Disclaimer: Characters are created by Meg Cabot unless stated otherwise.

I was falling, my eyes drifting close, heart beating rapidly. I was scared. That ordeal wasn't normal. It just wasn't.

Why was that person chasing me? I don't know. I had nothing. It doesn't make any sense. Could it be him? No…it can't be him, because if it was him, my instincts would have told me so. But no, they told me to run, run as fast as I could, because that person, whoever it was, is dangerous.

And right when I opened the door, I asked myself; why in the world did I cut and put myself through this situation?

I'll tell you the truth, from the moment I did what I did, I felt guilty and…scared. I was never scared, Suze Simon wasn't afraid of anything. But I was and am now. I didn't know what came over me; all I know is that I came home; crying, and suddenly, I went to the bathroom and got out a blade. After sterilizing the blade, I went over to my bed, blade in my hand, hesitating. This wasn't the first time I cut. I've done it many times before, carving exes and words, even back in New York. I stopped when I moved to Carmel, but that all changed. I started again. This time, I knew something bad was going to happen. I ignored it. Placing the sharp blade on my wrist, where the veins are placed, I closed my eyes, getting ready for the pain. I didn't do it in one quick slit; I did it slowly, dreading every minute of it.

Once I had enough, I slit it across, fast. The next thing I knew, I was lying on my bed, sleeves soaked in blood, about to fall asleep. My breathing became shallow gasps, my pulse getting fainter and fainter.

A loud knock came from my door, then the banging. Everything was starting to grow darker. The door suddenly opened and he came in. But it was too late. I was a lost soul by then. I couldn't hear nor see anything. And that was when I knew, I was dead.

I didn't feel much different, when I died, I mean. Though, I did feel a lot lighter, as if the big weight I have been carrying on my shoulders has been lifted.

Next thing I knew, I was in the place I disliked the most. Ironic, isn't it?

I never expected to end up in Shadowland. Not in a million years. Probably because I anticipated being able to stay on earth and roam around, and…'hunt' people. But I do know for a fact that I have an unfinished business left, so what was I doing in Shadowland? Wasn't I supposed to tell my family and friends that I was a mediator or a…shifter? Or that I love him so much? Or that I was happy? Those were the reasons I kept asking myself, because really, those were the things I never said out loud.

I was dead. Okay? D-E-A-D. And now, I don't even know where I'm headed.

A sudden burst of energy came upon me and my eyes jerked open, taking in my surroundings, I asked myself:

Where was I?

"Mommy, mommy! Wake up!" a child's voice screamed.

"Okay, okay," I said groggily.

I swiftly came to my senses; Mommy…did she just call me-…what?

Wait. I'm ALIVE! Omigod, but how?

A little girl about the age of 5 was jumping up and down on my bed. I sat up. "Mommy, you're awake!" the girl screamed and threw her arms around me. I awkwardly hugged her back. I didn't know who she was but somehow, I felt that I needed to protect her, from harm and other challenging obstacles that may come our way, this little girl needed me, and she needed love and attention. And I'm the one who has to give it to her. If this girl was my daughter, whom I assumed, since she was calling me mommy, then who could be the father or my…husband?

"Mommy, can I have pancakes for breakfast? Can I please, mommy? Pretty please?" the girl asked pleadingly.

"Um, sure," This girl's my daughter and I don't know her name. What a nice 'mother' I am. "Hey, sweetie, what's your name?"

"Daniela Mae Beaumont." Daniela said proudly.

Beaumont…Beaumont, where have I heard that last name before?

I gasped. Tad Beaumont, the guy with an uncle who tried to get rid of me. The guy whose uncle is a vampire is my husband. The guy who gave me my very first kiss is my husband. The guy who shoved his tongue down my throat is my husband. The guy whose name is Tad Beaumont is my husband. The all-time-hottie-who-couldn't-stop-talking-about-basket-ball-which-bored-me-to-death-back-then is my husband. Tad Beaumont is my husband.

I must have drifted off for a moment right there, since Daniela asked, "Are you okay, mommy?"

"Sure I am, honey," I told her. "Where's daddy?"

"Daddy just left for work," Daniela replied. "He said that he'll be back soon."

For a five year old, this girl is pretty smart and talkative.

He's going to be back soon, what am I going to do? I can't even remember if we had a wedding or not or how we had her…I shook my head, dismissing the inapt thoughts.

I sighed and glanced at my wrist. That's weird. The cut was gone. It really was, but…how?

I shook my head again. "So, what did you want for breakfast again, sweetie?" I asked her, tucking her hair behind her ears, just like how my mom used to do it to me all the time. Mom…I miss her and Andy, David, Jake, CeeCee, Adam, Father Dominic, Brad, and Je-no, Suze, I told you, you have to get over it. It was your fault this happened. You're a fool. How could you? No! It wasn't my fault. It wasn't. No…I didn't mean to, I swear, I didn't.

She jumped off my bed, distracting me, and started jumping up and down again. "Pancakes! Pancakes, mommy! I want pancakes!"

I stood up and took her little hand in mine. "Fine, let's go."

I didn't understand. How could this have happened? Why Tad? Why not him? Why? What did I do to deserve this? It was just an accident. I didn't mean to. But what's worse was he didn't get mad, nor did he break up with me. No, he stayed with me, always being nice to me. I couldn't help but wonder, how could I have been so stupid to ruin the relationship I had with the man who loved me? He told me that every night, that he loved me, I mean. He even continued on telling me that after it happened. I couldn't take it anymore, everything felt so wrong. I didn't know what I was doing, trying to pretend that nothing wrong had happened to our relationship, and that he was okay with it. No, I was stupid and naïve. It never occurred to them that I did something wrong. No, they just thought I was going to live a happily ever after since I was with him; the only guy who can make me smile when I'm angry, the guy who can soothe my pain, the only guy who ever loved me so much that nothing or no one else exists when we're locked in an embrace or a passionate kiss. With him, just one touch and everything would be better.