Chapter 12 - A Cry For Hope
People were rushing around, giving orders in clipped tones and all the while the three visitors from the crime lab were ignored. Jodi tried to keep them back, but Grissom's and Nick's worry kept them returning to the doorway: hoping for good news.
"What are they doing?" Nick asked angrily, trying to see past the constantly moving mass of people.
Jodi tried to pull him back by the arm but let go at his furious glare.
"You're not helping him by distracting the doctors." Grissom said.
"And you are?" Nick retorted.
Grissom smiled ruefully, "I suppose not."
"They'll tell us what's going on, we just have to get out of their way and let them do their job." Jodi said.
Grissom looked abashed, "Of course, you're right." He looked at Nick, "Let's go back to the waiting room and," he laughed, "wait."
The two CSIs followed the profiler back down to the waiting room. It was several minutes before the nurse came back, smiling.
"Is he okay?" asked Nick. "What happened?"
"He doing as well as could be expected. Sometimes when people come out from under the anesthesia they're confused and frightened." Her smile disappeared, "He needs peace and quiet."
It was Nick's turn to look abashed, "I'm sorry about that, I shouldn't have lost my temper and made so much noise." He looked like a boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar, "I'll be quiet, I swear."
"No more visitors tonight." The nurse said, her tone brooking no arguing or pleading. "If he's calmer tomorrow you can see him then."
Nick looked disappointed but he didn't protest. "Yes, ma'am."
They were silent on the ride back to the lab, each lost in thoughts they didn't share.
Nick uttered a barely audible "goodbye" as he got into his truck, Jodi said nothing as she opened her car and Grissom stood for a moment staring at the building before he too got into his vehicle and left.
OoO
Nick tossed and turned in his bed back at his apartment. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't get to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he could see Greg lying on the sand, his life pooling in a red aura around him that faded into the soft yellow grains that surrounded him in all directions.
A gentle breeze blowing across his back as he looked over the edge of the chasm where he lay waiting in the comfortable darkness, his hands dangling over the edge of the bed. Without warning, a pale hand suddenly clasped his.
It didn't scare him, he'd been waiting for this. Not quite anticipating it, but still hoping it would happen. Nick smiled and flexed his arm, pulling the person up effortlessly. The complete darkness was almost absolute and swallowed any sounds that dared make their way through reality. He saw the spiky blond hair and beneath that the deep brown eyes. Sad lips formed words that he couldn't hear, couldn't understand, and the hand that held onto his loosened and fell away back into the darkness from which it had been borne.
Nick awoke with a scream, sweat pouring from his face. The cool breeze still blew onto his skin, but it no longer felt as welcoming as it had. It now felt like a ghost's touch, cooling the sweat that covered his body yet never really touching him. More reminiscent of a whisper than a touch...
Slowly, he got out of bed, not caring to notice the blankets that had been strewn onto the floor during the night as he stepped on them. Even after a scalding hot shower and two cups of coffee, he still looked like a walking corpse, but Nick didn't care. He was not going to go back to sleep. He sat on the couch staring at the television, not hearing or seeing anything that was going on. Sometime later he dozed off, waking hours later with unsettling memories of dreams he didn't want to recall.
His coffee had cooled into something of a radioactive sludge, and he had the misfortune to drink it directly from his cup he had set on the table beside the couch before he realized it. Pouring it out, he started a fresh pot while getting dressed in his room. He glanced at the clock and saw that by the time he made it to Desert Palms, visiting hours would have begun.
OoO
The nurse told him that Greg couldn't have visitors yet; the doctors were still examining him so Nick waited, pacing impatiently in the hallway. A hand on his arm stopped him after about the ninth pass and he looked up to see Grissom.
"You look like hell." He told the older man.
"And you look like something that escaped from Doc Robbins." Grissom rumbled.
"I kinda feel like it too."
"You didn't sleep well either I take it."
"Nope."
"Have you seen Agent Duncan?"
Nick rubbed the back of his neck, "No." His cheeks flushed, "I was a real ass to her yesterday."
"I won't disagree with you on that."
"When I see her again I'm going to apologize."
Grissom nodded. "Here comes the doctor."
"Are you Mr. Grissom?" the doctor asked.
"Yes."
"I'm Doctor Pendergraft." the doctor said, reaching out to shake Grisson's hand. "Before you go back to see your friend I need to explain some things first." He looked grim. "Mr. Sanders has been uncooperative with our efforts to treat him. He has been aggressive and self-destructive in the last twelve hours and because of that we have placed him in physical restraints."
"Wouldn't it have been better to sedate him?" Grissom asked.
"We've given him a light sedative to help calm him. The heavier sedative would repress the respiratory functions and we'd end up putting him on a ventilator. I don't think that's an advisable treatment right now."
"And tying him up seems like a good idea?" Nick asked sarcastically.
"He's been striking the staff, removing monitors, pulling out IVs. He even tried to take out the chest tube." The doctor explained. "We're doing this in order to help him, not to hurt him. I've left instructions with the nurses that he is to have a restricted visitors list, only three people will be allowed to see him until his condition improves."
"I'm sure this won't last long." Grissom calmed Nick. "Greg will be back to himself in no time."
The doctor continued, "Under no circumstances are anyone but the medical staff to remove the restraints. You may not bring him any sharp objects such as nail care tools, razors or writing instruments. No glass containers of any kind are allowed and you are not to bring him clothing. If he becomes upset you will leave immediately or you will be removed and not allowed to return."
"So who is going to be on his approved visitor list?" Nick was calmer now.
"You and I and Sara for now." Said Grissom. "I think would be the best."
"As long as he stays calm, you can be with him whenever you want." Said the doctor. "With the sedatives we have him on he may not always be lucid, don't be alarmed if he seems disoriented or sleepy."
"When can we see him?" Nick said, speaking up again.
Grissom smiled, the Texan was nervously shifting from foot to foot, his fingers tapping at the sides of his legs in an upeven tattoo, "Patience grasshopper."
Nick smiled, "I'm cool, really I am."
"You can go on back now, just remember the rules." Dr. Pendergraft reminded him.
Nick started down the hall then hesitated and turned back to Grissom, "You want to go first?"
Grissom shook his head, "No, you go on, tell him I'll be by later okay?"
Nick grinned, "Sure."
Nick tamped down the angry spark that rose when he saw how Greg's hands had been tied to the bed. He told himself that it was just a temporary thing. Greg wasn't crazy, just still under the influence of whatever medications he was on that made him act this way. He stood quietly by the bed, taking careful inventory of all the bandages and bruises on his friend.
Greg's hair was it's usual mess, sticking up at odd angles. His cheekbones seemed sharper and his eyes set deeper. Ugly stitches closed the knife wound on his chest, it looked red and puffy. The skin around the chest tube appeared swollen too and Nick remembered that the doctor had said Greg had tried to pull that out. Nick winced, he couldn't image how painful that must have been. The back of Greg's right hand was one massive bruise where the i.v. had been yanked out, the needle had been placed instead in the crook of his right elbow and taped securely down. The cuts on his shoulders and arms had faded, even the wounds on his cheeks were looking much better. He was startled out of his examination by Greg's scratchy voice.
"Take a picture, it'll last longer."
"Hey man. Sorry, you just look … uh..."
"If I look anything like I feel right now then the word you're looking for would be 'crap'."
Nick was encouraged by Greg's attempt to joke with him, "Yeah."
"So why are you here?"
"I was worried about you, the doc said you had a rough night."
"Night? This whole life has sucked."
"Hey you don't mean that." The despair in Greg's voice made Nick's blood run cold. He tried to lighten things up with another joke, "Working with me is the highlight of anyone's life."
"Yeah right. You and Warrick have never wanted to work with me." Greg looked up at the ceiling willing himself not to cry. "You hate me, you put me down and you think I'm too stupid and clumsy to do field work."
"Hey, no! No we don't. Well, we tease you but we don't think you're stupid and we don't hate you." Nick didn't know what else to say. "Aw, come on man, Warrick and me, we're just territorial and … jealous. We don't want competition for the ladies from the lab rat genius." Nick looked at his feet, "Sara thinks you're cute and she's never said that about Warrick or me."
"Sara said I'm cute?"
"Yeah, I overheard her telling Catherine that."
"Yeah, cute. Like a puppy at the pound."
"Don't do that, don't put yourself down."
"Sorry, that's your hobby."
"God! Greg you're so damn difficult."
"Sara thinks so too."
"I don't want to see you get hurt."
"So you say and do things to hurt me." Greg pulled at the restraints "Please take these off."
"I can't." Nick avoided Greg's eyes.
"I'm begging you."
"G, I can't. They think you'll try to hurt yourself."
"Go way then, just get out."
"Don't do this, man." Nick said wearily. "I want to help."
"Then get these things off me."
"I can't."
"Get out."
"What do you want me to say, Greg?" Nick was loosing his patience. "What do you want to hear?"
"The sound of the door closing behind you."
Nick made a strangled growling sound and stood up. "I can't do this … you're impossible to reason with. I'm going for a walk."
"You can't fix everything Nick, no matter how much you want things to be fixed. Sometimes they're broken beyond repair."
Nick let the door close behind him and he leaned against the wall. He felt angry and guilty... He also felt completely helpless. Seeing Greg self-destruct and being able to do nothing to help was tearing him up.
OoO
It was late evening; the lights were dimmed, soft voices barely heard. Sara stood by his bed. Even asleep he fought against the restraints. His breath came in short shallow gasps. His fingers curled into his palms, his feet shifted under the sheet. No part of him seemed still. The silence of the hospital night seemed only to emphasize the soft cries that escaped his lips. Tears slipped from his tightly clenched eyes.
Sara sat on the edge of the bed, "Shhh." She brushed away the tears with her thumb. "It's going to be alright. Don't cry."
He calmed a little, still pulling against the ties that bound him, quietly crying.
Sara picked up his hand holding it in hers and gently rubbing it with her fingers. Tears prickled her eyes as she began to sing.
Hush a bye now don't you cry
Go to sleep my little darling
When teardrops fall I'll catch them all
Go to sleep my little darling
Be safe in bed sweet dreams sleepyhead
Go to sleep my little darling
Hush a bye hush a bye
Hush a bye my love
With you I'll stay until the day
Comes shining on us both
Hush a bye hush a bye
Hush a bye my love
Hush a bye hush a bye
Hush a bye my love
"You know my mother used to sing that to me, there's more but I've forgotten it. After Dad died and she went away I didn't know what would happen to me." Her voice was choked with emotion. "I never told anyone this, not even Grissom but the kids at the foster home used to call me Sue ah Sidle." She sniffled, "Bad things happen and we can't change that. The bad things can make us weaker or stronger and sometimes you have to be weak before you can get strong. I want you to get stronger Greg, don't let this kill you please. It would be a darker world without you in it."
With one hand she wiped away her tears, "You know, everybody wants to come and see you but the doctors will only let you have three visitors. That's why Catherine and Warrick and all the techs haven't been in yet. Archie, Bobby and Jacqui ask about you all the time." Sara rambled nervously, "I think Hodges feels guilty about what he did, he hardly talks to us. Nick is really upset, he just hates it when he doesn't know what to do. I don't know what you said to him and hewon't tell us. Warrick said he's still going to bring you a steak, but…" she paused, "You have to get better and get out of here so we can take you out for a real dinner."
Sara's shoulders shook as she began to cry, "I miss you." She lay across him, resting her head on his stomach. She rubbed gentle circles on his shoulder. "Please Greg, please come back to … to us."