How could I be so stupid?
by LiltingBanshee
Author´s note: I´m back and ready with the new chapter, hope you´ll enjoy it:)
phantomann: thanks, no the point of Meg and Raoul´s visit was to take Christine´s mind of off Erik so no confrontation this time:)
Twinkle22: Thanks you, here´s a new one for you:)
erik´sangel527: thanks, it won´t be that early:) hope you will come to like Erik later in the story...
trisana: maybe, maybe not. I don´t know if it fits in yet. Though Erik will be told off for messing things up like this:)
Phantomandvampirelover: Thanks, the kid does need a Dad, Erik would never leave Christine completely...I hope...
you´llbemyangel: Thanks, you´ll know why soon...
satinzevi89:you´ll see:)
La Romantique Perdue: Thanks, I think you review is possitive, though I really suck at French;)
Gottogirl: Thanks, I´ll try and go easy on the cliffies...;-)
tink20: Thanks;) even I hate my Erik at some points, but I hope things will get better...
Random Day: Oh who can resist those eyes:) here´s a bone for you;)
Christine drew in a deep breath and slowly opened her eyes. She had never felt this tired in her life. She blinked her eyes a few times and tried to remember where she was. She sawa figure sitting by her bed and everything came back to her.
"Erik?" she whispered.
He looked up from the little pink bundle he was holding in his arms and smiled at her.
"Goodmorning sleepyhead. We thought you were going to be out for days" he said softly.
"The baby? Is it alright?" she asked with slight panic in her voice and struggled to sit up in the bed.
Erik rose from his seat and went to her.
"Take it easy Christine you must be very sore. The baby is perfectly fine. Have a look for yourself" he said and gently placed the sleeping form in her arms.
Christine carefully pushed the pink blanket aside and looked at her child. Tears welled up in her eyes as the baby made a little squeaking sound in her sleep and settled in her mother´s embrace.
"She looks fine, but I thought it was too soon for her to be born?" Christine said and looked at Erik.
"She is perfectly healthy. 10 fingers, 10 toes and a beautiful face. She is a little premature, but only by a couple of weeks. Nothing to worry about. The doctors reckon you were a bit futher along than you thought. You never really had any proper check-ups did you?" Erik asked and ran a hand affectionally over Christine´s dark curls.
"No I didn´t. I was so scared something was going to go wrong, but she´s here now" Christine sighed and leaned into Erik´s touch.
"You did a great job with her" Erik said and planted a kiss in her hair.
"We did a great job" Christine whispered.
None of them said anything for a while until Christine looked up at Erik.
"How did you know I was here? That I was going to have the baby now?" she asked.
"When you were brought in Camille wanted to contact me, but she didn´t know how to. She called the number Meg had left when she had been to see you and Meg then called me" he explained. "You have a good friend in her Christine. I always just thought of her as Anne´s little girl, but she is some young woman now. I´ve never heard her yell like that. She gave me hell for the way I´ve treated you..."he said sadly and Christine noticed the tears forming in his eyes.
"I´m sorry Erik..." she said softly.
His head shot up at her words. "No, don´t you ever apologize to me! I have treated you like shit and I´m so sorry Christine! I love you, I really do and I love our daughter so much. I never menat to hurt you, but I have and I can never forgive myself for that" he was crying openly now.
Sensing her father´s mood the baby began to fuss before breaking out in a full blown wail. Christine looked from her daughter to the crying man beside her and most of all felt like crying herself, but what good would that do? Instead she started rocking the baby gently in her arms and turned the rest of her attention to Erik.
"Erik don´t be so hard on yourself, we´ve both done things that weren´t too clever through all this, but let´s talk about it" she said soothingly.
"But I don´t want you to hate me" Erik said heartbroken.
"I don´t hate you Erik, I never could. You´re the father of my daughter, I love you" Christine said and his tears subsided slightly.
She then turned her full attention to the wailing child in her arms who didn´t seem to calm down at all.
"Shh babygirl it´s ok, there´s no need to be so sad" she cooed gently.
"Maybe she´s hungry" Erik sniffed.
Christine looked at him. "You think so?"
"Could be. Try and feed her", he suggested.
Christine was ready to do anything to make the baby stop crying and carefully began to feed her. The baby instantly quited and began eating happily. Christine smiled relieved.
"I guess you were right" she said to Erik without taking her eyes of off her daughter.
"Well, I bought this book about babies when you told me you were pregnant..." Erik shrugged with a little smile.
Christine felt a warm happiness in her heart at the thought of Erik taking so much interest in the baby.
Erik reached out his hand to gently stroke the baby´s soft cheek while she ate and looked at his daughter with great affection. Pulling his hand away his fingertips carefully graced Christine´s breast and she looked up at him with a sweet smile.
Slowly he bent down and brushed his lips against hers, softly at first and when he felt her respond he claimed her lips in a sweet loving kiss.
"I love you with all my heart" he whispered against her lips. "I so wish I could make you happy. Please let me explain things to you Christine" he pleaded.
She pulled her lips away from his. "I´m ready to listen Erik. I know it won´t be pleasant, but I will hear you out" she said sadly.
When the baby had finished eating Christine settled her back in her arms and the little girl slowly drifted off to sleep again.
Erik sat down on the edge of the bed grabbed Christine´s hand and cleared his throat.
"I met Giselle 3 years ago when she began coming to the opera house with her father. He was a long-time enthusiastic guest to the opera and I was pleased to meet his daughter.
I came to speak to her at the reception after the performance and she did seem very interested in the theatre. I have recieved many praises for my work during the years I´ve been in Paris, but in a way Giselle´s interest seemed more genuine than other´s.
After having met her a couple of times after performances she asked me to join her and her father for dinner. From there on it became a regular thing for us to have dinner after the performances, sometimes before and sometimes on days where there were no performances at all. One night she kissed me and I reacted to my first kiss in the only way I knew how to-I kissed her back.
I was flattered by a woman like her showing that kind of interest in me and I followed her in any initiative she took to extend out relationship.
Then she began to drop certain hints whenever we passed a jewelery store and of course I bought her the ring she wanted so badly. She was happy and her father was overjoyed and I guess I was happy too" Erik paused for a second and Christine took the opportunity to talk.
"It sounds like things were perfect, but you told me that she broke up with you when you came to stay in England. What happened?" she asked.
"I thought everything was fine. I had given her a ring, took her out for dinners and brought her to all the openings of new performances. I even accompanied her to tons of social events with all her shallow friends even though I hate such things. No matter what she didn´t seem to be satified and when I questioned her about it she complained about me never telling her I loved her.
I told her I was very fond of her and pleased with her company. That made her even more angry and we had a huge fight" Erik said.
"Why didn´t you just tell her you loved her? You surely must have" Christine said puzzled.
"I did feel something for her, but even though I had never been in love before I knew I wasn´t in love with Giselle. I was simply very fond of her. When I met you Christine I learned for the first time what real love was. You took me by surprise with your kind person and unconditional love for music. You let me into your heart and accepted me with all my faults. You even loved my hideous distorted face and I finally found someone I trusted and loved completely.
And what did I do in return? I ripped your heart out and stomped on it!
I went back to Paris to sort out things with Giselle so you and I could live a life together like we talked about when you had finished college. Instead I got you pregnant and ruined your future and now I can´t even offer you and our daughter a normal loving family life. I´m such an ungrateful excuse of a man Christine!" he sighed sadly.
"But why can´t you just leave her Erik? I don´t understand it. You don´t love her, you don´t owe her anything!" Christine cried.
He took the sleeping baby from her arms and placed her in the bassinet next to the bed.
He thensat back on the bed and wrapped his arms around Christine.
"There´s nothing I want more in this world than to leave Giselle and live my life with you, but appearantly Giselle loved the social status that being with the famous opera composer offered her so she went to Daddy and complained.
Monsieur Bertrand is one of the greatest financial supportors of the opera house. You may not believe it, but without his fundings the opera house won´t be able to keep up its standars of performances and daily maintainance. The state and tourists doesn´t pay for everything. We rely on private sponsors and especially Maurice Bertrand´s company" he said.
"But what does that have to do with you?" Christine asked and leaned her head on his shoulder.
"That day you told me I was going to be a father I told Giselle I wanted to end our engagement. She wasn´t pleased. Christine, if I break off the engagement her father is going to withdraw all his fundings. If it was just me who would loose my job I wouldn´t hesitate a second, but this will affect so many employees and the opera will loose its great international status. I can´t do that to all those people" Erik sighed and tightened his arms around Christine who had begun to weep silently.
"I will do anything possible for you and our daughter Christine. I will provide you with money and if you´ll allow me to I will visit as often as I can. Giselle knows that there is a child, but she doesn´t know you´re it´s mother. I need to protect you, I won´t let her make your life worse. It won´t be perfect, but it will be something Christine. Can you live with that?" he asked.
She nodded gainst his chest. "I will rather have a little of you than not have you at all" she sniffed. "I just hope it won´t be forever."
"Me neither Christine" he said and kissed her hair.
" Erik I´m tired, would you sing for me? Please sing that song about the music of the night. It reminds me of a lullaby" she said and yawned.
"Of course Christine, close your eyes and rest" he said and began to sing to her gently.
Hope you liked:) I plan to update soon hopefully:)