Chapter 4

Metro-god I hate trying to make up witty chapter titles-polis

Hey everybody! Im submitting this along with the Third Chapter, so rejoice!

After his drive through New Mombasa's tunnels, Chief walked out, looking badass, to see a huge Scarab that just blew through the Marine defenses and marched across a ridiculously long bridge. Seriously, why does that bridge need to be that long? Sure its a fun part of the game but goddamnit, Bungie do not have a link with reality when they WORK. Anyways, Chief walked up to a pair of Marines taking cover.

"It blew right through us!" said a Female Latina Marine. "50 Cal. Rockets, didnt do a thing".

"Gee, maybe because its...a walking battle tank, dont ya think?" said Chief. Just then, Marty O Donnell of Bungie came down and yelled at Chief.

"ITS NOT A TANK, ITS A DIGGER, WHICH MEANS IF A DIGGER IS HERE, IT MUST MEAN THAT THE COVENANT ARE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING ON EARTH".

"Shut up" said Chief "You have no idea where the script is".

"YES I DO, ITS RIGHT..." Donnell then rumaged in his pocket where the script should be but found that the pocket was empty. "BLAST IT BILL GATES YOU STOLE IT AGAIN!" and ran off, not knowing that Chief stole the script when he was passed out at the Halo 2 celebration party and gave it to me so I can CHANGE IT INTO WHAT I WANT IT TO BE. Soon after, a Pelican came down with a Scorpion MBT and dropped it in front of the trio and SGT Johnson came out, jumped on the tank, and jumped off on the ground like a badass.

"Wheres the rest of your platoon?' asked Johnson, not seeing any of the dead bodies everywhere where the Scarab was.

"Wasted Sarge" said Latina Marine. Just then the pussy David Cross had to join the Marine Corp and be a pussy in the military. "And we will too sir, if we dont get the hell outta here!" whined David.

"You hit Marine?" asked Johnson. "No sir" replied David.

Upon hearing 'No', Johnson shot him in the Groin with his Magnum. "Now you're hit" he said "You had a chance to be a pussy BEFORE you joined my beloved Corps. Yes, you were funny, but I HATE COMEDIANS IN MY CORPS, so I brought this motivational device" and pointed at the tank. "Our BIG GREEN STYLE CANNOT BE DEFEATED!".

"What about that Scarab?"

"DO NOT QUESTION OUR WAY OF DOING THINGS WITH BIG GREEN THINGS MARINE!" and with that Johnson boarded the Pelican.

"Thanks for the Tank" said Cortana, "HE never gets me anything".

"I didnt bring the tank for you, I brought it for Chief, you dumb chickenhead" and flew off with the Pelican. Chief now had time to do his favorite thing...blow up crap and more crap. He boarded the tank and moved on through the big ass bridge. Upon going, he was attacked by wave and waves of Ghosts.

"MUST. CHARGE. HOPLESSLY. INTO. TANK." said an Elite who led the charge. Chief brought up the tank's gun, and blew them all away. But soon, more and more Ghosts came, with the same tactic: Charge tank that can kill us all and hopelessly shoot at it with wimpy Plasma guns while we die.

After midway through the bridge, Chief came across the Covenant equal to the Scorpion...The Wraith. As soon as the Scorpion came into range, the Elite poked his head out. "BAH! You puny humans will die by my SLOW FALLING PLASMA!" it said, and fired a big Plasma blob in the sky. After 10 minutes of watching, oo'ing, aw'ing and a small picinic, the Plasma finally fell behind the Chief. "BLAST IT!" yelled the Elite "I WILL AVENGE MY PLASMA!" and charged into the Scorpion at a slow, painful speed. Chief brought up the turret, took aim, and fired a shell into the Wraith, blowing it up, and the Elite, off the Bridge. As Chief drove by the wreckage, he could faintly hear the words: "DAAAAAAAAMMMMMN YOOOOOOOUUUUU DEEEEEMOOOOOOON!".

Soon, Chief arrived at the end of the bridge, and found two Banshees hovering overhead. Being the smart one, Chief acted like he didnt even see them. The Banshees, because they're idiots and Bungie are more idiotic than they are, they dove right down towards the tank. One of the Elite pilots was like on of those little bastards you find on Xbox LIVE that keep saying the following words when they're about to get a kill: "OMG OMG OMG I GOT U TRAPPED, YOU GONNA DIE IM GONNA KILL U IM GONNA KILL U YES YES YES YES YES!". Soon though, The Chief turned his turret up towards the Banshee slowly. The Elite reacted: "OMG NO NO NO NO NO NO I HAVE YOU DAMNIT NO NO I HAVE YOU!". Chief took aim, and launched a single shell into the Banshee, killing the Elite. "GODDAMNIT PIECE OF bleep blep bleep bleeeeeeeeeeeeep blepity blepity bleeeeeeeep". The shell then turned around and hit the other Banshee. How? Because Chief is God.

So Chief had to abandon his beloved Tank so he could finish the level, but not without some crying, kissing, some stuff that I cant put in for a PG13 fic, and goodbyes. Chief went into the tunnels again and found a Grunt hiding behind a car with an Elite at its side. The Elite saw the Chief and warned the Grunt. "Yapit! Its the Demon!".

But the Grunt replied, "He cant see me! I cant see him!". Upon hearing a part of the Red vs Blue script, Chief went into a frenzy and slaughtered the Grunt with his SMG. He turned to the Elite and screamed his warcry: "ROOSTERTEETH WILL PAY MY COPYRIGHT!". The Elite could only say: "I...am...so...screwed".

So after Chief calmed down, he approached a huge barrier where two marines were fighting their way into. They soon died because...THEY GOT SHOT BY PLASMA. Chief climbed up the barrier, killed some Grunts with a melee attack, smashed in an Elite's head with his fist, and threw a frag near a Jackal and made it fly like a birdy. Then he pulled up his SMG and unloaded 60 rounds of pain into an Elite, which by 20 rounds the Elite was already dead but the Chief wanted to make sure he wasnt going to come back as a zombie. MC climbed up through a sewer tunnel and went outside to find a Jackal with a Beam Rifle.

"Gee, I hope no supersoldier or demon is behind me and smashes my spine in" said the Jackal. But God hates Jackals, so MC smashed the Jackal's spine in and took the Beam Rifle. "Hey! A new weapon! I wonder how it handles". Chief took aim at an Elite and shot the Beam Rifle. The beam imapcted the Elite's skull, and burned out his brain matter stuff. But it seems that the Beam Rifle HAS to turn into a 500 degree oven after every shot, so Chief got his hand..uh I dont know...cooked? "GAH! THIS WEAPON IS DOODY!" said Chief and he proceeded to another area with no enemies in sight.

"Hm, I guess the Covenant really never expected me here.". As soon as MC said that, Two Ghosts appeared from my ass and attacked the Chief. Chief stood his gorund and waited until a Ghost would try to run him over. Sure enough, an Elite, who was foaming at the mouth, tried to charge him. But Chief made his move, and picked up the Ghost with one hand, like if it were a football, and threw it at the other Ghost, blowing both up in Blue light. "I should be a QB for the NFL" said Chief. Soon though, Terrell Owens appeared. "I AM TEH GREATEST EVAH! U CANOT BEET MAH SKILLZ IM TEH T.O.!".

"Shut up" said Chief, and shot him in the head with a football. IRONY! Anyways, Chief entered the city to find Three Wraiths bombing the hell out of a building. "Chief" said Cortana Bitch, "There are Marines inside that building! We need to save them!".

"Why do I ALWAYS HAVE TO BABYSIT WHEN IM HAVING FUN?" yelled Chief, and ran towards one of the Wraiths. He jumped on the Wraith and bashed the door in. "Oh hello there Demon, how are you doing today chap?" said the Elite. But Chief threw him out and took the Wraith himself. The Elite was fumed by this, and walked to the phonebooth to call the police.

"Hello Police?" said the Elite "Someone stole my Wraith!".

"Was he black?" said the Policeman.

"No".

click

"DAMNIT"

Going back to the Chief, who just blew up all of the Covies in a marvelous display of ass kicking. He went into the building to find a Marine SGT and a gunner on a balcony. "Hey Chief" said the SGT, "We got trouble".

Soon, The Scarab appeared and destroyed the Scorpion below with a single ray of plasma, after the Scorpion tried to make a futile attempt to kill it with a single shell...that missed. "Oh my god" said the gunner, "WE'RE DOOMED!"

"Marine, did I give you permission to bitch?" said the SGT. "No sir, but you did give me permission to steal those magazines from your locker". replied the gunner. "WHAT!" "Nothing sir".

By this time the Scarab walked over the Chief and went over to the other side of the building. "That thing is starting to PISS ME OFF!" yelled the SGT and banged his head on the concrete wall yelling "WHY WONT ANYTHING GO RIGHT? I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG I HATE LIFE I GO EMO NOW I HATE EVERYTHING WAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ;DLKF;DFKDKFJDFLLDHJSDLFJKHLKSJDFHDSKLJFLDHSLKLDSJFL".

So after Chief was done laughing at the SGT like an asshole, he ran to the balcony above the Scarab where the Marines were firing at the thing with small toy cap guns. Chief grabbed a Rocket Launcher, and jumped onto the Scarab and landed on top of an Elite. There he saw a thing that would change his ways of killing innocents forever...The Energy Sword. "I. AM. GOD." said Chief as he picked up the Sword. He continued to slaughter all of the Covenant in the Scarab and made his way into the Scarab control room to see a Gold Elite with an Energy Sword also.

"Ha Demon, we must now duel, for the fate of the galaxy is at hand" said the Zealot, and ignited his Sword. Chief and the Zealot clashed, dueling with their Swords. Suddenly "Duel of The Fates" comes on and they continued on with more power. "You...are strong in the Force" said the Zealot. "Join the Dark Side". he said.

"THE DARK SIDE CAN TAKE A FUCKING BOO!" replied Chief and thrusted his sword into the Zealot. "cough cough...I shall live on in the Force...and you shall be its Martyr..." said the dying Zealot. "Ok whatever" said Chief and walked out of the Scarab that was now blowing up...somehow.

Meanwhile back at the Covenant Carrier.

"BUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, my plan is so evil right now" said The Prophet of See. "I shall light this lighter! Burn its flame on my cigar! AND BURN A PATH INTO MY TOBACCO!".

"Uh sir?" said a Grunt. "The Scarab is dead and we're all taking heavy casualties". See coughed and said "Screw this!" and pressed the Slipspace button, putting the Cruiser into Slipspace.

Back on the surface, The Chief got back into the In Amber Clad, got shoved into a cramped steel closet for no reason, and slept. Keyes was in the bridge, trying to follow the Covenant Carrier. "Admiral! Permission to enage Covenant Carrier". "Negative sweet thighs" replied the Admiral "I need you down here for my heavy...uh I mean I'll send in 2 heavy ships to intercept".

"THERES NO TIME FOR THAT DAMNIT".

"Ok ok, green light! Sheesh these brunettes..."

Just as the In Amber Clad got in range of the Carrier, the Carrier went into Slipspace. "OH HELL NO" said Johnson "IM GONNA GET DEM NIGGAS". So Johnson pushed the "Get Dem Niggas" button and they were off to never neverland.

Woo! I want more good reviews!