A/N: This is the part of the story where it seriously breaks off and becomes a total AU. Some strange things are happening and things are going to get shaken up even more.
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Clark's not sure how it all got so complicated. Oh sure, he blew up his parents, ran away from home, hooked up with a homeless girl, robbed a few banks and killed a couple people, but that doesn't explain any of this.
His mom is gone, back to Metropolis with her shiny car and pointy shoes, and he and his father are alone in the house again. Jonathan tells him there's a couple coming over to view the property in the afternoon, so why doesn't Clark go say hello to his old friends?
Clark doesn't point out that it's a Wednesday, and it's November, so everyone is likely to be in school right now. He just slips on his jacket and steps outside. It's not as cold as it was the day he left Gotham, but there's still a biting wind, and something tells him the first snowfall will be coming early this year.
Instead of heading into town, Clark begins the long trek to the Luthor mansion.
He wishes he had attended Lex's wedding, although from what he'd heard, it hadn't turned out to be a very happy marriage. He wishes he could have been here when Lex returned. Instead he had been partying like crazy, without a care in the world. It's thoughts like these that darken his mood, and by the time he arrives at the front gate he is in a very dark mood.
The iron bars are shut, so Clark presses the intercom buzzer.
"Yes?" an unfamiliar voice crackles through the system.
"I'm here to see Lex." Clark doesn't expand, already in a foul temper.
"Who is it?"
"Clark Kent." He says, and it's something he's never had to say before. Lex has rarely had the gates shut before, and whenever they were, he only had to say his name and the security guard would buzz him right through.
There is a short pause.
"I'm sorry, you're not on the list."
"What?" Clark presses the intercom button again. "What does that mean?"
There is no reply, and Clark kicks the dirt angrily. Thinks about ripping the wrought iron off its hinges and super-speeding straight into Lex's office, but instead he turns away, feeling humiliated and upset.
The walk home seems longer than usual, probably because he doesn't actually want to go home. He doesn't actually want to go anywhere in Smallville, and wow. Clark's never really identified with the name of the town so much. It's too small. It's too easy to find your way, and everybody knows you in Smallville. In Gotham and Metropolis it was easy to get lost, be just another face in the crowd. It was easy to be invisible.
Clark knows he's entirely too visible in a small town like this, and entirely too discontent. Even though he's barely been back for two days, he already feels restless and lonely, especially with all the changes that have taken place since he's been gone.
The bed in his old room seems too small for him, the room even seems cramped, the house quaint. The homey feel is gone and Clark guesses his mother's absence has something to do with it. There's a pervading fog of loss surrounding the house now, and Clark kind of understands why Jonathan wants to sell it, even though he still doesn't understand what happened between his parents in the first place. They both assured him it had nothing to do with him, but Clark knows the truth in their eyes better than they do.
And he can't help but think that maybe if he hadn't left… Maybe if he hadn't killed the baby… Maybe maybe maybe.
But of course, he can't know. And knowing that makes it no better.
Clark finally arrives at home just as the couple are leaving. He watches his father shake their hands warmly, smiling widely, and he can't help but imagine what it would have been like if he hadn't come home. Jonathan wouldn't have to worry about a child who had missed four months of his eleventh year in school. He wouldn't have to worry about finding a place with two bedrooms rather than just one.
His mother had asked Clark to return to Metropolis with her, but he couldn't get past the fact that she had just deserted her husband. Clark had expected them to lean on and turn to each other for support while he was gone, not turn on each other.
But of course he had taken their explanations and swallowed them like the good son that he wanted to be, crushing them in his mind and turning the blame on the person it really belonged to: Clark himself.
The couple smile at him as they drive by, and he ignores them, heading up the porch steps with heavy feet and a heavy heart. He finds his father in the kitchen again; it seems to be his favourite room of the house, nowadays.
"It went well." Jonathan tells Clark without prompting. To be honest, Clark would rather just not know. "I think they're going to buy."
Clark nods dully and grabs a banana from the basket on the table. The kitchen is sparkling, and he imagines Jonathan made sure everything was immaculate for the potential buyers. Saying nothing, he wanders back outside to the barn.
It's still cold, so he turns on the space heater in the loft and lies down on the couch, pulling a quilt over himself. He lies there, wrapped in a blanket and mushing up the banana in his mouth until the peel slips from his finger and he falls into an unhappy sleep.
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Clark doesn't realise there's someone in the loft with him until after he's stretched, yawned and rubbed his eyes. The barn is dark, and the space heater has made it oppressively hot. He pushes the blanket off of his body, intent on finding out what time it is, when he sees the figure sitting on a rickety wooden chair in the corner.
It may be dark, but it's not dark enough that Clark doesn't recognise a familiar body. "Lex?" He hates himself for allowing his voice to crack like that.
"When my plane crashed, do you know what my last thought was?" Lex asks, still bathed in shadow.
"No." It seems like a dream; like the spectre of Lex Luthor is sitting there asking strange and cryptic questions.
"I thought: Clark will save me. He'll get me out of this." The voice was devoid of any blame, but Clark still felt it, gnawing at his soul. One more thing to punish himself for.
Clark swallows. "I'm sorry, Lex. Bit it's not like I could have done any more that anyone else." The empty lie chokes him and he feels truly ill. After everything this man has been through he still doesn't get the real truth. But Lex doesn't even seem to notice.
"Did you know I helped your parents search for you?" He asks. "I spent a lot of time with them after I returned. I saw their marriage fall apart."
Clark groans and buries his head in his hands. He lies back down.
"Lex." The one tortured word escapes his lips, and he literally has nothing to say. No words will form in his mind.
Lex stands and brushes off his pants. "Go to sleep, Clark. Come by tomorrow." He says, a softness in his voice that wasn't present before. He pads gently down the stairs and into the dark night. A car quietly hums to life and fades quickly into the distance.
Clark closes his eyes. He wishes he could say he is no longer tired, after sleeping away much of the afternoon, but he feels as though he hasn't been sleeping at all. Theinstant his head hits the sofa cushion he's out like a light.
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Lizzie- Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I'm excited about Smiley coming back, too, though it might not be for a little while. And a hint: she's going to be a very different person when she finally returns.
Dr. Masaki- Clark needs to face his past before he can become the hero we know and love. He may be on the road to recovery, but there are definitely a lot of obstacles still in his way, so you can expect more action in the coming chapters.
Katie- Yes, I was surprised when they split up as well! I was planning on something much different, but that's the way the characters led me, so… Yes, Clark is trying to confront his problems, the main ones being the people he left behind. Chloe and Lana will be in the upcoming chapters, and aren't you just a little psychic! Something has happened while Clark's been away… Hmm, a mystery! Keep on reviewing! Your reviews are inspiring me to write more!