~Chapter 10~
All I have from that night on are patchy memories, none of which are definite or clear enough to string into one chain of events. This is what little I can remember if it all.
::I woke a few hours or so before dawn, gently untangled myself from the arms of my still-sleeping Fiyero and dressed hurriedly, anxious to be out and getting this whole mess of a plan over with. I tore the original spell from the open Grimmerie as well as the pages of translations and descriptions of the magic and its effects and shoved them deep into one of my pockets. I was going to need those sooner or later.
Before leaving I briefly stroked Chistery's fur then moved to kiss Fiyero's cheek in one of my last moments of feeling before I drew far back into myself, transforming my mind into a cold, unfeeling wraith, the remains of the emotional woman I had been the night before. To put it quite simply, I wouldn't let myself feel. I exercised all the self-control I had to ignore the emotions I knew could threaten the success endeavor. There was no magic involved in my transformation, just distrust in my own abilities and desperation. I needed to make sure my emotions wouldn't get in the way of what needed to be done. I couldn't let myself feel any sort of sympathy for my victim, or possibly, victims.
I opened the door and emerged into the darkness-before-dawn without a backward glance at the loved ones I was leaving behind. There was no longer any place in my mind reserved for feeling.::
::I vaguely recall my feet hitting the pavement, my eyes pleading with the stars to see me through this alive, but then swallowing my fear once more in frustration over how I let my sense of feeling leak through the shell I had encased myself in. I reinstated the hollowness I had previously adopted, only stronger this time, so it could keep me from any emotional thought whatsoever. I was eternally grateful that I was able to harden myself this way in the first place; I didn't want to feel at all.::
::There was a man standing in front of the gate into the Emerald Palace, a guard I believed, in regards to the way his uniform matched the color of the buildings around him. I smiled grimly from my station behind a kiosk near the palace, long since vacated by its shopkeeper. I couldn't afford any witnesses to my breaking-and-entering, and I could see only one way to ensure my safety.
I crept up behind the guard as he turned his back to my hiding place and I gently pulled the dagger from his belt. He sensed a weight lifting from his hip where the scabbard was resting and turned to see who was behind him. As he whipped around hoping to catch me off guard, I saw a flash of steel and the man didn't even have time to scream. He dropped dead instantly, his throat slit cleanly across by his own weapon. I was off again before the dead guard even hit the ground, and I didn't pause to survey my handiwork. I let the bloody blade fall from my hand as I walked and didn't pay his death another thought.::
::A maze of empty glimmering green hallways stretched out in front of me. I stopped and stared in the three different directions leading off the main corridor, unsure of which to take. I closed my eyes for a moment while making my decision and when I opened them I plunged down the center hallway. I had a hazy idea of where I was going but paid no attention to where my feet were taking me. Before I knew it I was standing in front of large emerald double doors, the entrance to the Wizard's audience chamber. I laid my hand on the elaborately carved jade inlays in the painted wood before slowly pushing the door open, praying it wouldn't creak and betray my presence.
::As far as I could tell, I was the only one in the large, incredibly dark room. I swore to myself; I had counted on the Wizard's being here so I could kill the man and be done with it. I paused to get a better sense of the room, just to see if there were any alcoves or something to use to my advantage should anyone enter. Suddenly I stiffened and quieted my breathing. I had sensed movement and caught a glimpse of a figure, average height, I believed, out if the corner of my eye; someone had the same idea. Either that, or I was being followed.::
::"What are you doing here?" I asked, and my voice took on a low, cold tone. Glinda's bright blue eyes were wide and afraid; she had never seen me like this, and only saw the change I had induced in myself. She saw no Elphaba in me; what she did see was no more than a frosty replica put in place where a friend used to be.
She carefully avoided answering my question. "So you've chosen to go through with this madness?" she said, trying to make her voice sound as if I was something distasteful on her tongue. However, as they always do when I look at someone's face, the eyes betray their real thoughts.
"What do you think?" I said icily, anxious to be off again.
"Wait, Elphie please, you can't do this. You haven't completely thought this through – "
"Yes I have, Glinda. Believe what you will, but I know what I'm doing. Now, if you're not here to help me get this over with, don't be a hindrance to me and get out of my way!" I said, my voice dangerously soft with pronounced veins of rage running through it. As I tried to push past her she reached out and grabbed my arm.
"Get off me." I said as I whipped around to face her, my dark eyes blazing with an inward fire that was never there before tonight.
"No," she said, quavering under my glare. "I can't let you do this!" Even in her fear Glinda held her ground. I had to admire her courage for that. Even so, she was never a very strong woman, and her pathetic grip betrayed her. I wrenched my arm free and she was thrown backward, but not far enough to hit the wall and cause any unwanted noise. She recovered her balance as I started to back away from her down the hall to my new destination, the Wizard's tower.
"If you want to keep yourself alive you'll go back to Fiyero right now, Elphaba! You are throwing your life away!" she said, but made no move to follow me.
"It's too late for that, Glinda. Stay away from me. You'll have a better chance of maintaining your social status if you do." With that, I turned and left her staring at my retreating back.::
::The farther I walked the more ornate the decorations and doors lining the hallways grew. I knew that if I followed it to the end, the door that was the most magnificently ornamented would more than likely be the Wizard's residence. I sped up my walk, my heart pounding more loudly in my ears with every step I took. The door at the end of the hall, as I suspected, was carved completely from jade, with emerald inlays every small length or so along it. It was also locked in several different places with several different strange contraptions holding it shut. I wasn't concerned about the locks, I had made sure to instill a simple spell in my mind in case of an incident like this. What I was worried about was whether or not the man was awake or not. If he was, this could be a hell of a lot harder than it had to be already.
Whispering the spell under my breath, the door swung silently open before me. I tread carefully into the receiving room, trying not to make a sound. There was noise coming from behind a half-open door; there went my hope of finishing this quickly and easily as he slept. The Wizard was in his study, speaking to three or four other men who I guessed were elite members of the Gale Force. I waited with bated breath, my heart pounding with something between intense fear and exhilaration.::
All I have from that night on are patchy memories, none of which are definite or clear enough to string into one chain of events. This is what little I can remember if it all.
::I woke a few hours or so before dawn, gently untangled myself from the arms of my still-sleeping Fiyero and dressed hurriedly, anxious to be out and getting this whole mess of a plan over with. I tore the original spell from the open Grimmerie as well as the pages of translations and descriptions of the magic and its effects and shoved them deep into one of my pockets. I was going to need those sooner or later.
Before leaving I briefly stroked Chistery's fur then moved to kiss Fiyero's cheek in one of my last moments of feeling before I drew far back into myself, transforming my mind into a cold, unfeeling wraith, the remains of the emotional woman I had been the night before. To put it quite simply, I wouldn't let myself feel. I exercised all the self-control I had to ignore the emotions I knew could threaten the success endeavor. There was no magic involved in my transformation, just distrust in my own abilities and desperation. I needed to make sure my emotions wouldn't get in the way of what needed to be done. I couldn't let myself feel any sort of sympathy for my victim, or possibly, victims.
I opened the door and emerged into the darkness-before-dawn without a backward glance at the loved ones I was leaving behind. There was no longer any place in my mind reserved for feeling.::
::I vaguely recall my feet hitting the pavement, my eyes pleading with the stars to see me through this alive, but then swallowing my fear once more in frustration over how I let my sense of feeling leak through the shell I had encased myself in. I reinstated the hollowness I had previously adopted, only stronger this time, so it could keep me from any emotional thought whatsoever. I was eternally grateful that I was able to harden myself this way in the first place; I didn't want to feel at all.::
::There was a man standing in front of the gate into the Emerald Palace, a guard I believed, in regards to the way his uniform matched the color of the buildings around him. I smiled grimly from my station behind a kiosk near the palace, long since vacated by its shopkeeper. I couldn't afford any witnesses to my breaking-and-entering, and I could see only one way to ensure my safety.
I crept up behind the guard as he turned his back to my hiding place and I gently pulled the dagger from his belt. He sensed a weight lifting from his hip where the scabbard was resting and turned to see who was behind him. As he whipped around hoping to catch me off guard, I saw a flash of steel and the man didn't even have time to scream. He dropped dead instantly, his throat slit cleanly across by his own weapon. I was off again before the dead guard even hit the ground, and I didn't pause to survey my handiwork. I let the bloody blade fall from my hand as I walked and didn't pay his death another thought.::
::A maze of empty glimmering green hallways stretched out in front of me. I stopped and stared in the three different directions leading off the main corridor, unsure of which to take. I closed my eyes for a moment while making my decision and when I opened them I plunged down the center hallway. I had a hazy idea of where I was going but paid no attention to where my feet were taking me. Before I knew it I was standing in front of large emerald double doors, the entrance to the Wizard's audience chamber. I laid my hand on the elaborately carved jade inlays in the painted wood before slowly pushing the door open, praying it wouldn't creak and betray my presence.
::As far as I could tell, I was the only one in the large, incredibly dark room. I swore to myself; I had counted on the Wizard's being here so I could kill the man and be done with it. I paused to get a better sense of the room, just to see if there were any alcoves or something to use to my advantage should anyone enter. Suddenly I stiffened and quieted my breathing. I had sensed movement and caught a glimpse of a figure, average height, I believed, out if the corner of my eye; someone had the same idea. Either that, or I was being followed.::
::"What are you doing here?" I asked, and my voice took on a low, cold tone. Glinda's bright blue eyes were wide and afraid; she had never seen me like this, and only saw the change I had induced in myself. She saw no Elphaba in me; what she did see was no more than a frosty replica put in place where a friend used to be.
She carefully avoided answering my question. "So you've chosen to go through with this madness?" she said, trying to make her voice sound as if I was something distasteful on her tongue. However, as they always do when I look at someone's face, the eyes betray their real thoughts.
"What do you think?" I said icily, anxious to be off again.
"Wait, Elphie please, you can't do this. You haven't completely thought this through – "
"Yes I have, Glinda. Believe what you will, but I know what I'm doing. Now, if you're not here to help me get this over with, don't be a hindrance to me and get out of my way!" I said, my voice dangerously soft with pronounced veins of rage running through it. As I tried to push past her she reached out and grabbed my arm.
"Get off me." I said as I whipped around to face her, my dark eyes blazing with an inward fire that was never there before tonight.
"No," she said, quavering under my glare. "I can't let you do this!" Even in her fear Glinda held her ground. I had to admire her courage for that. Even so, she was never a very strong woman, and her pathetic grip betrayed her. I wrenched my arm free and she was thrown backward, but not far enough to hit the wall and cause any unwanted noise. She recovered her balance as I started to back away from her down the hall to my new destination, the Wizard's tower.
"If you want to keep yourself alive you'll go back to Fiyero right now, Elphaba! You are throwing your life away!" she said, but made no move to follow me.
"It's too late for that, Glinda. Stay away from me. You'll have a better chance of maintaining your social status if you do." With that, I turned and left her staring at my retreating back.::
::The farther I walked the more ornate the decorations and doors lining the hallways grew. I knew that if I followed it to the end, the door that was the most magnificently ornamented would more than likely be the Wizard's residence. I sped up my walk, my heart pounding more loudly in my ears with every step I took. The door at the end of the hall, as I suspected, was carved completely from jade, with emerald inlays every small length or so along it. It was also locked in several different places with several different strange contraptions holding it shut. I wasn't concerned about the locks, I had made sure to instill a simple spell in my mind in case of an incident like this. What I was worried about was whether or not the man was awake or not. If he was, this could be a hell of a lot harder than it had to be already.
Whispering the spell under my breath, the door swung silently open before me. I tread carefully into the receiving room, trying not to make a sound. There was noise coming from behind a half-open door; there went my hope of finishing this quickly and easily as he slept. The Wizard was in his study, speaking to three or four other men who I guessed were elite members of the Gale Force. I waited with bated breath, my heart pounding with something between intense fear and exhilaration.::