I Don't Dream Since I Quit Sleeping

Chapter III:

In My Secret Joy In My Pockets Deep

If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them; I'd be at the bottom to catch them -Tim McGraw

Upon his entrance to the Hospital Wing Harry was greeted with the scrutinizing gaze of Professor Albus Dumbledore.

"Harry, could you please explain to me why my mediwitch refuses to leave her office?" Questioned Dumbledore with twinkling eyes from his place beside the window.

Harry felt heat swell up inside of him as he horridly began to create some sort of explanation. Hermione gave his hand a small squeeze as if she knew the turmoil that was taking place inside his head. How was he supposed to answer their questions when he himself did not understand what was taking place?

"Harry?" Ron questioned as he regarded his friend with an extremely worried look.

"I…I don't know." Harry finally answered as his green eyes met Dumbledore's.

"Could you tell us what you do know?" The professor urged gently.

"I do know that I had defeated Voldemort, I do know that all of you died in the process, and I do know that I do not belong here. I do know that this world is not the world I was in this morning when I woke up." He replied stressing each word as if trying to communicate his certainty.

Hermione and Ron exchanged a skeptical and puzzled look while Dumbledore showed no sign of surprise.

"Could you explain?" Asked the old man, his voice quiet as his eyes studied Harry's with great concern.

"What I am saying is that I am not from this time. Maybe I am in an alternate universe, maybe I am in some sort of trap, or hell, maybe this is just a dream. You see, from what I can tell I am in a place that existed five years ago. As much as I'd like to see this as a good thing, good things just don't happen to me, not anymore. Besides, if this is the past then I am doomed to repeat the entire experience again, and I really do not think that I can handle one more death of someone I love." Replied Harry his voice dieing out at the end.

"Do not be so fast to judge what is going on here, Harry." Dumbledore advised as Hermione gazed thoughtfully at the floor and Ron stared around incredulously.

"But Professor! How could that be?" Asked Hermione angered slightly by the professors cryptic answer and appearance of apathy.

"I shall have to look into that Miss Granger. Please, do not dwell on this any more tonight. Harry, I am sure in due for some well earned rest. I will speak with you as soon as I have answers to your questions. Until then do not speak of this to anyone else and go about life as you normally would." Dumbledore responded, his eyes twinkling like the stars outside the window beside him. Harry nodded solemnly knowing that the man would stick to his word, and he did indeed know best. The trio reluctantly turned to leave the Hospital Wing.

"Oh, and Harry, please try not to tell my staff how they are going to die, you could see how disturbing that could be." Dumbledore added with a smirk.

"Of course sir." Harry responded with a grin.

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"Ron, could you please stop looking at me like that. If you open your eyes any wider they may just fall right out of your head." Harry said with a laugh as the trio walked back to the Gryffindor tower.

"Um, sorry." Ron said quickly as he turned his head away from Harry.

"'Mione, are you okay?" Harry asked as he looked at the slender brunette whose eyes were downcast and her teeth were nibbling at her lip as if she was attempting to uncover the secret of the universe.

"What? Oh yes." Hermione started before trying to look normal. After walking a few more minutes in silence Harry became annoyed.

"Guys! It is me, I am Harry! Please, talk to me. No less then 2 hours ago I thought that I would never hear your voices again. I-just-please talk to me" Harry requested in a whimper. Ron snapped his head up and stared at Harry guiltily.

"I know its you and I am sorry. It's just what do you say to a guy who went through all that? I mean just this morning we were jinxing the Slytherins broom, and now you know my entire future! It's hard, but it will get easier. I know it will." Ron said in an emotional voice.

"And I promise I will research every night until I find answers." Hermione gushed.

"Some things never change." Harry said with a smile as the three made their way into the commonroom. Five years ago all Harry wanted was change, to leave school and get a job, to get married and maybe have kids. But all through the war change is a word that he began to detest. Because when someone uttered the word change it would be bad news. All Harry wanted to do now was to freeze the moment and keep his friends the way they were now; young, naïve, and happy.

"So Harry, what am I like, in the future?" Ron questioned in the firelight commonroom

" Oh, lets see you marry Pansy Parkinson at age 17, have several pug faced children all in which are named after flowers, get a job as Filtch's personal assistant, and later become a servant at Malfoy manor." Harry said while fighting a laugh as he watched his friend face turn several shades paler.

"Really?" Ron asked although he was scarred to know the answer. At this point Hermione couldn't help herself and went into a full fledge laugh attack.

"No! Not really!" Harry managed between laughs as if friend recovered from his shock.

"Listen guys I have to get to bed, Goodnight Harry and goodnight Ron- pleasant dreams of that special blonde snouted someone!" Hermione whispered disappearing up the steps before Ron could respond.

Indeed, some things never change.

Laying his bed that night Harry could not find sleep. His mind kept wondering back to the image of Draco Malfoy's face as he lay there on the blood stained ground. That look of pure triumph, as if his purpose in life had been fulfilled. Every time he closed his eyes that image haunted him.

Harry slowly got up from his bed and crept towards his trunk. He needed to know that all was as it was supposed to be. A feeling of uneasiness had plagued him every night for the past five years and now the sudden serenity of if all was more disturbing then he could bear.

He pulled the Marauders map from its spot in his trunk and looked over it a few times. He read each name of each student and teacher silently to himself, thanking god that each and every one was really still here. He knew that in the morning each of them will get up and eat and talk and live which was more then he could have said 24 hours ago.

Harry's eyes looked around the room and finally settled on the bed beside the door. It was Neville's bed. Harry felt a surge of anger well up inside of him before his gaze shifted to his best friend. Surprisingly Ron was not asleep, but rather was awake and gazing a Harry. Ron met Harry's eyes and crept beside him.

"What are you doing?" He whispered worriedly, as if he thought Harry was preparing to leave the school.

"Nothing, just making sure everyone is alright."

"Oh."

"Come on Ron, let's go back to bed. Tomorrow is going to be a long day." Harry whispered in the darkened room.

Harry was just drifting off to sleep when a strained whisper startled him.

"Hey Harry?"

"Yea Ron?"

"How do I die?"

"Go to sleep Ron."