Hmm havent updated in a while...
Heres a three-parter to make up for it :) (Oh this one's kinda crude...enjoy)
(Dante is sitting at his desk at Devil May Cry. He is very bored)
Dante: Oh man, I'm sooo bored. Apart from my job, I really don't get out that much. I should go outside, just to enjoy the fresh air and the world around me.
(Dante goes to the door and swings it open, slamming it into the face of a guy standing behind it and knocking him to the floor.)
Dante: Whoah, sorry man, didn't know anyone was there (embarrassed) ...oh it's just you.
(Dante sees its Arkham lying on the floor)
Arkham: Oh thats ok, I'm used to it(grins widely) I came to make an offer. How would you like to star in a play, made by me?
Dante: (Blank)...AHAHAHAHAHA! Why the hell would I want to do that?
Arkham: Well from what I've seen, you havent had a lot of clients lately. I'm guessing business isn't going well
Dante: Are you kidding! Ever since I became a videogame idol, I've been celebrity endorsing products left, right and centre. Check this out.
(Puts videotape into TV)
Announcer: Dante's mean, lean, grilling machine!
Dante: (On TV) It's so gud, I put ma name on it!
Arkham: Very well. Remember that crazy party you held last month?
Dante: (laughs) Oh yeah, that WAS crazy
Arkham: Indeed. Remember that tall woman standing in the dark, dark corner you were making out with?
Dante: Yeah, she was hawt!
Arkham: And did she say (puts on voice) "Oh Dante, I lurve your big sword"
Dante: (still oblivious)Um, yeah. How do you know that?
(The moment draws out for a while, eventually... Dante gets the point)
Dante: Oh...my...God
Arkham: Oh yes. That was fun! And if you don't sign up for my play, the world will know! Bwahahaha
Dante: Noooooooooooo! If this gets out, Vergil will never let me live it down! Ok… I'll do it (looking sick)
Arkham: Splendid. Rehearsals are tomorrow
When we last left Dante he had been blackmailed with...unpleasantness... by Arkham to star in his play. How are rehearsals going? Lets have a look!
(Dante is standing on stage, rehearsing lines)
Dante: Now I shall defeat you once and for all
Arkham: No, no, no, where is the passion, the emotion!
Dante: (sigh) Now, I shall defeat you once and for all!
Arkham: Emote, dammit! Emote! My heart isn't bleeding!
Dante: (Rips off jacket and gets on knees) Now...I shall defeat you! Once. And. For. ALLLLLLLLLLLL!
Arkham: (Grudgingly) Getting better, I suppose
Dante: What is the plot of this travesty anyway?
Arkham: You, the hero of the story, are a nameless tramp who joins the circus, where you adopt the name the great Dabini. You amaze audiences with your juggling skills. An unpopular but misunderstood clown, played by Jester (me!) becomes jealous of your talent so curses you, meaning anyone who witnesses you juggle gets explosive diarrhoea! Everyone flees, and you believe this is because everyone thinks your act sucks, so you leave the circus and vow never to juggle again. Then suddenly the emperor of the demon world arrives on Earth and threatens to destroy it! You are the world's only hope. Your curse suddenly becoming a gift, you banish the devil lord away by giving him diarrhoea, everyone is happy and you are loved once again. The end!
Dante: I see. Excuse me while I go shoot myself.
Arkham: (Laughs) Oh don't be silly, you know it will be magnificent! Besides, I replaced your guns with prop guns in case you tried to take the easy way out. Hey look behind you. (Makes stage curtain rise)
(Dante turns)
Dante: (Gapes upwards) Whoah! (Dante stares up at what appears to be a giant statue, that begins to move about erratically.)
Arkham: Behold Mundus, The Emperor of hell! (Or a robot version, at least.)
Robo-Mundus: (In a massive, booming voice) I AM MUNDUS OVERLORD OF HELL (breathes fire)
Dante: (stunned)What the hell is your budget?(!)
Arkham: I had to do a lot of favours, tee hee
Dante: I didn't want to know that…
Arkham: Anyway, back to practising your lines. The first showing is in two days! And for Goodness sake, emote!
Dante: (angry) Is that even a word?
Ladies and Gentlemen, it's time for the show to start!
(Its the big opening night. The audience isn't exactly big, but a lot Dante's friends, relatives and associates are there.)
Vergil: (Holding camera, quite happy for a change) This is going to be good
(Arkham walks on stage)
Arkham: Good evening everyone. Our story begins (spreads arms) In sooooooooong...
Lady: (Gets out pistol) The hell it does!
Arkham: (Glares) Fine. Let the show begin.
(The show goes on. Dante is on stage, wearing a jester costume.)
Dante: Whenever I try to entertain people, they run away holding their butts. Does no one love Dabini the clown? (cries)
Vergil: This is… the greatest day of my life
Agni: Why does all the supporting cast look so strange?
Rudra: Yes brother, they look like uglier versions of Jester
Arkham: (Appearing beside them) They're all possesed Marrionettes, I got them cheap. That's your dad, huh Mary.
Lady: I hate you.
(The show approaches its finale.)
Mundus: Now I shall rule over this world, and destroy you, Son of Sparda!
Dante: Eh? That's not your line... (Dante looks around for help. Arkham mouths "emote" at him. Dante gives Arkham the finger)
Mundus: Die! (Shoots flame at Dante, which Dante narrowly evades.)
Dante: Whats going on?
Arkham: Oh No! This want supposed to happen!
Vergil: What do you mean?
Arkham: Well, the robo-Mundus had some technical difficulties. We couldn't build a replacement in time, so I summoned the real Mundus, on the promise he would be in my play, and not kill everyone. Pfft, trust a devil-God to go back on his promises...
Agni+Rudra: We're going to die!
Arkham: The show must go on! Great Dabini, you are our only hope! You must use your special power to defeat Mundus!
Dante: Dude, I'm playing a character, I cant actually-
Arkham: Believe!
Dante: (sigh) (Dante begins to juggle. Mundus stares, wondering why a Juggling freak is getting in the way of his demonic conquest.
Mundus: What are you... (Freezes in horror)...What the hell...um, I have to go now. But we will meet again! (Disappears awkwardly)
Dante: (Rolls eyes) Yeah, I'm sure that will happen…
Arkham: Dante, you did it! You gave the prince of darkness diarrhoea, banishing him away!
Vergil: ...Your kidding right?...
Arkham: And it's all because you believed in yourself!
Dante: Well actually, in all the panic and confusion, I just threw some laxatives into his mouth. Um, the end! (Bows)
(Curtain falls)
The End