Well, has been a month to the day since my last update, I figure that's as good as any a day to add chapter four for you guys. ;) Guess what, good news for Sesshoumaru fans- I found a way to include Fluffy-sama. In doing so, I added another piece to the puzzle of my plot, but its a surprise that will most likely get me killed, or at least beaten into a coma with rotten Japanese radishes. ;p You'll have to wait and see.

Anyway, on with today's chapter. This one's for the angst fans, the Inuyasha fans, the angsty Inuyasha fans, the Inuyasha-angst fans, and fans of general angst. Did I mention angst? And Inuyasha. And Inuyasha who's angsting. ;p

Note: This chapter contains a multitude of expletives (swear words, curses, stuff that'll get your mouth washed out with Irish Spring, etc etc.) Inuyasha is NOT a happy puppy in this chapter, and following in true Inuyasha form, he curses. A lot. Not much I can do about it if you are insistent on reading it, but I have to warn you anyways.

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha. Plain and simple.

Silhouette

Chapter Four : And Then The Rains Came

"I don't see why I have to go!" Stamp.

Kagome winced, turning away from the ensuing argument and back to her packing. The moment Misa stamped that foot, Sango placed her hands on her hips, her face dipping into the frown Kagome had coined the Mom look. It reminded her so much of her own mother's "Do it or you're grounded" look, and was rather effective on mischievous or defiant youngsters.

Misa hushed instantly, although made her dislike of the situation known by the pout on her face. Sango wasn't swayed however. "Misa, you will do as I ask. Now, I have to stay and take care of your younger brothers and sisters-"

"I can do that-" Misa tried, but Sango interrupted with, "…AND you need the practice. I've been noticing flaws in your technique recently."

"Haha-ue!"

"Be nice to Kagome-chan and mind Shippou. Bye bye!" Sango gave a little wave to her eldest daughter, and the conversation was over. Misa angrily took up Hiraikotsu and stomped out of the house. Kohaku tucked his chain-blade into the back of his sash, looping its long chain. Sango took his arm, standing in front of him.

"C'mere." She reached up, stretching to reach the head of her tall son. She smoothed back his hair, and then patted his shoulders, giving him a firm shake. "You mind your surroundings. Don't let down your guard."

"I won't, Haha-ue."

"I love you, Kohaku," she reminded him and he smiled. "I love you too, Haha-ue."

"Do your best."

The teenager nodded and headed outside where Misa and Shippou were already waiting. Kagome straightened her quiver, fidgeting as she smoothed out the wrinkles in her skirt. Sango turned to her, looking rather unnerved. "Kagome-chan, is there anything you need?"

Kagome shook her head, forcing on a smile. Sango just stared at her. Kagome winced inwardly. She's not buying the smile. I should have known. Sango knew me as well as I knew myself, and now she's Momma-Sango. It's her JOB to know when something's wrong.

"I need you to tell me that what I'm doing is right," Kagome admitted. "I need to know that seeing him isn't wrong." She turned, her head dropping as she inspected the dirt on her shoes. "Going to him now, after what happened here… I know Inuyasha, he won't be able to handle it. He's going to be angry and upset."

"Yes, he is."

Kagome's face wrenched into an expression of dire sadness. There was no hope left in her brown eyes. "He'll hate me."

"Probably."

Kagome turned to her friend. "I don't think I can handle him hating me." Sango shook her head, coming over and slipping her arms around the younger girl's shoulders. Kagome hugged her friend back, burying her face in the other woman's shoulders. Sango pulled away, looking at Kagome with a weak smile.

"It'll be alright. If you succeed, this will be all over. For all of us. Don't lose hope yet."

Kagome nodded. "Take care of yourself, Sango-chan. I'll be back as soon as I can."

Sango smiled. "I will. Be careful."

And with that, the miko took a deep breath, straightened her shoulders, and plastered on a smile. Then she turned and walked out into the grey, overcast day. Kohaku, Misa and Shippou were waiting for her, and Kagome swallowed thickly.

Here goes.

"Let's go, guys."

.n.

The trip wouldn't be too far, Shippou had promised, but even knowing that, it seemed like a million kilometers to Kagome. The kit took to the front, hacking a path for the others. Kagome walked a few paces behind, Misa just behind her, and Kohaku kept the rear, his trained taijiya senses picking up anything that seemed off or unusual as they trekked southwestward.

She'd done more worrying in the past two days than she had in her entire life, Kagome was certain of it. And not just about how to fix her problem, but wondering if that in her own era, Inuyasha worried about this sort of thing happening.

I know he thinks about Kikyou and what happened between the two of them… it always hurt me when I knew he was, but.. I wonder if he thinks something like that about me? Is he ever afraid that I'll leave him? The miko folded her arms, tracing circles on her shirt absently. Is that the real reason he follows me to my world? Is he afraid of losing me?

"HEY."

Kagome flinched violently at Misa's angry voice. The young taijiya girl was a tempest of put out, furious and disgusted feelings, and the glare which emitted the negativity was directed to Kagome. The schoolgirl mentally prepared herself to be slammed in the head by an enormous bone boomerang, but Shippou's patient hand on the top of it reassured her that Misa would not be listed as cause of death on Kagome's death certificate.

"Yes?" Kagome asked, and Shippou rested a gentle hand on Misa's mouth as the teenager started to rant. The kit gestured with his chin, and Kagome turned to see where he was pointing. Underneath a thick brush of vines and leaves was a tiny black opening. Kagome could hardly see it, but once she did, it didn't leave her sight. She turned back to look at Shippou's wide blue eyes.

"Inuyasha's in there. He's asleep."

"At this time of the day?"

"What else is he going to do?" Shippou said, not without a twinge of cold anger. Kagome looked helplessly at him, and he gave her an equally helpless shrug. "I can't help it, Kagome. It's a habit."

She sagged. Being angry at her was one thing, but being told that it was a habit was like throwing salt into the wound. But before she could digress again into feeling sorry for herself, she turned towards the cave and steeled herself.

With each step towards his dwelling, each cracking twig or rustle of grass, a new question appeared in her mind without warning. What would she see in there? Would he look any different? Was he healthy? How would he react? Would he believe it was her at all?

By the time she was close enough to reach out and pull aside the curtain of vines, Kagome was trembling so much that she could feel it in her guts. It seemed like every organ, especially her heart, was shaking too. Her teeth were chattering from the phantom cold that had appeared, even though today was particularly warm for the cloudy midday.

She watched her hand stretch towards the vines, wavering uncontrollably as it did, and at long last she touched them, drew them aside…

..and walked in.

The cave was mostly dark and the light from outside, little as it was, was still more than enough to offset the dim black of the cave's inside. Instantly, outside seemed so much brighter, and Kagome felt it echoed her actions in a vague way.

Not surprisingly, the little home was sparse in belongings. It wasn't very deep, and only 8 feet from the entrance was a burnt-out spot which Kagome assumed Inuyasha used as his hearth. A bed made of straw and animal furs lay by it, thick and comfortable looking. It was the only thing in the whole chamber that seemed home-like and cozy.

And incredibly empty. Kagome thought in turmoil. I thought Shippou-chan said he was asleep? Where is he?

Perhaps it was better that he not be here. It would lessen the shock, Kagome considered, if she saw how he'd been living before she saw him. She wandered further into the hovel, looking for anything that proclaimed it Inuyasha's. On the opposite side of the hearth was an array of knives, some made from metal and others from rock or bone. Some of them Kagome could tell were used for cutting simply by their sharpened edges. There were others that were dull, and a whole second after she noticed them, she realized what he used them for.

On the cavern walls were words carved into the rock. Some were brand-new, barely scrapes on the stone, but a few of them had been carved so often that they were chiseled deep into the hard surface, the characters smooth and perfect. After reading a few of them it occurred to Kagome that they weren't just words, but entire stories. She blinked at the irony of it. In the last twenty years, he became a writer. Inuyasha, who couldn't even stand to talk more than "Get out of my way or I'll kill you" became a writer.

Kagome snickered to herself, feeling a faint drain of the upsetting hurt she'd been experiencing for the past two days. Gradually she made her way around the cave, skimming Inuyasha's novel as she did. Most of it was incidents within the past twenty years: youkai he'd killed, humans he'd had to fend off from bothering him.

Near the bed she discovered stories closer to heart. There were a few that mentioned his mother, a lot that testified to the evil that was Naraku, several more that slandered Sesshoumaru, and it was amongst these stories she found Miroku, Sango and Shippou's names. Entire paragraphs dedicated to incidents involving the houshi, taijiya and kitsune were engraved neatly underneath their names. And then her eyes scanned something new.

Nearby were the words "Kuronos Sunadokei." Hold the phone. The miko re-read it. Sunadokei.. that's the hourglass. He wrote about the Hourglass. She read it quickly, the whole section being only a line or two long, and then clicked her tongue irritatedly when it was nothing more than what Miroku and Sango had told her, that they'd battled a youkai carrying an hourglass and that it was now his charge to protect.

She went back to the first word. "Ku.. Kuro.. Kuronos?" Kagome spoke the word aloud, wondering what it meant. Kuronos.. Kuronos.. Kronos…? She gasped quietly. Chronos! Chronos was a God of Time..! in some religion or another… Again, her tongue clicked in annoyance; she wished she'd paid more attention in that elective mythology class.

Well, she mused, standing up and looking around the dark, empty cave, he's not here. Not even here and sleeping. Just… not here. She turned back towards the entrance, intending to ask Shippou to go on a search for him, when out of the corner of her eye she noticed a small niche. It was behind a stalagmite -or is that a stalactite? I can never remember the difference- and partially covered by what appeared to be a deer-skin curtain.

Curious, she went to it, pulling aside the curtain as she did, and then gasped sharply. Tessaiga… The niche was just big enough to allow the katana in its space, and the sheathed blade was leaned against the wall, hidden from view.

He doesn't use Tessaiga anymore? I don't understand. He loved it, why would he stop using it…? Confused, Kagome searched the opening for any of the now-familiar scribbled carvings of the hanyou. She was in luck. The answer was engraved deep into the rock, and this one was perhaps the best taken care of. Kagome could see Inuyasha in her mind as he stood in front of this niche and carved into the rock the words she was now reading aloud.

"My dad's sword, Tessaiga, the sword that protects human life. I got it when she was at my side. But she's gone now, so I don't need it anymore. It can stay here, with my memory of her."

Instantly the mental image of the hanyou writing these words was marred by a second image, one that Kagome wished in the second instant had not appeared in her mind. These words were angry, she recognized, he wrote these when he was upset. She knew exactly who the "she" he referred to was, but she desperately didn't want confirmation. Unfortunately that too, like the explanation for Tessaiga, was in the niche.

Near the bottom, as if Inuyasha had been on his knees, bent over as he wrote, was a confusing group of characters. It was, like the rest of this section, chiseled into the rock, but there were harsh scratches running through it, as if drawn in anger, and they tarnished his handwriting to an almost unreadable status.

After a moment Kagome realized with agony that it was her name.

She closed her eyes, biting her lip until it hurt as she collapsed in on herself, her fingers tracing the hollowed-out Japanese characters. This was wrong, she said over and over, I shouldn't have come. I have to leave before he gets back.

Kagome forced herself to her feet and pushed back from the wall. It was too much, reading his journal and seeing what her leaving had done to him. The entire book, written on a cave wall, was blank of emotion, except for the single passage about her. That was written with the utmost of feeling. Hatred, anger, hurt. She couldn't bear it.

She pulled the deerskin curtain shut, turned to the cave entrance, striding towards it purposefully, quickly, Get me out of here. I need to go now, when abruptly it occurred to her that the bright light of the outside that contrasted so powerfully against the dimness of the cave… was not so bright.

Kagome looked up at the person, assuming it was Shippou. After all, she'd been in here a long time, and he'd come to check on her. Only, it wasn't Shippou.

Inuyasha stood in the way, backlit so much that she could hardly see his features through his silhouette. But it was enough. He blinked, swaying backwards slightly as if the force of seeing her standing in his home was physically disruptive to his posture. The bag he held dropped unnoticed to the floor.

After two days of being with Sango, Miroku and Shippou, Kagome had gotten used to finding what she remembered in the people who had aged. The way Sango smiled, the excited expression on Miroku's face when he knew he'd gotten away with a grope, Shippou's laugh. Despite the few wrinkles and a couple of extra inches in height, it was those things that reminded her who she was with.

She knew instantly that she wouldn't need it with Inuyasha. It was clearly him, though he was a little taller, and his shoulders a little broader. His face looked more mature, and Kagome was reminded of Sesshoumaru in the jawline and cheekbones. His ears stood high on his head, twitching as he listened to the sounds in the cave and outside out of it.

His clothes were the same, the hi-nezumi haori hanging a little more loosely than before, letting more of his weathered white undershirt peek out of the collar. It didn't look any older or different, she assumed because of its odd healing powers. She felt a pang of guilt resurface when she saw the prayer beads still hanging around his neck. Twenty years… and being unable to take them off. Oh, Inuyasha…

There was only one fault in this mature Inuyasha that Kagome could find, and sadly it was with the one thing she'd prayed would be the same. Her Inuyasha had playful eyes, flickering with a tiniest smidge of insecurity that told of the adversity he'd encountered in his life. His eyes could pierce holes in you with a single glare, and then an instant later be warm and comforting as he held you and assured you everything would be alright. This man standing before her was blank of much emotion, and nothing but a strong uncertainty and unfathomable pain echoed in their golden depths.

His eyebrows narrowed and a film of confusion shaded his eyes, as though he were trying to understand her being there. His mouth hung open slightly in an echo of shock. The same expression that had crossed his face whenever he saw Kikyou was on his face now, and Kagome hated it. Immediately her hand clapped to her mouth and she heard a short gasp. Vaguely she realized she'd been the one to cry out, but it hadn't sounded like her in the least.

And then her feet uprooted from the floor and she dove headlong into his arms. "Inuyasha!"

"Uh.." He tensed in her embrace, much like the first time she'd ever done that to him. She remembered it like it was yesterday, when she thought he'd died. She came up out of the well to see him standing there, perfectly safe if not a little roughed up. The absolute relief and joy that she'd felt when she knew he was okay had overwhelmed her, and she had thrown herself at him. Needless to say, he had been surprised and a little confused.

Much like he was now. Kagome buried her face against his chest, her fingers hooking into claws to gather as much of him into her arms as she could. She was doing exactly what she'd told herself over and over not to, because she knew he hated her, knew there was no way he could forgive her. Unlike Kikyou, who had been tricked into betraying him, Kagome had actually…

But I didn't… And I wouldn't! I couldn't do this to him, it wasn't me!

She sniffled, not wanting to let him go, when abruptly she realized the symbolism of the action, and vaguely she reached up to touch her cheek. Her fingers came back wet. She was finally crying.

She closed her hand, letting it drop to her side, and finally tipped her head back, daring to look up at him. He still didn't say anything, just looked down at her with a mixed expression. Something was there, something amiable, a hint of how he used to be, how they used to be together. For one brief moment she thought maybe this would go better. Maybe he didn't hate her, and he would take her back.

"Ka.. gome.."

He spoke her name as if it were foreign on his tongue, as though it were the first time. Perhaps it was. Perhaps it had been so long he'd allowed himself to say it that he'd forgotten its form, its sound.

He certainly hadn't forgotten what the owner of that name had done to him. Kagome's fantasy of a touching reunion was crushed by the reality she'd expected as one clawed hand came up to grip her arm and he pulled her off him. His face changed slowly, eyes crinkling with anger, his teeth gritting. A low growl came from deep in his chest, one that Kagome knew well.

"What the hell are you doing here…?" he demanded quietly. Something tugged in her; his voice hadn't changed much. It was still him, tweaked here and there. But it was still him. She looked down stupidly, an errant tear or two falling.

"I… I needed to.. see you." Her hands wrung themselves in front of her; her voice sounded small and insignificant. She didn't need to look at the hanyou to know he had gawped at her in shock, that sarcastic expression he used when he was covering up how he truly felt.

"Need.. You fucking needed to see me?" He snorted, a desperate half-laugh coming from him. She closed her eyes. "You decided to just drop by twenty years later and see how I've been doing, right?"

"No.. I.. I mean, there was a spell.. No, I mean, I think something.." She cursed mentally. Why did her brain power seem to leak out through her ears when she was under pressure? She looked up at him helplessly, tears building again in her eyes. "I'm sorry! This isn't real, something happened with the well or something, and… I was only gone for a little bit of time. Somehow it was.." She shook her head, unable to remember the speech she'd thought so hard to memorize. "I didn't leave you, Inuyasha, I was only gone for three days!"

He just glared at her, his mouth hanging open slightly. "I don't believe this. You have the audacity to apologize to me? You think sorry is going to do ANYTHING FOR ME NOW!" She flinched when he raised his voice, and he stepped back from her slightly, clenched fists shaking with his growing fury.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, you didn't leave me! Have you gone fucking senile in only twenty years? You think you were here the whole time? How stupid do you think I am!" His face contorted angrily, eyes narrowing to smoldering pinpoints. "I grew up! It was pretty stupid of me back then, to trust another goddamn woman, the same one even. I deserved to be betrayed again if I managed to believe in the reincarnation of the woman who fucked me over the first time!"

Kagome caught her breath, looking up at him. She didn't bother to try and hide how much his last statement had hurt, and his image blurred as her eyes filled with tears. "But it's the same as it was with Kikyou, Inuyasha! I didn't betray you, I-"

"But I grew up!" He repeated, cutting her off, his shoulders straightening. "And if you think I'm stupid enough to believe this bullshit -again- you've fucking crazy!" He seemed to lose steam, because his shoulders suddenly sagged, and he took a deep breath, as though his tirade had exhausted his strength. Kagome took the chance to speak.

"Inuyasha, I didn't betray you! I would never have done that to you; you know me! You have to believe me!" Preaching to a brick wall, she knew. Love pleaded with her to try anyway. Inuyasha looked incredulous.

"Believe you! You deceitful bitch! How dare you come back and come into MY place and then tell me I have to believe you!" He took a step forward, looming over her. He seemed so much taller now; he always had when he was upset. She shrank back from him, closing her eyes and waiting for it. Whatever he did. She deserved it. She felt the guilt as painfully as she felt the hurt that came with his words, and she hoped he did something awful. She deserved it.

"Get out." The words were soft, but the underlying hate in them came through loud and clear. She opened her eyes and looked up at him. He stood still, but she could see him shaking, and she knew it wasn't because the cave was cold. His head hung, his silver bangs hiding his eyes from view. Kagome swallowed, taking a step forward, hand outstretched.

"Won't you even listen to me?" She asked, her quiet voice edging on desperation, "After everything you and I went through together, you won't even let me explain… I need your help, I can't fix this without you!"

"Just leave."

"Inuyasha…"

"Now. I don't want to see you again. Ever. Go back home, stay here, whatever. Just get away from me."

That tone. God, it scared her. She'd never seen him this way, never heard his voice sound like that. No more anger, no more shock. Just raw pain, and hate that welled up from deep inside him. He was strangely calm, and she hated it. She wished he would get angry, yell, threaten her, fight her. Anything but this silent, seething hatred that she could feel coming off him in waves. Kagome bit her lip, tightly closing her hand and pulling it close to her. She nodded vaguely, then stepped around him and headed for the opening. She turned back to look at him once more; he stood there statuesque. Then he turned, his eyes still hidden by a wall of silvery locks.

"GO."

Kagome went.

.n.

Shippou looked up when his sharp ears heard the rustle of leaves and branches at the cave opening. Kagome rushed out, head down, body stiff. The fox felt something sink in him; from her posture, he knew what went on inside the cave even without having been there, and though he ached for her, remembering how as a child he would grow angry with Inuyasha when the hanyou hurt Kagome, there was now a tiny part of him that smirked with a wicked glee, that knew she brought it on herself and deserved nothing less than being eternally unforgiven, and that part of him laughed at her as she wept.

He had assumed Inuyasha was asleep, as he so often was at this time of day. Ironic that the day Kagome decided to drop by he changed his routine. So when the hanyou appeared holding his fresh kill, Shippou'd had the strongest urge to follow him in and mediate.

But no one was strong enough to mediate for them when they liked each other; much less now, when one hated the other. The least he would be capable of doing was salvaging what was left of Kagome's heart when Inuyasha was finished with her. He stomped down that tiny part that reveled in her pain, willing himself to know that it was a remnant of a tragedy that had been cast on them, not his real feelings that were born of something Kagome had done.

And by the looks of it, Inuyasha was thoroughly finished with her.

"Kagome-sama? Will he help you?" Kohaku wondered as she came to a stop in front of them. Kagome shook her head, keeping her face down. She heard a soft sigh from the boy that sounded discouraged, and grunt from Misa.

"Well, you can't expect him to-"

"Misa, shut up." The girl gasped in offense, stressing Kohaku's name in surprise that he'd been so harsh with her. Kagome hardly heard any of this; she was lost in her own thoughts.

God, how stupid am I? I'd expected this, I knew it would happen, but… but.. She covered her mouth with her hand, trying to hold in the whimpers that threatened to spill from her lips. Shippou stood at her side, his hand on her shoulder. She couldn't feel it. Her body was numb.

It hurts so much… I hurt him. Oh God, I'm sorry… She closed her eyes, crying out softly through her fingers, unable to hold back anymore. Shippou slipped his arms around her, patting her hair gently as she wept, fingers knotting into the soft fur of his coat.

Around them, it began to rain.

…To be continued

a/n :sigh: Okay. I think is enough angst for today, ne? Gawd, is difficult to write this stuff without getting the sniffles. Im a die-hard Inu/Kag fan and breaking them up ish harsh for me! (Just FYI, I hate episode 47-48 for the same reason, lol)

Okay, so click on that familiar little button and lemme know what you thought! ;p You guys know I love it.

Mellie S (Thanks!)

HMPrune (Thanks. I promise, I won't be sitting here on my bum if Mom needs me.)

Cetacea92 (Thank you. As for the story, I'm hoping Sil won't be VERY long, but about 10-12 chapters or so. ;)

Scherezade7 (She contemplates not seeing him because I made her. ;p lol )

Valdimarian (Long chappie, and with more on the way! I'm mostly Sess/Kagura, but Sess/Rin is cute if she's older. Am not into the lolicon thing. X( Am trying to work them in.)

BakaBokken (Yeah, writing has certainly helped me through some harsh times. Chapters 9-12 of To Be With You Tomorrow (dealing with Inuyasha's sickness) were written during my mother's first bout with cancer. So yeah, it shows. Back to the story- am glad you're liking so far!)

Priestess kurumi inu's sister (If I had it my way, Inuyasha would have gotten half of Inupapa's estate and been treated better as a child. He IS a prince, after all, just like Sesshoumaru. But then he wouldn't be the Inu we know and love! He lived in the wilderness, so of course he'd head back there if he felt threatened. Or abandoned, in this case. ;p )

JasmineUnicorn (Thanks for the review, and your sentiments. ;)

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cartoonfan (Thank you. I'll try to keep going with the writing when I can. ;)

Black Betty (:gives you floor mat so you don't hurt self when bouncing off the trampoline: )

Janice (Okie dokie. :peace sign: )

priestessmykala (Inuyasha? Mature? Do they even belong in the same sentence? ;)

jgirl79 (As I do excited dances in my chair when I get my review! Thank you so much:huggles: Is very good to know that I have my support here as well. You and the others really do wonders for me with your sweet reviews, and I look forward to them so very much. ;)

Defafaeth Mechqua ;)

lyn (Of course.)

DarkAnimePriestess (Thanks! Am glad you love it!)

;p

.Tessen.