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A/N: Don't ask...really, just don't ask. Its best for everybody...or me...or something Just be happy it's a one-shot that should have never seen the light of day. I apologize for it, am only posting it because it must have had some purpose when it was written...whenever that was...I'm guessing...I'm wondering...I'm at a loss. May the world never see anything like this ever again.
Smile of Contentment
By Finalitylife (I think)
A smile...your smile...a simple thing...but so very strange. A rarity in its arrival...a lack of understanding in it existence...a question to its purpose with much persistence.
I am not blind to the fact that your rare and beautiful smile is never directed toward me, never once am I the cause of it being shown to the world.
You smile reluctantly for Starfire when she squeezes you in one of her bone-crushing embraces but never for me.
You smile for Beast Boy because of his antics and jokes despite you pretending he isn't funny. He never knows though because it is a secret smile, one you try to show only when he isn't paying attention anymore. Of course there are times when he catches you and proceeds to make a big deal out of it. Often you are unable to prevent the smile from growing larger. You smile for him, but never for me.
You smile for Cyborg as you two work on the T-car, as he rambles on about some car part that I know you have no idea what it is or does for the car to start. It does not matter, you smile for him but never for me
You do not smile for me. You give me nods of approval and respect, glares of disapproval and suspect, and blank gazes and strange phrases that I simply can't fathom. It seems you refuse to smile for me though I can't help but wonder if it simply I don't give you anything to smile about.
I am not the most friendly nor sociable of people, but then again neither are you. I am distant and often cold, but once again, so are you.
You do not like showing your emotions, and neither do I. You are dark and mysterious but once again, so am I.
We are so similar yet you smile for them, but never for me.
What is it that I do that makes me different from the others, that you will never perform such a simple gesture for me. You spend time with me just like all the others, we do things together, just you and me, but you never seem like you are enjoying yourself, never do your lips curve upward in an expression of happiness. You remain blank with me when we are together, and I don't know why. Is there simply just not enough room in your heart for me, only for three, just not one more you need?
You've reassured me when I am down or troubled, but there is no detectable emotion behind your words. You've caught me when I've fallen just as I've caught you, yet you use your powers, not your touch...never your touch. With me, it always seems that you are here, but not there, close, yet millions of miles away. What did I do to you to make you that way? Was it something I even did? I do not know. You do not smile for me, and I so badly want to know.
You are my mystery, one of the few people I've encountered that I can not figure out, can not seem to see beyond all the walls you put up simply because you will not break any of them for me. You allow a few to fall for the others, just not me.
You've found a way to captivate me without even trying, and I'm still not sure how. Is it your ethereal beauty, your intelligence and wittiness, or maybe your grace and maturity. Of course maybe its just something that isn't simply that easy to see. It has to be nothing but an infatuation, I find it hard to believe it can be anything more than that to me. It is simply my obsessive self being obsessive with something I can't figure out, can't have. I simply do not know...don't know what it is that lies just beyond my reach. I can't deny it is something that I want, but what I want exactly remains to be seen. Is it simply an answer to a question with an answer that is more questions?
I feel sometimes like I've turned into some type of stalker, watching you when you are not paying attention, awaiting for the chance to see the ever elusive smile that you deny me. What is wrong with me I have to wonder...I wonder that a lot these days, I wonder that a lot these nights.
I watch you intent on figuring you out, waiting to find that chink in your armor that keeps me away, a way past the shield that allows the others to slip through, just not me. I normally like challenges, though this one only brings frustration and annoyance. I seek to solve the puzzle within the paradox within the unknown of something as simple as a smile unseen.
It is late and again I find myself unable to sleep. I wonder sometimes if you ever stay up late wondering about anything...wondering about me. The absurdity of that thought is very evident to me even as I think it. You don't seem to worry about anything, always cool and collected, something I try to be though always find a way to fail at. I'm far too hot headed, far too brash...maybe that is why you distance yourself from me.
As I walk down the hallway of the tower I am surprised to see some dim lights of the kitchen on this late at night and I notice there does not seem to be any noise coming from there. The only one who is quiet is you, you must be the one dwelling there so late into the night. The whistle of a tea kettle only confirms the obvious. I could easily just walk into the kitchen, make my presence known, but I don't. Your walls go up immediately when I appear, and right now I simply want to watch you, maybe catch of glimpse of what it is that peeks my interest so easily.
You gracefully pour yourself a cup of tea, for once using your lithe hands rather than your powers. You touch everything with what appears to be a perfect gentleness, the ceramic cup not even making a sound as you place it on the counter in front of you. You seem to be lost in thought, though it is almost impossible to tell on your blank face. The only way I can tell in the slightest is that your eyes seem the slightest bit distant...far away in their own world...far, far away from me.
You reach for your cup once more and move it to your lip. You take in a soft sip of the warm liquid inside and lower the cup from your mouth to the counter beside. It is then that I see...something unexpected to be. Your eyes are slightly closed and the smallest of content smiles has formed on your face. You are smiling...smiling a very peaceful smile. It makes my heart stop yet my blood push harder...how that is even possible beyond me. Your eyes slowly open back up completely, thought the smile has yet to fade. You stare into the bottom of the cup for whatever reason, thinking whatever it is that will never be made.. Moments pass, more sips of tea are taken, I think maybe the smile is for me, I know I am mistaken. In an instant, you disappear into black energy to your room I know, and none of this will be spoken of tomorrow.
I feel like I am finally breathing again, my breathes a little bit heavy despite no exertion on my part, my heart finally again to a start. It is a very strange feeling I have...a strange sight I have just witnessed and I can't help but wonder...
I look into your eyes, and I feel more at ease.
I smell your fragrance, and I can't help but think of the times I held you close to stop you from falling.
I hear your voice, and I can feel the kindness and compassion I know is within your heart even though it always sounds so cold to me.
I see your smile, and I think that I'm falling in love.
I can't help but wonder...
Is that why you never smile for me?