Disclaimer: Characters are created by Meg Cabot unless stated otherwise.

How could this happen to me? I feel like I'm living a lie. I don't have a daughter. I don't have a husband. This is just my imagination. I'm so sure. But why does it feel so real? I couldn't explain.

I was out of tears. It may not be possible, but I am. I cried my heart out the morning I woke up. I must have stayed in the bathroom for at least an hour and a half. I wanted my old life back but it just wasn't possible. The people I needed weren't here with me. They were the only ones who can help me.

How many times do I have to go through these trials and tribulations? My life was always hectic and just for once, I want it to be peaceful. But that's not going to happen.

I just couldn't take it anymore.

Obediently, I place my hands in the sink, letting it drown in the warm water. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked…horrible. I had no makeup, there were bags under my eyes and I looked as if I were anorexic. Splashing the warm water on my face, I felt better. I looked at myself again. I didn't look any different. Nothing changed. I looked frail and noticed that I had a frown plastered on my face. What was happening to me? I never looked like this. I always smiled no matter what the situation was. Well, that wasn't true but most of the time. Suddenly, the sharp corner of the mirror caught my eye, and I had a great idea.

Bawling my right fist, I swung it into the mirror, making it break. I clutched my hand and noticed it was covered with blood and a huge gash was forming across my knuckles. I started laughing. Laughing because it was too painful for me to cry. I drowned my sorrow into laughter because that was me. Suze Simon. Suze Simon never showed pain. No, not at all. So I laughed, laughed until my head started hurting and I couldn't speak anymore.

I fell onto the floor and spoke to atmosphere, stared into oblivion, immobilized by my fear. I bent under the sink and grabbed one of the biggest shards on the floor. I sat there, hands gripping the broken mirror, the mirror I shattered to pieces by my uncontrollable fist. The thought came to me again. No, I needed to do this. I needed to! I was helpless and pathetic. There wasn't anything I could do. There was no one to catch me when I fall. Everyone I cared for was gone because of one stupid thing I did. So why not just get it done and over with? It was easier that way.

One by one, memories of him came to me. He was also gone. I was alone. But "I won't cry. I won't give up now," I told myself. Too late, the tears that were stinging my eyes-my eyes…he always told me they were beautiful, I needed to hear him tell me that again-escaped. Leaving me numb, senseless and empty, unfulfilled and many more feelings I wasn't able to comprehend. The only person who made me feel better about myself was him. He was my tourniquet. I sobbed and I didn't care if anyone heard me. I didn't, I just didn't.

Taking the sharp pieces of the mirror in my hand, I placed it on where my past cut was. Just when I started swiping it, I heard a child's voice call for me. "Mommy? Where are you?" Daniela shouted just outside of my bathroom.

Daniela. How could I forget about her? She was my daughter! Why am I leaving her? She needed me. What was wrong with me? What's wrong with you? You are a selfish bitch who thinks that the world revolves around her! Stop! I dropped the mirror, shattering to many broken pieces again. I placed both my hands over my ears. It's not going to work, Susie. Can't you see that you have a life to live? You can't just come and go because you killed yourself in your past life. I didn't mean to. How could you? HE LOVED YOU. Yes, Suze, LOVED. SHUT UP! He doesn't love you anymore. You left him. And that's why you're here. No…no…I started whimpering. No, please stop it. Live your life and you will see what's in store for you in the end. You have an unfinished business left. And what is that?

...I listened for a moment but the voice didn't answer again.

I quickly went into the shower when I heard Daniela that morning and recovered myself. I turned on the tap, laid down on the tub and let the warm water run over my body. After 20 minutes or so, I finished up and wrapped myself in a towel. I felt much better but I knew I still had that sunken look on my face.

"Mommy, when are we going to see grandma and grandpa?" Daniela asked while eating her pancakes.

I spat out the juice that I was currently drinking at the time. I wiped my mouth and asked her, not answering her question and smiled, "Didn't any body tell you not to talk when you're chewing?"

"Sorry, mommy," she said and went on to eating her pancakes.

I thought about what she asked me for a moment. I wanted to see them too. "Sweetie, who else do you want to see in Carmel?" I asked her.

"Well, there's grandma and grandpa, of course, Auntie CeeCee," CeeCee, I miss her. "Uncle Adam," Oh Adam, are you and CeeCee married yet? "Auntie Gina," Gina, my very first best friend. How did they meet? "And you know, Uncle Jake, Uncle Brad, and Uncle David," My stepbrothers. It may be impossible to believe that I miss them, but I do, I really do.

I noticed that she never mentioned Jesse, Father D or Paul. But how could she not? She could have met them when she visited mom and Andy. Could she? I needed to know where they were. They were the only people that could give me answers about my being here. And worst of all, why I am married to Tad Beaumont! Well, that isn't exactly the worst of the worst, since you know, Tad is kind of hot…what am I saying?

"When do you want to see them?" I asked her, taking a fork and a piece of pancake into my mouth.

"I talked to grandma last night and she said that it was Uncle David's birthday on Saturday. She asked if we were coming, but I said 'I don't know.'" She stopped for a moment. "Can we go? Please mommy? Can we go? Pretty please?"

I grinned. "We'll see. I'll call grandma later, what about that, sweetie?"

She pouted and said, "Okay," which kind of sounded more like o-tay. I looked at my daughter and noticed how she didn't look much like Tad because she almost looked exactly like me. You know; green-eyes, light brown hair and the facial features too. I just hoped she won't make the same mistake as I did when it involves the guy she'll be loving so much and another guy who's going to be madly in love with her. I sighed and patted her head. "Are you done eating?"

"Yep," she said, standing up from her chair. "Bye, mom!" She stood on her tippy toes and gave me a kiss on the cheek, and ran to her room.

I gathered up the plates we used and rinsed them, placing them in the shelf. The gash across my knuckles was throbbing and getting redder every minute.

Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. I felt as if I was being pulled to different directions all at once. It was hard to see things clearly. I closed my eyes, waiting for everything to stop. When I opened them again, I found myself standing in a vivid room.

"Hello, Susie," a masculine voice called behind me.

I recognized that voice. It was him. I gasped and turned. "You" I said, accusingly, narrowing my eyes at the person in front of me.

"I must say, you don't look as good as you usually do," I glared at him more.

"Just trying to be honest here," he said, holding up his hands as if to surrender.

"Why am I here?" I asked him. I was worried about Daniela. She was all alone.

"Don't worry, Suze. Your daughter's not alone," Bu―how―that bas―He read my mind! That prick. "At least, not technically,"

"What do you mean?"

"You remember what I told you about shifting?" I nodded, still not getting what he meant. "When you shift, your body stays down there while your soul/ghost, whatever, goes wherever he/she wants. Like me for instance," he grinned.

"You mean…you shifted us both in this room?"

He nodded.

"But why?" I asked. "Why did you shift both of us here?"

"You still don't know?" I shook my head.

"I just wanted to know," he said softly then raised his voice, "WHY IN THE WORLD DID YOU OPEN THE DOOR WHEN I'VE TOLD YOU A THOUSAND TIMES NOT TO?"

I winced and his words came back to me. I gaped at him. "THAT WAS YOU?"

"Of course it was!" he said mockingly. "Who did you think it was anyways? Your beloved boyfriend?" he smirked.

"Fiancé," I growled. "Then why did you―how…bu―"

"Shut up," he said firmly. "I needed to see you. And I knew you always go up to Shadowland when something was troubling you. But what I didn't know was you were stupid enough to kill yourself!"

"I had to. You know what happened…I was hurt and confused. I lov―"

"Don't say it," he said. "Don't tell you loved him because I know you do but I also know that you have feelings for me too! But you keep on denying it!"

"I don't, okay? I don't have feelings for you. No, just no. I didn't know what I was doing then. I―"

"No, don't tell me…don't tell me you did what you did because you were drunk. No, please, don't tell me that," he said softly with pleading eyes.

"I'm―"I noticed tears were already streaming down my face.

He looked at me with accusing eyes. "How could you Suze? How could you make me believe that just for once, the girl I loved, loved me back? How could you!"

"No, you never loved me. You loved the idea of me…because I'm a shifter just like you. And you couldn't find anybody else who'd understand. You knew I'd understand because I'm just like you, as powerful as you," I said, "Goodbye," And I pictured the kitchen and shifted back, leaving him standing in the room staring at me. Thankfully, when I was back, I returned successfully.

"Don't say it," he said. "Don't tell you loved him because I know you do but I also know that you have feelings for me too! But you keep on denying it!"

I couldn't stop thinking about how he looked when he said that. He looked so dismal and I've never in the whole time I've known him seen that look on his face, not at all. I just couldn't bear it and it was something hard to fathom. I knew what happened, I really did and I felt guilty for it. I shouldn't have. I knew what I was getting myself into but no, I went ahead and did it. I'm terrible person. I…pushed everyone away after that. I couldn't look at anybody's eyes because I had this premonition that every time they will look at me, they'll all start saying, 'Oh, look at Suze, she's a fake and a wretched person, a suicidal bitch'. I―…I didn't know what to do. So, yes, I lost all my friends. I treated them badly.

I gripped the kitchen counter. Everything was so hard, my world was dim, and there was no light. I didn't know what to do. It's as if all the things I see are black and white, no colours, no happiness, and no love…because there was nothing, nothing left in me. I was broken into little pieces, just like the mirror, that was me, shattered.

There ya go. Just a little update before I go on my class trip. When I get back, hopefully I'll be able to update all of my stories; I'm not making any promises though. ;)

Review please!