The third part of the song fic that was only suppose to be a one shot. The song is Bother from Stone Sour self-titled album. This is Tristan thoughts about Rory's engagement to Logon.
Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
She didn't see him in the corner watching the whole event from her looking over the room with the fake smile on her face. He saw the forced laugh at Logan's joke he felt like his life was over after she said yes to him she didn't even cry like most people would. The confidence he had walking into the door was gone he felt like crying which he hadn't done since he was a boy.
You don't need to bother; I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping father
But once I hold on, I won't let go 'til it bleeds
He walked outside he had to get away from the people congratulating the happy couple or person if she was his he wouldn't even let her go unlike him who just do this to get his parents off his back. Tonight was the night he was going to hold her and tell her how much he missed her but now all he fells is his hart breaking which was a new thing to him.
Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason; my flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying
He just wished it didn't hurt so much seeing her with him it was another engagement party for them which made four he has went to thanks to his family. Everything was the same for her and he could tell that she said the same shit to different people. Paris has talked to him and she saw the hurt in his eyes every time someone made a toast to the happy couple. He wanted to say so much to her every time he saw her by herself. He knew she cared because she was still wearing the things he bought her so many years ago Paris told him she treats it like gold.
You don't need to bother; I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping father
But once I hold on, I won't let go 'til it bleeds
If she was his it was the same thing he said all the time seeing them kiss, he was slipping further in love with her and he was scared. He was out on the balcony looking at them dancing only if that was his arms around her he would love for the rest of his life nothing would change that he wouldn't let her leave him until they die.
Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten with memories
Dairies left with cryptic entries
He would walk around Hartford like a lost man not knowing what to do with anything in his life. Paris would try to get him to go out and have fun, which always turned her down knowing she would be at the party. Paris gave him a copy of a journal that Rory started to keep but he never read it the words might hurt him to much and he was hurting enough.
And you don't need to bother; I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping father
But once I hold on, I won't let go 'til it bleeds
He told Paris to forget about him and live her own life, which she did and now he was alone in his life and her wedding was coming up the engagement, was short-lived five months. Form the way Paris talked the last time she as over Rory had no say in anything for her wedding and she didn't care she just wanted it over with.
You don't need to bother; I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping father
But once I hold on… I'll never live down my deceit
His father was pissed off at him for not going out with anyone like Logon who was always thrown at his face and he just felt like screaming at him every time that name was said. He was slipping more and more each day into a dark place. The place didn't involve killing himself it was just he know that more days pass the more no one will be able to get to his heart.