Thanks for the reviews everyone! Sorry for the long update guys, I had to replay the game to make sure I have the story written down and making drafts for the other chapters. I've been working on the final draft of this chapter for 5 days, I hope it was worth while...

Anyways, here's Chapter 1...or 2...or whatever, just review.

Chapter 1

Car-Radio Station

After unsucessfully trying to get a weapon from mean ol' SGT Johnson, Chief ran down the stairs out of the bridge and found a conviently placed weapons locker which had a Battle Rifle and two SMG's.

"What the hell is this?" said Chief, picking up the Battle Rifle in disgust.

"Thats the weapon that replaces the Assault Rifle" said Marine #1, "It only fires three-round bursts and you cant carry as much ammo as you could do with the Assault Rifle".

"I want my Assault rifle back" whined Chief and slung the Rifle over his shoulder and picked up the two SMG's.

"Wait" said Chief and looked at his SMG's "I'm carrying them with...two hands" Chief screamed with joy about his new found ability to dual-wield weapons and there was much rejoicing. He quickly skipped into a lobby where a group of Marines were waiting for Death to come out the door and take them all away to THE PIT FROM WHENCE THEY CAME!11

"Hiya Chief!"

"Shut up and get in front of me so my new shiny armor won't get dirty". came the response.

"Why not just take cover?" said a Marine.

"Because I follow JARFMAN, GOD OF ILLAMA". said Chief as he clenched his fist in the air

"What in the Nine Rings of Hell?" said a Marine who had the oo look on his face

But before the Spartan could explain the religion of Jarf, a knock came on the door.

"Who is it?" said a Marine.

"UPS"

The Marine, who had to take the GED test 50 times to pass, opened the door and was immediatly shot in the face with...A SEARING HOT BURST FROM A PLASMA RIFLE! 2 Elites, 3 Jackals, and 6 Grunts ran in and proceeded to sing the following...

"SURPRISE! Happy Birthday to you..."

But before they could finish, Chief released all of his pent up sexual frustration and mercilisly slaughtered the Covenant in a volley of SMG rounds.

"OMG LIKE TH1S 1S S0 LAM3! YOU HAX!" said an Elite before Chief proceeded to crack his skull in two with the Battle Rifle.

Chief trolled through the halls, killing any Covies in sight. He approached a staircase where a Grunt was manning a small Plasma Turret. On the side it said "Fisher Price".

"Haha, that is so god damn lame for the Covenant to resort to using toddler weaponry. Mattel owns". said Chief, patting his suit, where the Mattel logo was seen.

"F YOU DEMON, DIIIIIIIE!" yelled a Grunt and fired on the Chief, who just stood there.

"Oh wow, it hurts, the pain, the horrible, miserable pain" said Chief and walked up to the Grunt, unscrewed his methane breather, and tape his hands together. He watched the little turd squirm and jump until it was dead, then he moved out. He then proceeded to head to the hangar where he heard gunshots. And when MC hears gunshots, there's sure to be a another Boston Massacre about.

As the Chief appeared, the Marines were on top of a balcony firing on the Covenant below. A Marine was manning a machine gun turret and saw Chief

"Hey Chief!"

But the Marine didn't get "Hello fellow comrade", instead he got shoved off the balcony where he was eaten alive by plasma grenades.

"My turn to use the turret" said Chief, and proceeded to massacre the Covies like Stalin machine gunning political enemies and Jews. After all of the Covenant were dead, Chief ran down the hallways and walked into another hangar where he saw a window depicting the space battle.

"Wow" said Chief "There's everything here but the kitchen sink"

He spoke too soon. A floating UNSC Coast Guard Kitchen Sink joined the fray. It was quickly blown up since…well…come on dumbass, kitchen sinks have no weapons.

"Coast Guard shouldn't have cut their budget for fishing rods". said Chief as he turned his attention to the Malta Station. He was in surprise when he saw the Covenant dropships run away from the station.

"Damn, those retard Marines CAN win a battle".

Just then, the station blew up in a supernova of…stuff.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA, LOLLERSK8TZ, ROFFL MY WAFFLE, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

As Chief was laughing his ass off like an asshole, a lone Grunt appeared

"Hey! They're your comrades for god's sake! You should be crying for them" the Grunt squeaked.

"THE. CHIEF. DON'T. CRY." and Chief punched his face in. SO HARD in fact, the Grunt didn't die, he was teleported to a week earlier where he was ridiculed for his horrible, punched in, face.

"This is bad, real bad!" said a Marine.

"No shit dumbass, we need to get moving"

As the Chief and his Motley Crue of Marines plundered throught the Car-Radio Station, they witnessed the other station, Athens, blow up in another supernova.

"Damn dude, this isn't fair" said a Marine Corporal.

"WAR ISNT MEANT TO BE FAIR PUSSY!" yelled SGT Johnson, and proceeded to beat the Marine with a whip and cane. As this punishment was carried out, Cortana began her daily bitching.

"Admiral, The Covenant have broken through. They have a bomb!"

"OH NOES, WESA IN BIG DOO DOO THIS TIME!" said the Admiral

"Admiral, calm your ass down"

"CAN YOUSA DEFUSES IT!"

"Uhhh, yeah, for god's sake, Im a fucking AI"

"OKEY DOKIE" yelled the Admiral and signed off

"Wow, this is worse than that time he spent all of the Sailor's College money on that medival catapult". said Chief.

"Right, anyways, WE NEED TO GET TO THAT BOMB" yelled Cortana.

"Jesus woman! You're worse than the Admiral".

As Chief and the bitchy AI went through the halls they came across an airlock that led to the outside of the station.

"We need to go out there" said Cortana.

"Like I didn't know that". said Chief and walked out to find three Elites in jetpacks outside.

"HAHA, We've come to kill you Demon!" said an Elite

"Wait wait, if you're in space, how can you guys breath?" asked Chief

The Elite pondered on that, but before he could answer, his head exploded by the pressure in the vacuum of space.

"Gee, I wonder why they're called Elites" said Chief sarcastically and went on to the other side.

As he got back into the station, killed some bugs on a big elevator thing, and murdered innocent Covenant, he came across the bomb.

"There's quite a few Elites in there" said Cortana.

"There's two Elites and 20 Grunts" corrected MC.

"SHUT UP, IM THE SMARTEST AI IN THE GALAXY AND IM ALWAYS RIGHT SO YOU BETTER NOT CORRECT ME AGAIN YOU WHINY BITCH!"

Well this provoked a lot of Plasma Fire from the Covenant in the room. Chief dodged the Plasma and threw a Plasma Grenade at an Elite. It stuck onto his face.

"Crapfuck" said the Elite and ran to the other Elite and hugged him. I can guess you readers know what happens.

"Wow, that is the most retarded move I've ever seen" said Chief as he plundered through the Grunts.

"PLEASE DEMON, DON'T KILL ME, IM A 40yr OLD VIRGIN!"

"Dude, that's just sad….so sad I need to put you out of your misery" and Chief did just that.

Chief approached the bomb which looked like a purple turd with spikes on it.

"ME, INSIDE YOUR HEAD, NOW!" yelled the bitch….I mean Cortana

"God woman, do you have PMS now?" asked Chief.

"I don't think AI's can have PMS" replied Cortana

"Not in your case" said Chief as he went into the radio network to see what was goin on.

"Admiral, this is Keyes, Im heading after that Carrier"

"OH HELL NO BITCH, YOU STAY WHERE YOU ARE" yelled the Admiral in a gangster tone.

"Admiral, permission to leave the ship" asked Chief

"FOR WHAT NIGGA?"

"To give the Covenant back their bomb…and to see if I dropped my wallet on the starboard side of the station".

"OK HOMIE, YOU DO THAT, I GOT BITCHES COMIN OVER"

"Are you sure it isn't a K-Mart magazine this time?"

"F YOU CRACKA" and the Admiral signed off.

Chief turned off his com in surprise.

"Do you have a feeling the Admiral has a thing for changing personalities?" Chief asked Cortana.

"You obviously haven't slept with him….oops, I mean".

The Chief just opened the door to the hangar so he could end this horror. Realizing he still needed to finish this game, Chief grabbed the bomb and shot out the door into space.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

Chief approached the carrier and dropped the bomb into the carrier.

"HAPPY NEW YEARS!"

Back on the Covenant Carrier

"Harhar, this Human TV humors me" said an Elite Ship Master.

"Uh sir" said a Grunt "We have a bomb in this ship".

"QUIET PEASANT! IM WATCHING FAMILY GUY" then the Ship Master realized what the Grunt said "Oh son of a-"

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

Chief flew like a bird after the shockwave of the explosion hit him and sent him sailing towards the In Amber Clad. He hit the ship so hard, his fingernails were left imprinted into the hull

"For a brick, he flew pretty good" said Johnson "But I can do better"

"Nuh Uh"

"Yea Huh"

"Nuh Uh"

"Yea Huh"

"Ugh….men" said Keyes. "Ok, we're trailing the other carrier into Earth so we can kill them" said Keyes.

"Wow, what a basic sentence" said Cortana.

"SHUT UP" yelled everyone on this ship.

"I just want to be loved" said Cortana sadly.

"Cortana, I don't think ANYONE loves you"

"I love me"

"OH NOES, RVB PARODY, ROOSTERTEETH IS GONNA SUE YOUR ASSES" said Greased Up Deaf Guy and ran away.

Well this is Chapter 1 or 2 or wtf ever. Sorry for the long update, I'll update more faster if I can

TILL NEXT TIME!