CHAPTER 2

Inskirts

So after a mass slaughter of Covenant on the Car-Radio station. Chief, The bitch Cortana, Johnson, Miranda Keyes, and some Marines headed down the city in 3 Pelican Dropships.

"The message just repeats: See, See, See" said the ever observant Cortana.

"Catchy, like that My Chemical Romance song..." said Keyes.

"THEY SUCK" yelled Johnson.

"Dont yell at me, Im very sensitive".

"I dont give a damn woman"

"WAH! I GO CUT MY WRISTS NOW!"

With that, Keyes ran away and went into Emo form. The results were actually quite amusing.

"Ooooook, anyone knows what that message means?"

"...They have a blind leader?" said Chief.

"That doesnt even make any sense you dumbass. Its the name of a prophet". replied Cortana.

"Miss Cleo?"

"Ugh, Im not going to even argue"

As the trio of birds flew past the city, a pair of Marines, who were too pussy to be in the frontline and decided to lay on a roof, observed the Covie forces and decided that they should "save some lives".

"Grid Kilo 3 is hot Sarge, recommend mission abort".

"MARINES DONT ABORT PUSSY!"

With that, Johnson jumped out of the Pelican, landed on the roof, beat the living hell out of the pussywillows, impaled their corpses, sold them on Ebay, and somehow jumped back onto the Pelican.

"Beat that Chief".

But considering the fact that all Marines on Halo are DUMB DUMB, the pilots got lost.

"Shit, does anyone have a map?"

"Why do you need a map for a damn Pelican? YOU HAVE ME!" yelled Cortana.

"But its illegal for woman to give directions in Africa, so blow off".

After going in circles for an hour, the retard pilots managed to get back on track...only to find a big ass Scarab shooting at them.

"We should've taken a left instead!" screamed a pilot as the Pelican fell to its doom...

"Ugh...man what a hangover" said Chief as he was recovering from the crash. "Next time I'm taking the bus".

As Chief was regaining his bearings, he was amazed that 3 Marines survived the crash...considering that the damn Pelican got microwaved by plasma and turned over on its top and dragged for a mile on concrete and stone. 'Bungie and their illogical physics' thoguth Chief.

"Shake it off Marines, clear the crash site!"

Chief went into a building and ran down a flight of stairs to see a Grunt walking casually up his direction.

"ZOMG ITS TEH DEMON!"

But before the Grunt could get into 1337 mode, Chief bashed his head in with his fist. He continued on to see two more Grunts walking his same direction. He pulled out his Crap Rifle...I mean Battle Rifle, and shot both in the head. This alerted the other Covenant in the area, hell anyone would've when they hear two squeals and six gunshots at the same time. Hell, I'd piss my pants...err...right, moving on...

"Rarr!" An Elite said, "I am Hilary Clintonee, from the Five Sun tribe, prepare to get dead!"

The Elite was interrupted when Chief SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD. The Elite's last thing that went through his mind, besides the bullet of course, was "Damnit, I knew I shouldn't have used Energizer batteries for my energy sheild".

"Chief, we need to hold this position until a Pelican can pick us up" said Marine #3

"Whatever, just give me that SMG".

"No"

Now when you deny stuff to Chief, whether its weapons, sex, money, or anything of that like, you're bound to get a lake full of lead in you, or more. So Chief picked up a Shotgun (somehow since none are on this level) aimed for Marine #3's Face, and pulled the Trigger.

"You know you could've just pressed X" said Marine #4

"X button is for pussys"

Just then, a whole flight of Drones flew over the roof and started to pesk the Chief. Bullets couldnt kill them, so Chief brought out his secret weapon...

"We cant kill these bastards!" whined Marine #5 as he fired at nothing.

"Nope" said Chief, "but THIS can!"

Chief pulled out an Extra Large Rapid Fire RAID out of his ass and proceeded to gas the Drones like as if he was the SS and the Drones were Jews.

"Cough cough, I havent finished my pile of dung yet back home! Damn you God" said a dying Drone

After the extermination of the Jew...I mean Drones...The Marines, Johnson and Chief proceeded with their Master Plan.

And so after executing the Covies in an elegont fashion, A Pelican appeared in the sky. Although the place was big enough for the Pelican to land, the Pilot was to scared, and decided to save his own ass.

"I cant land here Chief, but theres a clearing around your position where I can pick you guys up".

"Whatever" said Johnson, "Someone get a satchel on that gate!"

But they didnt need a satchel for that gate, for two Hunters barged through like your drunk in laws at Christmas

"AHAHAHA, We've come to kill you Demon" said Hunter #1.

Chief laughed. As Hunter #1 lunged at him, he ducked, turned around behind the Hunter, and fired at his orange flesh. Problem was, Bungie are idiots and decided to take out the fun aspects of Hunters from Halo 1, so the Hunter was completely unharmed.

"Haha, that trick no worky anymore" said Hunter #2.

Just then, two sniper rounds impacted both of the Hunters and they...died...what did you think would happen? A fucking confetti parade? Johnson dont do that crap. Give him Bitches, guns, and people to kill, and he's happy for the weekend. Notice I said WEEKEND.

"But this trick works well" said Johnson, holding a Sniper Rifle in his hands.

Chief and Johnson went through the alleys of New Mombasa and soon they came across Jackals...with Beam Rifles. A Jackal with such a weapon fired at the Chief. The beam impacted the Chief, making his eyes water. Another round impacted him, and sweat started to trickle down his forehead. But before another round got him, Chief picked up some Rifle casings, threw them at the Jackal Snipers, killing them...somehow.

So the Chief plundered through the alleys, killing Covenant and giving small Plasma Pistols to the needy kids. Yeah, Chief is a charitible person, surprised? He then came across Hotel Zanzibar, where they held weekly Covenant torture and exectution every Friday Night.

"Hey Chief, the crash site is just behind this hotel, follow me" said Marine #6.

Soon after the Marine was killed by a Needler round. A Grunt with a Needler took cover behind a wall.

"Come on, Needlers are so damn weak. Hey Grunt! Shoot all of the needles you have at me!"

The Grunt did that, and the Needles bounced off Chief, and went straight back at the Grunt's face. How? Because Chief is badass. Why? Because he is the Messiah.

After that, Chief went through the Hotel, went out the back, and found a new arch enemy, The Phantom Dropship.

"HAHAHA! You cannot destroy me Demon, I AM INVINCIBLE!"

But because Bungie always does something that doesnt make sense, Chief blew up the Phantom's Gun turrets, rendering the phantom almost harmless.

"BAH! Cheap Game Physics, but I'll give birth to my children, and they will kill you!"

The Phantom let loose six Elites and 20 Grunts. However this was no challenge for the Chief, as he threw a plasma grenade at the crowd. It stuck on two of the Elites, yes, AT THE SAME TIME.

After they were consumed by a flash of Blue light, the rest of the Covenant committed suicide. Why? Well the grenade sticks to any fleshy thing, but two? at the same time? It was an amazing feat, and made even the Hunter crap his pants...though I dont know how they crap.

"BLAST!" said the Phantom, "I'll get you next time! BUWHAHHAHAHAHA!" and he flew off.

Chief then jumped down to the street to find two Marines and a Warthog.

"Hey Chief!" said Marine #7 "Special Ed actually does work! We now know how to drive!"

"Thank God" said Chief, and manned the Chaingun turret in the back.

The trio drove through the sandy beaches, stained it with Blue, Orange, and Purple blood for artistic value, littered the bodies for vegetation, and blew up the ground for irrigation. See? Chief cares.

As the trio entered the tunnel, the driver got pulled over by UNSC Police for DUI.

"This isnt fair!" said Marine #8 in a slight drunk tone, "I want my rights!"

"This is Africa, you have no rights!" replied the Policeman.

So Chief had to walk the rest of the way until he found a Ghost. He found one just nearby a pair of Grunts, and thought about his plan of attack. So he charged at them, spraying bullets around, yelling "I NEED BISCUITS I NEED BISCUITS!". The Grunts, who are terrifyed of everything, including cute puppies and dumb slutty blondes, crapped their...uh...lower armor area, and ran. Chief got into the Ghost, and 'Born to be Wild' started to play.

"American Chopper, eat me"

Chief raced through the tunnels, running over any Covie that got in the way. On the way however, he got jacked by and Elite.

"HAR HAR!" said the Elite, "I have stolen your vehicle, now you shall face the wrath of-".

Since the Elites have a tendency to make a long State of the Union address before attacking the Chief. MC threw a Plasma grenade at the Elites face.

"Damnit! I only came to Earth to see how well the food is. Wait till I fill out this "How was the service?" card".

The Elite took out a pen, forgetting he had a freaking PLASMA GRENADE ON HIS FACE, and blew up. Chief got his Ghost back and continued his rampage when the bitch Cortana finally broke her silence in this chapter...and thats a bad thing.

"Interesting" said Cortana, "The Covenant didnt expect we were here".

"Of course you dumbass, they never expect me to be here."

"No idiot, I mean humanity. They didnt expect humanity to be here on Earth".

"Well arent they a bunch of Crackerjacks".

While Chief was 'headin on the highway', he came across a convoy of Covenant transports. 'Easy pickings' he thought. He came along side a transport where the Elite driver could see him.

"Hey! Demon! Can you give me directions to 1734 North Ivring street?"

"Uhhh, do you have Onstar?"

"Yeah, hang on"

The Elite pressed on the Onstar button but before the Elite could say where he was going, MC shot him in the head. As Chief continued in his Ghost, he could hear the Onstar lady scream: "Come on Snake! Stop Kidding! Snake? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!"

Chief continued onward, and found a light at the end of the tunnel...but in his path was a Gold Elite.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" Bellowed the Gold Elite.

But the attempt to become the glorious killer of the Demon failed. Chief passed the Elite and smashed his elbow into the Elite's spine. He then picked up the Elite and threw it into a recycle bin.

"Ah the joys of cleaning the enviroment".

Chief then ran towards the light...and got hit by a Ford Explorer...KIDDING.

Well thats the new chapter guys, sry if its not as funny or short, but Im doin my best! PLEASE REVIEW!