~Chapter 13~
Neither of us spoke to the other for the rest of the day. I was too worked up to say any more, and too stubborn to apologize. Fiyero didn't want to push me farther than I'd already pushed myself. The last thing either of us needed was for me to go over the edge again. I'd done enough of that in the past week to last me the rest of my life.
I didn't even have anything to do to distract me from the silence. After that night in the palace, I never wanted to lay eyes on the Grimmerie again. It had been my downfall on more than one occasion. Once I cooled off enough to speak articulately I took a stab at conversation, but Fiyero didn't intend to humor me until he got an apology. He refused to talk to me and soon enough I gave up trying to talk to him.
Later in the night I paced restlessly for a short while until I got sick of the movement and perched on the edge of the chair by the window. Chistery scampered up into my lap. He hadn't seen much of me in a while. Chattering something that sounded like "Stop sit sad. No yell Yero," he nestled himself into the crook of my arm and promptly fell asleep. I smiled wanly at the little creature. I never wanted to yell at Fiyero and I had never meant to, but he refused to understand me when I had spoken of the possibility that I might one day have to leave him. It loomed very close and very real in my mind should I ever be discovered. As I saw it there was a very good possibility of my discovery; I didn't know whether or not the other guards in the room off the Wizard's study had known that I had been the one in the room with the Wizard. If they did know exactly who they were looking for it was only a matter of time before they showed up here thirsty to have my blood coloring their hands. I knew that to get at mine they would have to first settle for Fiyero's, and if the Gale Forcers ever got at him again I would kill myself within the heartbeat.
I carefully laid Chistery on the chair I had been sitting on and walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. Fiyero had been sleeping for a few hours already, and I could see how his eyes fluttered with dreams under their lids. He slept with his chest bare, and gently, so as not to wake him, I traced the jagged, ugly scar slashing across his abdomen with my fingers. A bitter taste rose in my throat, the remnants of the hate I still felt for the Wizard and his murderous, merciless Gale Force, and also of the hate I harbored for myself. If it hadn't been for me he would never have gone through the pain that resulted in that scar, and the pain that had resulted in so much more than just that scar alone.
"Fiyero, I'm so sorry." I whispered. "You don't need me here. I'm more trouble than I'm worth." He must have had some semblance of consciousness left, for he reached out for my hand. I took it in one of mine and slipped my other hand under his cheek.
"Elphie?"
"Mmmn?"
"Stay. I know how much you're worth to me and I'm not about to throw something so priceless away." He opened his eyes slightly, drowsily, quirking a corner of his mouth up into a half-smile. I obliged his order and swung my legs up to sit next to him. He lightly tugged at my hand and I slipped backward to bring my face nearer to his.
"Fiyero, I'm-"
"I know. It's alright. There's no need for you to be sorry when you've done nothing wrong."
"Don't tell me that fight was your crazy attempt at psychoanalyzing me."
`"Alright. I won't tell you." I rolled my eyes at him. He laughed. "I'm sorry too. I never meant to leap at your throat so savagely like I did. Even so, if it ever comes to that where you'd have to leave the Emerald City in order to hold onto your life you have no right to throw me away and leave me in trying to keep me 'safe'. I would rather be in mortal danger with you than 'safe' and alone."
"I don't know, Fiyero. It's…"
"Shhh. I don't want you to talk about this anymore right now. There'll be time for that when the danger is imminent, if ever."
I nodded obligingly, just to turn the conversation away from such a subject. I didn't want to talk nor think about it and tried to push it away, but the endless "what ifs" kept growing, dark and foreboding in the back of my mind. I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my face to his shoulder.
"Fabala-Fae? You alright?"
"Yes."
"What's bothering you?"
"It's nothing, just senseless worries."
"Something tells me you don't think they're senseless at all."
"It's not important."
"It is to you, and in that context, it is to me. Tell me."
"I have a feeling that you already know what's been bothering me."
"Look," he said, wrapping his arms around me as I turned onto my side, "If worst comes to worst, I'm going to leave the city with you, so you can abandon any thoughts you're harboring about stealing away without me. Anyway, in the here and now, you have no reason to stew over something that's not definite and might not happen at all. For now let's take our days as they come, one at a time." He cuddled closer in an attempt to ease my mind. I let myself be eased, at least partway, for the time being, entirely sick of worrying.
:I never used to worry like this. Damn, what is happening to me?: I asked myself before dozing off, not to wake until the day broke.
Early the next morning I woke with a start, sitting bolt upright in bed. Rain pounded against the window, thunder roared through the air, and someone rapped loudly on the door. I anxiously shook Fiyero awake, my eyes wild with unfounded fear.
"Wha-?" he asked sleepily, only half awake.
"Something's wrong." I said urgently, pushing myself to my feet. He quickly tumbled out of bed, hitting the floor with a loud thud. I pulled him upright and went to the window. He pushed me behind him to look first, just in case it was someone we didn't want to see or someone that we didn't want to see me.
"Open the door." he said tersely. "It's Glinda."
I threw the door open and sidestepped to avoid the water she brought with her as she hurried in. I wasn't quick enough and a few drops spattered onto my face. I hissed at the pinpricks of pain and slammed it shut. Fiyero helped Glinda take off her wet-through cloak and I shivered just looking at it. She fell into one of the chairs at the table, burying her face in her hands. I sat next to her and laid an arm around her trembling shoulders; thankfully, the rest of her was dry.
"Glinda, what's wrong? Tell me, it's alright." I said, trying to calm her down.
"Elphie you have to get away from here!" she said gravelly.
"Why, what's going on?"
"That doesn't matter now. You have to go!"
"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's happening."
"I have two days before my trial."
"Trial, what-?"
"I'm being tried for murdering the Wizard."
"Glinda, they can't do that to you!" I cried, all my former prejudices and resentment for her betrayal of me evaporated like smoke in a strong wind.
"Yes they can. According to the new ruling party, there were no witnesses to the Wizard's death aside from a mute tiktok and a dead Gale Forcer. No one knows you're alive, and if you showed up to testify for me they'd most definitely arrest you for gods know what and have you killed with me before you had the chance to speak one syllable. I – I wanted to tell the both of you so you could save yourselves. Oz's new king has zero tolerance for murderers. There's no help for me now."
"Glinda, you're not a murderer! You were defending yourself, defending both of us! I'll go to your defense, I won't let them -" I said, desperate for a way to get her out of this.
"I can't let you do that! Elphie it's as good as suicide!" she yelled, "You are 'dead'; if all of a sudden you just show up alive and well you will be killed before you set foot in the courtroom. You have no idea how many people will be clawing at your throat with foot-long talons if they ever learn of your continued existence!"
"I can't let you give yourself up so easily!"
"I can't let you kill yourself trying to save me!"
"You saved me; it's about time I return the favor!" I almost-shouted, taking her hands before continuing more quietly, "Glinda, there is no way in Oz you'll get me to turn my back on you again."
"You have to or you'll kill yourself."
"I can't do that to you." She squeezed my hand so hard it hurt but the pain was minimal compared to how deeply her news had cut me through. "Well, suppose you eventually turn me around to saving my own neck instead of yours. How do you suspect you'll keep yourself alive? What do you suspect could possibly grant you safety without me?"
"I don't know, Elphaba. My whole life is here in the city; I've got nowhere else to go and no one else to turn to. I'm hoping that if I can elude the law long enough they'll eventually give up on me, but something tells me I won't last that long." She lowered her head to hide her tears. The empathy I felt for her flooded over and I enfolded her in a tight hug.
"Elphie I'm so afraid!" she sobbed into my shoulder as she hugged me all the tighter, as if I could make it all disappear if she didn't let go of me.
"Shhh, Glinda it'll all be alright. We'll find a way to get you out of this. I promise you I won't let them hurt you."
Her wet hair brushed my face; I ignored the sting as I rubbed her back and soon her crying began to slowly cease. Thunder rumbled distantly, and she jumped like a jittery mouse, small, alone and afraid of the dark. I realized then that no matter how different Glinda and I were from each other, at that moment we were exactly alike, as if we were sisters sharing one heart and the same frightened mind.
Neither of us spoke to the other for the rest of the day. I was too worked up to say any more, and too stubborn to apologize. Fiyero didn't want to push me farther than I'd already pushed myself. The last thing either of us needed was for me to go over the edge again. I'd done enough of that in the past week to last me the rest of my life.
I didn't even have anything to do to distract me from the silence. After that night in the palace, I never wanted to lay eyes on the Grimmerie again. It had been my downfall on more than one occasion. Once I cooled off enough to speak articulately I took a stab at conversation, but Fiyero didn't intend to humor me until he got an apology. He refused to talk to me and soon enough I gave up trying to talk to him.
Later in the night I paced restlessly for a short while until I got sick of the movement and perched on the edge of the chair by the window. Chistery scampered up into my lap. He hadn't seen much of me in a while. Chattering something that sounded like "Stop sit sad. No yell Yero," he nestled himself into the crook of my arm and promptly fell asleep. I smiled wanly at the little creature. I never wanted to yell at Fiyero and I had never meant to, but he refused to understand me when I had spoken of the possibility that I might one day have to leave him. It loomed very close and very real in my mind should I ever be discovered. As I saw it there was a very good possibility of my discovery; I didn't know whether or not the other guards in the room off the Wizard's study had known that I had been the one in the room with the Wizard. If they did know exactly who they were looking for it was only a matter of time before they showed up here thirsty to have my blood coloring their hands. I knew that to get at mine they would have to first settle for Fiyero's, and if the Gale Forcers ever got at him again I would kill myself within the heartbeat.
I carefully laid Chistery on the chair I had been sitting on and walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. Fiyero had been sleeping for a few hours already, and I could see how his eyes fluttered with dreams under their lids. He slept with his chest bare, and gently, so as not to wake him, I traced the jagged, ugly scar slashing across his abdomen with my fingers. A bitter taste rose in my throat, the remnants of the hate I still felt for the Wizard and his murderous, merciless Gale Force, and also of the hate I harbored for myself. If it hadn't been for me he would never have gone through the pain that resulted in that scar, and the pain that had resulted in so much more than just that scar alone.
"Fiyero, I'm so sorry." I whispered. "You don't need me here. I'm more trouble than I'm worth." He must have had some semblance of consciousness left, for he reached out for my hand. I took it in one of mine and slipped my other hand under his cheek.
"Elphie?"
"Mmmn?"
"Stay. I know how much you're worth to me and I'm not about to throw something so priceless away." He opened his eyes slightly, drowsily, quirking a corner of his mouth up into a half-smile. I obliged his order and swung my legs up to sit next to him. He lightly tugged at my hand and I slipped backward to bring my face nearer to his.
"Fiyero, I'm-"
"I know. It's alright. There's no need for you to be sorry when you've done nothing wrong."
"Don't tell me that fight was your crazy attempt at psychoanalyzing me."
`"Alright. I won't tell you." I rolled my eyes at him. He laughed. "I'm sorry too. I never meant to leap at your throat so savagely like I did. Even so, if it ever comes to that where you'd have to leave the Emerald City in order to hold onto your life you have no right to throw me away and leave me in trying to keep me 'safe'. I would rather be in mortal danger with you than 'safe' and alone."
"I don't know, Fiyero. It's…"
"Shhh. I don't want you to talk about this anymore right now. There'll be time for that when the danger is imminent, if ever."
I nodded obligingly, just to turn the conversation away from such a subject. I didn't want to talk nor think about it and tried to push it away, but the endless "what ifs" kept growing, dark and foreboding in the back of my mind. I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my face to his shoulder.
"Fabala-Fae? You alright?"
"Yes."
"What's bothering you?"
"It's nothing, just senseless worries."
"Something tells me you don't think they're senseless at all."
"It's not important."
"It is to you, and in that context, it is to me. Tell me."
"I have a feeling that you already know what's been bothering me."
"Look," he said, wrapping his arms around me as I turned onto my side, "If worst comes to worst, I'm going to leave the city with you, so you can abandon any thoughts you're harboring about stealing away without me. Anyway, in the here and now, you have no reason to stew over something that's not definite and might not happen at all. For now let's take our days as they come, one at a time." He cuddled closer in an attempt to ease my mind. I let myself be eased, at least partway, for the time being, entirely sick of worrying.
:I never used to worry like this. Damn, what is happening to me?: I asked myself before dozing off, not to wake until the day broke.
Early the next morning I woke with a start, sitting bolt upright in bed. Rain pounded against the window, thunder roared through the air, and someone rapped loudly on the door. I anxiously shook Fiyero awake, my eyes wild with unfounded fear.
"Wha-?" he asked sleepily, only half awake.
"Something's wrong." I said urgently, pushing myself to my feet. He quickly tumbled out of bed, hitting the floor with a loud thud. I pulled him upright and went to the window. He pushed me behind him to look first, just in case it was someone we didn't want to see or someone that we didn't want to see me.
"Open the door." he said tersely. "It's Glinda."
I threw the door open and sidestepped to avoid the water she brought with her as she hurried in. I wasn't quick enough and a few drops spattered onto my face. I hissed at the pinpricks of pain and slammed it shut. Fiyero helped Glinda take off her wet-through cloak and I shivered just looking at it. She fell into one of the chairs at the table, burying her face in her hands. I sat next to her and laid an arm around her trembling shoulders; thankfully, the rest of her was dry.
"Glinda, what's wrong? Tell me, it's alright." I said, trying to calm her down.
"Elphie you have to get away from here!" she said gravelly.
"Why, what's going on?"
"That doesn't matter now. You have to go!"
"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's happening."
"I have two days before my trial."
"Trial, what-?"
"I'm being tried for murdering the Wizard."
"Glinda, they can't do that to you!" I cried, all my former prejudices and resentment for her betrayal of me evaporated like smoke in a strong wind.
"Yes they can. According to the new ruling party, there were no witnesses to the Wizard's death aside from a mute tiktok and a dead Gale Forcer. No one knows you're alive, and if you showed up to testify for me they'd most definitely arrest you for gods know what and have you killed with me before you had the chance to speak one syllable. I – I wanted to tell the both of you so you could save yourselves. Oz's new king has zero tolerance for murderers. There's no help for me now."
"Glinda, you're not a murderer! You were defending yourself, defending both of us! I'll go to your defense, I won't let them -" I said, desperate for a way to get her out of this.
"I can't let you do that! Elphie it's as good as suicide!" she yelled, "You are 'dead'; if all of a sudden you just show up alive and well you will be killed before you set foot in the courtroom. You have no idea how many people will be clawing at your throat with foot-long talons if they ever learn of your continued existence!"
"I can't let you give yourself up so easily!"
"I can't let you kill yourself trying to save me!"
"You saved me; it's about time I return the favor!" I almost-shouted, taking her hands before continuing more quietly, "Glinda, there is no way in Oz you'll get me to turn my back on you again."
"You have to or you'll kill yourself."
"I can't do that to you." She squeezed my hand so hard it hurt but the pain was minimal compared to how deeply her news had cut me through. "Well, suppose you eventually turn me around to saving my own neck instead of yours. How do you suspect you'll keep yourself alive? What do you suspect could possibly grant you safety without me?"
"I don't know, Elphaba. My whole life is here in the city; I've got nowhere else to go and no one else to turn to. I'm hoping that if I can elude the law long enough they'll eventually give up on me, but something tells me I won't last that long." She lowered her head to hide her tears. The empathy I felt for her flooded over and I enfolded her in a tight hug.
"Elphie I'm so afraid!" she sobbed into my shoulder as she hugged me all the tighter, as if I could make it all disappear if she didn't let go of me.
"Shhh, Glinda it'll all be alright. We'll find a way to get you out of this. I promise you I won't let them hurt you."
Her wet hair brushed my face; I ignored the sting as I rubbed her back and soon her crying began to slowly cease. Thunder rumbled distantly, and she jumped like a jittery mouse, small, alone and afraid of the dark. I realized then that no matter how different Glinda and I were from each other, at that moment we were exactly alike, as if we were sisters sharing one heart and the same frightened mind.