bench they sat at so many times before. Jazz could not remember rising nor really the moments after her tantrum; a red blush of shame tinted her cheeks, realizations of how shameful her behavior was giving her the good grace to show her remorse.

"Feel better?" he asked, reaching up and tucking some stray hairs behind her ear and studying her face with an unreadable look radiating from his eyes. Jazz said nothing, merely gazed at a sprig of grass standing out triumphantly among a sea of white as though it held the answers to lifes' questions. A soft sigh escaped his lips, forming a cloud just as it met with cold climate "Didn't think so. Talk to me Jazz please, why did you do this?" His hand tenderly settled on the wounds, tracing the blade lines as though each one shared with him the physical pain it felt; settling at last for grasping her hand and studying the slim fingers, Tucker met her eyes patiently, waiting for whatever answer she could give

"I don't want to talk about it" came the barley audible whisper

"Well your going to talk about it" Tucker said sharply, turning her head to him and staring directly into her eyes, peeling back the layers of her soul to find the treasure he knew was cloaked and hidden away beneath. The tears came again, the only warm sensation that her soul could feel and it seemed not to escape the African American teens' notice that the tone caused a flash fear and pain in her eyes. Making a physical effort to be gentle, Jazz watched him slowly calculate something behind those beautiful eyes before speaking, every word sorrowful and pleading as though deriving straight from his own breaking heart.

"We ignored her Jazz, and I can never forgive myself for doing that. It never occurred to me how much our comments hurt, how sharp they were until I saw the remains of her heart, how tattered and broken it was. That wasn't Sam I spoke with, just the shell of a girl that I once claimed to love like a sister." A hollow laugh escaped him "Funny way of treating someone you love huh? We're losing her now and I'm just glad I could apologize but that doesn't make the pain any less for me or for her." Tucker squeezed his eyes closed and it looked as though the words were painful and difficult to get out.

"How long, Jazz, have you drifted through life? When did your smile turn plastic like Sammy's? I told you that you could never be alone, that you had every right to hurt but I didn't mean like this." Looking away, Jazz tried to deny the truth everyone except her seemed to accept…was she really like Sam? Was the situation more out of her control then she though it was? Her hand flew to the wound, digging into them until they tore and began to bleed again, needing the physical pain like a drug. "Look at what your doing to yourself Jazz look! Is this you? Is this your control? Look at it!" Almost painfully she dragged her eyes to the wounds, each one representing an aspect of her life that tears did nothing to heal, the momentary pain a relief from the nightmarish hell the sun brought to her.

"When I was alone and scared, when I needed more then anything a guardian angel who could love me and save me from a world that could not accept me, I found something far greater then any angel." Placing a hand over hers, he drew her face to look up, the unreadable emotion back in his eyes "I found you Jazz, you have been my guardian angel since the day we met, protecting me when I was to weak to stand and fight, helping me when no one else dared to try, guiding me when I was lost in a maze my own heart created. It kills me to watch you break your wings like this. I failed one person I love Jasmine Fenton, your not about to be the second. Now it is my turn to be a guardian angel and help you learn to fly again because you're missed Jazz even if you can't see that now." Her eyes stared resolutely at the frozen earth, unwilling to meet his gaze any longer for fear she would trip and fall in to a very pleasant death. Tears blurred her vision, hard as she tried to blink them back, and her heart constricted painfully in her chest. The world had for just a moment ceased to spin on its axis and hell had turned to ice, the apocalypse had to be soon coming for the truth always known to Jazz suddenly turned inside out, nothing more then a handful of words and concepts rendered obsolete by his gentle heart. Seeing her reluctance to comply he continued, hoping with every fiber of his being she would let him into that place in her heart she kept so carefully guarded.

"I told you once that it was okay to hurt, that you would never be alone and I meant it, every word…I know it hurts to trust me but take a chance like you did on a frightened nine year old boy long ago. You helped him then and now he can help you if you'll let him in, he trusts you with his life and so much more…once upon a time he left his heart in your hands and asks only for the chance to repay the kindness of a stranger whose become so much more." Jazz slowly brought her eyes up from the ground, a guarded expression studying him from beneath heavy lashes and a curtain of red. Tenderly brushing it from her face, he smiled hopefully, wishing to see the smile that once graced those features, that made her eyes light up and cheeks flush, wanting to see passion and drive and hope, something that seemed to have been lost in the ascent to adulthood. They all felt it, tried to ignore the fear and pain, the anger that raged within them without rhyme or reason…but it hurt more then usual to see that hollow expression mimicking Sam's only a week earlier. In a slow movement, Jazz carefully cupped his hand in hers, considering each line of his palm and curve of his finger before intertwining their fingers and offering look of insecurity an minimal hope. Actions spoke louder then words, the simple motion an indication of the baby she was allowing to grow, the small trust she was gifting him with while praying to herself that it was not a mistake to do so. Ruffling her hair like a big brother would, Tucker tried to make her feel comfortable before he let his arm rest around her shoulder, twirling a lock of hair absentmindedly around his fingers and waiting for her to make the first move.

It came haltingly, the explanation, and it held much back giving only the outer structure of a much deeper problem but it was all she could give, the only amount of herself that was not hurting far to much to be verbalized. Jazz talked about Danny, her fears for him and that he would grow up to hate her, she cried over her parents, allowing herself to vocalize for the first time, the loneliness of a neglected little girl who wanted nothing more then to please uncaring parents. Now and then she dipped into a larger vein, giving bits and pieces of the girl within the mask when she murmured the pain of living a lie, of being scared to really allow herself to live live. It made very little sense to Tucker at first, the murmurings broken and shattered like the soul who divulged them but he kept patient, sure the story would come out when Jazz was ready for it too. Some hit close to home, the knowledge that his parents regarded his existence as nothing more then a tax exemption struck him the most painfully and he gave her a moment's pause for thought to tell her so. It was a comfortable, unrushed evening, the pace of conversation slow and undirected and fitting their own unique stories and pasts. By the time the church bell rung eleven, they were worn out emotionally an yet still able to find topics to discuss; although Tucker had not yet discovered the reason behind the mutilation he learned much more about the mysterious redhead the he was sure anyone else had ever been allowed to know. Yet she still remained a puzzle he doubted could ever be solved, it was "part of her charm" he had remarked when he went on to talk about her secretiveness , finding deep pleasure in the soft chuckle the comment brought forth from her. She, in turn, had learned about the man behind the eyes, hearing stories about a scared little boy who, for all his good graces, was born into a world utterly alone and had remained so until that fateful November freeze. Something with in Jazz connected with the lonely little boy Tucker hid so well behind his jokes and nonchalant stature. Both were, in most senses of the word, friendless, abandoned children searching for something to occupy the gaping hole where love should be. Neither remarked on the similarity in their lives, neither needed to.

Five hours and a myriad of mismatched conversations found Jazz curled up in Tuckers arms for warmth, neither wanting to end their conversation in search of the hospitals heat. It was strange how right the position felt, no place on earth could ever feel quite as safe, quite as warm as their embrace did. Silence descended and neither said anything, having no reason to break the peace they abruptly found themselves in; Tuckers head rested on the top of her head and with a soft chuckle and roll of her eyes, Jazz realized he was softly snoring.

"Tucker, wake up you little toad I don't want your drool in my hair" she teased, elbowing him gently in the side, making him jump and instinctively clutch her tightly to him. A blush glowed on her cheeks when she realized exactly how close they were.

"I wasn't sleeping I swear I'm not even-" his sentence was interrupted by a gigantic yawn

"You were saying?" Jazz smirked, untangling herself from Tuckers embrace; she missed the contact but it would not do for them to fall asleep in freezing weather with little on but coats and scarves. The smirk was met with a boyish grin as he, in one swift motion, had her off her feet and held tightly against his chest. Squeaking, she wrapped her arms around his neck tightly and gazed at him, eyebrow furrowed in confusion at this sudden, unexpected action; it was unlike Tucker to treat a girl like this, even a good friend.

"Talk about sweeping a woman off her feet huh? You say I'M tired but I would like to point out that you were headed toward a snow bank," He said, amusement clearly present in his tone much to her irritation

"I'll have you know the hospital is that…way?" looking over her shoulder, Jazz saw nothing but trees and the steep drop off that had landed them together a week prior "I could have sworn…"

"Please don't, curses don't sound good coming from you" she could almost hear the smirk in his cheeky reply and smacked the back of his head playfully, screaming when he pretended to drop her.

"Tucker Foley!" She could not see it but a loving smile crossed his features at her indignation and at the simple fact she was willing to play and let down a few walls around him.

"Don't worry Jazz; I'd never actually drop you…" He grinned and held her tighter against his chest, enjoying the contact while it lasted all the while thinking pleasantly to himself

'and if I ever do I'm going to be the one to come back and catch you before you hit the ground.'

Because you live, and breathe

Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live girl my world has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live, I live

Tugging his worn out cap down around his ears and folding his arms, a young African American boy glanced at the image reflecting in a slightly molded vanity, marveling at the person staring back. It seemed like overnight the face of childhood had been broken away by the strength of adulthood; his lips were chapped, he noticed, and neither frowning or smiling but without ever having to you could tell every emotion chasing through his system. A pair gold flecked coffee eyes smiled and shined, the first level of a much deeper person who was finally beginning to find himself. Still, it wasn't good enough. An unsatisfied frown creased his forehead and narrowed his eyes as the young man looked up and down his body, a crash test dummy-like figure lacking strength or handsome physique. The thought of him ever making a girl happy was an impossibility; Tucker would never have someone the way Danny had Sam…

Danny. In all the insanity surrounding the past week and a half, his part ghost friend had completely escaped his thoughts. Since the evening spent with Jazz three days prior, Tucker spent most free time engaged in meaningful conversation and quiet enjoyment of her company over what the cafeteria tried to call food. Some best friend he turned out to be, turning away from the other two most important people in his life when the shit hit the fan and it hurt to much to face the mess that made up their lives.

Being a best friend came with heavy burdens and thousands of unspoken responsibilities, sometimes a person struggled with the knowledge that they alone held a life in their hands, the responsibility of being stronger in the face of the same adversity your friend struggled with no matter how hard it struck you. It was the unspoken bond between sisters, brothers connected in such ways without blood, so close to you that one need never speak for the other to know exactly what to say, to pick up the phone and dial only to hear that the person on the other did the same. Being a best friend meant being the voice of reason and the pillar of strength, it meant being the one to go along with crazy schemes only to bail the both of you out in the end, and it meant never turning away when your friend had fallen and that was exactly what Tucker had done.

Splashing a handful of cool water onto his face, the young man drew a deep breath, releasing it with a resigned sigh, knuckles white from clutching the sinks basin. It was time to be the friend everyone expected, to be the person Jazz saw good in and to payback the kindness shown to him a thousand times. It was time to talk to Danny, no matter the outcome, to be the one to stop the boy's endless plummet and maybe help bring back the young goth still deep in an impenetrable sleep. Meeting the eyes of the boy in the mirror he nodded, building the stamina and strength to handle a fallen hero and to, for the first time, be a hero himself.

As expected, Danny was intertwined with the girl struggling for life on the bed, the nurses could be heard gossiping about the cute couple and how their husbands would not do that for them. When the thought first crossed his mind, Tucker had laughed. Of course it would be his best friend who showed more love and chivalry then adults who, supposedly, fell in love more and more each passing year. Tucker had joked to Jazz that, when Sam woke up, the two should go into marriage counseling.

Now he knew why she had not laughed. Watching the devotion Danny gave to Sam was bittersweet and heartbreaking, nothing about the tenderness between them was laughable or humorous, just beautiful and sad. Something about it stood akin to 'Romeo and Juliet', two lovers separated by unbeatable odds yet devoted to the other even when death threatened to sever the fragile emotion. No matter what way you told the story, it could not begin to be more sorrowful then the pair cuddled up on a hospital bed surrounded with wires and machines, the only thing sustaining one lovers' life flowing through the tubes thrust into veins and lungs. Tucker squeezed his eyes shut in anger and grief; no two in the world deserved this punishment less then Sam and Danny, and the helplessness in knowing no words would ever be able to comfort the young man or ease his grief made the situation painstakingly difficult. The solution to the question of how to break the calm came after a moment of standing motionless at the door jam, a place every one of their group seemed to find themselves in daily thinking the very same thoughts.

"Hey Tuck" Danny whispered, shredding the silence with the hoarse, unused voice, the very sound of it a shot through Tuckers heart; Danny had never broken down and cried before the risk of losing Sam really hit and now…now it was hard to even see that young man in the sorrowful creature masquerading as him.

"Hey man" it seemed inconsiderate to speak above a whisper though it was common knowledge that one could set of an air horn without disturbing the comatose girl "How is she?" it seemed the most appropriate thing to say at the moment. The instant the conversation began Danny started stroking Sam's cheek with the most mournful expression in his eyes as though he had, like Tucker, wanted to believe it nothing more then a dream. Sometimes it was still difficult to accept the situation as it was and not fall into fantasy.

"Nothings changed" no hope, no optimism punctuated this declaration, only the grim resignation of what only seemed a matter of time in coming. Stuffing his hands nervously into the deep pockets of his jeans, Tucker kicked invisible rocks and stared down visibly trying to force the next words out.

"and how are you holding up?" Met with a glare cold as ice, he stepped back in fear of the power still flowing through the veins of the halfa; friend or no, in this condition Tucker had no doubt Danny would not hesitate to treat him as any less then ghost scum and honestly the young man could not blame him. Gritting his teeth, the boy's eyes flash eerie emerald as the ghost boy ground out

"How do you think? The girl I love is dying and there's not a damn thing I can to do to stop it, how the hell would you feel?"

"Chill man! You're feeling pretty crumby right now, you'd be severely screwed up in the attic" he tapped Danny's forehead "if you weren't but you're short attitude isn't doing any good and it sure as hell isn't going to bring Sam out of this so cool it. Just because you're in pain doesn't mean the rest of us aren't, and if you think I'm going to take this 'My feelings are better then yours' shit like Jazz did then you don't know me at all." Jazz had at last revealed the reason for her mutilation the previous evening and it had made Tucker blood boil remembering the cruelty the onyx haired man had directed at his sister who sought only to ease his pain. It had taken a hell of a lot of self control not to storm in and shove his foot where the sun don't shine and even now he had to bite his lips to hold back the fury the man attitude alighted in him.

"Fuck you Tucker, who the hell gave you the power to tell people how to act? You don't know shit about how this feels so don't-" The thin thread of self control in the young African American snapped at these words and violently tugged his best friend up by the collar and roughly deposited him a chair, the force of his action so strong the chair scooted back a foot. The young man paled considerably at the uncharacteristic fury and intelligently decided to keep his mouth shut, wisely fearing the man's wrath.

"I don't know? I DON'T KNOW? Do you honestly think this isn't kill me Dan? That I haven't been crying over the knowledge that my best friend is fucking dying and taking you with her? I love her Damnit! Sam is the sister I never had and means as much to me as Jazz does to you…though by the way you treated her no one would ever guess." Resisting the strong urge to toss the boy across the room, Tucker decided to be the bigger man and keep his self-respect by not hurting Danny, though the bastard deserved it as well as a black eye. "You think you're the only one hurting ghost boy but let me tell you something maybe you didn't realize in your own little pity bubble. I found your sister three days ago laying in her own blood and tears because of something you said to her, because you were to fucking heartbroken to see the pain Jazz was in. She was afraid of losing you Danny, she's afraid of losing Sam and damnit so am I. It's like watching someone tumble to there death and knowing you can't save them, it hurts like hell to know there isn't a damn thing I can to. Every morning I wake up thinking it was a dream, praying that she will wake up and laugh at me or meet us at school only to complain about frog dissections or something. It's like dying all over again when it sinks in, it's been almost two weeks and it still kills me every fucking day. You think I don't know, you think Jazz doesn't know…but damn it Danny its you who isn't getting it. You're not alone man, we want to help you but we can't if every time we try we're met with this shitty attitude; we're your friends, your family and as such its our job to tell you when you're acting like an asshole." Tucker smacked Danny's head hard,

"You're being an asshole damnit so suck it up and for the love of all that is holy tell me how you're holding up before I give you a new understanding of the term 'dead man walking' ." The short monologue was met with uncomfortable silence, it was hard to stand strong when Tucker was afraid of having just severed the friendship between them with to many rash words. Imitating a fish, the halfa opened and closed his mouth several times, a look of intense pain constricting his face

"Jazz….Jazz hurt herself? On purpose?" came the choked reply "Because of something I said?" Tucker heard the guilt and fear in his words, understanding how terrifying it was to think of going through this hell again. The same thoughts had buzzed through his mind upon seeing the blood, the knife gleaming dangerously on the floor; it was more then they would or could be able to handle if Jazz took that path, it would be the one thing to finally break the boys who would not be far behind.

"Because of a lot of thing we were to blind to see, your sister hurts to Danny I think…I think sometimes we forget that," Danny nodded in understanding, staring at the ceiling in a deadened way. Why did this have to happen to them? Weren't they the good guys, the fighters of the greater good, why now did they suffer when the true sinners lived joyous, untainted lives?

"What am I going to do Tucker?" the boy asked quietly, voice cracking halfway through "This is to much for me to handle, its all I can do not to join Sam in her pain and now Jazz…I'm losing them both because of my own stupidity, Is there anything I can do?" Squeezing his shoulder supportively, the African American man tried to put the words together that needed to be said; it seemed no matter how many times they came out, it took preparation to make them just right. The situation was not as delicate as the situations had been with Jazz and Sam, it was more of a comfort then a plea, the offering of another soul to shoulder an all to crushing burden so they might both walk through life easier.

"Keep fighting for her Danny, don't ever let her think you don't love her, and keep living because it is what she would want. No one wants anothers' suffering on their hands and Sam is notexception; as for Jazz? I'm handling it now until she either kills me or you're ready to handle it." Giving Tucker a grateful smile, Danny leaned over the bed's side rail, tucking a stray piece of hair behind the girls ear as thought the motion was automatic to him and the other man was sure it probably was becoming so.

"You really love her don't you?" Tucker asked quietly, watching the gentle action with a pleased and at the same time remorseful expanse in his chest. They were in deep and yet they still had along way to go to be together…nothing worthwhile ever came easy, or so the saying went, and it certainly held knew meaning to the couple in the corner

"More then you will every know I-" The boys froze as a wisp of blue escaped the half ghosts parted lips and terror shot through bother of them. As the theory went, everything that can possible go wrong will at the worst possible time, and the situation just took a sudden drop into dangerous waters. "Sam…" Tucker jerked him out of the chair and started directing him towards the door "Tucker I can't leave Sam!" Sighing in irritation, the young man stood back, following another wisp of blue with his eyes as it traveled from his friends' mouth

"Sam can't dodge a ghosts' attack Danny, it's more dangerous for you to be here then not and you know that. I'll stay with her; nothings going to hurt Sam as long as I'm here now go!" Hesitating, the boy dashed back and kissed the girls lips gently, and Tucker couldn't help but seen green, jealous of his best friends luck. Danny silently apologized for having to abandon Sam for even a moment, and then ducked behind the door only to reappear as Danny Phantom.

"Hello Misplaced aggression, here I come" the ghost boy growled before turning intangible and sinking through the floor. Tucker took a seat next to Sam and snarled, slamming his tight fist angrily on the wooden side table.

"Damnit all to hell! Just when you think things can't get any worse…"

Because you live girl, my world(my world) has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live, and breathe

Blackness was leaving cold in its wake, letting no warmth unfreeze the layers of a suffering girls heart, searching for the tiny fire deep within that it could smother, stealing in the night another soul and turning hearts of flesh to stone in response to her life was extinguishing like a candles flame. It bound her arm in unbreakable shackles, filled her lungs and pores leaving no flesh unmarked by the merciless ice. Without sun to break the gloom Sam could not tell night from day in the twisted version of hell entrapping her and even thoughts of Danny began to lose the ability to deter the darkness. Insecurity as to her relationship and whether she was good enough to have him took the place of the surety she once held of his love. Sam knew he was there with her though her eyes were pinned shut; it was not a matter that left doubt in her mind. Since they were children the two shared a bond greater then any friendship, like twins they had always been able to find each other in a crowd, help the others sorrows without explanation, and sense each others presence without ever having to look.

Sam knew her time was running out, and it scared her how completely powerless she was to change what was going to come to be…it wasn't so much for her own existence that she wished time could be rewound but for Dannys', for the simple desire to see his deep ocean like eyes and watch him laugh and feel the tender way in which he held her, the soft, warm feeling of his lips pressed to hers. It was far too late a realization that life was a game of chance and choice, that no one person was affected by a choice but everyone connected to them in turn, that it affected them because of a strong love. What living soul remained knew that but the whole heart could not see anything but the pain caused by its pain, still thinking on some degree her death would have been better in coming then drawing it out. Sam was scared, terrified of being trapped in the darkness for eternity but more terrified of the possibility of never seeing Danny again

'Really now?' a voice drifted through the darkness, strange from any Sam had ever heard. It held the calculating power of a murderer and the soft tones of an angel, in a moment of terror the Goth tugged at her binding, desperate to run from what was certainly the reaper come to have her, not truly expecting to feel warmth in place of ice and the unbinding of her limbs. Landing hard on the floor, lavender glanced around in confusion and glee that the suffocating shadows had slunk to the corners of the place she found herself it but unsure of whether to trust the voice that freed her.

'Wise, not to trust an apparition' there was the speaker, suddenly before Sam with an unreadable expression gracing her beautiful features. Looking at her, something about the woman was familiar, though she could not place why. Pure ivory hair cascaded down her back, contrasting starkly with the black dress she wore and framing a beautiful heart shaped face. The dress itself looked like it derived from the history books with the shoulders puffy and leading down to beautiful bell sleeves, but it cut off diagonally at her knees in a show of modern taste that seemed to fit the exotic woman. The color shining from the beautiful doe like eyes made Sam draw breath sharply, only one person had ever had that eye color…the one person she was praying to see again. Neon green orbs glowed brightly at her, nearly overtaking the light shining off her skin…it was like looking at an angel.

'Close Ms Manson, some might call me the angel of death." pushing back, a panicked Sam searched the room for an escape, not ready to depart her life just yet. 'Funny, two weeks ago you said different, but as I was saying before your interruption, some call me the angel of death but today m'dear you might say I am the angel of judgment and possibly your guardian angel. Do you know what I am Ms Manson?' Hesitantly, the girl rose to her shaky feet and eyed the seemingly kind hearted spirit with distrust; it was obviously a ghost, none but ghosts had such striking eyes and if it was so then there was a ulterior motive. Ghosts were never trustworthy.

'Mr. Fenton is a ghost Ms Manson, yet I suppose love is always an ulterior motive…it always possess the underlying desire for more, but it rarely has the negative drawbacks you think as motives." The woman's voice echoed, sounding with a single word like many people and still the underlying original voice, the sensation was odd, hearing so many voices in one woman's speech. "I am cursed to take on the voices of those whose souls I carry on, and yes Ms Manson I am a ghost by the name of Lilith and I do have an ulterior motive. The avengement of soul close to me who your young lover destroyed, wrong in her actions or not my sister did not deserve to be confined to the hell that the confused and pained go, the cruel and malicious, the realm you belong." Sam's eyes widened in terror, knowing instantaneously where she meant, there was only one place that it could be. The ghost realm; She had entered only one during a mission to rescue Danny from the horrid prison camp he had been thrown into. It was no place she desired to remain in for long and should she enter it to exist for eternity it would mean pitting the two lovers against each other.

'I'm surprised, Ms Manson, that you have not inquired as to my sisters identity, though Mr. Fenton has trapped many a soul behind the veil, but perhaps one sticks out above all others? A certain star whose light brought you to this mess?'

'Ember' came the whispered reply, knowing without any doubt only one soul the spirit could be describing; Ember had been, in an of herself, a curse and a blessing. Were it not for her interference Danny would never be hers yet without her Sam would not be dying; neither options left the young Goth a winner.

'Which is what brings me to you young lady, a double sided coin I offer to you, a road that can take you one of two ways. Being a spirit of judgment I can make no choice without being first persuaded and for your situation be thankful, you have ten minutes to convince me not to condemn you.' The woman summoned a chair of large grandeur, radiating authority and imposing the seriousness of these circumstances "Should I condemn you, I will have exacted the avengement of my little sisters' suffering yet should I let you live I will atone for the damage she has wrecked upon all your lives. My choice lies in your ability to convince Ms Manson, tell me why I should choose to let you live when you have preformed the very actions my sister did. After making a choice the destroyed the hearts closest to you, what makes you believe yourself worthy of life, worthy of their forgiveness? Explain it to me and be wary, you life hangs on your answer."

Choices and decisions created a persons path in life as they traveled towards a preordained climax, and end shared by every creature, big and small, in lifes' game of chance; when the choice to live or die rests on your shoulders and the full burden of responsibility hangs like dead weight from your body you come to except things. Sam had come to except, strange as it may be, that though the ball was in her court the decision was never hers to be made; she made her choice two weeks before and all she could do now was atone and pray that it was enough for the decision maker to show mercy.

'I do not deserve their forgiveness' Sam answered evenly, staring straight into the unfeeling emerald eyes ' What I did is unforgivable and I should never expect to ever be able to atone for the mistake I made, and I am not deserving of my life either." The answer seemed to startle the ghost woman who studied her calculating as though considering something beneath that angel like exterior. Renewed, the young girl took a step forward even knowing what appearing too uppity could cost her.

"But they love me for all of my mistakes, they love me for everything I can not love in myself and take me as I am. Danny loves me and I hold on for him, I do not deserve to live but he does not deserve to lose; I will never be alright, their will always be darkness In my heart and I can't escape that but he makes it just that much easier to be as I am. Being in his arms…" Sam closed her eyes and smiled "Being in his arms gives me hope and the way he touches me reminds me that when I cannot see past the scars he sees the beauty, when I see nothing but black he can see the light. We were each others first friends, the freaks in a world that could not accept the inner strength we pulled from each other; he makes me believe in myself when all I see in the mirror is a waste of life, when my hopes fall and I don't think I can ever fly again he grabs my hands and shows me how to rise. Danny is everything to me and he is the reason I appeal to you now, death is never an end and it never will be, not for us.' Something rose in a Sam, expanding from her heart and warming the cold she felt for so long; the feeling washed out as quick as it came but the lingering effects of it caused her to look straight into Lilths' eyes with a surety and a confidence long since lost to her.

"I may not think I deserve to live Lilth but Danny does, Tucker does… the people who care about me do. Choices effect the world and yours will destroy the hearts of two people who have done nothing but help…if you will not give my life back in repayment of their sacrifices then you have no judgment worth following."

'Why you impudent little girl' Lilith snarled, rising from the chair and making Sam feel about two inches tall; her eyes held fire and the peaceful aire had vanished in replace of what must surely be a demons face, rageful and odious. 'I hold your pathetic life in my grasp and you dare insult me? No one has ever dared insult me!' Squeezing her hand around thin air, Sam clutched her throat feeling the pressure though it was no where near her; gasping for air she looked pleadingly at the woman, trying to draw air to her screaming lungs but barley able to draw it past her lips. Turning around, her dress whipping about her knees Lilith allowed the pressure to dissipate and Sam collapsed, gasping for breath and rubbing her damaged throat. Taking her seat in the judges' throne, Lilth contemplated Sam with unreadable fire in her eyes, tapping a meticulously manicured finger on the wooden arm. 'Indeed, none have ever challenged my judgment before and lived to speak about it' the woman thought silently to herself, disallowing the young goth to hear as she at last made the decision of life or death. Rising once again and removing the throne with a distracted flick of her wrist, the ghost looked down on Sam's fearful figure, eyes hard and once again emotionless.

"I have made my decision."

Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live girl, my world has everything I need to survive,

Because you live, I live
I live

End A/N Hopefully this lived up to expectations and the D/S was just what you expected! I opened it up with sweetness and angstyness to keep you all from being bored. Okay, honesty time people. Do you think I should continue this? I feel like I'm falling short and I can't seem to shake it. Does anyone want me to continue this? What should I fix? I'm afraid I can't take out the wordiness, that's the drawback to my style of writing, but is it sucking as much as I feel it is? I can't help thinking it isn't holding up to the first chapter. I'm really trying but I can't seem to make it stand up in my eyes. Feedback would be appreciated. I also would like to apologize for all the curses, seeing as their teenagers under stress (especially the boys) I would think they would not be speaking all to eloquently (I know my friends would be cursing like sailors in their position) and I'm sorry if it offends anyone. And don't you just love the cliffie? I figured I needed a reason for people to tune in…hope you liked this chapter, I'm already starting on the fourth! Reviews make me type faster so Review Review Review!