A/N : This fic is so popular, I'm astounded, but I'm also really happy about it, obviously! So, it's time for Buffy to face up to reality and tell Spike about her life... or is it?
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 11

"I guess before we say anything else, I should start with thankyou" Buffy said shyly, "Spike, you saved my son's life today, there just aren't words..."

"Doesn't need to be" Spike shook his head, "'M not standing here waiting for your gratitude Buffy" he explained, "More interested in knowing why you lied to me"

She looked a little affronted, despite the fact what he said was true. She'd lied about her name, and concealed the truth about pretty much everything else. Still, what gave him the right to feel so bad about it? They were almost perfect strangers, not counting their one night of sexual bliss together and some heated kissing more recently. She knew nothing of value about him or his life, why should he know about hers?

"I tried to explain this to you before" she sighed, "We both have lives, Spike, completely seperate worlds. I don't belong in yours and you don't belong in mine" she said almost sadly, wishing it were simpler and that their lives could be intertwined. She was carrying his child after all, but that little announcement would have to wait a while at least, there was so much else to be discussed first.

"I thought the idea was for us to find out if our lives were compatible, if we were" he frowned, "Buffy you said yourself there's something between us, I know you feel it the same as I do" he said, eyes boring into her own almost hypnotising her as he stepped in closer.

"I do feel it" she breathed unevenly, "You know I do, and if things were different I..." she stopped and started again, "Spike, things are complicated, much more complicated than you think"

"Then explain it to me" he begged her, "Explain it all to me, tell me about yourself and your life and let me do the same" he said, almost desperately, "Fates keep throwing us together, luv, the least we can do is find out why"

Buffy tried to take a deep breath but found even that was an issue when Spike was so close to her, the look in his eyes so intense, and the desperation in his voice so obvious. He really wanted to now her, wanted to see if they could make a life together. It was crazy, she knew it was, but their first meeting hadn't exactly been the most sane experience of her life, definitely the most beautiful one though. Problem was, if she did do this, tell Spike the whole truth about her life, would he still want her then? When he knew she had a drunken husband back home, when he realised she was carrying his own child?

"Spike" she whispered, his lips just a fraction of an inch away from hers right now. So afraid of wasting a moment of time she might have with this man, she closed the gap and kissed him. The magic didn't last for long.

"Mommy?" her son called from the door of the bathroom door down the hall and in seconds Buffy was across the corridor with a good eight feet between her and Michael's saviour.

"Hey, sweetie" the blonde smiled, straightening her hair out where Spike's hand had wandered briefly, "Let's get you home now. Grandpa Giles will be worrying" she said as she took hold of his hand and headed for the doors.

"Are you taking us home, Spike?" Michael asked as they paused by the bleached blond.

"Er, if your Mum says so then, yeah, sure thing, mate" Spike half smiled as he glanced between the child and Buffy.

"Thanks" she nodded as the three walked out to the car.

Buffy felt physically nauseous though she covered it well as she made sure Michael was properly strapped into the car and listened all the way home as he yammered on about the excitement of the day and how sorry he was for scaring his Mommy. Spike stole glances at them in his rear view mirror, hating that he still hadn't gotten a proper conversation with Buffy yet, but liking the fact that at least she was feeling for him some of what he was feeling for her, the kiss she initiated in the hospital had proven that.

"Left here and then straight on" she said, giving further directions towards her home. Spike was quite surprised when she said to head through the gates after taking the next right turn. The house was bloody huge compared to anywhere he'd ever lived, and soddin' enormous when looked at against his current apartment. Seemed Michael's Grandpa Giles wasn't short of a bob or two.

As he pulled up on the drive, Buffy got Michael out of the car and the three of them stood awkwardly on the gravel by the front door of the house.

"What do you say to Spike, honey?" Buffy said to her son who looked up at the bleached blond.

"Thank you for saving me from the truck" he told him, "and for driving me and Mommy around" he continued, "Oh, and I think your coat is really cool, like a superheros cape" he grinned.

Spike crouched down to the kid's level, smirking at his words.

"You wanna thank me, mate, you just never scare your Mum like that again, right?" he told him, trying to look serious, "and as for the coat, well, s'pose it is sort of like a superhero costume, certainly worked today, didn't it?" he smirked once again and Michael nodded frantically.

"Totally!" he gushed as Giles appeared by the front door.

"I thought I heard voices" he said as Michael slipped his mother's hand and ran to his Grandpa, telling him he should come meet Spike because he's a superhero.

"Buffy, my dear" her father smiled as he came over, "Is this a friend of yours?" he asked, wondering where she might have found such a person and why on earth she would have brought him home. He hardly looked like the sort of young man she should associate with.

"Giles, this is William Armstrong, or Spike" she said wishing the ground would open up and swallow her immediately, "Spike, this is my father, Rupert Giles"

The two men shook hands, eyeing each other a little warily. Giles could hardly believe this was the man Buffy had betrayed her husband for, who's child she was carrying, and was somehow an educator in the field of English! On Spike's part he was wondering how much more complicated this whole thing with Buffy was likely to get. Her father it seemed was as English as he himself was, whilst Buffy and her son were Yanks. Then there was the fact that dear old Dad was called Giles, whilst she and Michael were O'Reilly, and in the first place she'd given her name to him as Summers.

"Buffy has mentioned you" Giles nodded as he retracted his hand from Spike's own, "On more than one occasion actually"

"Yeah, you've come up in conversation too" the bleached blond nodded as Buffy continued to stare at the gravel drive, still wishing it would do the whole open/swallow thing as soon as possible. Of course it didn't bother, just stayed all flat and solid and ordinary - stupid ground!

"Mommy!" Michael whined catching her attention, "We missed our ice-cream!" he realised, yelling over dramatically about it, "It's Saturday, we always have ice-cream on Saturday and we forgot!" he said urgently pulling at her sleeve.

Buffy looked down at him and then up and between her Dad and Spike, feeling so confused and overwhelmed by both this moment and all those that had come before it today.

"Sweetie, I don't know if..." she began, only to have Giles interrupt her.

"Well, now, Michael" he said to the boy, "How would it be if I took you to get some ice-cream, so that your mother and, er, Mr Armstrong might have a talk by themselves"

"Can't they come with us?" the little boy frowned, "What do you need to talk to Spike about, Mommy?" he asked, not loving the fact that he wouldn't be joining them at the ice-cream parlour.

"Just a few things, honey" she explained with a forced smile, "Grown up things, that you really don't need to worry about" she promised him, leaning down and kissing his forehead, "Now you go with Grandpa Giles and enjoy your ice-cream and I'll see you in a couple of hours when you get back, okay?" she said, shooting her father a grateful look.

All three adults were quite relieved when Michael agreed to the suggestion and went with Giles to get into the car to leave. Buffy sighed deeply and ran her hands over her face and back through her hair. She felt emotionally exhausted already and yet so much was still to come.

"I guess you should come inside" she said, leading the way to the front door and Spike followed. They hung their coats in the hall and went through to the main living room where Buffy took one end of the couch and Spike the other, both not really knowing where they were supposed to begin with all this.

"'S a nice place you got here" he said after a while, "Very... big" he settled on eventually, unable to think of a more fitting adjective. The style was hardly to his taste, bit too posh.

"It's all Giles' really" Buffy shrugged, "It's taking a while for it to feel like home"

Spike frowned a little as he looked at her.

"You call your father Giles?" he checked, head tilting to one side as he stared and waited for answer.

Buffy sighed, shifting in her seat so she was sideways on the couch and facing the man she was speaking to.

"Guess this is as good a place as any to start" she decided, as she began her narrative, "I was brought up in Sunnydale, California, by Joyce and Hank Summers" she said, noticing a little flash of realisation in his eyes as he realised that was why she'd given her name the way she had before, and why no-one around here knew her by it, "Joyce was my Mom but Hank wasn't really my Dad, Giles was. Thing was, Mom's parents weren't great fans of Giles and when he had to leave the country and they realised Mom was pregnant they convinced her she should marry Hank instead and hid all the letters Giles tries to send"

"Wow" was all Spike could find to say, "So, how come you're here now with Giles playin' Daddy dearest?" he asked, "I mean, he didn't know you existed and I'm guessing your parents weren't forthcoming with the info that your Mum got with child out of wedlock and all that rot?"

"Giles came to Sunnydale looking for my Mom" Buffy continued to explain, "It was three weeks after I met you, he came and asked me if I knew where he could find Joyce Potter... and I had to tell him she was dead" she said sadly, looking down at her hands where they fidgeted in her lap.

"I'm sorry, luv" Spike said sympathetically, "Lost my own Mum a few years back, I know how hard that is" he said as his hand landed on hers, squeezing her fingers gently.

They shared a slight smile before she continued, glad that his hand never left hers.

"We got talking about things, my age came up and a little calculating later Giles realised he could be my father" she explained, "Quick call to my Dad, well, Hank, and he told me it was true. I wasn't Buffy Summers after all, at least not biologically, I was Giles' daughter"

Spike looked at her for a long moment before he spoke.

"So, what?" he shook his head not understanding, "You just thought 'hey I know, I'll pack my bags and emigrate to England with a father I just met'?" he frowned not getting it at all, or where her son fitted in to all this.

"Not even close to that simple" she laughed humourlessly, pulling her hand out of his and getting to her feet.

Buffy turned her back on Spike as she stared out of the window. The puffy white clouds were increasing in number and size and turning grey in patches. She absently hoped Giles and Michael wouldn't get caught in a downpour in town.

"Have you ever been in love, Spike?" she asked suddenly, startling him a bit.

"I dunno" he told her back since she seemed to have no intention in turning around, "Thought I was once but... am I supposed to ask why you wanna know?" he checked, "Or make some sort of declaration to you maybe?" he asked, trying not to let any kind of tone slip into his voice. Love was a big word to bandying around at this point in time. Although he was almost certain that some part of the jumble of feelings he had towards Buffy was indeed love, he didn't yet understand how or why he was feeling it, so he didn't fancy shooting off at the mouth about it right this second.

Buffy's pained laughter dragged him from his thoughts and he hated to see tear tracks on her cheeks when she finally turned around.

"I thought I was in love once" she told him, replaying too many painful memories in her mind, "I was fifteen and he meant everything to me" she laughed at herself or how stupid she'd been, "By the time we left High School, I already knew I was pregnant and I didn't mind at all when his parents and my Mom expected us to get married right away... it was all I'd wanted for so long but, but I guess it wasn't what Angel wanted" she cried openly and Spike couldn't bear to see it. He was up from the couch in seconds and pulling the sobbing woman into his arms. Buffy clung to him, letting years of pain spill out of her as he held her, making soothing sounds and rubbing her back.

When it seemed it was going to take a while for her to calm down, Spike manoeuvred them both back to the couch and sat down with her very close to him. She refused to let go and continued to cry into his chest as he assured her it was all okay now and rocked her gently like a child.

It was a good half hour before she was calm and he dared to really speak to her.

"Buffy, pet" he said gently, hand still rubbing her back soothingly, "I'm so sorry if I upset you, made you think about things you'd rather not"

"It's not your fault" she said, her voice rough from crying and her words muffled since she still refused to bring her head out from under his chin, "Angel just didn't love me enough" she sniffed, "He was insanely jealous of our son, and the more jealous he got the more he drank. The more he drank the more I hated him and spent time with Michael away from him. It was a vicious circle, and I just couldn't take it anymore" she fought hard not to cry anymore as she finally showed her face, cheeks red and blotchy and smeared with mascara from her eyes.

"That was why you slept with me" Spike guessed, looking away from her as pain ripped through him somehow in the region of his heart. What he'd felt for Buffy was real, but it seemed her own feelings were less so. Their night together was revenge on her husband, or sanctuary from his nasty, drunken ways, nothing more, "You used me" Spike said sadly as he forced himself to look at her once again.

"No" came Buffy's firm answer, "No, it wasn't like that" she assured him.

"Then what was it like, luv?" he asked her, wishing she'd explain since she seemed to understand that which alluded him, "I'm really not keeping up with this rollercoaster too well" he admitted.

"I'm not denying what we did was an escape from my life with Angel" she said, looking down at her lap and then back up at Spike, "but I didn't set out to cheat on him, or to use anybody" she swore, "You just... Something happened when you kissed me, and when we..." she tried to explain, but found it almost impossible to put all that she felt into real words, "It was like every romance novel I ever read, every fantasy I ever had, and something else entirely that I can't even begin to tell you" she admitted, blushing deeply when she realised exactly what she'd said. The fact that Spike's bright blue eyes were boring into her wasn't helping either.

"Please stop doing that" she begged him, trying to look away but finding herself contsantly drawn back to his eyes.

"I'm not doing anything" Spike denied, genuinely meaning it. He was too busy trying to take in all that she was telling him, as well as all that she'd previously said, to be doing anything else!

"You are so doing something!" Buffy yelled as she got to her feet and paced the room, "You're doing whatever you were doing in that Club two months ago!" she continued to shout, "You're looking at me, and, and you're being majorly attractive and making me think all... non-straight!" she yelled frustratedly as she went up and down the room twice more, wiping her face clean of tears and make-up as she went.

On her final length of the room she was a little startled to find Spike had risen from the couch and was standing right where she planned on walking. Her body was pressed against his before she'd even realised what had happened and his intense gaze rooted her to the spot.

"How am I supposed to explain anything to you" Buffy said breathlessly, "if you're going to keep making me want you so much?" she asked, her words the final encouragement Spike needed to claim her lips with his own. One strong arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her body flush to his as his other hand went into her hair. God he wanted her, needed to be with her this way again, and she didn't seem to be protesting at all so far.

It was insane, they both knew it, as they moved to the couch and he gently eased her down onto the cushions. It wouldn't be the first time their passion had over taken their good sense, but they had no alcohol to blame this time. This was fuelled by their pure want for each other alone, despite the fact they both knew this was not the most sensible thing to be doing right now. Such ideas did not last long as all rational thought left their minds and they travelled to heaven and back together once again.

To Be Continued...