Sandy sighed deeply looking up at the ceiling and blinking back tears of frustration as the dial tone sounded in his ear, holding the receiver with one hand, his other hand shoved deep into his pocket. The ringing finished with a click as a cool clipped voice answered the phone.
"Suriak rehabilitation centre, how may I help you?" The woman asked. Sandy sighed.
"I uh need to talk to my wife, Kirsten Cohen. It's an emergency." He said shakily, scrubbing a hand over his face.
"She's in group right now, is it important?" The woman asked. Sandy rolled his eyes.
"I said it was an emergency didn't I? Her son is in hospital and I need to talk to her okay." He said angrily, he knew he shouldn't be taking it out on her but he was just venting…
"Um okay sir, I'll just contact her group leader. One second." The woman said hurriedly, obviously hoping to get off the line so she didn't have to what Seth would call "Psycho Lawyer Sandy". He muttered a quick thanks before the line went silent for a while. Whilst he was waiting he looked down the corridor to the door of Ryan's room and sighed deeply. He should have been there for the kid. He should have realised something was wrong before something like this happened. He hoped everything would be okay, he didn't think this family could take it if it wasn't. He knew he had let the boys down and he promised that from now on he would make time for them and be the good father he knew he could be. They at least deserved that. At last someone came onto the line.
"Sandy?"
Sandy felt a rush of relief and happiness as his wife's soft timid voice filled his ears. It felt like he hadn't spoken to her in a lifetime and just hearing her voice again made him think that everything would be okay, Kirsten would make it okay. How was he going to tell her what happened? Would it trigger everything off again? He had to tell her, she had a right to know…
"Hey honey." He managed weakly, gripping the phone tightly.
"Sandy what's going on? They said something about an emergency? Are the boys okay?" She asked hurriedly her voice rising with panic as she ran through all the possible scenarios in her head. The fact that Sandy hadn't immediately said anything to quell her fears did nothing to comfort her.
"Um…no they're not…I…It's Ryan." He stammered swallowing hard as a lump rose in his throat. How could he tell her this was his fault? Or That he didn't even know what was wrong with Ryan?
"Sandy, what's happened? What's wrong with him? Tell me." She said determinedly, chewing on her bottom lip nervously. She had known this was going to be bad when they pulled her from group, and the look the doctor gave her when he handed her the phone…She needed to know if Ryan was okay, after what she had said to him at the intervention she needed him to know she didn't mean it…she had told him on the phone when she spoke to him but something in their relationship had changed. It was like he thought that she thought of him in a guest in her house still…she needed him to know that he was her son.
"I…He's in the hospital. He, he collapsed and they don't know what is wrong but…they think it's his heart Kirsten. I don't know what to do! I can't help thinking this is my fault, I should have noticed he wasn't feeling well but I've been so busy with work and taking care of everything that I just didn't…I don't know what to do!" Sandy said desperately pleading to his wife as tears started in his eyes. He had been trying to hold them back the whole time but he couldn't do it anymore…He sank down into a nearby chair still holding the phone tightly and wiping his eyes hurriedly.
"Sandy, calm down okay. Listen to me, you need to hold it together for Ryan and Seth okay? None of this is your fault, it's not your fault Ryan is sick and I know you've been doing so much and I am so proud of you. I'm going to come as soon as I can, I'm sure they'll let me have a weekend past. Just hold on okay, I'm coming and it'll be okay. Remember this isn't your fault. As soon as you find anything out, call me okay. I need to talk to the doctors and I'll come Sandy…I'll come."
"Okay…thanks Kirsten. I love you." He whispered
Kirsten swallowed hard tears burning in her eyes
"I love you too, tell Ryan I'm coming okay?" She said forcing back the oncoming tears. She had been trying to stay strong for Sandy through the conversation but now it was all coming out…
"I will, bye."
"Bye." She whispered her voice cracking as she hung up the phone and promptly burst into tears…
Sandy walked slowly down the corridor his head down as he prepared himself for talking to Ryan. He didn't know what to say, should he apologise for not being there for him? Lecture him for not telling him about everything? Sympathise..? He couldn't do this. He needed Kirsten, she'd know what to say, what to do…I guess he just had to have a go, wing it…talking was what he was supposed to be good at, he was a lawyer after all. He looked up and saw Seth closing the door to Ryan's room behind him, their gazes met.
"Is he awake?" Sandy asked quietly. Seth nodded and frowned slightly at his father's opinion, he looked awful.
"I'm just going to call Marissa for him…Dad go easy on him okay, save the lectures for later. I know he's pretending he's fine with this but he's scared too." Seth said softly. Sandy nodded and forced a smile
"Thanks son." He said placing his hand on Ryan's door. Seth smiled back
"Just don't talk him half to death either." He said with a smile before walking off down the corridor. Seth had answered all those questions for him, all he had to do was to be there for Ryan. He opened the door slowly and came face to face with a familiar scene but this time Ryan was awake. He was propped up in bed, head back against a mound of pillows looking bored, miserable and highly irritated. He met Ryan's glazed blue eyes and Ryan forced a weak smile which Sandy eventually managed to return. He raised a hand in a half wave.
"Hey." He said as he shut the door behind him and shuffled in awkwardly. Ryan sat up slightly
"Hey." He said nervously waiting for the lecture to begin.
"How are you feeling?" Sandy asked eyeing the monitor Ryan was hooked to and the various tubes and wire, his pale complexion didn't help…Ryan sighed slightly and yawned.
"Tired…not great to be honest." He said avoiding Sandy's gaze, he knew he was going to be mad. Dawn had always been mad when she found Ryan in hospital, even if she could have prevented it. He shouldn't be comparing Sandy to Dawn, they were nothing alike. Sandy cared for him enough to lecture him, Dawn never gave a damn.
"Ryan I…I just want to say I'm sorry. For not being there for you and Seth the last few weeks. I should have noticed something was wrong and I've just been so busy with work and Kirsten stuff that…I know that shouldn't be an excuse but…I'm sorry and I hope you know that I am here for you, and everything will be okay." He said suddenly, breaking the pattern of awkward small talk. Ryan swallowed, slightly taken aback by Sandy's sudden outburst of apologies.
"Sandy it's.." He began but he was cut off by Sandy
"I should have noticed that you weren't feeling well and I should have asked you if you were okay, I should have been around the house more. I just forget that you're still kids and I just had so much to deal with. I know it's not an excuse. But why didn't you come to me? I know that this has happened before and you and Seth kept it secret but you should have told me…" He said sadly looking at Ryan who was staring down at his hands and blinking hurriedly.
"I know, I'm sorry but…I just didn't want to add something else to your mind because you already had enough to deal with and I didn't think it was anything serious." He mumbled wringing his hands as Sandy sighed.
"Ryan, you have to realise that you are more important that work and stupid problems like that. You come first. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you…I'm sorry I wasn't there for you Ryan but…just come to me if you have a problem." He said softly meeting Ryan's shining blue eyes. Ryan nodded softly
"I'm sorry." He mumbled. Sandy swallowed hard.
"Come here kid." He said reaching out and hugging Ryan tightly. Ryan stiffened slightly at first before relaxing into his arms.
"I don't know what's wrong with me Sandy…" He said quietly into Sandy's shoulder. Sandy rubbed his back softly.
"I'm sure it's nothing terrible, they're taking you for more tests and then you'll know okay? And whatever it is, we'll help you through it okay?" He said pulling back from Ryan who nodded and forced a half smile. Sandy felt a lot better, just that moment had shown how far they had come with Ryan. When they first took him in even resting a hand on his shoulder would cause him to jump about a foot in the air and now he could hug him like he was his own son.
"Oh and Kirsten's coming to see you, her doctors said it was okay."
Ryan nodded. Sandy rubbed his shoulder gently.
"It'll be okay."
Ryan swallowed hard his eyes stinging.
"I hope so."
Meanwhile
Seth chewed impatiently on the biro in his hand as he waited for Marissa to pick up the phone, ring after ring echoing across the line as he let out a sigh.
"Come on…pick up." He muttered to himself.
The phone rang twice more before a click signified the phone being answered.
"Hello?"
"Marissa, it's Seth. I.." He began uncertainly before Marissa's jumped in first.
"Seth I've been trying to call you, Summer told me what happened, we're on our way there now." Marissa said quickly as Summer rounded a corner sharply. Seth swallowed feeling guilty, Summer was still coming even though he had been such a dick to her earlier.
"Um okay…it's just Ryan asked me to call you so…" He began but he was quickly cut off by Marissa.
"Is he okay? What's actually wrong with him? I mean he spoke to you so he's awake right?"She asked frantically her voice wavering as Summer sped along the road stopping at the traffic lights and turning to Marissa listening to her half of the conversation.
"Um yeah, they're taking him for tests. They don't really know what is going on right now, I uh…I better go. I'll see you soon then." He said eager to finish the conversation before Marissa burst into tears on him, he wasn't good with crying girls.
"Um okay, thanks Seth." She said hanging up the phone and turning to Summer.
"No change." She said miserably. Summer sighed tapping on the steering wheel impatiently.
"Come on let's get going…
A/N- Hope this works!
Next Time: Kirsten comes back to see Ryan and he gets his results back...